Author's Note: Here's a Christmas gift that isn't a Christmas story but for fans of Sousuke/Kaname fluff it's a triple helping that takes Gatou's finale to new heights, building on the fine foundation he laid with the entire FMP saga. Thanks goes out to Silver Ice Dragon who provided the final novels to me, published this year. And fair warning…Sousuke's character is portrayed on him finally living the ordinary life he craved…not as a soldier or assassin, but as a man…the man he was destined to become had his life not been altered by that fateful plane crash. Read the novels and you'll see. And the usual disclaimer applies, these are not my characters or events, they are Shouji Gatou's and it's been my pleasure to explore them.
TRUE CONFESSIONS
Prologue—A Mountain Awaits
The ride home from Jindai High on Sousuke Sagara's Honda Super Cub motor bike took longer than the usual ride home on the commuter train from Senagawa. He found that maneuvering Tokyo traffic was time consuming and tedious; typical stop and go even with the aid of his GPS…but he did not care. As a matter of fact he considered prolonging the ride and going south through Shibuya and Machida towards the mountains to savor his new found freedom…and Kaname Chidori, who was riding with him her arms wrapped snugly around his waist, her generous bosom pressed against his back. It was an intense feeling that set his spirits soaring. But after the big reunion…first with their Jindai classmates then their own passionate keeping of the promise they had made in Mexico he figured she wanted what he wanted…to continue their reunion in private ASAP. But instead of the mountains out of town another mountain…the mountain of things he wanted to tell her…needed to be scaled.
They came to an intersection where Sousuke stopped and as the motor loudly idled he turned his head to check on Kaname and to catch a glimpse of her. She was unusually preoccupied …he was used to her harping on his driving or on him for taking a wrong route but since their ardent lip-lock in front of the entire school she had been quiet and reflective...so un-Chidori. It had him a bit worried…
"Kaname?" he asked in a shout over the 4-stroke rumble of the engine.
She gazed at him with inquiring eyes. "Huh?"
"Are you alright?"
"Huh?"
"I SAID…ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" he roared, thinking she could not hear him.
Kaname blinked then her face registered irritation…the old Chidori. "What are you yelling for? Geez I'm not deaf, you know, Sousuke!"
He apologized, "I'm sorry…I thought you couldn't hear me. You seemed preoccupied and I was concerned." Sousuke turned off the motor, kicked the stand and turned to fully face her. "So tell me…what's wrong?"
Kaname looked right at him with a strange look…almost wary then covered it with a cheery smile. "What could possibly be wrong? Everything's over and you're back by my side, right?"
Relieved Sousuke replied, "Affirmative." He then came close and laid a soft hand on her cheek. "And I'm here to stay."
Their eyes locked and as before in the Jindai courtyard Sousuke took the initiative and leaned in to capture her lips, slow and resolute yet tender…expressing his feelings of love for her with no hesitation. And as before, his kiss was eagerly reciprocated as Kaname wrapped her arms around him; clinging to him…oblivious to curious passers by, staring at them.
When their lips parted Sousuke murmured, "It appears that I couldn't wait until we got home to kiss you again. And be advised, once we get there I intend to do it all over again…every chance I get…so be prepared."
Still gasping from his assault she countered, "Oh really? Is that a warning, sergeant?" Her slim brow was arched as if she were challenging him…enticing him to partake of her sweetness once more. But noticing the busy street that surrounded them Sousuke suppressed the burgeoning desire raging inside and gave a cocky grin.
"Affirmative…so let's move out." He let go of her, remounted the bike, kicked the starter and they again headed for Chofu…
En route to her place Kaname found herself again lost in thought…reflecting on how Sousuke seemed changed. A year's separation was bound to do that to a person she reasoned and I know that I'm changed but he's really changed…like he's been hiding his true self under all that military spit and polish…and I'm seeing the real Sousuke Sagara. But why does that bother me?
Once in the general vicinity of Maison K she saw Sousuke stopping at a neighborhood supermarket. He parked the bike and then assisted her off saying, "I figured that you might want to get some groceries…I'm sure that you need food. Don't worry about the money; I can pay for anything you might need." He then examined her critically and added, "You're entirely too thin and need nourishment."
Put off by his assessment she looked down at herself. It was true, her uniform hung rather loosely on her hips and waist…however, her bosom was just as ample as always so she really did not share his opinion. While in Leonard's custody she ate to sustain herself and cooked to stave off boredom but her appetite then was more for working the intricate equations rushing through her head at warp speed as her life as a Whispered…then as Sofia's puppet. But those voices are silent now…except…
Pushing the thought aside Kaname gazed at him and protested, "I'm not that thin…you're exaggerating."
