Still trying to get my Hostage inspiration flowing, here's a random drabble.
Rating is due to strong language at parts. I don't know where this idea came from but hey - I have been dying for fluff lately, so much so that I think I've read over the entire TC section. (sigh) We need a new game to get people excited again...
Random talk over. Story now!
Derek Stiles never remembered feeling lower than he did the day he and Angie lost their first patient together.
It had been a bitter struggle, playing with their emotions as an operation that seemed on the right track took a miserable downturn, leaving their hopes shattered as they tried everything at their disposal to save the person in front of them.
In the end, it had all been in vain. Neither of the pair knew exactly what they were supposed to do, their usual roles in the moment obviously no good to deal with their current situation. Everyone but the two of them had vacated the operating room as the bitter silence hung in the air, seemingly suffocating anyone that wasn't Derek or Angie. The surgical duo simply remained standing quietly, exchanging less than a handful of glances and not so much as an audible breath as they tried to figure out how to possibly cope with the situation.
For being a bad moment to start out with, Derek didn't anticipate that it could get much worse, his heart thumping mournfully in his chest as after the long period of silence, Angie's voice finally filled the air. Expecting something comforting to come of it, Derek feels floored as Angie contradicts his hopes, her chastising words filling his brain.
"Way to go, Dr. Stiles."
He stayed motionless at first to make sure he had heard her right, glare turning confused and slightly bitter as he turned his brown eyes up to her, noting the expression of pure disgust on her pale face.
"Excuse me?" he asks, bewildered by the comment.
Obviously irritated, Angie drops her gaze down and onto herself, viciously tearing away at her gloves as if she would suffocate having them on for even one more second. Scoffing loud enough for him to hear, her hands worked to collect the tools that had been unsuccessful in their endeavor, throwing them into the nearby bowl with great frustration as Derek glares at her incredulously.
Fed up with not only his own failure but his assistant's response to the situation, Derek opens his mouth to retaliate, feeling an instant regret for speaking, but not sorry for standing up for himself.
"You wanna tell me what's up with your attitude?" he bites, words coming as a shock to the silent air and causing a rapid turn of the blonde's head as she prepares to let loose on him. Derek watches as she calms down instead, eyes turning back to her task as she replies.
"You got cocky." she simply states. "You thought you had it, and you didn't."
The statement pushes his rage to a limit he couldn't remember feeling as he exploded, a rare feat for the normally passive doctor.
"What the fuck is your problem, Angie?!" he shouts, visibly startling her with his unexpected outburst. "You think I wanted this to happen? Do you honestly think I didn't try everything I could possibly try – that being confident about where things were going was the reason that we failed?"
"WE?!" she snaps back, planting her hands on the cold, metal table with a loud slap as she leans forward and joins in the fight. "No no no… there was no 'we' in this…"
"Oh, don't EVEN give me that!" he yells, cutting her off. "When we're successful, you're all about "we"… but when we're not? You just want to pass off the blame on me so you don't tarnish your reputation, because you don't know what to do if everyone doesn't think you're perfect!"
A blast of fire shoots through Angie's eyes at the comment, now ready to read him the riot act as she grits her teeth at the statement, the boldness of it surprising.
"And you're ready," Derek continues with a sarcastic laugh, "to walk out of here pointing the finger in my direction so people don't think you're a FAILURE, like they're going to think of me?"
He throws his hands up in the air incredulously. "Well guess what, sweetheart – YOU failed, I failed… so therefore, WE failed… and no amount of blame you shove at me is going to make people forget that you were here too."
Fighting back tears that are now welling in her wide eyes, Angie feels her body shaking, unable to remember the last time that somebody stood up to her in this way. Her intimidating nature was usually enough to force opponents of all shapes and sizes to back down, the fury of the nurse something that was to be avoided at all costs. Though this time – her mild mannered happy-go-lucky doctor was the one on the other end of the assault, forcing her to wonder if all arguments hurt this bad, or if it was just because it was coming from him.
"What is the matter with you – when the hell did you turn into such an asshole?!" she suddenly screams back, feeling tears prick at her eyes as Derek looks back at her emotionlessly, being on the verge of tears something that usually produced a reaction in him as well. "I can't believe what a prick you're being right now!"
"I started being an asshole when I realized that this day couldn't get any worse – that I didn't have much else to lose." he simply replied, tone devoid of any emotion. "Don't forget…" he starts again, voice raising as he points an accusing finger at her, "YOU brought this on yourself. You ALWAYS point the finger at everyone else – point out everyone's shortcomings and problems without taking into consideration that you're not perfect either…"
Angie bites her lip hard at the statement, realizing that nobody in her life had ever been this brutally honest with her.
