Title: Scalpels are my best friend.
Summary: After the disappointment of 4.11, Meredith can't take the heartache so she finds something else to do to feel relief.
Note: I know I have another fanfic that I barely update but this idea has been bothering me. So enjoy my 2ND fanfic. O gasp
Oh, & I don't own Grey's Anatomy but if I did I'd hire all of the fanfiction writers and create episodes from their stories! ;)
After the whole break-up with Derek, Meredith lost herself. She was numb and empty. She walked through the hospital like a zombie not even stopping to talk to any of her friends. Everyone was worried. She felt nothing but sadness and heartache.
So one night after a long day at the hospital, she went straight home and into the bathroom with the scalpel she stole from the hospital in hand. She stood over the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. I've done this before. With many patients and even on myself. I guess the sayings true "Old habits never die." I can't believe I went so long without cutting myself. She looked down the scalpel. Pulled her left sleeve up, held the scalpel to her wrist and put pressure onto the scalpel until she saw crimson rolling down her wrist. 1 cut. Straight and sideways down her wrist. 2 cuts. Barely two millimeters apart. The blood already staining her white sink. 3 cuts. She wouldn't stop there.
When she was thirteen with the whole angry pink-hair look, she went from her wrist to near the centre of her arm. 4 cuts. Not enough. 5 cuts. Okay, getting queasy, I'll stop there. She got the white long band-age that she also took from the hospital, wrapped it all around her arm and went to sleep.
Next Day at the hospital in the locker-room.
Everyone was changing into their scrubs. Meredith still not speaking to anyone changed silently. All her friends simply watched her. As Meredith changed her left sleeve rise only slightly but enough to see the white wrapping around her wrist, her friends noticed immediately.
Cristina was the first to speak.
"What the hell is that?" pointing to Meredith's left arm.
Meredith looked at what Cristina was pointing at and immediately fixed her sleeve and shrugged.
"Nothing"
Izzie spoke next.
"Seriously Mer, what is up with you? You ignore us all day and even when we're at your house you isolate yourself in your bedroom. What the hell is going on? "
Before Meredith can respond Bailey and Callie arrive and assign assignments.
"Stevens, you're with me, Karev, Sloan, Yang, Hahn and Grey, you're with Sheperd."
Everyone hurried to find their attending except Meredith. She was walking in slow-motion. Of course I'd be with Derek. Whatever, just remember when you get home, you'll have the comfort of the scalpel.
She found Derek at the nurses' station ironically; he had just kissed a nurse so he must be where all the nurses are. He was talking to a nurse. She was pretty. Brown hair, brown eyes and looked bright and shiny, must be Rose. When Meredith approached the now laughing couple, Derek didn't even bother to turn around, he knew she was there, almost as if he can feel her eyes burning the back of his neck. He was still angry with her after their fight so he decided he's avoid her but now that he knew she was assigned to him, it would be a lot harder.
"Dr. Sheperd, I'm your resident today." Her tone was professional and cold.
He turned around for a second, looked at her then turned back to the conversation with Rose.
Ouch, okay, I guess he's still mad. Just remember scalpel. Scalpel. Okay, I'm fine.
After what seemed like an eternity, Derek said goodbye to Rose and walked right past Meredith, who was waiting for him to turn around but instead felt the coldness and bitterness as he walked passed her. Meredith stood there in the same spot, feeling angry and embarrassed.
Fine, if he doesn't want me than I'll go find Bailey. He can't even look at me. I'm invisible to him now. Oh god. I want to die. No, I want to cut. My shift just began; it'll be hours till I can go home.
Since Derek left she walked around the hospital to find Bailey for a new assignment.
Now, Meredith sat on a gurney in the basement of the hospital doing Bailey's post-op notes. She paused for a second and looked at her wrist. It was starting to feel sore and itchy so she unwrapped the band-age thinking no one would walk by since everyone's in the OR but little did she know, Alex had just finished his surgery and was walking toward Meredith. He watched her from afar unwrapping the band-age off her wrist. He saw the blood staining the wrapping and ran towards her. Meredith, lost in her own world didn't even hear the loud pounding footsteps coming towards her.
"What the hell did you do to your wrist?!" Alex exclaimed grabbing hold of her left arm so he can get a clear view.
Meredith surprised by Alex tried to grab her arm back but he was way too strong and had a hard grip. So Meredith just stared away and trying to not to cry.
"Meredith…" He was lost at words. He can see her trying not to cry. So, he just pulled her into a hug whispering comforting words in her ear while she finally cried.
After a couple of minutes, Alex pulled away far enough so he can look at her.
"Mer, you have to stop. I don't know if this is your first time or whatever this is going to be the last time you do this, you hear?" Meredith looked him straight in the eye, thinking about this kind side she's never seen before.
"Don't tell anyone" was all she can say, with that she got out of the hug, collected the post-op notes and walked out of the basement to the elevator.