NOTE: This is my first ever Oofuri fanfic, written over a year ago, so it unfortunately doesn't have Sakitama in it. Who knows. Maybe I'll rewrite it sometime.
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ATTACK OF THE REVENGE OF THE PITCHERS!!
For some strange reason, Haruna had invited all the pitchers over for a meeting in his treehouse. For some even stranger reason, all the pitchers showed up.
"This is quite a nice treehouse you've got here," said Junta sarcastically.
"Shut up," said Haruna. "My dad built it when I was five and we had no reason to tear it down and besides, you're just jealous."
"Yeah right," Junta snickered.
"Let's get straight to the point," said Kano. "What's this meeting all about?"
"I'm glad you asked!" Haruna clapped his hands together. "As you may have noticed, we're all pitchers here."
Everyone looked around. Sure enough, the people present were all pitchers – Haruna, Kaguyama, Junta, Kano, Mihashi, Hanai and Oki.
"We're not really pitchers, though," said Hanai, pointing at Oki and himself. "We're just… backup pitchers."
"Well, you pitch SOMETIMES, and that's all that counts," said Haruna.
"Haruna, just get to the point," said Kaguyama even though he probably already knew what it was all about since he's on Haruna's team and all.
"RIGHT!" said Haruna. "It's time to…" He paused for dramatic effect. "…Get revenge on our catcher companions."
Mihashi looked like he was about to pass out, and Kano quickly supported him. Hanai and Oki raised their eyebrows. Kaguyama just looked at the crowd and shrugged.
"WHY would we want to get revenge on our catcher companions?" Junta demanded. "I don't know about YOU guys, but MY catcher is AWESOME."
"So is mine!!" Mihashi immediately piped up. "Abe is… amazing! And a… nice person!"
"Hatake is all right," Kano shrugged. "He's a bit of a moron at times, but we work together just fine."
"Do we even HAVE catcher counterparts?" Oki asked Hanai.
"I think we're supposed to share Tajima," said Hanai.
Haruna looked extremely unimpressed. "You guys are SO BORING! Haven't your catchers ever done anything that makes you want to severely throttle them?"
"What, so you're blaming US for the fact that you don't have a beautiful relationship with your catcher?" Junta scoffed. "Kazu-san and I are BFFs for LIFE."
"I never said I didn't have a beautiful relationship with my catcher!" said Haruna. "I just feel like revolting, that's all!"
"That's stupid," said Hanai bluntly.
"Actually, Hatake's done a lot of stupid throttle-worthy things," said Kano thoughtfully.
"That's the spirit!" Haruna immediately lit up. "So you're in?"
"I never said that," said Kano, annoyed. He turned to Mihashi. "What do you think?"
"I think… I think…" Mihashi stuttered. "Abe is nice!"
"That's what you say about everyone," Kano sighed.
"YOU'D be the FIRST pitcher I'd expect to agree with this!" Haruna pointed directly at Mihashi, causing him to cower like a dweeb. "How do you survive with Takaya? He's the biggest whiner EVER."
Mihashi looked terrified. A part of him wanted to defend his BFF, but another part didn't dare to oppose Haruna.
"You know, it'd be kind of interesting to see Tajima's reaction if we were to revolt against him," said Oki.
Hanai rubbed his chin. "Maybe…"
"What are you all TALKING about?" Junta sounded disgusted. "Have you all forgotten what it means to be a pitcher? We rely on our catcher counterparts, and they rely on us! It is the most beautiful relationship… ever."
Haruna raised an eyebrow. "You take this whole 'high school baseball' thing way too seriously. Hey, isn't your catcher a third-year?"
"Yeah…?" Junta led.
"That means you're on your own next year."
Junta gasped, his eyes widening, as the background got all black and lightning struck for dramatic effect. "He wouldn't…!"
"He would," said Haruna darkly.
Junta buried his head in his hands. "I never thought about that before! What am I going to do? I can't survive without Kazu-san!"
"It's time to get independent!" Haruna stood up and clenched his fists. "Show that jerk that you don't need him anymore!"
"But I DO!" Junta whined.
"No you don't!" Kano intervened. "Sheesh, your attitude is making pitchers look like total wimps! I won't stand for it!"
"So NOW you're in?" Haruna asked excitedly.
"YES!" said Kano, standing up as well. "Come, Ren! Together, we'll show the world how badass we are!" He held out his hand for Mihashi.
"Shu-chan…" Mihashi sniffled. As much as he didn't want to rebel against Abe, he couldn't POSSIBLY say no to both Haruna AND Kano! He reluctantly took Kano's hand, and Kano pulled him up.
"Hey, I'm in!" Junta stood up as well. "I can survive without Kazu-san if I put my heart and soul into it! Besides, it's just a funny little joke, right?"
