Dean was old. He was only something over fifty, but that was old for a Winchester.
He didn't quite understand how he had lived even for this long, when his lifestyle wasn't exactly the healthiest one. He drank too much, ate trash food, didn't sleep enough and most of all his job indeed wasn't the safest one.
Dean sighed. His hard life finally started to get a hold of him, it seemed. He was laying in a dark room on a hospital bed, tired, and his eyelids were heavy, but he couldn't get any sleep. It had been like this for a week now, since he got a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. He was tired all the time, but the strange pain in his chest kept him awake, he got only a few hours of sleep a day. And he felt like shit.
The doctors said it was Dean's heart that was slowly giving in, and there was nothing they could do for it. They didn't understand so well why his heart was so weak when he otherwise seemed so healthy and wasn't really even so old, but Dean used to just shrug and smile weakly to them, saying that maybe fixing cars was really harder work that he thought. That wasn't what Dean's job really was, but he couldn't really tell that to the doctors, now could he.
Dean grinned at the pain he again felt in his chest, sighed again and turned his gaze to his left, where he could see his little brother Sam sleeping on a chair a few meters away from him. Dean bit his lip, as a great wave of guilt showered over him. How much pain Sam had felt because of him, because wasn't a big brother good enough. He hadn't protected him enough. Maybe Sam wouldn't have suffered so much if Dean didn't drag him to hunting trip. Maybe Sam could have completed his schools and live the safe life he wanted to. Once Dean had to make a deal with a demon to safe Sam, when he had died because Dean wasn't quick enough to come and protect him. Maybe Sam wouldn't have freed Lucifer if he was quick enough to stop him. Maybe Sam shouldn't have jumped to the pit with Lucifer and Michael if he had been wise enough and came up with another plan. Dean had let Sam to go to Hell, even after he himself had been there and knew how horrible, terrifying place it was.
Dean looked at his brother's aged face. Face, which looked too old for Sam's age, just like Dean's. He could see all the grooves caused by pain and exhaustion on Sam's face, even some little scars caused by so many fights.
"I am so sorry Sam", Dean whispered, even though Sam couldn't hear him. Dean watched his brother for a while before looking up at the ceiling, where he could see the shadows playing. He still remembered clearly the latest discussion he had had with Sam just a few hours ago.
"Sam."
"…and something to eat… Sorry, fruits only since I don't think hamburgers will stay eatable for very long", Sam chatted taking stuff out of a bag and put them down on Dean's small night table.
"Sam, that's sweet but could you please listen to me for a second."
"And some magazines… what?" Sam finally raised his gaze and looked at his older brother.
"I know what's going on here. And you do too."
"What's going on?"
Dean rolled his eyes, Sam knew very well what he was talking about, but was avoiding it as always. Dean knew it was hard for him, but they really needed to talk about it.
"I'm dying here, Sam, and you know it."
Sam looked down at his knees biting his lip.
"You're not dying. I'll find a way to heal you."
Dean sighed, looked at his brother and then sat up, hardly but he managed to do it despite of the pain. He raised his other hand and grabbed his brother's shoulder, looking at his eyes
"Sammy, hey… I can't be too sure if it's really going to happen but I'm pretty sure it will. At least I'm dying a natural way, not get killed, huh?" He tried to smile a little to comfort his little brother.
"I can't- I can't live without you, and you know it, Dean. We're not even that old yet."
"Not old? Hell, in a few years I'd turn sixty, and that would be some kind of record for our family."
"Stop joking, Dean."
Dean chuckled unhappily, trying to get Sam to look at him, which he finally did.
"Sam, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to promise me one thing", he stared at Sam's eyes. Sam didn't say anything, just looked back at Dean with sad eyes. It broke Dean's already weak heart to see such sorrow in his little brother's eyes, but he kept talking.
"If I'm gonna die any time soon, I need you to promise me you won't try to get me back."
