Greetings and welcome to my next installment of cheesy, cheap laghs and overall silliness. I wrote this to get myself out of a nasty bout of writers block and this is what I have to show for it! Please note that this story is strictly for sh*ts and giggles, so if you do not want to see your favotrite character displayed in a silly manor, then do not read any further. Otherwise, sit back and have some lolz.

Please Note: There is some "minor" crossovers with other game "genres" but the events will revolve mostly around everyone's favorite goofy-ass COGS.

~ON STRIKE~

ACT I: We Quit!

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far, far, far, far...um...away...

...ya know, let me try this again...ok, in a massive fortress, where the gaming empire, better known as EPIC studios, resides Cliffy B (sorry, but I can't spell his name right), sitting in his office chair, playing video games at his desk.

While playing his latest creation, GoW 3, still working out the bugs before it's release date, a sudden banging on his door, disturbs him from accomplishing the achievement he was working on all morning.

CLIFFY - Agh, now what?

As he puts the controller down, the door is suddenly swung open, to low and behold, a grumpy, Marcus Fenix walks in Cliffy's office, growling, with Cliffy's secretary coming from behind.

SECRETARY - Um...this...guy wants to see you...(and quickly exits the office, closing the door behind her)

MARCUS – Alright Cliffy, we need to talk...

CLIFFY – About what?

MARCUS - ...about our working conditions. I'm seriously considering a two-week break from MP...

CLIFFY – Why...I mean, what's so bad about your working conditions?

Flashback: Out in the middle of the 30th Horde wave on the Security map, Marcus is shooting his Lancer behind a wall while Dom is slumped behind the sand bags, crying.

DOM – Marrriiiaaaa...sob.

Cole and Kim are running across the map, overran with wretches,

COLE – GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF...(and runs into a pole, and is knocked out cold)

KIM – Hey, HEY...no sleeping on the job! (and gets face-palmed by a nearby wall)

Baird is slumped and straddled behind the sand bags in the Security perimeter, randomly shooting his pistol in the air, singing...

BAIRD - "Lucy in the sky with diamonds...

(in the background) Security off line (BEEP...BEEP)...Loitering Grinders behind the Security beams make their entrance...

GRINDER – Haha...GRIND the little blonde man!

BAIRD – Ahhhh...f*ck it...(and randomly shoots the newly spawned mortar over the vicinity)

Carmine B is whining on the other side of the map, waiting for the ammo box to respawn.

CARMINE – Ah, c'mon...hurry up and spawn...

BOOMER – BOOM!

CARMINE – Uh oh.

MARCUS – Look, Dom hasn't stopped crying since Hollow...Tai's had the runs for over a month now, we're getting tired of eating Kim's kimchi (for those who don't know what that is, it's spicy Korean, pickled cabbage), Cole, Dizzy, and Carmine are doing nothing but pissing their name on the nearest wall,

Flashback:

DIZZY – Hehe...betcha ya can't do it in cursive...

COLE – Oh yea...I'll take that bet...

CARMINE – Me first!

Back to the present...

MARCUS - ...and don't even get me started with Baird...

CLIFFY – Ok, look...yea, I know y'all been working up quite a sweat since we tweaked the "online gaming" composition...

MARCUS - Tweaked? Is that what you people are calling it now? Do you have any idea what 's been going on behind the scenes, ever since you guys decided to tweak it?

Flashback: All the gears are washing up in the communal showers, while Hoffman struts in with a towel around his waist.

HOFFMAN – Step aside son...(shooing Carmine, Kim, and Dom away)...gotta wash the goods while the water's still warm.

Suddenly, Hoffman takes off his towel, while the others cringe in horror.

BAIRD – ARRRGH, MY EYES! Quick, somebody turn off the lights.

KIM – Agh...you need to cover that old beast...sir!

MARCUS – (mumbles) I second the notion.

HOFFMAN – Are you shittin me? Men, you are looking at, the Legend, right here!

CARMINE - Oh God, the images in my head...they're...they're horrible! Make him stop...please.

MARCUS - More like a has been, sir.

HOFFMAN - Well your momma sure as hell wasn't complaining when we played hide the rainbow roll, while your daddy was too busy tinkering with that glowing mutagen stuff we had overstocked in the laboratory.