"Perhaps…however, now that we're back in Tokyo I intend to make sure that you are completely healthy and fully nourished."
Sousuke then took firm hold of her hand and guided her into the store. In there he took a basket and with his usual focus as if on a mission navigated the aisles, making choices of all kinds of healthy foods…fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs, healthy grains and rice, miso, fish, chicken, and lean ground beef, along with snacks and beverages. Surveying him Kaname got the feeling that Sousuke was acting like a man providing the best for his family which brought a warm feeling to her heart.
After a few hours making purchases Kaname then watched as Sousuke secured the four bags of groceries on the Honda and assisted her on the rear seat, showing extra effort to make sure she was comfortable again bringing a sense warmth to her as he gently adjusted the seat. He then sat on the bike and kicked the starter.
"Make sure you hold on to me tight, Kaname…we'll be home soon." He then pulled out and headed toward the condominium…
When they finally got to Maison K Sousuke again assisted Kaname off the bike then stubborn as usual insisted carrying all the bags even after she offered. As they climbed the stairs and walked down to get to her unit Kaname kept musing about how different the former neo-military mercenary was…
I just can't get over it…he's actually sweet and so gentle…I mean, I always knew how kind he was but that stiff, awkward, totally clueless way of his always bugged me. And now look at him…at us…it looks like we're a young married couple just coming home from grocery shopping…WHAT?
The thought brought a fierce blush to her cheeks as she again realized how much she loved Sousuke. Her eyes gazed at him as he walked in front of her and she noticed that in a year he grew a bit taller then realized that they were now 18…nearly adults and that being so meant that other adult things were now before them. This caused her blush to deepen as they finally arrived at her door…
Feeling strangely shy Kaname averted her eyes and got before him with her key to open the door. They entered, removed their shoes and she turned on the light while he took the bags of groceries over to the kitchenette and began putting them away. She went in to help him but he shook his still unruly head as he continued…
"I can do this…and don't worry about dinner. You've cooked for me all this time that we've been together so for once I want to make dinner for you." Sousuke smiled and gestured with a knife he was going to use to mince onions and chop vegetables. "So just go relax and let me do this for you…for us."
"But I-,"
Kaname opened her mouth to protest but Sousuke leaned over and effectively silenced her with another kiss that completely surprised her and again left her breathless with eyes wide and questioning. He said roguishly, "And, as I told you before. Kissing you is an activity I thoroughly enjoy and I plan to do often…so you'd better get used to it."
"Uhh…okay." Kaname saw him go back to work preparing the meal and left the kitchenette to sit on the sofa, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chin as her thoughts ran rampant…
Okay, this is feeling a bit weird…the gung-ho, give 'em hell military freak with no clue has suddenly become Mr. Perfect Boyfriend…attentive, romantic (even if he is still a bit stiff), wanting to take care of me. Is this for real? Or is this a residual illusion left to me by Sofia?
She shook her head at the absurd conclusion Get a grip Kaname, Sofia's gone like a bad nightmare…this is real. Tessa and what's left of Mithril sent me home this morning…so I could make it in time for the graduation ceremony…and I did…and so did Sousuke. After everything that happened at Merida Island…and everything going back to a year ago we're back together. I should be thrilled and I am so why am I feeling so uneasy? Almost like it's an alternate universe I'm living…surreal; like that vision I had while Sofia was trying to draw me back in with Mama still alive and Ayame and Dad living here in Japan with us…and me being asked out by Sousuke; a different, sweet shy boy. And then there was that one time that strange girl appeared to me…resonating with me, talking and I knew right away she was telling me something about Sousuke. So I wonder…what really happened with the real Sousuke while I was gone? He said he has so much to tell me…
At the same time in the kitchen while making dinner Sousuke was in the midst of his own musings…looking at the year in retrospective…
At last my dream is reality…I'm here with my Kaname again. I can hardly believe it after a year of walking through hell…in Namsak where I let Nami die and Kurama nearly blew me in two, recovering and escaping Amalgam's second attempt to kill me, going through training in southeastern America with that old Marine DI that Lemon brought me to and gaining my strength back to go to Mexico and take back Kaname only to have failed…then to Yamsk 11 only to have her again ripped from me as Sofia's spirit took her and tried to invade her soul. But I refused to give up and followed the enemy's trail to our old home base…Merida Island and found her taken over by that phantom of the past Sofia and her maniacal utopian ideals. I was damned to let that happen and used harsh, hateful words I did not mean to awaken the beautiful, strong fighting spirit of the woman I love. But looking back, I realized that soft, loving words were really what I wanted to say to her and to take her in my arms…but couldn't in the midst of battle. Everything's finally over so now here we are and I have so much I want to say to her…but how do I say it? Loving words are so hard for me to say…soft and gentle emotions are still alien to me. And I should tell her all about everything that happened after we parted…
As he added the onions and vegetables to a hot wok to stir-fry with some chicken Sousuke continued brooding, a scowl planted on his face as he pondered…
