Bzzt.

Levi pulled out his phone from a coat pocket, where he'd felt it vibrate with a new text message. He took a sip of his milkshake, then unlocked the screen and opened the text.

Levi! what does it mean if a girl sends you a video of two animals making out and says "IT'S US!" ? help!

Levi stared down at his phone in disbelief. The little black characters on his screen stared back at him.

How the hell had Eren Yeager gotten his number? Why did that twerp think it was okay for him, a lowly freshman nobody on the team, to text Levi, the all-state, national-record holding, college-recruited, senior team captain?

And how could anyone be this dense about girls?

"You're making that face again," Petra said. "Your prissy face."

There were five of them: Levi, and his four best friends—Gunter, Eld, Olou, and Petra. They were crowded into a booth at Zeke's Diner, Levi's favorite post-practice hangout spot.

(There were a of couple reasons why this place was his favorite. One, they had a cheap buy-one get-one-free milkshake deal here. Two, the diner was pretty far away from high school campus, which meant you needed a car to get there. And that was just swell for Levi, because that meant the clientele was naturally free of bratty freshmen. AKA, Eren Yeager.)

"Tell me," Levi said, still staring at his phone. "If a scrawny freshman fucknugget tried to slide into your DM's, how would you respond?"

"Beat his ass," Olou suggested, between bites of his sandwich.

Gunter snorted. "Just don't respond," he said. "What was the message? Weird?"

Levi tossed his phone on the table and the rest of the gang crowded around to look. Olou chortled when he read it. Eld shook his head with a wry smile. "Were we ever that dumb?"

Levi crossed his arms. "You lot, maybe. Me? Never."

Petra gasped as she read the message sender's name. "Wait, that's Eren!" she squealed. "I know his mom! Levi, you have to respond. You have no idea, his mom is just the sweetest thing. I met her at a book sale."

"Hold on," Gunter said, frowning. "Wasn't Eren one of the new kids at the team meeting today?"

"Yeah," said Levi.

"I think you should text him back, dude. If he's on the team and he messaged you, he's probably just trying to, you know, reach out. Also, if you ignore him he might quit or something."

"Do I really have to?" Levi moaned. "Is this like a team captain thing? Like I have to be nice to all the new people?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Gunter. Petra and Eld nodded sagely, while Olou just shrugged and went back to his sandwich.

"Fuck," said Levi. "I should have let Mike win." He took back the phone from the center of the table. Eren's text, with its absurdness, stared back at him.

How tf did you get this number? He pressed send and looked back up at his friends. "Okay, let's see how long—" Bzzt.

What? ...how?

In the less-than-two-seconds since he'd sent the message, Eren had somehow already responded.

"Kid's got reflexes," Gunter admitted.

The notification for Eren's reply floated across the screen and Levi opened it automatically. Hey Levi! Thx for answering! Sooo i got your number because you wrote it on the board at team meeting today and youu said if there's ever an emergency or something we can call or text you :) :) :) and i guess you could say this is reallyyyy an emergency :( :( :( girls man am i right

"There's no way," Levi muttered. "There's just no way he could have typed something that fast." Unless. Unless Eren had already guessed what Levi was going to ask him, then had actually sat down and pre-typed a response, then waited for him to send it.

"What the fuck," Levi said.

"What'd he say?" Petra asked. Levi showed the phone to her. She gasped and brought her hands up to her face. "Oh my god," she said. "Levi, you need to adopt this kid. So CUTE! Look, he used six emoticons!"

"That's six too many," Olou said, taking the phone. "Definitely a virgin."

"Not if Uncle Levi gives him a few pointers," Gunter said. "Right, Levi?"

Levi buried his head in his hands. "Do you think I'd get in trouble with coach if I told this kid to quit the team? I don't think I can stomach seeing his face after this. Too much cringe."

"Hey, can I respond to him?" Olou said. He was already typing into the phone. He pressed send and then snickered.

Petra glanced at the message. "Olou!" she said and smacked him on the arm.

"What, what'd he send?" Levi asked. Olou handed back the phone, still snickering. Levi glanced down at the message.

She wants the D. now, for the real question. does she got big tiddies

"Wow," he said.

"I think you lost the high ground of maturity," Eld said.

"Whatever, at least Yeager Boy didn't have an immediate response lined up for—" Bzzt.

Levi opened Eren's response despite himself.

ehh, i mean not really but she's like really cool in a lot of other ways. i'm just kinda nervous about asking her outt or something cuz we've been friends for so long you know? it's like so hard to tell when girls are flriting or just being nice :(

He passed the phone around again. Eld and Gunter didn't say anything, just passed it on. Olou shook his head and muttered, "no tiddies," while Petra cooed affectionately. "Oh, this sweet child," she said. "My baby's having his first crush."

"Petra, do you even know Eren?"

"No, but he's officially my son. I've adopted him."

Levi took the phone back. "Alright, I'm going to end this," he said. He typed up the message carefully.

Look, it seems like she's into you, and even if she's not, you're clearly into her. So, you should probably go ahead and ask her out. Just my two cents

Bzzt. Eren's response: but what if she says no?

Then she says no, Levi texted. Get over it. That's life. tough shit

Bzzt. idk, i really value our friendship and i don't want to ruin that over some stupid feelings or smth you know?

Levi sighed deeply. "Lord give me strength."

Look, Eren. I've asked a lot of girls out in high school, most have said yes (obv), some have said no. But I don't regret putting myself out there. Now, you can choose to ask this chick out or just bottle it up. The decision's yours. You know what I'd do in the situation, but you shouldn't rely on that. You need to choose for yourself. The truth is, you might get rejected. You might even ruin your friendship. No one ever knows how it'll turn out. So, choose for yourself. Make the decision you'll regret the least.

His finger hesitated above the send button, then he went back and added one more line. Now don't text me again until you've won us state championships.

He sent it, switched his phone to silent, and dropped it back in his phone pocket. "Alright, that takes care of that," he said. He took a long sip of his milkshake. "Now, who's down to go to Hange's? I need a little partying to de-stress."

"Hold on," Gunter said. He was frowning and scrolling through his phone. "You said the kid's name is Eren Yeager?"

"Yeah."

"And you were trying to get him to ask out his best friend or something?"

"Yeah."

"He's got a lot of pictures with—I mean—isn't that—" Gunter laid his phone face-up on the table. "Levi, isn't that your sister?"

Levi stared down at Eren's Facebook wall, which was filled with photos of him, some short blonde kid, and… yep, that black-haired girl was none other than his little sister Mikasa.

Photos of Eren and Mikasa at the beach. At the coffee shop. Selfies in class. Laughing. Levi dimly remembered that Mikasa had mentioned some of her friends… she was always so secretive, though… what were their names? Carmen and Aaron, or something?

Not Aaron. Eren.

Realization slowly dawned.

"Fuck," he said.

"Wait, he texted you to get tips on asking out your own sister?" Olou said. He laughed incredulously. "Power move!"

Levi buried his face in his hands. "I swear to god. If I have to see this kid at Thanksgiving, I'm going to shit a goddamn brick."

Bzzt.

Levi thought he had put his phone on silent, but clearly it hadn't registered. He slid it out from his coat pocket and stared blankly at the screen before unlocking it.

Eren's response was three words. And an emoticon.

She said yes :)