---
"Senpai…"
'Annoying brat.'
"…Senpai."
'He'll stop soon; ignore it.'
"Senpai."
'Alright maybe he won't.'
"Sen—"
"I heard you the first time, Tobi. Un."
Would this ever end? Only two hours into the mission and the Ex-Iwa nin was already tempted to knock out his masked partner and drag him the rest of the way. He really couldn't take much more of Tobi's nonstop chatter that usually consisted of things like 'Are we there yet?' or 'Deidara-senpai, let's play a game to make the time go by faster!' No and no.
First of all, they were in a forest. The mission was in Suna. No matter how autistic Tobi seemed at times, Deidara was almost completely sure that he could tell the difference between a forest and a desert. Note the word 'almost'. Second of all, there was no way in hell he was going to play a game with him. After once of playing eye-spy with him, Deidara now knew better.
/Flashback/
"I spy something... green!" Tobi nodded after several moments of deep thought.
"Green… Tobi! The whole damn forest is green, un!" The blonde nuke-nin pointed out impatiently as he stopped and looked over at the scores of green plants to his right.
"Deidara-senpai... You said you'd play…" His dark haired partner whined dejectedly, slouching slightly.
Deidara merely rolled his eyes, the visible one at least, as he looked around the area for a moment. "Fine… Is it... That? Un?" He lifted his hand and pointed over at a small shrub.
Tobi shook his head quickly. "Nope!"
The clay manipulator shot his partner an exhausted glare before starting forward again. "I give up, un."
"Fine... But... It was that plant… Over there!" He pointed in the same direction Deidara had.
The blonde turned, stopped, and frowned. "That's the same plant I was pointing at un."
"No… Weren't you pointing at that?" Tobi nodded over towards something right next to the small shrub.
Deidara huffed impatiently before making his way over to the afore mentioned mini-shrub. "This one un."
"Oh! I thought you meant that snake."
"Wait... What sna—Shit!!"
/End Flashback/
The kid was lucky that snake wasn't poisonous.
After a few moments of silence, Tobi continued speaking.
"Deidara-senpai?" He inquired slowly.
"Yes Tobi?" Deidara replied in a tone that in itself warned the masked man that it better be a good question or he'd be short a leg in a moment or two for interrupting the much appreciated silence between them.
"What's swirly, pretty, and in the middle of a forest?"
The blonde shot him a glare. "I'm not playing another game of eye-spy with you un."
"But…"
"No un." Deidara closed his visible eye again.
"But Deidara-sen—" Tobi started to speak again, his words seeming a bit rushed.
"I said no, Tobi un!"
"Deidara-senpai!! Wait you're—"
Tobi's words were cut off instantly as Deidara took another step forward. The blond stopped for a few moments, awaiting his partner's excuse. When no voice came to him, he decided to speak.
"I'm what, Tobi?"
Silence.
"...Tobi?"
More silence.
Opening his eye again, he turned and looked back behind him. No Tobi. He was just there a minute ago… Dammit! He was worse than a freakin' five year old!
"Tobi!" He called out, not really expecting a reply and was rewarded with none.
"To—"
"Deidara-senpai?"
Deidara turned, about to drill Tobi in the side of the head, before seeing him. His body was gone from the shoulders down. He was a freaking floating head.
"Tobi! What the hell did you do un?" The blonde eyed him, deciding to stay where he was for the time being.
"Deidara-senpai… I tried to tell you to watch out for the swirly thingy…" His partner sighed.
The Ex-Iwa nin stood his ground and glared at him. "What 'swirly thingy'? Un?" Words only used by complete idiots. I.E.- Tobi.
"The blue swirly thingy!" He nodded energetically.
Yeah. That was helpful.
"Well, I don't see anything. Un." Deidara shot, gesturing to the nothing that Tobi apparently saw as a blue swirl.
Tobi looked down. "Me neither."
"No, really un?" He snorted sarcastically.
"I think you're stuck." The spiky-haired Akatsuki member murmured, confused.
"Stuck? I'm in the same damn forest as you are! Un!"
