A/N: This one-shot takes place after the episode 'The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion'.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show, I know it, you know it, and that's the way it is.
The One With Monica's Biggest Desire
"How could someone be so stupid?"
"I know I have my idiotic actions, but to call me stupid? And if you really feel that way, why not say it to my face?"
Monica jumped up a little from her position on the couch, not having heard someone come in and not expecting a response at all. Though, she really shouldn't be surprised by people barging into her apartment, uninvited.
She turned around to see Chandler standing in the doorway. "I was talking about Pete," she said, pointing at the television. "He's just the guy's punching bag."
Looking back at the screen, she saw how he received yet another kick and fell down to the ground. She winced at how he lay there, limbs around him at inhuman angles.
"Looks more like his majorette puppet to me," he remarked before the sound of a door closing was heard. "Why are you even watching this? We've already seen this one earlier. And unless Pete has pursued a time machine has gotten some superpowers, I don't see this ending differently than it did earlier today."
"I don't know," she answered shyly. And that was the truth. Rachel was out to get the 'ultimate break-up package', so she had been alone in the apartment. And she didn't know why, maybe to make it all real, but she had put on the tape with the recording of Pete's fight. This afternoon she had still a bit of hope for the fight, so that's why she had recorded it. Just in case. But it was no use.
She listened as Chandler took more steps into her direction and stopped behind the couch, before setting both of his hands on her shoulders. "We'd better watch something more enjoyable," he suggested and took the remote from her hands. "Oh! 'Die Hard'!" he practically shouted from excitement and jumped over the back of the couch and landed in the spot next to her.
Before she could call on his bad behavior, karma was already doing its job. He jumped back up even faster, letting out a shriek in the way.
"Not stupid, huh?"
"Ha-ha," he laughed humorlessly, before lowering himself on the couch, this time careful and slow. Although still with a wince.'
She couldn't help the corners of her lips from turning upward. He was right about those idiotic actions. Of course, his boss slapping his butt wasn't his fault, but the fact that he let him, that was insane.
"If I knew this was going to be on TV, I wouldn't have rented it," he said as he watched the movie.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't you have a TV guide?"
"Yes," he responded, taking his eyes off the screen and mirroring her glare. "But every time I want to read it, it has somehow disappeared," he said, slowing the pace in which he talked every word.
"That's strange," Monica replied, quickly avoiding his stare and now focusing on her hand in her lap. "I guess you just don't realize how sloppy you are."
"Sure…," he said and she could still feel his eyes boring into her.
Monica tried to focus her attention on the movie. Lately, she had been having a feeling that Chandler was getting suspicious about her and Rachel's weekly, and slightly criminal, adventures.
"How is this supposed to make me feel better?" she wondered after a while, referring to the movie, which had never been a favorite of hers anyway. "It's even more violent."
"At least John McClane knows how to fight," was his immediate response, a bit off-mindedly as he was too engrossed in the movie, ducking at the same time as John when a series of shots were fired. "Sorry," he apologized, once he realized what he'd said.
Monica shrugged. "I already said that I think he's stupid."
Sideways looking at him, she noticed that he looked a bit uncomfortable, and this time it had nothing to do with the inappropriate reward system that was going on at his office. She suspected that he had heard the defeated tone that underlined her spoken words. And it was Chandler, he tended to get uncomfortable in conversations.
"You can't deny that this isn't more enjoyable. And on top of that, it's funny too," Chandler said, desperately trying to change the subject into something lighter.
"Funny?" she repeated incredulously. That was not a term she would use to describe the movie. On the bright side, he had succeeded in taking her mind off her recent break-up.
"Oh, come on," he said, "the scene where he sends the dead man down the elevator-" he started laughing, not being able to finish his sentence.
"You have a weird sense of humor," she laughed along with him, his laughter contagious, and pushed his shoulder playfully.
"You," he said, now seriously, pointing a finger at her, "have known that for quite some time."
She settled against his side as they continued to watch the movie, hoping that it would distract her. But the silence that had fallen between them only resulted in her thoughts in having a mind of their own.
"It's just unbelievable," she mumbled more to herself than to anyone else.
"What? John McClane wanting to smoke right now?" he asked upon her question, turning his head to explain the man's actions. "I know you hate smoking, but in this stressful situation-" he stopped his ramblings abruptly, probably because of the odd look she was giving her. "Oh…," he laughed nervously, once he had caught up with her train of thoughts. "Why don't you grab your sewing kit, so we can shut my mouth for forever."