I wonder if Leonard ever used gentle, loving words to Kaname…did he take her and hold her all that time he had her? Speak words that revealed his heart? I know he had the same feelings for her as I have even though he evaded my demand during our final battle…did anything happen between them? And as we fought, I felt that had the circumstances been different…had we not fought on separate sides or fallen for the same woman we could have been comrades…possibly even friends. He even said that before the Lieutenant Commander ended his life…
Kalinin…the man who in the past had saved him from dying with his mother in a plane crash when he was 5 and the man who tried to kill him while taking away his hope for the future…Kaname. Sousuke could still remember the intense hatred that had burned inside of him as he confronted the Russian and they fought…two ultimate warriors, fighting to the death…
Knowing me and of my feelings for her he still tried to take Kaname from me…Andrei Kalinin…the man who was like a father to me in the end became my final enemy…dying before he could kill me. And I again cheated death as I shed my first tears since childhood as I chose to live…to see her and come back. I kept two promises today…to bring Kaname back to our class…and to meet her with a kiss…
Sousuke then allowed himself the indulgence of thinking like a man about that kiss…
Holding her in my arms was like I had come home…how she felt, her fragrance, the feel of her hair…and she tasted sweeter then honey as she surrendered to me. I had dreamed about how I'd react to seeing her after being apart for so long…I had felt that way on the transport chopper when I took her back and had her close to me…but I pushed those feelings back as I focused on winning the battle. Then, when those crates pushed out of the broken cargo hatch and took Kaname with them I felt my heart empty until Tessa reassured me that she survived. If she hadn't, I would have gladly welcomed death at Kalinin's hands and joined her in the Netherworld because she is my compass, my reason for living. I've thrown away my weapons but if ANYONE ever again tries to take her from me…I'll not hesitate to kill again…
Adding spices while checking the rice in the steamer Sousuke glanced out and gazed at Kaname over on the sofa. He saw how she sat hugging the pillow and then envisioned himself beside her…with arms locked around; enfolding her…savoring the feel of her body pressed against his. And his body was responding to the fantasy as he immediately became aroused…
It constantly amazes me…the depth of the love I feel for her…there's nothing in my world with worth but her and now that we're back together all I want to do is…
The sizzle of the wok and scent of singed food shook Sousuke from his reverie… he hurried over to attend to the nearly burning dinner and managed to save most of it. However, the slightly burnt vegetables and chicken had hazed the air with smoke…
Damnit…
"Sousuke?" Kaname's voice showed concern as she called from the sofa. "Is everything okay?"
Cursing inwardly at himself Sousuke replied, "E-everything's fine…"
"Are you sure? 'Cause I smell something burning…"
"It's okay, Chidori…I have it under control so it's not a problem." He viciously pushed the amorous thoughts away as he refocused on his task…
"If you say so," Kaname said then repeated to herself not a problem…Sousuke's signature line…he said that just before he kissed me at school, right in front of everyone. He didn't care that a whole crowd was watching us…outside, through the windows…he just wrapped me in his arms and kissed me…and it was slow and warm consuming me…taking my breath away…
With a dreamy smile she touched her lips and remembered the gentle but insistent way Sousuke took control after she responded passionately to his first advance, his left arm holding her fast against him as his right hand cupped her cheek. The heat generated by his tenderness was like the warmth of the summer sun…so different then the icy expression of domination her first kiss was…
Her first kiss…stolen by Leonard Testarossa…
Leonard…how I hated him that night he stole my first kiss and told me he loved me…when he took me I wanted to find some way to get him but he was always surrounded…by his Alastairs and he must have figured I would try something to get him so he had Sabine always guarding me. Sabine, who loved him and hated me but because she knew of my importance to fulfilling his wish saw to my welfare…but I know she would have killed me with no hesitation if she could…but Leonard, who loved me would have killed her. He was demented but I can't help feeling sorry for him…especially when he showed me about his childhood in resonance. He's the one who kept me and Sousuke apart and through the manipulation of the Omni-Sphere made me believe I had killed the man I love and I should hate him and rejoiced in his death…but all I can feel is pity. But I suppose he did love me in his own way…
With a sigh Kaname pushed the pillow away and rising to her feet, headed to the veranda door to gaze out, watching the winter twilight sky, her mind going back to the time Leonard handed her his revolver and told her if she wanted to go to Sousuke she had to kill him…
That time it seemed as if he wished for death deep down while he wanted to remake the world to support his own distorted view of redemption. And Sofia, who had been a pawn to her father's ambitions tried to take me over…until I heard Sousuke's voice, calling to me…but his words were cold and full of resentment…calling me a princess who had no guts, a liar…a bitch…questioning why he threw away everything for me…
She could almost hear his voice saying the words again…echoing in her head as a picture of what his expression must have been came to her mind's eye…hateful; despising her with glacial eyes that tore at her heart…
It hurts…I know why he said what he said to me, to draw me out of Sofia's control…but it still hurts, hearing those words after being apart for so long…that he could have been feeling like this for so long, like I had preyed upon him and tried to control him…has he been really angry with me, deep down…for all this time?