"No… I'm in the forest… You're somewhere else... I think." After pausing for a moment, he added, "I'll try to get you out! Grab my hand!" Sticking his hand through the 'blue swirly thingy' that Deidara had walked into, the limb slowly became visible to the blonde on the other side of the portal.
Not. A. Chance.
"No." Was Deidara's blunt answer.
"Uh… Alright then… I'll come in and get you!"
"No! Wait! Tobi--!"
Too late. The idiot had already totally appeared in the forest, trapped like Deidara.
"You moron! Now we're both stuck un! You should've stayed out there!" The blonde balled his hands into fists and beat Tobi in the side of the head a few times.
Stumbling to the side, a bit dizzy from taking all those blows to the head, Tobi leaned against one of the many trees that were in the forest. He was glad, though, that Deidara hadn't chosen to use the exploding birds again. Those hurt a hell of a lot more than a few good punches. Bringing one hand to his head, he used the other to steady himself by gripping the trunk of the tree behind him. Still, the blond could be very violent and whatever type of punishment he decided to use on the spiky-haired Akatsuki was usually the painful type. Allowing a small sigh to pass his lips, he looked over at his afore mentioned partner who was now walking away from him.
"D-Deidara-senpai! Wait up!"
'Great. This is just great, un.' Deidara growled mentally, not even looking back at Tobi. Why couldn't it have been a normal day? Set out to do the mission, assassinate whoever, collect the pay for said assassination, and then beat on Tobi for screwing something up. That was the usual mission, anyways. But… Nowadays he didn't seem to have as much fun on those kinds of assignments. Without Sasori lecturing him about screwing something up or creating too much of a ruckus when they were trying to kill someone without the whole village finding out the moment it happened by hearing the explosion, it wasn't as fulfilling. Deidara's one screw up was why Sasori usually insisted that he be the one to kill whomever the target was by quietly using poison. Not Deidara, who on his first mission with Akatsuki, blew up the entire building. That was a fluke. He infiltrated Suna just fine without exploding one building, and so he definitely proved he was good at sneaking around. If Sasori would've lived through that, he was sure that the puppet master would've allowed him to be the main assassin once in awhile.
But he didn't. Sasori was dead and now he was stuck with Tobi as his partner. Just great.
So what now?
'Continue on with the mission, that's what.' Deidara answered himself.
But… How?
Deidara had come to the conclusion that they were indeed trapped inside something after several times of walking past the same snake that had bit him earlier that day. It was obvious they were going in a circle. Was it some sort of trick then?
"Do you think it's someone's genjutsu, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi spoke up for the first time in a few minutes.
"Obviously. Un." Deidara snorted and glanced over at his partner for a moment. But... It really wasn't that obvious. Neither of the two Akatsuki had sensed another presence in the forest except themselves. Even with Tobi's stupid games they wouldn't have become distracted enough to not notice someone following them.
Tobi nodded, bringing his hands together. "Kai!"
Both males stiffened slightly at the thick silence that came afterwards. There was no sign to show that the genjutsu had been released, as there usually was.
So that meant it wasn't genjutsu? If it wasn't an illusion, what the hell was it then?
Sighing, the spiky haired Akatsuki allowed his arms to fall back to his sides. "I guess you were wrong, Deidara-senpai." He frowned.
Deidara sent him a sharp glare before the other man straightened and held his hands out in front of his chest, palms facing the blonde. "I-I mean… We… Er… I… Um…" He stopped for a moment, trying to think of the best possible answer that would save him from being bombarded with exploding clay birds. Both of them were now standing still, the Ex-Iwa nin impatiently awaiting his answer.
"I don't think it's genjutsu…?" He offered hesitantly.
Seeing as Deidara stared only a few more moments being moving forward again, Tobi assumed that the blonde had accepted his answer and quickly caught up to him.
"So… If it's not genjutsu… What do you think it is?" Tobi tilted his head to the right slightly.
"How should I know un?" The clay manipulating ninja replied warily, still thinking about how they would get out of this place.
"Dunno. Just thought I'd ask, I guess. I mean you—" Before he could finish, a fist flew into his stomach, the force that came with it causing him to double over. But still, before he knew what was going on, he was swiftly dragged, by the collar of his Akatsuki cloak, behind a tree.