"Um… sure!" Haruna did a little victory dance. "Now all that remains are the backup pitchers, assuming you're already in, Kaguyama."
"Whatever," said Kaguyama.
Oki and Hanai looked at each other, then formed a two-person huddle.
"What do you think?" Oki asked.
"Let's just humor him for now," said Hanai. "If it gets too stupid, we'll just leave."
"Good idea," said Oki.
The two of them stood up. "Yeah, whatever, we're in!" they chimed.
"YAY!" Haruna cheered. "Come, friends! Let us write a formal letter to inform the world of our awesome strike!"
"I'm… Haruna's friend…" Mihashi said quietly to himself. It made him feel quite giddy.
-
THE NEXT DAY…
All the players on Nishiura except the pitching people were gathered at the baseball club in order to start today's training.
"Where's Mihashi?" Abe asked Tajima and Izumi the moment they arrived.
Tajima and Izumi looked at each other and shrugged. "We haven't seen him," said Izumi.
"HEY GUYS!" Mizutani yelled as he came waltzing over with Nishihiro. "Guess who made it to the cover of Baseball Weekly!"
"You mean we made it?" Izumi gasped.
"Uh huh!" Mizutani proceeded to practically shove this week's issue of Baseball Weekly in his teammates' faces. Sure enough, he, Izumi, Nishihiro and Hanai were on the front page, posing like dorks.
"We just got part-time jobs as models for Baseball Weekly," Nishihiro explained to the more confused people.
"Wow, that is so cool!" Tajima exclaimed. "And weird! And cool!"
"Where is Hanai anyway?" said Suyama as he arrived.
"Oki and Mihashi are missing too," said Sakaeguchi as he arrived too.
"Mihashi…" Abe said dramatically, clenching his fists.
"Hey, what's this?" Izumi said, pointing at one of the headlines in the magazine. It read 'Pitchers Go On Strike! Catchers Beware! Read more on page 13…'
Without a single word, they quickly turned to page 13, and let out a huge gasp as they were faced with a picture of the striking pitchers crossing their arms and looking angry (or in Mihashi's case, looking… out-of-place). What followed was a long boring article about the pitchers being sick of the catchers bossing them around.
"I should have known Haruna was behind this!" Abe practically snarled, crumbling the magazine in his hands.
"WATCH IT!" yelled Izumi, Mizutani and Nishihiro as they quickly tore the magazine away from Abe before he could damage it further.
"I knew this would happen sooner or later!" said Sakaeguchi sadly. "Mihashi simply can't handle your nastiness anymore, Abe!"
"Yeah right!" Abe snapped. "If anything, Haruna is FORCING him! I'm calling him RIGHT NOW!" He pulled out his cellphone.
-
The pitchers had once again gathered in Haruna's treehouse, and were currently just sitting around doing stuff like playing solitaire and paddleball.
"So this is what being on a strike is all about," said Oki. "Sitting around being bored."
"Have some patience, man!" said Haruna. "The REAL fun will begin once the catchers start whining!"
That's when Mihashi's cellphone started chiming.
"AAHH!" Mihashi screamed, accidentally throwing said object high up into the air. He quickly caught it and looked at the screen. "It's from… Abe!"
"Oh REALLY!" said Haruna excitedly, snatching the cellphone from Mihashi.
"Hey, that's Ren's!" said Kano, but Haruna had already pushed the little green phone button and was holding the cellphone up to his ear.
"MIHASHI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" Abe's loud angry voice could be heard all over the treehouse. Mihashi cowered in a corner.
"Is this Takaya?" Haruna asked smugly. "Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Mihashi doesn't want to be your best friend anymore!" He hung up and giggled like a moron.
-
Abe stared at the phone in his hands for a few seconds. "That does it!" he yelled. "Tajima! It's time to round up all the catchers we know of and fight fire with fire!"
"All RIIIIGHT!" Tajima cheered. "This'll be FUN!"
"NO IT WON'T!" Abe yelled. "Come on, let's go."
Abe and Tajima darted off, and the leftover people just stood around for a while without saying anything.
"This has got to be some sort of misunderstanding…" Sakaeguchi broke the silence.
"Yeah," Izumi agreed. "Hanai especially doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would just irresponsibly go on a strike like that."
"Maybe we should try to locate the pitchers and find out what's really going on," Suyama suggested.
"Good idea," Nishihiro agreed.
"Yeah!" said Mizutani. "So where do we begin to look?"
"How about the Haruna household?" Izumi suggested.
"Okay!" all the others nodded.
-
Back with the pitchers, Haruna was still laughing. Kano quietly got up and snatched Mihashi's cellphone from him, giving it back to its rightful owner.
