The "Thing" Snow White!
By Christine Baker.
Once upon a time… in a land far, far away
Where the men are women, and the women are gay
Where the man wear dresses, skirts and hold boquets
And the women wear hats, suits and toupets.
Our story takes place in a land of transvestite,
Where their lived a "thing" we all no as Snow White.
It's hair was black, it's eyes were blue.
It's skin was white but what's it to you?
When it walks down the street it sways its hips,
But everyone's attracted to its bright red lips.
It went to a party, Got hammered and drunk,
Woke up stoned in someone else's bunk.
The sheets were small, the pillow was rough,
The air had a funk which was deadly to puff.
"Where the hell and I? Why am I here?
My head is pounding, is there a bucked near?"
It heard a band, a clutter and a crash,
It looked up to see faces which were from monster mash.
There were seven little men, all dirty and worn
"Are you Snow White? We've been waiting all morn."
A few days earlier…
Back through the woods, water and marsh,
A which planed a plan, that would soon be harsh.
Weaving a scarf that would entice a young… "Thing"
Covered with Glam, covered with Bling.
Through the weave of this scarf, oh what a clever plan,
The threads were dipped in magic that could kill a man.
Tie it around your waist in a knot you cant undo.
"HAHA! My plan will be remembered through bad Haikus!"
The witch opened the window and light filled the room.
"This scarf will be snow whites doom!
How dare the people all around thee,
See Snow White as fairer than me."
The witch turned to the mirror on the wall,
"My mirror, tell me who is the fairest of them all!"
More light filled the room as the mirror spoke.
"My queen, I say, I shall not joke.
For the thing Snow White has gone astray,
(it is the fairest in the land, as they say.)
Through the woods and over the hill,
Sell that scarf, as you will,
Thing Snow White shall not refuse.
At this plan, you will be amused."
Quickly the witch ran down to the dungeon,
Surprised to see all the mice munchin'
"Get out of my way you stupid little mice!!!"
The witch as you can see, it not very nice.
Past all the cellars, locks and chains,
To stop at a mirror (the witch is very vein)
Into a room at the end of a hall,
Then through a door (it looked like a wall)
The room was covered with mirrors and shiny things.
He looked at himself, at the red leather that clings.
Smoothing his hand over his tiny, little mow,
"Geez!" he said "I wish this was a frow."
He took one last glance, than set off the work,
He put on a C.D by Thirsty Merc.
He started throwing clothes, shoes and hats,
He put on a top that showed his fat
he threw on an outfit and smiled with glee
"That Thing! Snow White will never recognize me."
He swished his cape and almost ran out of the room
Going towards Snow Whites doom.
Back at the little house,
Through the marsh, water and woods
The thing Snow White sat there covered in hoods,
Disguising its self so the witch couldn't see
Yes the Thing snow white knew he was coming for thee.
The grubby little men have all left the house
Sitting there alone, it was silent as a mouse.
"STUFF THIS!!" snow white shouted and ran through the door.
The house that sat there was quiet no more.
When it got inside if turned on the C.D player
The C.D turned on to a reading of Gorget Heyer.
"What the hell is this? Are these dwarfs deaf?
Or are they just simply possessed?"
It turned it off and threw it across the room,
It went looking for something full of darkness and gloom.
"HAHA! What have I found? What is this?"
It put on a C.D and found it was KISS!
It looked out through the window, and saw an old maid,
Coming from the forest, looked like she had never been laid.
All wrinkled and gross, ewww what a sight,
This old maid was defiantly a fright.
She was clutching an old basket full of scarfs and pretty things.
On the top of that old basket, the scarf with glam and bling.
"RATT-A-TAT-TAT" there was a knock at the door
"Who's there?" Snow White yelled. "An old lady selling things do DIE for."
"HAHA, how ironic" the witch thought to himself.
"GO AWAY OLD HAG FOR I AM NOT IN GOOD HEALTH!"
"Just come outside and try it on,
You wont get sick, I mean you no harm."
"Good Greif old women, do you never give in?
Stay right there, let me put my gum in the bin.
What is this stuff, it better be good!"
"Of course it's made right hear in the hood"
Snow White looked at him and raised its brow.
"these scarf's are only on sale now."
The witch picked up the scarf and showed it to White.
"Try it on my dear, it won't bite.
Hehe, This scarf is perfect for you."
The witch said and tied it in a knot you cant undo.
Snow White started choking and fell to the ground.
"Thanks my dear, I wont be around!"
The witch laughed aloud and took the wig off his head.
"HAHAHA! You can't see this, because you're dead!"
The witch danced away, and sung to him self:
"Snow white is dead, as you can see
Now there is no body fairer than me!"
Back at the little house, the dwarfs came home,
Shocked to see White lying there dead, alone!
Their eyes snapped to the blinnage, wrapped around its waist.
"Where did it get that? We have to get it off, Post Haste!"
They cut off the scarf and Snow White springed to life.
"GEEEEEZ dwarf! Put down that Knife!
Are you trying to kill me? I've been dead once today!
I'm getting out of hear!" it turned and ran away.
It bumped into a stranger in the middle of the wood.
Ran off to get married, just because they could.
But have you figured out the secret? The secret about miss snow
Comon, its not that hard. This one you should no.
Snow white is no mere girl, just walking about the place.
Snow White is a boy. Your can tell it by his face.
And so you've heard the story, the story about Snow White.
He lived Happily ever after with his new husband named Mike.