Chapter 1: I'm Hot Enough for All of Us

A/N: This is not to be taken in seriousness at all. Everything is taken to the extreme. We use total stereotypes but as you notice this is in the humor section. We are born and bred in California and know that real people are not like this. We are also sorry if we offend any British or Australian people also. We are not trying to sound authentic, we are trying to go to a ridiculous extreme. If you want us to stop using any such words just tell us and we will be happy to fix it in future chapter.

P.S. No, we seriously live in California. We were born at John Muir Hospital. Is that proof enough for you? The plot is very non-existant in the beginning, but don't worry, there is a point. If you don't like it, don't read it!

Disclaimer:We don't know Harry Potter.

Hermione POV

Oh my goodness! I honestly cannot believe that I have the opportunity to be immersed in a vastly different culture. It's been ages since I've been to America, I'll learn so much. Did you know that American wizards….

"What's the mudblood doing here?"

Oh great, Malfoy.

Malfoy POV

I walked into the London floo point to America, only to find Granger using up all my good pureblood air.

"What's the mudblood doing here?" I thought aloud, but apparently too loud because Granger looked up and glared at me.

How can some filthy mudblood be allowed to come with me on this exclusive trip? Well, at least Potty and Weasel aren't here. Oh, damn! I smell disgrace It must the "dynamic duo." Well, I look hot enough for all of us, so it'll all even out in the end.

"Ron! Hurry up, we're gonna miss the group!" I heard Potter yell.

"I'm going as fast as I bloody can. It's too early for me to be doing this much exercise."

Ron POV

Why is Harry making me run so damn fast! It's not MY fault we had to see Ginny off at her floo point to Japan. I bloody didn't ask her to sign up for this bloody trip. Mum and Dad thought it would be a "good experience" to go. Well, the only good it did was bloody piss me off!

"Harry, slow down! We're not that late!" suddenly Harry stopped abruptly and I ran right into him.

"Ouch! Ron, watch where you're going."

"Sorry, but you shouldn't stop in front of me like that." I said as I began to get up. "Why did you stop anyway?"

All Harry did was point in disgust. At the other end of the nearly empty corridor were Millicent, Crabbe, and Goyle lumbering in to the floo point.

"I can't believe that Dumbledore's letting… them come. Seriously, it's a disgrace to all wizarding… oh fuck that, all human AND ape kind. What is Dumbledore smoking and where can I get some?" I said to Harry.

Goyle POV

"Grunt. Grunt." Where am I? I just woke up. Where's my bed. My head hurts. There's Crabbe… right next to me. And look at her it's… it's… she's so beautiful. Ugh! It's Millicent Bulstrode. Nasty thoughts, bad thoughts, get out of my head.

"Malfoy? What are you doing here? Where am I? I'm not supposed to meet you for tea until Saturday. That's what mummy says."

"Goyle, you are a complete oaf! You're at the bloody floo point in London – stop being such as fat, ugly git. We're going to California."

"What about school?"

"Get the bloody hell away from me!"

"But what about tea?"

"Don't mention it," he hissed in utter disgust. Nobody will answer my questions. I need a cry. I'm so confused. They make me feel stupid.

Harry POV

Yes! I just realized, no Snape for a whole… well long time. No slimy, oily, ugly git! I could sing, but I won't. The downside to this trip: Malfoy and his Slytherin posse. Dumbledor must be high or something. Haven't I been through enough? Aren't I doing to go through enough? But noooooooooo! Dumbledore sends Malfoy, Malfoy, of all people on this trip with ME!

Where is everyone else? It's time to leave. I wonder who the other 3 people are… hmmm… oh, there's Hermione. Oh god, Ron's trying to flirt… again. Those two seriously need their senses knocked back into them. Hermione's a smart (very smart) witch, why can't see it? Errrr….

"Hey Hermione, how's it going?"

"Harry!" Hermione jumped up and hugged me waaaaaaaaay too tight.

"Her… mi… o…. ne… I can't… breathe!"

"Oh, sorry," she giggled before she let go

Much better…

"I'm just so excited about this trip. Did you know that American wizards…."

Oh no, a lecture. Typical, typical Hermione, giving a lecture when we should be having fun. Not that having Malfoy on this trip is fun, but… it could be worse. I mean, Pansy could be here and what can be worse then that?

Hey it's the crackpot… I mean the honorable Albus Dumbledore.

"Ah, yes, yes. It's almost time for our departure. 1...2…3…4…5…6…7…, where are Misses Parkinson and Brown and Mister Longbottom? They shouldn't be late for such an important matter."

Oh shit.

Pansy POV

It was 8:06 and as always I was fashionably late. I bet everyone was waiting on pins and needles for my beautiful self. Mum said this would be an "educational experience," but I'm just going for the hot Californian guys.

Here I am at the London Floo Point to California. There's Malfoy. "Hiiiiiiii, Malfoy!" Damn, is he hot, just the guy to set off my beautiful new highlights. Ew! It's Granger, she'll bring down our English class with her terrible, ugly, brown nest. Ugh! There's Potty, Weasel, Bulstrode, Crabbe, Goyle… hey I'm not the last person here! This is an outrage! Honestly…

"Miss Parkinson, please take a seat while we wait for Miss Brown and Mr. Longbottom."

Why those little… errrrr… there's the bitch now. How dare she be fashionable later than me? Me!

Lavender POV

"Ahhh, making a grand entrance I see," remarked that Parkinson cow.

"Of course," God, not one of them is dateable, how come Seamus isn't here. Thank goodness Longbottom isn't going on this trip. He'll act all clingy and clueless which will totally affect my social status because it is such a turn-off to new people.

"Well, now we must wait for Mr. Longbottom." Great. Really. Thank goodness for those hot American boys…

Crash Neville Longbottom came running through tripping over his own two feet. He held his stomach and was gasping for air.

"Sorry… I'm… late… won't…happen…again." What a helpless boy. He is unbelievably close to being a Squib. Neville is nice and all, but… rolls eyes

Neville POV

I'm late, but it's not like I wanted to go on this trip. See, Grams goes off and ships me away just as I'm getting used to Hogwarts. Sure, I'm in my 6th year, but it's not like they have a map of the school. You have to learn about those things all by yourself.

As I rushed into the room, I fell on the ground – hard. I looked up and Hermione shot me a look of sympathy and disapproval. Harry, Dumbledore, and Ron looked slightly amused. Everyone else rolled their eyes as I slinked into a chair.

Millicent POV

Goyle is looking at me strange. It's kinda creepy. Step away slowly.