"Oh MAN I wish I could have seen Takaya's face there…" Haruna said happily, wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye.
"You went too far there," Kano scolded. "Calling Abe on your own would have been one thing, but taking Ren's phone and answering HIS call like that? Unacceptable!"
Haruna stopped laughing and looked at Kano with this really annoyed expression. "What's gotten into YOU?"
"I think I agree with Kano on this one," said Junta. "We may have agreed to join you in your little prank, but you can't go around ruining our relationships with our catchers like that!"
-
Meanwhile, Abe and Tajima had managed to start a little meeting of their own!
"I can't believe Kano would DO this to me!" Hatake whined.
"Hey, you're that mean catcher who chased Mihashi off Mihoshi, right?" said Tajima. "I can TOTALLY believe Kano would do it!"
"ALAS!" wailed Hatake.
"I actually kind of saw this coming," Akimaru rolled his eyes. "Haruna has complained about being bored a lot recently, it's just like him to try to stir things up like this."
"And you didn't STOP HIM?" Abe demanded.
Akimaru looked annoyed. "Hey, YOU of all people should know how impossible it is to cooperate with Haruna!"
"Hey, sorry we're late!" said Kazuki as he ran up to the other catchers, literally dragging Rio with him. "I literally had to drag Rio with me!"
"Why did I have to come?" Rio complained. "YOU'RE the one who's in a battery with Jun-san. I could care less about this STUPID strike!"
"Hey, we need all the catchers we can get," said Abe seriously.
"Yeah, sorry Machida couldn't come," said Akimaru.
"So what's your plan?" Kazuki asked.
"I haven't had the time to think of one yet, it all happened too fast," Abe admitted. "Which is why you're all here. We have a lot of serious brainstorming to do."
"Right," said all the catchers.
"Right," Abe nodded. "Our number one enemy is obviously Haruna. He's somehow convinced all our pitcher pals to rebel against us."
"I don't know if it's something we have to take too seriously," Kazuki said after a moment's consideration. "It's obviously just a funny little prank!"
"How can you be so sure?" said Rio. "What if Jun-san actually HATES you?"
"OH DON'T BE SILLY!" Kazuki laughed heartily, slapping Rio's back. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"
"It is a possibility," Rio grumbled.
"Actually, this whole meeting IS kind of silly," said Akimaru thoughtfully. "We should just… go over to Haruna's place and try to talk some sense into them."
"Do you think that's really where they are?" Hatake asked desperately. "If so, I REALLY need to get there as soon as possible and apologize to Kano for whatever it is I have done to anger him!"
"Yeah… we should probably just go," said Abe. "I should be able to pull Mihashi away from that pest that is Haruna."
"Then let's GO ALREADY!" Tajima cheered, jumping up from his chair.
-
Meanwhile, the leftover Nishiura players had managed to locate the Haruna residence. They were currently standing right outside the entrance looking nervous.
"Right, so on the count of three, we all kick the door open and barge in," said Sakaeguchi. "One… two…"
"THREE!!" yelled everyone as they ran up to the door and violently kicked it open. "UNHAND OUR PITCHERS!!"
Haruna's ma, pa and sister, who were currently watching TV, turned around and raised an eyebrow at the intruders.
"Oh, um…" The Nishiura players all looked at each other awkwardly and then at the family.
"Is this the Haruna residence…?" Izumi tried.
"If you're looking for Motoki, he's out in the treehouse with his new friends," said Mrs. Haruna.
"I can't believe he hasn't grown out of those kinds of retarded games yet!" sighed Haruna's sister. "I am SO embarrassed to be related to him."
"Okay… we'll just… leave, then…" The Nishiura players carefully backed out and ran off to find the treehouse.
It didn't take long. They reached the tree with the built-in clubhouse just in time to witness a vase zoom out from one of the windows – there appeared to be a heated argument going on inside!
"Ay! That vase cost me at least a hundred yen!" Haruna yelled, grabbing the nearest object, a bowl of popcorn, and hurling it back at Kano. Kano ducked just in time, and the bowl shattered against the wall, causing popcorn to fly out all over the place.
"Serves you right!" Kano snapped. "Now apologize to Ren, or teeth will fly!"
"Shu-chan, it's all right!" Mihashi squeaked from over in the corner he was cowering in, wanting to avoid any trouble at all costs. Of course, he was barely audible.
"It's all a joke, I have no reason to apologize!" Haruna answered. "You're taking your catcher companions way too seriously! It's only high school baseball, for crying out loud!"
"Hey!" Junta stood up. "One can NEVER take one's catcher companion too seriously!"