"Dean, I-"
"No. I've died and been brought back enough for a lifetime, don't you think? For me here's nothing but pain, you're the only really important thing here left. If I have to die now, I'm sure I'll go to better place, and I won't forgive you if you bring me back."
Sam just stared at him, soon chuckling lightly.
"You've became soft on your old days, Dean."
"Shut up. Do I have your word?"
Sam sighed and looked out of the window, thinking.
"But like you said… You're the only thing here for me too. I'd be lost if you're gone."
"I know, Sam, but you have to try."
Sam could just stare up at the sky, biting his lip, and after a long while he talked again with slightly weak voice. "Alright. I can try that. You have my word."
"Thank you, Sammy", Dean smiled, laying down to ease his pain, grabbing an apple from the basket Sam had brought for him.
Dean just stared at the ceiling for a while, thoughts running around his mind. He was just completely tired of all this, tired of his life. Dean closed his eyes, maybe he finally could get some sleep, for even a few hours.
Dean could feel himself falling asleep, when he heard a sound beside his bed, like air flattering. Dean opened his eyes and noticed he was looking up at bright blue eyes, which belonged to the figure sitting on a chair right next to him.
Dean would have lied if he had said he wasn't surprised. Hell, he hadn't seen that face for so long time, for too long time. It had maybe been years already, Dean wasn't sure, he had lost count. But that he knew, he had missed that face, that person so much it hurt.
"Cas?"
Dean could see a small smile on the angel's lips.
"Hi, Dean."
"How are you here? I thought you ditched Jimmy's body ages ago."
"I did. Dean, this is a dream. This is your dream."
"So I'm dreaming, huh? Then, why are you here?" Dean tried to sit up, but Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder keeping him down, and Dean didn't resist. At the moment he felt himself so weak he couldn't even do that.
Dean looked down his own arms, soon raisin one of his hands on the same level with his face. He could see that the hand wasn't so scarred and wrinkled as he had learned to know them by years. Dean touched his face, which too felt abnormally smooth.
"Am I young again? Why?"
Castiel chuckled lightly.
"It's your dream, Dean, I don't know. Maybe you don't like your old days and in your dreams you're young again?" he angel suggested.
Dean shrugged. "Yeah, you're right there… But you still haven't answered me. Why are you here?"
Castiel's chuckle turned into a small, maybe even a bit sad smile, and he tilted his head looking straight at Dean's green eyes, licking his lips before he talked again.
"It's time to go, Dean."
Dean raised his eyebrows, opening his mouth and closing it again. He didn't quite understand, what did the angel mean? Unless…
"Go, like die-go?"
"Yes."
Dean frowned. That really still didn't explain why Castiel was there, that he was about to die wasn't really his job to tell Dean.
"…I can't see any reapers here, are you really sure the time is now?"
Castiel let out a small laugh as he looked at Dean's eyes bending down to sweep a tress off his forehead, and Dean wasn't sure if his heart skipped a beat because of his sickness.
"Well I… I made some arrangements and I got permission to come and uh, reap you myself", Castiel said, now stroking Dean's hair gently. The expression on the angel's face could only be described as love, and Dean was happy he was now able to understand it.
It was a little bit surprising that Castiel had been able to return to Heaven anymore, after he had done so many bad, so many wrong things. He had brought Leviathans from Purgatory, and those monsters had caused so much catastrophes on the earth that they were almost impossible to stop. They had killed so many innocent people, they had killed Bobby, they had killed Cas. Or so Dean had thought. In the end it was Cas himself who had helped him and Sam return the monsters back to where they came from.
It wasn't long after that when Dean realised Castiel had fallen in one other way that just opening Purgatory. He had fallen in a way Dean knew was so wrong to angels, he had been able to feel, he had fallen in love with Dean Winchester. Dean had realised how blind he had really been, when Cas told him he had slowly fell for him after just a few first times they had talked. That was the time when Dean realised what that expression on Castiel's face meant when he looked at him just like he now did, head tilted, with bright eyes.