"Well YOU'RE the one that's got your head in the clouds – that's so confident with your abilities that you never take into account that things could go wrong! Which, congratulations, Derek – is why the guy died! And I'm sorry, but losing someone is a DAMN good reason to yell at you to make you realize that you're not invincible – talent or not, you can still make mistakes… you're human, it's what we do!"
"You should be giving yourself that same advice!" he shot back. "Think about exactly what you just said as it applies to yourself, like I said before – maybe you can cast the first stone when you don't make any mistakes either!"
"Maybe you can go fuck yourself!" she screams back, enunciating the curse word as clearly as she could, as it was something that rarely escaped her lips, producing a slight shock on Derek's face as he heard it. "You're just bitching at me to cover up the fact that your patient is dead – which, sorry, isn't going to just go away!"
Derek reaches for his gloves at that statement and tears them from his hands as hard as Angie had, throwing them on the floor as he opts to put his hands on his hips.
"You can't honestly expect if you start attacking someone that they're always going to just sit there and take your shit." he says flatly, pushing her ever further to the point of tears. "Not everyone is going to just stand by and let you rip them apart… and from now on, that includes me."
"Fine." she replies, throwing a set of surgical scissors into the nearby bowl. "Fine, I won't ever fucking open my mouth again, Derek. No more opinions, no more compliments, no more anything else, because I always turn out as the bad guy. Good or bad, I won't tell you anything – all I'll do is hand you your instruments and tell you when your patient is in danger, because it's obviously all I'm good for."
Derek's expression softens at the words, though she doesn't see it. All she picks up are the words he says next, bringing the tears in her eyes back to the surface as they threaten to spill her innermost feelings to the man she wanted least to see them.
"You've always been much more to me than a person that hands me my tools and watches my monitors, Angie. I need you for so much more than that – you challenge me, push me to be better, and I need that. What I don't appreciate is the fact that I can't need you in any other way, cause you always push me so fucking far away!" he shouts, giving his calm argument a very distinct point.
She looks up at him sadly, his eyes shining as well as the emotions surrounding the moment begin to take him over as well, the failure and the fact that the person he needed most was against him breaking him down to a point that he never realized he could hit. And at that point right then, Derek didn't care about emotions or formalities anymore, simply allowing a tear to spill down his cheek as he looked at Angie, her once hardened gaze now soft and remorseful.
"I don't only need you when I'm successful, Angie… I need you more in moments like this – to comfort me and to be there for me in the same way I always try to be there for you. To reassure me that I'm not as horrible of a person as I feel like right now, that I did everything I could, and that things will be okay after this – and about what I said before, I'm sorry it was so harsh… but you can't expect that if you go full-on character assaulting someone, that they're not going to try to defend themselves."
Derek sighs, dropping his hands to his sides.
"Sorry to have to admit this to you, but I really do need you. To a point where, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't by my side." he began, perfectly aware of the vulnerable state he had just forced himself into. "I don't need you to always sugarcoat things or hold my hand through everything, because I love that you push me to where I need to be. But on a day like today, you're the person I want to run to most for support because you're the only person that knows what I'm feeling… but you're also the person that no matter how much I'm there for, always keeps her distance – never lets me get too close... and sorry, but I fucking HATE that. Why can't you just let me be there?"
Angie just remains rooted in her spot, eyes locked with Derek's as tears begin to pour from them, her heart ready to explode under the massive pain enveloping it in that moment. Time passes and she doesn't answer his question, prompting him to continue.
"But maybe…" he begins again, diverting his eyes to the ground and then back up to her. "Maybe you need to take a step back and think that this isn't just about you, or what you're afraid of. Are you honestly afraid of someone that genuinely cares about you? That wants to see you happy no matter what, but will be there for you when things don't turn out as expected, and especially when things are at their absolute worst? Do you honestly believe that nobody out there exists – nobody is out there that not only wants to be there for you when you fall down or cry, but knows that you make mistakes but thinks you're perfect all the same? And can you honestly tell me that you aren't looking for that person – someone that not only wants to be there for you to lean on, but also needs you to pick them up from time to time? That person exists, Angie… it's me. I want to be there for you, no matter how much you want to shove me away."
By the end of his speech Angie was sobbing, arms hugging across herself gently as she bit her lip and tried to stem the flow of tears, but to no avail.
"I'm sorry for being so mean earlier." Derek finally concedes gently, feeling gathering remorse when he remembers the words that had come out of his mouth earlier. "The last thing I want to do is to ever hurt you, and you know that…"
Angie sighs softly. "I know, and I'm sorry too…"
Another silence fills the air as the two look away from one another, eyes meeting again hesitantly.
"But…" Derek finally adds, eyes imploring hers gently. "Remember that we're a team – this isn't just about you… this is me too, because, I need you." He reaffirms this with a gentle nod. "I do."