"Deidara-senpai…" He wheezed, still clutching his stomach. He hadn't even said anything to make him angry yet! Or... At least he thought he didn't. Usually his and the blonde's views on insulting or annoying differed greatly. But he had been getting to know the clay manipulator a bit better and knew about the many things that annoyed or insulted him. Apparently Deidara didn't like to be touched, joked with, or talked to a lot. Well, not with him anyways. He had heard that the clay manipulator had gotten pretty attached to Sasori. Sasori probably got to do those things and the puppet master was one of the most anti-social Akatsuki. You know, the kind of person that looks like they'll kill you for getting within ten feet of them? Tobi felt he was a lot nicer than Sasori had seemed to be. Still… Sometimes he got the feeling that Deidara didn't like him. Apparently the blonde had been much more talkative, optimistic, and expressive when Sasori was his partner. What did Sasori have that he didn't? Actually, a lot of things. Strength, an immortal body, cool puppet controlling jutsu, and more, he bet.
Tobi sighed mentally. Unlike Sasori, the spiky haired Akatsuki was threatened, insulted, and beat up daily; not just by enemy ninja either. The most violent death threats usually came from fellow Akatsuki. Deidara beat on him almost every day, and if it wasn't a beating it was usually an explosion or and attempt at suffocation. Yeah, he could definitely tell they had a strong friendship there.
Refocusing his attention back on the world outside his head, he looked up at Deidara.
"Deidara-senpai…" Tobi repeated, confused.
"Shut up. We have company un." Deidara snapped quietly as he looked around the tree that he had hidden both himself and Tobi behind. "They... aren't ninja though un."
"Then why are we hiding?" Tobi asked in a loud whisper. "Can't we just go around them?"
Deidara shook his head, still keeping his eyes on the two figures that were talking out in the middle of the clearing. "You remember that we can't get out of here?" He glanced back at the spiral-masked boy.
"Uh-huh." The spiky haired Akatsuki stood again, one arm still wrapped around his stomach. He still didn't see what this had to do with the blonde punching him in the stomach. That really hurt.
"Well, maybe they're the ones who did it un.. Or they could be stuck here too. Either way, if they know how to get out of this place we can just beat the information out of them. Un." Deidara informed his partner. Tobi really didn't catch on very quickly did he?
"But Deidara-senpai…" Tobi murmured, unsure of the clay manipulator's decision of resorting to violence.
"Tobi, shut up un. Go out there and make yourself useful. Find out if they know anything. I'll see if I can find a way out of this damn forest from the sky un." The blonde hissed impatiently. He didn't have time to sit here and listen to Tobi's complaints today.
"Is it because you aren't good with people?" Tobi inquired curiously. "You know, you'd probably have better luck with them if you didn't always--" He was unable to finish yet again, thanks to his violent blonde 'friend'.
Deidara punched Tobi on top of his head once, pushing the boy downwards. Lowering himself to his partner's level, he brought his face inches away from the spiky-haired Akatsuki's. "My people skills are great for your information un. But I'd like to see you get near my bird without it exploding and killing you, un."
Tobi stumbled backwards a bit. If Deidara kept hitting him like that, he was bound to get a concussion sooner or later. "I… I'll go see if they know anything." He sighed. He had gone half a day without being exploded and he'd like to make it to that other half.
Deidara leapt into a nearby tree and started sprinting away from Tobi. He didn't want those two that his partner was supposed to be gathering information from to know he was there just yet. If Tobi screwed up and they attacked him for any particular reason, it'd be better if he could surprise the attackers. That was, of course, if that moron didn't tell them he hadn't come into the forest alone. And knowing Tobi, he probably would.
Stopping, the blonde dropped from the tree and landed on the ground in a crouching position. This place looked good. He stuck his hand into the pouch of clay at his side; his hand-mouth then tore some of it away from the glob and chewed on it for a few moments, melding his chakra with the clay. Only a few moments later, the glob was spit out and Deidara molded it into the shape of a small bird. As he threw it onto the ground, it grew dramatically in size, at least three times as big as the Ex-Iwa nin.