"Then who is going to eat my food?"
He narrowed her eyes at her. "You have met my roommate, right?"
She smiled and shook her head. When she thought that she wouldn't be able to smile for a very long time, he proved her wrong. Making it the only time that she was ever going to admit her wrong. Not out loud, of course, but quiet to herself.
"You're right, it is unbelievable," he continued the previous subject. "To choose such an unrealistic achievement over you. To choose anything at all over you."
"Really?"
"Really," he nodded, putting an arm around her and pulling her slightly closer. "Better to realize now that he apparently didn't love you that much, than later, right?"
She lifted her shoulders. "I don't feel better."
He sighed. "Soon you will dislike him as much as the rest of us do."
That statement made her raise her eyebrows. She never knew that her friends weren't that fond of Pete. Quite the contrary, actually. "You don't like Pete."
"Not anymore," he clarified. "Just like with every other guy who broke your heart."
That made sense, because that was how she felt about her friends ex's as well.
"Even Richard?"
"Especially Richard. He broke your heart almost twice. And if it weren't for his tallness, Joey and I would have gone over to him to do or say something mean to him," he said, trying to sound determined, but failing immensely. "Twice."
Monica couldn't help but chuckle at that. At the image of those two scared chickens probably only succeeding in ringing the bell and running away after that. Well, it was the thought that counted.
"All those guys are just-"
"-stupid," they finished together, grinning at one another.
"Thanks," she whispered, briefly hugging him around his waist.
"Any time," he said before they focused their attention on the screen in front of them.
"'Die Hard'?" Rachel said from behind them, second after they heard the door open and close. "That is not the movie to watch after a break-up," she said knowingly, walking over toward them and eventually plopping down in the overstuffed chair. "You should watch a romantic one with a bittersweet ending," she continued dreamily while taking her shoes off.
"Why start a new movie, when this one is romantic and has such an ending too?" Chandler wondered out loud.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No. Have you not seen this movie?"
"Guys, guys," Monica cut in before those two could fly into each other's hair. "I'm okay."
"You sure you don't want me to put on another one," Rachel suggested. "One with Hugh Grant," she winked, while Chandler groaned.
"I'm fine, really," she replied honestly. Besides, she was getting tired anyway.
"Well, I'm going to watch one later anyway. Because I'm really desperate to believe in love again," she sort of growled the last part, before standing up and going into her room.
"And how exactly is the movie 'Weekend At Bernie's' going to do that?" Chandler called after her, only getting a growl in response.
"Earth to Monica!"
Monica stared at the waving hand in front of her face, then turned her head to look at the owner of the hand and raised her eyebrows in question.
"To what distant place have your thoughts taken you? You didn't even say anything about Rachel leaving her shoes here."
It took her a few moments to get herself back in the present time and to register what he was saying. "Rachel!" she screamed once her eyes landed on the shoes left by the seat.
"In a minute!" came the immediate reply from the other room.
"Anything else I can do for you?" Chandler offered kindly. "Anything?"
She shook her head. "I'm going to bed soon anyway."
Chandler nodded and pulled her closer again. She laid her head on his shoulder and he rested his head against hers.
"Anything?" she asked when a thought came to her mind.
"Yes," he confirmed.
She hesitated a second before speaking out her thoughts. "Could you please shave?"
He pulled away from her, so he could look at her while he spoke. "I'm not that much of a cyclist, so I don't see the point in shaving my legs."
"No," she grinned and pointed at his chin. "I meant that thing."
"Why?" he asked, frowning, not appealed by the idea.
"Because I don't like it?" she replied, cautiously.
"You like Pete's facial hair," he pointed out.
Monica didn't know what that had to do with it, but she let it go. "I've only known him with facial hair, so I don't know what I would have preferred," she shrugged. "I do know that you look better without."
"Why didn't you say something about that years ago?"
"Because I didn't want to hurt your feelings?" she offered as an explanation.
Chandler just rolled his eyes at her. "Okay," he relented, "I will shave tomorrow."
She smiled gratefully at him.
"Wait," Rachel interrupted their moment, coming back into the living area. "Of all the things you could ask him to do for you, this is your biggest desire?"
Monica nodded. She was quite surprised that she was able to come up with something at all. She doubted if it would help her feel better, but she could try. Besides, she really didn't like his goatee.
"And why shave? I think it looks great on him."
"Rachel, you find every guy that isn't my brother attractive at this moment," she couldn't help but point out the obvious.
"Hey!" Chandler exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.
