A love once felt

In deams and in souls

The love of a man

The heart of a woman.

The two souls joined together

The hearts become one

Exquisite dreams...

"Oh dammit." Quistis said softly to herself, throwing her pencil to the ground. She couldn't put into words how she felt. She didn't really know what it meant to love. She once thought she did...but alas, that was not to be. The one she thought she loved had his heart stolen by another.

Oh, it hurt her more than words could say when the one she loved opened his heart and soul to Rinoa. After the whole ordeal with the sorceress' everything had just fallen apart in Quistis' life. She had her teaching position at the garden for only a short time, then she left it. She couldn't bear to see Rinoa and Squall together. Then Selphie had Irvine, Edea had Cid...the girl from Balamb had Zell...No one was left for her.

A light tear fell down her face as she crumpled the paper which held her worthless poem on it. Worthless, just like her. No one seemed to care that she had been instrumental in the defeat of Ultimacia. She was just cast away, as though she was nothing more than dirt.

Dirt. That was exactly how she felt. She felt bad that she despised Rinoa for finding love, but she couldn't help it. Her heart yearned to break through the hard shell of her former student so badly. She wanted to be the one who finally got him to shed a tear, or to laugh. But no...it was not to be. She had to be content to remain in the shadows, ignored by the very one who she had given her heart to.

At the same time, her soul yearned for revenge. She wanted to tear Rinoa's hair out, then feed her to diablos. He was still her GF, after all. And if she could get Rinoa when she was sleeping or somethi- She shook her head. It would be so ungrateful to kill the person who cracked open Squall's heart. He was happy now, she would have to live with it.

Another tear trailed down her pale face, and she quickly pushed it away. She still hated to show any weakness, even when she was alone. Like now. No one had even come to her small home in weeks. She was forgotten. She was only the instructer, not important. Quistis clenched her fist at that thought. It hurt her to be forgotten.

Squall, he would always be remembered as the hero of the world, of time. Rinoa, for being his girl. Selphie, for being so damn cute and perky. Irvine, for his crazy sensitivity. Zell would be remembered because of his love for hot dogs, and Seifer, oh that jackass would be remembered for...well, being a jackass. Even Headmaster Cid would be forever remembered, as would Edea. But Quistis would be forgotten.

The blonde woman stood to her feet, and turned her glance towards the window. The view from her cottage was exquisite, yet her blue eyes didn't see the beauty. All they could see was the blue waves, a mere cover for the dangers that lurked underneath them. The waters held death in them. That was all she could see. Death. The death of her parents. The death of her brother. The death of her soul.

It was too much. Quistis turned her head away from the window, back into the darkness she called her home. Back in the garden she had been so cheerful, yet now all she could think were morbid thoughts, most of which about killing Rinoa in a rather bloody and horrendous manner.

Even her attire was dark now. Rather than her customary orange skirt and shirt, she was clad in a pair of black leather pants and a long sleeved shirt of the darkest shade of blue. She had taken to wearing a black trenchcoat much like Seifers on the few occasions where she went out in public. She wasn't the same woman that people remembered. She was jaded.

She gently sighed, and seated her thin form back on her chair. She quickly leaned over and picked up her pencil, then reached out for another sheet of paper. Perhaps she could try to write again.

Darkness

Hatred

Pain in my soul

Love never happening

grace unknown

only darkness finds me

in my little hole

Shut up in self

Never to flee

The soul bleeds

Tears fall freely.

That was more like how she was feeling. Darkness was threatening to overtake her soul. Slowly the seeds of evil were being planted in her heart and mind. Perhaps one day they would sprout. Perhaps she would have her own reign of terror over the world.

The young woman's pencil flew over the paper, as she furiously scribbled in the words that were the window into her soul. The words that fell from the pencil -if they were ever seen by anyone aside from her- would make even the most cynical feel a tug at the heart. But she would never let anyone read her tortured musings. She didn't want people to feel sorry for her. She just wanted them to see her for who she was. Someone with feelings. Someone who wanted just a little recognition for helping to save the world.

A look of anguish crossed Quistis' face as her pencil snapped in half with the sudden exertion. Suddenly all she could really think of was how she had been wronged. She closed her eyes on pure agony and laid her head on the table, tears flowing down her face freely. She had been so hurt. She was fine physically, but mentally, she was a wreck. Pain flooded through her entire essence and she let a small sob escape her lips. She hated herself. She hated everyone. Except for Squall. She could never hate him. She loved him more than words could say.

Yet he betrayed that love. Squall buried his emotions deep down. Only Rinoa could release them. Quistis tried, she tried so hard, but fate was unkind to her. Fate had other plans for the young blonde. But she was too blind to see them. Her vision was clouded by her love for Squall. It wasn't lust. She didn't 'want' him. She just simply needed him. All she wanted -needed- was him to hold her. Nothing more.