"Here we go. Un." The blonde murmured to himself while jumping onto the back of the rather large bird as it flapped it wings, lifting itself into the air with Deidara. "Let's find a way out of this damn forest. Un."
/Back with Tobi/
"Okay! I should be able to get this done before Deidara-senpai comes back!" Tobi assured himself quietly. 'I should probably watch them a bit first, though… Just to see if they say anything useful without me interfering...' He then rested his back against the tree he was hiding behind. An attempt to get comfortable.
"Maybe taking that road wasn't such a good idea, Yagami-kun. Perhaps you misinterpreted the directions?" The shorter of the two men questioned. Well, he looked shorter at least. The guy wasn't standing completely upright, his posture being slightly slouched.
"No… I'm positive that was the way to go. I memorized the directions last night." The taller one replied, frowning.
They seemed to be about the same age, eighteen or nineteen at the most. And the way they were talking told Tobi that neither of them knew where they were.
'I wonder if they walked into that swirly thing too?' The spiky haired Akatsuki questioned mentally but immediately redirected his attention back to the men as they started to speak again.
"Well," The slouched man started while directing his gaze up to the sky. "I don't believe this is where you planned on meeting your friend. Is it? I don't know much about where you take women for dates, though."
Raito rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't be much of a date with you there with us, Ryuuzaki."
L nodded. "If I remember correctly, you were the one who asked me to come along? Were you not? I guess that really doesn't make it a date. If it was, we would've just tracked you with your cell phone." His dark eyes drifted back to the other man for a moment before they closed completely.
Raito gave no reply, but instead folded his arms thoughtfully. They really shouldn't be talking about dates when they were just swallowed up by some sort of vortex. But that was L for you.
"So do you suppose there are any cities nearby? We could just walk to one then." The high school student questioned exasperatedly. Maybe he really should've brought his Death Note instead of leaving it and Ryuk with Misa… Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk.
Opening his eyes, L brought a finger to his mouth and chewed thoughtfully on its end. "A city…" A minute passed without one word being exchanged between the two, the young detective still thinking deeply, and the high school student waiting patiently. He was obviously used to this type of behavior. "Nope. I don't think there is one near here." L answered finally, nodding as if he had discovered the answer to an extremely difficult question.
"Took long enough!" Tobi exclaimed a bit too loudly. Crap. Did they hear that? He peeked his head out from behind the tree.
Both L and Raito stiffened and turned to look at the noisy stranger who had been spying on them.
'Who… How long was he standing there for? I can't believe we didn't notice him before…' Raito blinked, staring curiously at the masked man.
"May we help you?" L tilted his head to the side a bit, not removing the tip of his right index finger from his mouth.
"I… Um… I… Do… you know where we are?" Tobi was definitely the sneakiest person ever when it came to getting information out of people.
"…No…" Raito replied slowly. "Weren't you spying on us? I'd have thought you'd know that…" This guy didn't seem very bright but he also didn't appear to be very dangerous. That was good.
"Um… Maybe…" The masked Akatsuki replied quietly. "But that doesn't matter." Hand moving under his cloud-decorated cloak, his gloved hand became visible a moment later, this time gripping a recently sharpened kunai.
L straightened and Raito narrowed his eyes at the man. So much for not being dangerous. Now he really did regret leaving the Death Note behind.
"Deidara-senpai told me to get information out of you, even if it meant resorting to force." Tobi informed cheerily. If he did a good job on information gathering, maybe Deidara would appreciate him more! He had wished from the beginning to have a pleasant partnership with Deidara. Not one like with Hidan and Kakuzu. If the blonde and him had had something like that, Tobi would have been dead a long time ago.
"I thought I said that we don't know anything…" Raito replied calmly yet cautiously. They hadn't spent more than ten minutes in the forest and already they were being attacked by some masked psycho. Great.
"People lie." Tobi told them in a rather bland tone, walking towards them.
"Please try to calm down, sir…" L blinked, still chewing on the end of his finger. He didn't actually seem to be threatened at all by the situation.