But somehow, Dean didn't exactly know how because Cas hadn't talked about it too much, the things and laws in Heaven had been straighten up and it was peace up there again, and the truth that Cas had fell wasn't that bad thing anymore. Dean had just realised noticed that he probably felt for Cas in the same way Cas felt for him, but then Castiel had to return to his home.
Dean smiled weakly looking at Castiel, just realising how much he had missed the angel. He really didn't mind it was him who came to get him, and not a reaper. He had met some reapers before and he wasn't sure if he liked them at all.
"Guess I need to go then."
"Yes."
Castiel lowered his hand on Dean's cheek, and that was when Dean felt an enormous pain in his chest, almost as strong as the pain he had felt in Hell, same kind of pain he had felt a week ago. Dean grinned, being able to feel his heart beating fast, not being able to breath, but soon the pain ended as fast as it had started.
Dean blinked, breathing fast, sitting up quickly. He looked at his trembling hands, then raising his gaze at Castiel interrogatively, and the angel nodded.
Dean sighed deeply, suddenly noticing the pain in his chest had gone. He even felt really comfortable, more comfortable than he had felt in years. Dean bit his lip, looking down at his knees.
Dean Winchester's life had never been actually the easiest one. He had suffered a lot, both in physical and emotional ways. He had been attacked by werewolves, shapeshifters, ghosts, demons, every kind of creatures he could think of. He had been to Hell. He had lost so many people, he had watched his parents and friends die. He had even watched his own brother die a few times. Hell, he himself had died so many times he had already lost count. But now, maybe now at last was really time to go.
Even though Dean had had to go through so much, he had always kept it somehow together. He had always tried to be strong. He had only rarely shown tears. But maybe now, at the time of his real death, he could let it go. There weren't even nobody to see, but the man he loved the most beside his brother.
Dean breathed deep in, doing nothing to stop the first tear rolling on his cheek. He wasn't sure if he was crying because he had to leave his life, or because he was happy because now he was sure that from now on he wouldn't be able to feel pain anymore.
Dean felt his jaw trembling and he shut his eyes. Soon he felt Castiel's strong arms around him pulling him into embrace, and Dean leaned on him, inhaling his scent, wrapping his arms around the angel.
"It's okay, Dean", he heard Castiel speak softly, and as he buried his face into his shoulder, the angel pressed his jaw against Dean's head and stroked his back gently.
Dean pulled Castiel closer to him and clung into his clothes, crying hard, crying from the bottom of his heart, crying out all the pain he had ever felt, all the hatred he had felt, all the loneliness, bitterness and suffer. And even though he never cried, when he now did, he didn't feel weak. He felt only deep relief. He was so thankful to Castiel, who just held him for a long time until he was able to calm down and look up to Castiel's eyes, without caring about the fact that his eyes must have been very red and swollen, and Castel didn't care about that neither, he just smiled at Dean and helped him out of the bed.
Dean stood up, without himself even noticing taking Castiel's hand, then looking back at Sam.
"I won't really be heaven for me, not without Sam, you know."
"I know. But he'll come there too when his time comes. And until that I'll be there for you."
Dean looked back at Castiel, a soft grin on his lips.
"Only until that?"
Castiel let out a small laugh which made Dean's heart warm up and he looked down at their hands when he felt Castiel taking a better grip of his.
"Maybe I'll stay after that too."
Dean chuckled lightly, looking back at is little brother.
"Take care of yourself, Sammy."
Dean raised his gaze back to Castiel. They smiled to each other, and after Dean had made his last glance at Sam, they left.
Sam opened his eyes slowly, yawning, massaging his back, the chair he had slept on wasn't exactly the best place to sleep.
Sam awaked to the noise the heart monitor of Dean's was making, it was different than earlier, instead of short beeps it was making a long one.
Sam's heart skipped a beat as he stood up and walked next to Dean's bed, looking down at his brother, realisation soon catching him.
Dean had passed away.