Hello again, my devoted fans. At three in the morning, the idea for this hit me like a dose of a psychiatric drug. The 3 O'clock idea was to interview the HTTYD characters on a talk show. What could possibly go wrong?

WARNING: Contains highly concentrated insanity, uncontrollable randomness, and traces of lead. People who are normal may want to contact their doctors before being exposed to this much insanity. Contents are under pressure, so please shake well before use. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! M.= Movie character, B.=Book character.

P.S. Jen is not my sister. She is the twin that I don't have, but wish I did. (And one of the voices in my head)

Joan: Hey, we should totally interview the HTTYD characters!

Jen: Good idea! Wait, how will they answer?

Joan: Uh, I don't know. *thinks* Ooh, how about we ask their pictures!

Jen: *raises eyebrow*

Joan: Oh, right.

*both sit and think for a while*

Jen: *light bulb appears above head* I've got it! *runs off*

Joan: …

Jen: *reappears with Harry's wand* had to make some heads roll to get this, but here goes nothing! *walks over to stack of HTTYD books and the movie. Taps each one and mutters something*

Joan: (to boom lady, the person holding the microphone thingy) She's lost it, hasn't she.

Boom Lady: She lost it a looong time ago. So have you.

*HTTYD characters start appearing*

Joan: (unable to speak due to mouth that fell into the basement)

Jen: It's alive! Mwa ha ha ha!

M. Hiccup: Ah! Who's that!

Astrid: (to M. Hiccup) I don't know. Is she sane?

Joan: Nope! Welcome to Insanity Studios! Today we are going to-

Jen: (interrupting) To kill you all and feed you to hungry sharks!

*people start screaming and fleeing for the exits, which are locked.

Joan: No, we were supposed to be interviewing them. *sighs*

Jen: (incredulously) We are? But that's no fun! *pouts*

Joan: Too bad, life's not fun.

Jen: I beg to differ.

M. Snotlout: Help! I'm trapped with the crazies!

Jen: (over the PA system) WE ARE NOT GOING TO KILL YOU. PLEASE RETURN TO THE CENTER TABLE FOR YOUR RESPECTIVE INTERVIEWS. THANK YOU. ALSO, WE ARE NOT CRAZY, JUST... TOUCHED.

Joan: Right. Onto the first victim-err, subject. So M. Hiccup, we all know that you love Astrid-

Camicazi: WHAT! *turns to B. Hiccup* You CHEAT! Who the %#$ ^& is Astrid.

Hiccup: I don't know anyone called Astrid! *runs away from a sword-wielding Camicazi*HEEELLLLPPPP!

Astrid: (giggling) Now would probably not be the best time to introduce myself.

Camicazi: Hiccup, I'm gonna kill you. Ooh, shiny. *runs after Boom Lady, still holding sword*

Boom Lady: Jen! Joan! I could use- *ducks so as not to get her head cut off* some help here! *drops microphone and runs, microphone hits the camera. Static and snow fills the screen*

TEN MINITES LATER

*Screen blinks on to show a close-up of Jen's nose*

Cameraman: We're on!

Jen: *backs away from the camera. Studio looks as if a bomb went off* (merrily) Oh hi again! After fixing things and breaking others, we got this show up and running again. (menacing) DIE! ALL MUST DIE!

Joan: (to operator on phone) Hi, can you give me the number for the psych ward? Why? No reason, I just might need it. *writes something down* Yeah thanks. Bye now.

Jen: Who was that?

Joan: Oh, no one. Could you do your wand thing again? We need our characters.

Jen: Righty o.

*does wand thing*

Jen: Oy Harry! You can have your wand back!

*Harry walks up, decapitated and carrying his head*

Headless Harry: (sarcastically) Thanks, I might just need that. *walks off*

Joan: What. Was. That.

Jen: I said I had to roll a few heads to get that wand, didn't I?

*HTTYD trope walks in, starts making themselves comfy*

Jen: Coffee anyone? No? How about juice? All set? Good.

Joan: So B. Hiccup. Why do you think that you didn't realize that you were left-handed until the second book?

B. Hiccup: I think it was because being left-handed was seen as a weakness, and I didn't want to seem any more weak than I already looked, so I never tried left-handed until then.

Jen: That sounds good. NEXT!

Joan: Hey! I'm supposed to say next!

Jen: Are not!

Joan: Are too!

Jen: Are not!

Joan: Are too!

Astrid: Hey! I hate to interrupt your little fight here, but I haven't got all day.

Jen: Fine.

Joan: Moving on; Astrid! The next question is for you! So Astrid, what were you thinking after Hiccup beat you at the dragon-fighting-compatition?

Astrid: I was mostly thinking-

Camicazi: I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER A SLOW AND PAINFULL DEATH! YOU'RE ASTRID, RIGHT?! *swipes sword at Astrid. Astrid blocks with her dagger. Both begin fighting.*

Jen: Move along, nothing to see here...

Joan: I'd rather not take anyone the the ER, so no mauling please.

Jen: M. Snotlout, come on up! You are the next contestant on Insanity Studios Interview of Death! *M. Snotlout walks up, visibly shaking*

Joan: Oh sop with the cowering! Be a Viking! So why are you less ugly in the movies than you are in the books?