Tobi, just about to reply, stopped as he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. Hesitantly turning, he immediately relaxed after seeing Deidara's face. "Deidara-senpai! You're back!" Tobi threw his hands up in the air, almost impaling Deidara with the kunai in his hand.
"Be careful with that. Un." The blonde hissed. "Now let's hurry up and get going… I think I saw a cross road up ahead." He then turned and started walking away, sparing Raito and L only a passing glance. He really didn't care for them anymore. As long as he got out of here, he couldn't care less for those two men. But still… They did look a bit… Strange. They didn't look like they were from any village he had been to before. Ah well. It's not like it mattered. Tobi then followed after him.
Just as the two Akatsuki made it to the edge of the clearing, Deidara froze at the call of 'Thank you miss' from one of the men. The clay manipulator spun around and before anyone knew what was going on, he had wrapped one of his hands around Raito's throat and slammed him against a tree.
"What was that?!" Deidara spat angrily, tightening his grip around the man's neck.
Raito's chocolate brown eyes widened slightly, staring back into Deidara's cerulean ones. "Y..You're a guy…" He choked out.
Really, he should be used to this kind of stuff. The other Akatsuki often ridiculed him because of his feminine looks but he definitely would not take it from complete strangers. Homo, gay, someone who only took it up the ass… Those didn't bother him. But he was a MAN, dammit!
"It isn't his fault." L spoke up, not wanting to lose his number one suspect/detective for the Kira case. "From that distance you did look a bit... Feminine."
Deidara dropped Raito and spun around to face L. "What the hell did you just say?!"
Just as he was nearing L, Tobi spoke up. "Yeah! They're right! Deidara-senpai does sort of look like a girl!"
This caused the clay manipulator to completely ignore the two detectives and focus all his attention on his masked partner. He then pulled a pre-made clay bird from the pouch on his left side, and chucked it at Tobi.
Letting out a soft whimper as the bird bounced off his head, the spiky haired Akatsuki found himself unable to get away from the bird fast enough. The bird exploded a few moments later. Along with much rock and other debris, Tobi was blown twenty feet away from the spot he had been previously standing in.
Now both L and Raito stood, frozen.
'D-Did that guy just blow that other guy up? No… There'd be more blood. Plus a guy like him probably doesn't miss a lot. But still… Who are these people? They're dressed in the same outfit so that probably means they work together… The way they act it's like they're a couple of mercenaries.' Raito watched silently as Tobi pulled himself to his feet and stumbled over towards Deidara. 'That blonde guy would've killed me if L hadn't stepped in… But then again, that person in the mask probably would've killed both L and me if the guy with the explosives hadn't stepped in. Both were really close calls… That's something I can't risk happening again. I can't die here… I have to go on and rule over the new world. And L… I'll be the one to kill L. Wait. What if there are more people like these guys somewhere in this forest? We'll definitely be killed then. Unless… Unless we go along with these people.'
Glancing over at L, who seemed to be deeply fascinated with the two shinobi and their violent tactics, Raito poked the other man in the shoulder softly to get his attention.
"That guy… The blonde one… He said that he saw a road up ahead." The high school student informed quietly. Being shinobi, Deidara and Tobi, (well, Deidara at least), would usually have heard everything the two detectives were conversing about. Usually. But at the moment Deidara was busy scolding and beating Tobi for the earlier insult, and Tobi himself was trying desperately to calm the blonde down with his frantic apologies.
L nodded, not taking his eyes off the two Akatsuki. "I suppose… If they were to become a bit more… stable… Traveling with them would probably be the safest course of action. Once we get out of this place I'm ninety-two percent sure they'll go their own way." L, spending much time with the few investigators he had, had taken the time to analyze all their ways of thinking. And Raito's, being extremely similar to his own, was not all that hard to figure out. Most of the time, anyways.
"Excuse me…" Raito interrupted the two shinobi's 'argument'.
"What do you want now un?" Deidara hissed. Though he still didn't look away from Tobi as he viciously beat the poor man in the head repeatedly. The spiky haired Akatsuki had taken to covering his head with his arms in a pathetic attempt to ward off the Ex-Iwa nin's fierce blows.
