DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ROOKIE BLUE.
Andy and Nick heaved the door down, effectively concealing them in the shipping container. It gave them a temporary reprieve and safety. Everything hinged on them being rescued now.
Her head was about to explode. It was as if she was caught in some Godawful tailspin, hurtling towards earth at warp speed. And, there was no soft landing to count on.
Damn, how the hell did it come to this? Her and Nick scrambling for their lives, hiding out in some shipment container, who the hell knew where! If Sam didn't find them… if he didn't rally the forces to rescue them… things could go dangerously south for them.
"Please, please, please, Sam find us," she kept frantically repeating to herself like some survival code. And while the words were quietly contained in her head, they seemed to be screaming through her ears at the same time.
Here she was shut up behind a metallic door. Would Sam be able to break this one down to get to her? Was it another seemingly impenetrable door between them that would eventually come down? Or was this a barrier that would keep them apart forever?
All of these crazy thoughts were racing through Andy's mind as she literally hammered away at Nick. "Screw productive! Screw undercover. I'm sick of this." She snapped as she flapped her hands dramatically.
It was only about half an hour since she made that call to Sam. Of course she had dialed his number effortlessly. Nick actually had to question who she was calling! Really? 'Head's up break-up buddy,' she thought. 'He might be the douche bag who dumped me on my ass, and broke my heart seven months ago, but he's still the one person I trust more than anyone with my life.'
Sam had answered with a brisk business-like "Yuh". He sounded terse, nervous and anxious. She must have caught him in the middle of something crucial.
But, God, when she had heard his familiar husky voice, she had practically melted and forgot about why she was calling. The fact that she and Nick were in a dangerously dire situation, seemed like a pesky distraction… an unimportant glitch.
"Sam," she said weakly, exuding her state of disbelief.
"McNally," he replied swiftly. Had his voice softened just a little? Was there a hint of relief in his tone?
"Yeah, it's me," she answered weakly.
"Where are you?" He demanded. God she was going to simply melt into his voice. It was too much! She didn't even know what he asked her exactly.
"I'm fine, thank you," she could feel that silly smile contort her face. In a minute she would start crying she knew it.
"No, where are you?" He asked again, this time sounding pressed and worried.
She snapped back to some kind of reality then. Peeking her head out the opening, she looked around and and tried to explain where she was with hurried and scant details. She had very little clue of their physical whereabouts really.
"We could really use some backup here," she gulped suddenly fully aware of what she needed from him. She needed saving. She and Nick together needed saving.
"We gotta go," Nick whispered frantically from behind her. The panic flooded through her body again. God, would this be the last time she spoke to Sam ever?
"We gotta go. I gotta go-" she hastily repeated the words, before dropping the phone, without even saying goodbye.
She had left him hanging, literally hanging. It was pretty much as she had left him six months ago. Yup, admittedly she had left him hanging then too. She had taken off to do this thing, this assignment.
She had done it for herself and left things with him completely up in the air. She could only imagine what he had deduced from her actions.
So many times over these past few months she had tried to summon up the hot flickers of anger and resentment she had felt towards him six months ago. But somehow in the past little while, she simply couldn't. All she knew is that she had really begun to miss him – a lot.
Now trapped inside this dark, claustrophobic container with Nick she reminded herself of the one thing she was more than sure of. While Sam might not succeed, he would turn the region upside down to find them.
She leaned angrily and resignedly against the steel container wall. Having Nick with her was bringing her some calm at least, even though she was still livid as hell at him.
Their friendship and work ethic was solid. She had relied on him these past six months, and not just for the job they were doing. She trusted him, really trusted him, which is what made what happened even more shocking to her.
She had never had a male friend like this before. He had a great sense of humour, and helped her laugh when she wanted to cry.
At times, very few times, she thought she sensed a snippet of something deeper coming from Nick. It didn't alarm her really. It wasn't unusual for attractions and attachments to formulate in these kinds of forced situations. It had even been the subject of a few lectures at the Police Academy actually.
Still who knew, if this was the case. He was an open book, but she couldn't always read him.