Kaname bit her lip as she wondered if Sousuke…who had been trained to lock away his emotions as a soldier…had been harboring a deep well of feelings about everything that happened between them. She went back in her mind and admitted to herself the harsh ways in which she dealt with his awkward attempts at assimilating into peaceful Japanese society while carrying out his duty in protecting her…
It's true…I haven't always been nice while he's been here doing everything to protect me…yelling at him, browbeating him…but I had a responsibility as class rep and vice president to maintain order and he was just so bizarre at times. Still, he just took it with no complaint when I would use my harisen to punish him without seeing his view as someone who only knew how to be a soldier. And when we were chased by Amalgam and I chose to leave him and go with Leonard it must have been like I betrayed him…of course he'd be fed up…who wouldn't be? I'm such a terrible person…and who was that girl who appeared to me in resonance…was she someone special to him, that he had turned to after I betrayed him?
A profound ocean of guilt engulfed Kaname, causing her to feel bereft and she battled tears that were trying to come remembering the other words Sousuke spoke taunting her about crying. She fiercely wiped her eyes and swallowed the emotions but reluctant to completely leave they left a large lump in her throat. Watching the day's winter light fade to night's shadows she hardly noticed when he approached her…
Having finished cooking their meal and set up the table Sousuke turned toward the living room and Kaname, who was standing by the sliding door, gazing out. Her back to him his acute senses picked up the same subdued mood she had on the ride home…although she vehemently denied it then and concealed it with assumed gaiety he knew she was bothered about something and in typical Chidori style was doing her damnedest to suppress it. His heart constricted as he was filled with the extreme need to remove whatever was causing her pain as he went to her…
Laying a soft hand on her shoulder he addressed her. "Kaname? It's time for dinner."
She remained silent; unresponsive which disturbed him even more. Taking hold of both her slender shoulders, Sousuke gently turned her to face him and confirmed his fears when he saw the bleak look in her eyes. "I know something's wrong. Please…won't you tell me?" he pleaded.
Kaname looked up into his eyes and again quickly covered her angst with a smile. "I told you before, sergeant…there's nothing wrong." She disentangled herself and said cheerfully, "Mmmm, everything smells so good!" then headed to the table to sit down, leaving Sousuke no choice but to follow; a dubious expression on his face.
As Sousuke sat opposite of Kaname to dine he surreptitiously studied her observing her manner as she picked up her chopsticks and began to eat and although she appeared to be putting up a convincing front, he could see the subtle undertones beneath the façade. Her facial expression although benignly cheerful appeared strained and her eyes seemed glassy…indicating to him that indeed, something was up. While he ate he wracked his brain to try to figure out what could be the problem…
What could be troubling her? She says everything's fine but I know the signs…something's definitely wrong. She's been quiet and that's not like her, she usually is quite straightforward and expressive…usually resulting in a bludgeon to my head from her harisen. So what the hell is it…and why won't she tell me?
Still watching her Sousuke noticed that although Kaname was eating, her actions were more like she was going through the motions…taking a bite of rice here, a nibble of chicken there, all with that same faraway look. Like she was being perpetually pricked by something and she was just enduring it. Unable to take anymore Sousuke abruptly put down his chopsticks, got up and stood before her, his face grim.
His hand extended he said, "C'mon, Kaname."
She shot him a puzzled look. "Huh?"
"Let's go sit down…it's time for us to talk."
NEXT…PART 1…HIS STORY