Rachel set both hands on her hips, looking slightly offended also. "You don't think I could be attracted to him?"
"No," Monica laughed, that just sounded ridiculous, even besides the point that Rachel wasn't over Ross at all. Her laughter did offend Chandler, apparently, as she received a punch in her side from him.
"If you want me to shave, you'd better stay concerned about my earlier mentioned feelings."
"Monica's right, that's never going to happen."
Too wrapped up in their conversation, nobody had noticed Ross coming into the apartment until he made himself heard.
"And that's coming from the person who's dating one of Phoebe's friends, who from all we know could be someone she has met on the streets and could be a criminal," was Rachel's immediate response, anger rising in her voice.
"You're just jealous," Ross huffed.
"And I don't think you have anything to worry about unless she has a friend name Clyde," Chandler said casually.
"Ugh," Rachel groaned, turning her angry glare on Chandler, pointing a threatening finger at him. Chandler moved further into Monica's side, distancing himself from her. "Whose side are you on?"
"I think I'm going to create my own side, where everyone who makes fun of me, gets evicted," he said.
While all this bickering was very entertaining to watch, Monica could feel that her eyes were begging her to be closed. All those emotions from today had been a lot to take in and were now taking its toll. "I'm going to bed," she announced, moving over to sit on the edge of the couch.
"Are you going to be okay?" Chandler asked, laying a hand on her arm.
Monica nodded at her friends, seeing the same concerned looks on their faces. "The movie is over anyway," she pointed at the television.
"About that," Ross said, "Chandler, are you coming? Joey is about to start the movie."
"Sure," Chandler replied, standing up.
"No, no," Rachel cut in, surprising everyone, "he is staying here."
"What?" he asked, his tone a bit higher than normal.
"Okay… Good luck with that," Ross frowned. "I guess we'll see you later," he paused. "Or not. Night Mon," he said, before leaving the apartment.
Chandler was still eyeing Rachel very questioningly, not that she could blame him. Monica suspected that a heated conversation would start soon between those two, so she excused herself to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. She might not want to be a part of the conversation, but she didn't want to miss it.
"Why do I have to stay?" he asked, more confused than angry.
"Because you owe it to me," came Rachel reply as if it should have been obvious.
"What?"
"You never offered me such thing after I broke up with Ross, as you offered Monica."
There was a slight pause, and Monica guessed that Chandler was searching his brain for something that he had done for Rachel after the break-up.
"I quit smoking for you," he said eventually.
"No, you didn't. You started smoking after Ross and I broke up."
"And later, I quit again," he said, not giving up. "For you."
Monica brushed her teeth while her two friends seemed nowhere near an agreement. Rachel was desperate for some company after the news that Ross was getting along so well with Bonnie. Just like Monica, Rachel was in search of distraction. And some distraction was best found with a friend at your side so that your thoughts were less likely to go to some place where you didn't want them to go. And if Monica herself wasn't so worn out from this long and eventful day, she would have joined Rachel with a girls' night in.
She didn't know where Phoebe was at the moment and with the two other guys across the hall, Rachel had to convince Chandler. Something that wasn't so hard, especially knowing that Chandler liked those romantic movies more than he would ever be willing to admit. And as Monica made her way back to the living, she saw that Rachel had succeeded in convincing him.
They were sitting on the couch, both a spoon in their hands, each enjoying their own tub of ice cream meant for the terminal cases. Apparently, the ice cream had been the trigger for Chandler.
"Night, guys," Monica said as she made her way to her bedroom.
"Night, Mon," Chandler and Rachel said simultaneously.
As she did her routines before getting comfortable under the covers, she was glad that it wasn't silent in the apartment. With the movie playing in the background and her friends making comments every now and then, she had a feeling that it wouldn't take her long to find sleep.
Suddenly, she remembered something, so she walked back into the living area. "Rach?"
Rachel shared a quick look with Chandler and Monica was quite surprised when Rachel, without showing any resistance and actually smiling, got up to pick up the shoes that were still laying by the seat and brought them into her own room.
Waving one last goodbye to Chandler, she saw that he was wearing a similar smile on his face as Rachel. She decided not to question it and made her way back into her room. Now knowing that besides falling asleep soon, she also would sleep peacefully.
Just as her head hit the pillow, she heard that the people on the couch shared her thoughts.
"She's going to be fine."
A/N: Did you guys also notice that Chandler got a goatee when Monica started dating Pete, just like he let a mustache grow when Monica was with Richard?