"Did you just insult high school baseball?" Kano got a crazed look in his eyes. "THAT'S IT!!" He dove on top of Haruna and started beating the stuffing out of him.
"This is for brainwashing me into participating in this whole stupidity!" Junta declared, throwing himself into the fight.
"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Oki yelled from the sidelines. He got an angry look from Hanai. "What…?"
"Remember what we agreed to about leaving if things got too stupid?" Hanai reminded him.
"We'd… leave?" Oki tried.
"Right," said Hanai, getting up and brushing off some popcorn. That's when they heard someone yelling from outside. Both of them poked their heads out a window.
"IS EVERYTHING OKAY UP THERE??" It was Izumi.
"WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE?" Hanai yelled back.
"MIHASHI! WE CAME TO SAVE YOU!" Sakaeguchi yelled as Mihashi poked his head out as well.
"Everyone!" Mihashi sniffed. "Where's… Abe?"
"Did someone say my name?" Abe demanded as all the catchers waltzed over to the tree.
Kaguyama quietly observed the whole thing. "Um, guys? The catchers are here."
Haruna, Kano and Junta immediately stopped fighting. "All right, it's showtime!" Haruna excitedly skipped over to the window. "HEY TAKAYA, YOU WEED!! YOUR PITCHER PAL WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME NOW, WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"
"Actually, Ren and I were just leaving," said Kano, motioning for Mihashi to follow him. "Right, Ren?"
Mihashi looked from Haruna to Kano, and then back at Haruna in an apologetic fashion. "I… have to return… to Abe!" He was actually terrified of facing Abe after all this, but he figured he had to do it sooner or later, so it would probably be smarter to do it now while both Kano and Sakaeguchi were around.
"Oh, you two are SO gonna—" Haruna began, but he was distracted by Junta who was in the middle of climbing out the window. "What are YOU doing?"
"KAZU-SAN!" Junta yelled. "IF I JUMP, WILL YOU CATCH ME?"
"OF COURSE I WILL, JUNTA!!" Kazuki yelled back as he did just that. As the battery was reunited, they burst into happy tears and hugged each other dramatically.
"I am SO sorry, Kazu-san!" Junta sobbed.
"Shh, it's all right, Junta!" Kazuki said reassuringly. "Let's just forget all about it and go back home! Come, Rio!"
"Oh geez…" Rio whined, but followed them anyway because it's not like he wanted to be left alone with a bunch of people he didn't really know.
Kano and Mihashi had successfully climbed down from the tree, followed by Oki and Hanai.
"MI-HA-SHI!!" Abe raged, stomping over to Mihashi who immediately hid behind Kano, shaking like a madman.
"Control yourself, Abe!" Sakaeguchi hurried after him.
"Yeah, man, don't blame Ren for this," said Kano, facing Abe as Mihashi continued to cower. "I'm the one who encouraged him to do it."
Abe GLARED at Kano, and Kano GLARED back, but before another fight could break out, Sakaeguchi quickly got between them. "Whoa, whoa, mistakes happen, right? And besides, Haruna's the one behind everything, right?"
Abe let out a DEEP SIGH, then turned around and started to walk away. "Mihashi, let's go. We're late for training."
"Yeah, I guess I'll be seeing you around, Ren," said Kano, giving Mihashi a slight smile. "If Abe gives you a hard time, let me know, okay?"
"Um… seeya, Shu-chan!" Mihashi simply squeaked, getting up and running after Abe.
Hanai and Oki met up with the rest of their team. "Yeah, sorry about that," said Hanai, rubbing his head uncomfortably. "Let's just… forget about it and get back to work."
"All's well that ends well!" said Sakaeguchi happily.
"KANO!!" Hatake ran over to Kano and got down on his knees and sobbed. "I'M SO SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID TO ANGER YOU!!"
Kano twitched. "Just… shut up. Let's return to our team, okay?"
"ANYTIME, KANO!" Hatake quickly got back up, and the two of them strolled off.
Haruna and Kaguyama reunited with Akimaru back down on the ground.
"Well, that didn't go exactly as planned, but at least it kept me amused for a while!" said Haruna.
Akimaru felt something explode deep inside his brain. "It kept YOU amused??" he yelled. "Everything's ALWAYS about you! Do you EVER stop to consider OTHER PEOPLE'S feelings? Do you have ANY IDEA how much you stressed the other catchers out? What about the pitchers? That Mihashi fellow looked scarred for LIFE!"
"Blah, blah, blah…" Haruna mumbled.
"Um, guys?" said Kaguyama. "We've already wasted enough time here. Don't you think we should get back to the baseball club and continue with our training?"
AND SO, all the teams returned to their respective baseball clubs to do what they should have done in the first place – play baseball!
THE END.