Turning around to walk away Derek casts another glance back at Angie, her lips silent but her eyes questioning.
"…and I'm not giving up until you admit that you need me, too… I know you do, Angie."
He pushes the door open, leaning against it gently.
"And no matter what, I'll always be there – if you let me."
As the door swings shut and the surgeon disappears from view, Angie allows herself to completely unravel – a state unwitnessed by even those closest to her in life. As the tears pour out she grips her chest tightly, heart beating out of control as she realizes that Derek was indeed correct… after all the years she had spent alone, the only thing Angie really wanted was someone to care.
And after searching for all that time, she realizes while standing alone in that operating room that Derek was the first person who forced her to be so honest with herself – he was someone who saw her shortcomings but appreciated the fact that they existed instead of holding them against her as so many had before, and was someone that no matter how many times she pushed away would always be there.
At least, she hoped.
Throwing the rest of the tools into the bowl and carrying them from the OR, Angie sighed as she realized what she had to do, while trying to scrub the lasting stench of failure off of her that seemed to follow her everywhere she went.
It wouldn't be easy, but hopefully it would be worth it.
--
Two hours after returning home from one of the worst days he can remember, Derek Stiles grew confused upon hearing a soft knock at his door so late at night. He navigates his way through his pitch-black apartment from his bed, which he had unceremoniously dropped onto nearly the second he returned home. Tired hands fumbling with the locks, Derek wakes up instantly when he swings open the door to reveal Angie, her expression distressed and body showing her complete exhaustion.
The pair stand in silence for a few seconds, one shocked and one terrified, as finally Angie breaks the tension.
"Everyone that I've ever relied on has deserted me." she simply states, head hanging in her apparent shame.
With a gentle tug of her arm Derek ushers her inside and closes the door, reaching to turn on the light though she stops him before he can do so with a gentle 'no'. He stares at her as he waits for her to continue, and she eventually does, breaking his heart as tears begin to accompany her words.
"I a-always thought… that no m-matter how much you cared about someone, they would see it if you tried hard enough. If you never gave up no matter what they put you through, that person would eventually see what you were doing and care about you too…"
She sniffles, wiping a tear from her cheek. "But, no matter how hard I tried, it never worked out that way for me. People have said that they want to be there for me before, but bailed on me when things got tough, or when I put up a fight… and I told myself before that I wasn't ever going to rely on anyone to pick me up and put me back on my feet, because inevitably, they would just leave me like everyone else has."
Unconsciously, Derek slowly steps toward Angie as she continues pouring her heart out, saddened by her story but glad that she had decided to share it with him.
"You were right…" she says, finally bringing her eyes up to meet him. "I always needed you, but I was too damn stubborn to show it – I thought you'd find something about me that you hated and use it to distance yourself, just like everyone else… even my own father…"
"Hey…" Derek finally says, a loving smirk on his face. "There's nothing about you that would ever make me not care about you – even though we may disagree sometimes, it's those things that make you Angie that I love the most."
She pauses in surprise. "I think you're the first person to ever say that to me…" she begins, visibly succumbing to her emotions as she begins to cry again.
"Derek…" she starts, catching his attention again. "I'm so sorry… I…"
"Shh…" he says gently, stepping forward and sliding his arms around her softly. She grows rigid at first but sinks into the action gradually, eventually opting to tighten her embrace on him with a shuddering sigh and smile that he cannot see. So comfortable in the moment, Angie becomes startled but doesn't protest as Derek lifts her into his arms and retreats back into his apartment, eventually opting to sit on his large bed and pull her into his lap. Confused by the action the nurse eventually relaxes in Derek's firm but loving hold, curling up into him as her arms wind themselves around his body, hugging him tightly.
"I'll always be here if you let me…" Derek whispers, gently resting his cheek against the crown of her head as he pulls her more into himself, a move that makes Angie feel more secure than she can ever remember feeling before. It feels like the most natural thing in the world as his lips gently press against her forehead, calming her even further.
"And I promise that from now on, I'll be everything you need." she whispers back, seeing Derek's lips turn up into a smile as she turns up her head to look at him.
"Just…" she continues, eyes glazing over again. "Please…"
"You don't have to worry, Angie…" he starts in a whisper, anticipating where it's going. "I'm not ever going anywhere – I'll never leave you or let you go. I promise… you mean too much to me to ever let that happen."
Nose to nose, Derek and Angie share a loving stare before their eyes close, lips gently connecting with each other's in a soft, lingering kiss that solidifies their new bond. Pulling away, Derek sinks down on the bed and brings Angie flat with him, pulling her close as they both drift off to sleep together.
Having fought it before, Derek and Angie both realized that in each other, they had found everlasting support, respect, and love that would endure through the highest and lowest points of their lives.
And all it took was letting each other in.