Chapter One-The Day My World Changed
I have always heard about first kisses that everything you need to know can be found there. You can just feel when its right but I never experienced it until that day with my best friend. I have known him for years and spent more time with him that anyone else. He was always the one I ran to, the one I confided in and that day suddenly he changed before my eyes-he became the one I loved.
As we sat talking somehow I found myself sitting in his lap kissing him. For the first time in my life a first kiss sent me reeling. My whole body felt that kiss and as I stared into his eyes I could see that I was not the only one affected by it. That first kiss put us on the edge of changing our relationship forever.
I can't remember how we first met, I just remember him as always being a part of my life. I will admit that a part of me has always seen him as the ideal man. About 6 feet tall with blue eyes that seemed to always be twinkling with mischief he took my breath away. Then there is his smile, a sweet crooked smile that never failed to make me smile in return but never did I ever dream that anything might happen between us.
Sitting there that day talking to him I watched him run his hand through his light brown unruly hair all I could think of was how much I liked him and then that kiss happened. Despite belonging to others at the time, from that kiss on we crossed the line. My hands were then tangled in that hair of his and his hands were on my hips as we deepened our kiss letting ourselves fully explore each other's mouths. Deeper and deeper till I felt his tongue brush against mine making me gasp at the sweet taste of him. As my body responded to him in a way I have never felt before I wanted to take it there. I had been saving my first time for that one, Mr. Right but there in his arms it just felt right. We never questioned each other if it was wrong or if we both wanted it. The only words spoken where just that it was our secret, no one else needed to know.
As we continued to kiss I let him peel off my clothes while I pulled at his. I felt myself come alive in ways that I had only read about. I should have stopped it then but I wanted him and I wanted this moment-him and I coming together to last forever. Lost to this new world that existed of only us he brought me down into his lap again but this time no clothing separated us and then he kissed me again. I pushed myself down hard against him feeling him hard and pushing back against me. In my mind all I could think of was how much I loved and wanted this man. As we became one for first time my body was not filled with the pain I had always heard with first times but instead I felt a sudden strange fullness and stretching that burned, and then it changed into a rush of tingling as he started to move hard and fast inside me.
Never had I expected this would happen but in his arms I let myself go moving naturally as we stared deep into each other's eyes. He took me to heights that I only dreamt of as I exploded around him over and over again there in his lap. He continued to push me down by my hips as he thrusted up deep and hard inside me. When he suddenly clenched my ass tightly as he stood up without breaking our intimate connection I cried out. I held onto him tightly as he walked towards the bedroom. Once there he slammed my back into the wall hard while his hands moved to my thighs pushing them open wider so he could move even deeper inside me. My cries of pleasure grew louder and louder till they were replaced with screams. Screams each time he hit my back walls with his hardness making my whole body shake, screams as he clenched my thighs digging his fingers in so he could pull me closer as I exploded around him yet again and then screams as I felt him explode filling me with his warm release.
I clung to him as he moved me from the wall to his bed and as he withdrew his hardness from inside me I felt the mix from both of our releases begin to slowly trickle out of me and run down my legs as he sat down on the bed next to me. I rested on my elbows watching him as he started to kiss his way down my chest pushing me to lie back. As I fell back on the pillows his kisses traveled lower and lower till he gazed up at me from between my legs. As I stared his eyes twinkled mischievously at me then he leaned forward licking my soaking wet core with his tongue making me gasp not only in surprise but in delight at the sensations that he brought to me. He pushed his tongue all over my clit and then into my core as my moans began again. His tongue was like magic, how he made it feel like its vibrating inside me and he made me come undone exploding all over again and then again as he licked me, bit me and fucked me hard with that tongue of his. I was still shaking from the power of my last orgasm as I felt him slip his hardness deep inside me again. We both groaned in pleasure as he stared down at me. Locking eyes I cried out as he puts his hands on my ass suddenly flipping us over so I was on top. Leaning down I put my hands on his chest as I reveled in the sweet feeling of him buried deep inside me again. With his hands on my hips I followed his lead swaying my hips moaning as the tip of his hardness brushed my back wall at each circle. He filled me up and that feeling was by far the more intense thing I have ever experienced.
We passed hours and hours going between making love slow and sweet to fucking hard and rough before passing out in each other's arms only to wake up a few hours later. I woke up first and could not resist turning to stare at him. I let my eyes travel up and down him and in my mind I knew that this might never happen again. He and I might be a one time deal and with that in mind I climbed over him taking his hardness deep in my mouth wanting to start us over again. He tasted sweet and salty at the same time; I had never done that before so I acted on instinct sucking softly as I moved him slowly inch by inch in my mouth tasting myself on him. I felt him start to wake up and respond as his hardness grew stiffer in my mouth while his hands tangled in my long blonde hair as he pulled my hair hard. He pushed my head down as he started to thrust his hardness up into my mouth, I followed his lead until I heard a loud groan and then he filled my mouth with a warm rush. I swallowed it quickly then when he was finished I leaned back grinning at him. In one move he had me on my back and started making love to me again. Over and over, hard the soft, sweet then rough we came together as if we were two possessed by the thought of each other. It consumed us like a fire that needed to be burning brightly and we fanned the flames all day long. Then hours later we finally got dressed and parted but something inside me was changed forever. I could not admit it even to myself but I was madly in love with my best friend.
That day was at the beginning of July, now it's the beginning of August and Sean, that's my best friend's name, has broken up with yet another girlfriend while I ended my engagement. After that night with Sean I realized that I was just not in love with my fiancée. It did not feel right to stay with him when my heart wanted and needed more. Sitting in front of my mirror I see two bright blue eyes staring back at me. They are quiet eyes today as I mess with my long blonde hair trying to tame it. I feel so alone right now, alone and confused. I have not been the same since that night but I don't have a right to feel this way. It was just one night, okay one amazing night and glorious day that Sean and I spent together but we went right back to as if it never happened once we both got dressed. My heart just won't let me forget it. That day haunts my dreams but I don't know how to tell him that my feelings for him have changed. He is still and always will be my best friend but I have fallen deeply and hopelessly in love with him.
If his feelings for me have changed I don't see it. He still comes to me for advice about the girls he dates because as he puts it, he doesn't speak girl. I am forced to not only watch but to help him with his relationships with others. The other girls just seem to hurt him over and over when it's on the tip of my tongue to tell him that you belong with someone who sees how wonderful you are, someone who will love you without controlling you, someone like me….you belong with me.
I never dreamed that those three little words would be so hard for me to say but I just can't say them to him. I can feel it every time I think of him, look at him or hear his voice. I can think it when I think of what I want for the future but I just can't tell Sean…..I love you.