M. Snotlout: Well, no one can be as hansom as Sotlout Jorgenson, so B. Snotlout, by defalt, must be uglier than I am. *B. Snotlout and Dogsbreath proceed to beat up M. Snotlout*

Camicazi: You call that fighting? Come on, you can do better than that. After all, you're a girl. That must be why you've outlasted all the other people I've dueled.

Joan: You're at a stand-off because Astrid is Based off you Camicazi. She's like your twin.

*Astrid and Camicazi stop fighting*

Astrid: Wait, I'm related to her?

Jen: Not really, she's more like the twin you never had.

Camicazi: Oh, I get it now.

Jen: Camicazi, where did you learn your awesome sword-fighting skills?

Camicazi: I kidnapped a Viking warrior that was on Bog-Burgler territory and he taught me. After he was done, I released him and stole hi sword.

Jen: Cool! I have a nice dagger myself, but swords are good too. *pulls out a wickedly sharp dagger*

Camicazi: Nice, but you have to know how to use it of course.

Jen: I think I'm all set with that. *throws the dagger at the opposite wall. Slices the horns on Snotlout's helmet off. Snotlout was, of course, flirting with the lady in the sound booth who couldn't hear him due to the fact that sound booths are soundproof*

Camicazi: Not bad, not bad at all. You must know how to use it I close combat though.

Jen: I'm not too worried on my skills in that either.

Camicazi: Really? Let's test that! * the two start dueling, Jen with a letter-opener and Camicazi with her sword. In less than a minite, Jen has Camicazi disarmed and at letter-opener point*

Camicazi: (stunned) That's unbelievable. How the heck are you that good?!

Jen: (retrieving her dagger) Practice, practice, practice!

Now that that's done, Astrid, what do you see in M. Hiccup that you didn't see in him before?

Astrid: Hiccup, please leave.

Joan: (whispering to M. Hiccup) Go to the staff room. There's doughnuts.

Astid: Now! *Hiccup runs for the staff room* Good. Now, before the whole dragon riding thing, I thought he was a... HICCUP! GET YOUR EAR OFF THAT DOOR BEFORE I COME OVER THEIR AND MURDER YOU PAINFULY AND SLOWLY!

*scuffling as Hiccup runs away, trips over a stray cat, and falls on a tea-tray*

Meow! Thump. Crash.

Hiccup: Ow...

Joan: How did you know that? Are you psychic?

Astrid: Ah, no. I just know my boyfriend well. I thought he was a clumsy nerd that would end up killing someone with one of his crazy inventions. But he showed me that he was a kind loving soul who couldn't stand to see anyone, even the enemy, hurt. He was brave, letting Toothless go and trusting that the dragon wouldn't kill him, because he didn't kill it. That's what I see in him now.

Jen: So... when did you two start dating?

Astrid: Woah, hold on. Who said anything about dating?

Joan: You called him your boyfriend not even ten sentences ago.

Astrid: *looks back at script* So I did. *sighs* Okay Hiccup, you can come out now. You might as well bring the teacup you were using to listen in on our conversation.

*Hiccup appears holding a teacup*

Astrid: So Hiccup, how would you say our relationship is?

Hiccup: (sacastically) We're mortal enemies, trying to kill each other at every chance. And don't think I didn't notice that you passed that question off to me!

*Hiccup pours some coffee into the teacup he's holding and spills a bit on Astrid*

Astrid: *shrieks* HICCUP, YOU ARE DEAD!

Hiccup: (quickly) Yep, enenies! *runs and baracades himself in th staff room. Astrid swings her axe at the door*

Jen: Ooh, we're destroying things? Here, let me help!

*grabs a can labeled NITROGLYCERIN and sets it next to the door. Puts a fuse in it and lights the fuse*

Joan: (oblivious to the impending doom) M. Fishlegs, you're next! So Fishlegs, why are you more Viking-like in the movi-

NITROGLYCERIN: (interrupting rather rudely) BOOM!

*studio shake violently, a stage light falls and hits Dogsbreath on the head. Sirens are heard in the distance*

Jen: (completely covered in soot and dust) Yippee! It worked!

Astrid: Not quite. Everything but the door is destroyed.

Joan: WHAT THE BLOODY %$# &^*%#$ !# WAS THAT! YOU NEARLY BLEW THE ROOF OFF!

Jen: The can of nitroglycerin that was in the FOR EMERGANCIES ONLY cabinet Why do you ask?

*Joan collapses into a sitting position net to an overturned desk*

Astrid: I think we killed her.

*Joan starts banging her head on the desk*

B. Fishlegs: (kneeling next to Dogsbreath) Do you think he's dead?

B. Hiccup: No such luck.

B. Fishlegs: Darn, that would have made my life a lot easier.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

Thank you, thank you. I ended up doing half of this by the light of a small solar garden light listening to the sound of the rain. No the power was not out. I think I'm going to do another chapter, so if you have questions you want me to ask the HTTYD crew, please let me know by review or PM. Thank you.

~Yours in insanity, Joan McCreedy