MARCUS – Say WHAT?

COLE – Ah, man...I don't wanna hear this (covers his ears and shudders)

HOFFMAN - ...tell ya what, Thrashball boy, back in the day, your momma could pass a catch that would stiffen any beanpole...

DOM – Ok, I'm outta here (grabs the nearest towel and runs out of the shower room)

Marcus lets out a full body shudder.

CLIFFY ...and besides, since we aired the teaser trailer, we've been getting all the hype...can't you feel it?

MARCUS - I've BEEN feeling it, ever since you guys, just for laughs, gave the f***ing Sires pepper spray!

CLIFFY - Ah c'mon...you gotta admit, that was pretty funny...

Before Cliff can finish, Cole, Baird, and Dom come busting through the door. After knocking over a lamp while a painting falls off the wall and crashes on the floor, Baird is the first to bluntly speak...

BAIRD – The guys and I took a vote...and we've decided that we want a raise.

CLIFFY – For what?

BAIRD – Oh, well, gee...for getting our asses blown all to hell,

COLE – ...eating the same, pickled shit, for days, weeks...ah, hell, maybe months!

DOM - ...and getting the damn runs for weeks at a time...speaking of which, you promised us a clean toilet in every round!

MARCUS – Actually, there is...it's just that a certain someone beats the rest of us to it.

DOM – Damnit! I swear, the next time we find a Walgreens, we're stocking up on minty-scented laxatives, man.

CLIFFY – Look, I'll run it with the board about maybe giving you guys some vacation time...but we're too close to the GoW 3 release date, guys, so I can't promise anything.

MARCUS – Yea, we got a bone to pick about that too.

CLIFFY – What could you possibly not like about the new additions?

MARCUS – Starting with that stupid scavenger hunt you put me through in the two, latter f***ing campaigns.

CLIFFY – Look, the whole "scavenger hunt" thing helps to broaden and add depth to the story...

DOM – Yea, why don't you give us something worthy of our time of day, while we're bending over behind some nasty toilet, picking up some dead dude's COG tags...or an old newspaper...

COLE – Kinda like what Mafia 2 did man...

CLIFFY - ...and what did Mafia 2 do?

BAIRD - *cough, titties *cough

MARCUS – The player actually gets achievements for picking up Playboy mags throughout the campaign...

COLE – It's a double win...we get da points while looking at some classy ass.

CLIFFY – So...you guys want to run around all over Sera, looking at, outdated, nudy mags...

MARCUS – ...it sure hell beats picking up a bunch of Baird's loose leaf, journal pages of the usual random crap, which I'm willing to bet he used most of that to wipe his ass.

BAIRD – Oh, well, I'm sorry, but SOMEBODY used up all the platoon TP...and I got tired of using the f***ing phone book!

DOM – I mean, c'mon Cliffy...you killed off a good portion of fertile women, including my wife...and all we have to entertain ourselves with is some smut paper back we found in a trashcan in some alley of what used to be Ilima...

BAIRD – Man, I'm willing to bet the guys from Bad Company get better shit than what we get!

CLIFFY – Relax guys, we got some female MP doing some of the campaigns...

COLE – Oh sweet...we get to gaze at some scenery...

MARCUS - ...and not have any time in the whole charade to play with it...damnit B, you're doing this on purpose just to piss me off!

CLIFFY – Sorry Marcus, but this is a gaming industry, not a pron production agency.

MARCUS – Is that so...well, in that case, I quit!

DOM – Me too, man.

COLE – Me three...

CLIFFY – Wait, you can't quit...you're on contract! Where the hell do you think you're going?

BAIRD – To a better place with an excess of toilet paper...

COLE - ...and some juicy pin ups...

DOM - ...and clean bathrooms as far as the eye can see!

COLE – Amen to that! (clamps fists with Dom)

CLIFFY – All this...over toiletries and Playboy magazines?

Marcus takes Cliffy's cell-phone that was laying on the desk and starts to stomp out the door,

MARCUS – Give me a ring when you have something more productive to do with our balls, other than just blowing them up all day.

Slams the door on the way out, consequently, knocking another picture frame off the wall, and crashes on the floor.

Well, I hope y'all got some laughs. Depending on the response, I may progress this series even further.