Hi there. I'm Gai-sensei, aka the most beautiful, charming, sexy and desirable jounin of Konoha, of the Fire Country and –Yes! Go me! – IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

But even though I'm as perfect as a good ironed spandex, I'm youthfully unhappy. Oh, how can I be so unhappy and tormented? Deh, I's so depressed and sad that even my peach like skin is wrinkling…

I'm sure you're asking yourself why a rich, beautiful, well off man such as me should feeling so blue.

Because even though I'm so dead perfect –and my step son is too, mind you – WOMEN ARE TAKEN ABACK BY THE STUNNING AMOUNT OF PERFECTION I POSSESS, AND SO THEY'RE TO SHY TO ASK ME OUT!

Oh, yes, now you're like "No, youthful Gai-sensei, you are the most ideal man on Earth! Every woman in her right mind would kill to be with you!"

And it's true, I know, but –sigh- women around me are so extremely shy. For example: some days ago I developed a crush on a beautiful, sweet maiden that loved me too, I'm sure of that. She had beautiful red tattoos on her face, a piercing on her nose, long white hair, bright black eyes. A wonderful blooming flower, tall and well toned. And she had the most feminine, beautiful name: she was called Jiraiya…

You know me, I'm the impulsive type, because of the undying youthful instinct I possess! Anyway I, with all my courage, go to this very sexy piece of a girl and I tell her:

"My young, extraordinary maiden! Fate has arranged our meeting! You are so beautiful, and I love you so much, I would die for you! You're as feminine as a blooming lotus flower! As beautiful as the springtime of youth! Do you want to mother my children?"

That fair maiden jumped back. Obviously out of shyness, she said "Open those wrecked eyes, you idiot! Can't you see I'm a man? Cut it out already!"

Ah! How many things shy, virgin maidens say for they are too shy to confess openly their undying love! Obviously I insisted and I told her "What are you saying, my sweet pumpkin blossom girl? It's true that you are slightly taller than other girls, but that doesn't mean you are a man! Honestly, I found you dead feminine! So make me the happiest man on Earth and just marry me, my beautiful, young love!"

Then her shyness overwhelmed her. She went away, feeling very blue at her lack of love bravery and muttering things like "So, do I really look like a woman? That's because I wear my hair long…" And then I didn't see her anymore. Now tell me, without my love WHAT SENSE HAS LIFE? IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY PRECIOUS LEE, WHY SHOULD I BOTHER LIVING!

OH! Maybe it was for Lee that she rejected me? Because I have an already grown son and no young woman such has my Kiraiya feels ready to raise such a beautiful, youthful and energetic son? Do I really need to forget love? Deh, I really don't know…

Sigh…adieu, my beautiful, lovely, yong loves….