She so wanted someone to just hold her. She wanted Squall to be the one. Her mind was closed to the thought that someone else could be the one. But still, all she longed for was that simple touch. She wanted Squall to wrap his arms around her and just hold her close. No words needed to be spoken. No other action needed to be taken. She just wanted that one simple thing that the fates withheld from her.

So unkind to her was fate. Kismet. What a joke. She lost her family, she lost her job, she lost her friends. She lost her love, she lost her life. She was still among the living, but she had no will to stay that way. Should she venture out of her house and a monster sprang up, she would let it kill her. She didn't even carry her whip with her anymore. After she searched so long for the material to make it, she let it sit in a corner, wasting away like her soul.

Oh, her poor soul. Gone was the happiness and determination that once dwelled within it. Her soul was bleeding.Though the blood was not seen, it was there. It was killing her, ever-so-slowly. She just ached within her to think of her pitiful excuse for a life. Part of her hated herself for getting so worked up over a guy...but the other half knew that she cared too deepy about him to just live her life as though nothing had happened.

Another trail of a tear fell down her face, as she seated her thin body on the couch. Sobs were threatening to flow up from her throat, but she wouldn't let them. She still wouldn't show that she was so weak. She was weak. Too weak. Food meant nothing to her, nor did sleep. She ate little, slept less. The only time she drank was to take her depression pills, prescribed by Dr. Kadowaki.

Her pills were right next to her, on the stand next to the couch. She ignored them for a moment, instead curling up in a ball. Quistis buried her head in a pillow, her sobs finally breaking from her lips. The cushion muffled the sounds, so even if someone was around, they wouldn't notice. Quistis was just plain broken. The only thing she ever truly wanted was taken from her. All she wanted was Squall to hold her.

A knock on the door broke Quistis' reverie, and quickly she sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes. She didn't want to be seen a broken wreck. She still had half an image to keep up. She quickly straightened out her tousled hair and wiped her eyes again, wondering who would be coming over. No one had contacted her, after all.

The knock intensified and swiftly Quistis stood up and raced to her door. She cautious opened it, and even more despair and hatred flooded through her soul. Rinoa. Her face set as stone, Quistis opened the door all the way, using all of her waning strength to keep her cool, so as not to lash out at her guest.

"Hey, Quistis!" Rinoa said, her annoying smile wide and bright. "Can I talk to you?"

"I see no reason why not." the jaded young woman answered, her voice as hard as her face.

Rinoa kept up her smile,though her eyes were full of distrust. "Well, uh, Squall and I are kinda getting married, and well, uh.." she started, but stoped at the look of pure horror that crossed Quistis' face.

She knew it was coming, but she didn't want it to. Bile rose up in her throat, but she pushed it away, willing back the strong face of stone. Ignoring Rinoa's look of concern, she nodded. "Go on."

"Ok, well, uh, I was well wondering.."

"Get on with it."

"Uh, yeah, would you kinda be my maid of honor?"

Quistis' straight stony face fell again. She could feel the tears welling up again, but this time did nothing to brush them away. The fact was that she was being incredibly heartless, while the one she despised with all her being was asking her to fulfull a great honor. She felt a warm salty tear fall down her face. This time she let it flow. It would be pointless to keep it from doing so.

Raising an eyebrow, Rinoa looked at her 'friend' and blinked a little. "Quistis, are you alright?" she asked, her tone implying that no matter what Quistis said, she would still consider her to be insane. But that was how the woman thought. If someone acted so weird, then something was wrong.

To Rinoa, Quistis was quite odd. She knew that the blonde was a teacher, and somehow she knew that Quistis loved her finace. But it was still weird to think that someone else could love her Squall.

"I'll be fine" Perhaps her words were a bit harsh, judging from the look that Rinoa gave her. Quistis sighed lightly and turned towards the window. "I'll think about it."

"Yeah, ok then, I'll see ya later then." Rinoa replied. She rolled her dark eyes and turned back out the opened door, leaving Quistis alone again. The blonde plopped rather ungracefully back on her couch and rested her chin on her hands. Maybe I just have to get over him. After all, he was my student...only a year younger, yeah, but still..argh...I wish...oh, sometimes I just wish...

Her blue eyes looked to the bottle of pills on the table next to her. What good is it to even stay alive? No one cares. Without any hesitation.Quistis Trepe popped open the bottle and downed several depression pills. They were powerful. Dr. Kadowaki had made sure of that. It didn't take long for her to reach unconciousness.

"Hey Quis- OH SHIT!" Rinoa screamed out, walking back through the door. Her dark eyes filled with fear as she looked towards the unconcious blonde. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit..." she whispered, running forward to the couch. She scanned Quistis' form and then whispered a few more choice words. She had no clue what to do...

Author's note: FF8 is Square's..no infringement intended. I'll write more when I feel like it. Dont worry, I won't kill off Quistis, seeing as she is my fave female charrie in all the FF games. Um..letsee...uh..nothing else, I don't think.

OH, wait..those poems..those are MINE. Use at your own risk