"We were wondering if it would be alright if we stayed in your company a bit longer… Just until we get out of this place at least." The high school student ventured cautiously, wincing as Deidara struck his partner in the head one last time before turning to the detectives.
This caused a sadistic smirk to form on the blonde's feminine looking face. "So basically… You want protection un?" This was a bit unusual. Practically everyone knew who the Akatsuki were and those who did… Even those who didn't definitely did not just go up to them and ask for protection. Especially not after insulting Deidara who did not let those kinds of things slide very easily. It was a sure fire way to get you killed.
"You mentioned earlier you had found a way out of this forest. It wouldn't hurt showing us the path too, would it?" Raito replied calmly.
"Of course not!" Tobi answered before Deidara could even open his mouth. "It shouldn't be that much trouble… Right Deidara-senpai?"
The clay manipulator shot him a hard glare. "We don't have time to be dragging pedestrians around with us un. We need to get out of here and complete the mission as soon as possible. They'll just slow us down un."
"But we can't just leave them here! They need our help Deidara-senpai…" Tobi pleaded, puppy dog eyes and all. Half of his effort was put into wanting to help the strangers out while the other half just wanted something to distract Deidara so he would calm down for awhile and allow the spiky haired Akatsuki the recover from the concussion he had probably acquired through the harsh beatings.
Raito couldn't stop an exasperated sigh from passing his lips. 'Wasn't that guy… The one who threatened us with that knife only a bit ago? And now he's trying to persuade that other guy into letting us come…? I wonder if these mood swings happen very often…'
The Ex-Iwa nin merely rolled his eyes and turned, starting off towards the are where he had seen the cross road. "Do what you like with them un. But keep in mind that I won't be the one helping you defend them if something comes out and attacks you un." Tobi could die for all he cared. All that was important was the ring he was wearing. Once he got that, he could leave the corpse to rot. No… Zetsu would probably want to eat it. How troublesome. Having to drag Tobi's bloody body all the way back to the hideout just to feed some schizophrenic cannibal…
"Thank you…" Raito bowed his head, following after the two shinobi. He looked back and saw L right behind him.
"Yes…" The insomnia-inflicted detective replied a bit after the other man.
Tobi slowed his pace to fall into step with Raito.
"So… Did you come through a swirly thing, too?" The masked ninja questioned curiously.
Raito nodded. "Yes. I presume you did as well?"
"Yup!" Tobi chirped happily. "Was yours a pretty blue color? Or a different one? My favorite color is yellow! What's yours?"
L leaned forward slightly as to see around Raito and stare at the spiky haired Akatsuki. "Are you, by any chance, schizophrenic?" He blinked.
Raito sent him a disapproving glance before turning back to Tobi. "Please excuse my friend… He doesn't talk to people very much, hence his manners."
L blinked innocently, still staring at the Akatsuki.
Tobi thought for a moment, looking up at the sky. "I don't believe I am. Oh! Hidan said Zetsu-san was, though. Yeah… Wait. Does schizo whatever mean that you eat people?" The boy paused, thinking for a moment. "No.. Wait… That cannibalism… But Zetsu-san is one of those, too…" His voice trailed off.
Raito stared for a bit before shaking his head. "Schizophrenia is a mental disorder. Like—"
"Oh! Like Senpai?" The masked ninja inquired rather loudly. A rock was then chucked at him, flying into his stomach. "Ouch. Senpai… I didn't mean it in a bad way…" He whined, holding his now throbbing abdomen.
"Schizophrenia is when you have multiple personalities un. Like Zetsu. He's talks to them un." Deidara shot, annoyed already with Tobi.
"So… I'm not schizo—"
"No. You're not un. You're just autistic un." The blonde sighed heavily, not even looking back once at the group behind him. "Whatever. We're here un." He stopped abruptly as he stared at the cross road before them. I was… Strange. On one of the other areas it was mountains, some plains, another a desert, and another a beach. Weird. Oh well. They were there for the desert anyway so it didn't really matter.
"Let's go Tobi, un. They can take care of themselves from here un."