And, as much as she liked to deny it, she had continued to be somewhat hearbroken over Sam, so her head was really still fuzzy too.
Nick was easy on the eye, no doubt about it. Yet she didn't feel any actual attraction to him, not even when they kissed, embraced or held hands for appearances. Very unlike the instantaneous jolt she had with Sam right from the get go.
Nope, actually getting it on with Nick was pretty much unthinkable to her. Heck, even if they recklessly indulged in fickle, companionable sex, she knew she probably wouldn't survive the wrath of Gail.
Just the thought of interfering in someone else's relationship gave her an uncomfortable personal twinge. Andy was no stranger to the painful sting of infidelity. Only she had been on the receiving end with the whole Luke and Jo debacle. She couldn't imagine herself being the one to actually dish it out… to a friend no less.
Still, because of his crazy stunt back there, if they survived this, she would personally make sure Gail unleashed all her venom on Nick. He wouldn't stand a chance.
She had been petrified when Nick held the gun to her head. She had genuinely pleaded with him, begged him for her life and yelled at him. That wasn't a charade or for show. That was about as raw and real as it got. She had been reduced to desperate tears as he kept telling her to look at him.
It's true what she had told him; except it hadn't been her whole life, but rather fleeting moments of it that flashed before her eyes.
Her father's bear hug the day she graduated from the Academy; her mother's look of shocked surprise as she recognized her that fateful day last year. Traci's disbelief when she saw the writing on the knife Jerry gave her; Oliver tossing the pickles off his sandwich; Liam shifting a beer towards her at The Penny.
Sam's frantic hands as they peeled through her hair after she had been shot two years ago; the smouldering look in his dark brown eyes the night she told him she didn't want to go back. His dimpled smile…
God was that it then? Would she never have the chance to see any of these people who carved so deeply into her life experiences again?
Were her and Sam completely out of second chances? Was there to be no stab at reconciliation, all because she would cease to exist?
Then Nick pulled the trigger and… nothing. The gun wasn't loaded.
Now here they were with their cover cracked wide open through no fault of their own; staring possible death in the eye again. If the worse case scenario came about they wouldn't even get to reap the rewards of their work here.
Damn it no! She surely wasn't going to perish here today, in this hopeless place. If that happened, what was she leaving behind as her legacy?
They would say she had been determined, gutsy and dedicated. She had proven herself in the world of policing. They would give her all the usual accolades. Perhaps there would be references to her having the "heart of a lion". She squeezed her eyes closed at that personal stabing reminder.
But what had she Andy McNally meant to the people in her life? She had been a good, considerate and caring daughter to her father. Who knew what she had been to her Mother?
She had been a steadfast friend, a compassionate individual, a model member of society. She had been in love, twice, the last time… God this killed… she had loved someone so deeply, completely and passionately, that she felt her whole being had shifted from its base to somewhere brilliant and frightening.
She had been loved in return. She had been loved by Sam Swarek dammit. Had he ever loved anyone before her? Christ, just six months ago he had finally told her that he really loved her. And then she left him. Bam! She left.
'God… Sam!' she thought under her breath! She wanted to let out a sob, but she couldn't.
Damn she was angry at the whole world right now. Not just Nick.
He was aware of her fear and fury of course. He took a few breaths and then came and stood right beside her, breathing out heavily. "I hate going to bed angry," he said hollowly.
"I know," Andy replied in complete cohesion with him. It was kind of a thing they had. They never ended their days at odds. The job they were on caused stresses and tensions. They had made sure not to allow any of it to bleed into their rapport with each other.
That's all she got to utter before the sounds of voices yelling interrupted them. They were followed up by footsteps rushing forward. Crap, this couldn't be good. Imminent danger was barreling towards them.
Nick reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. They were one unit, one team and this was it. They had to go down fighting together. No surrender.
"Ready to fight?" He asked her methodically. Andy nodded and together they moved forward to hold the door down.
The footsteps got closer. Her heart pumped frantically. She could feel it in her throat. They looked at each other. She was glad Nick was with her now.
Someone kicked the door, it shuddered and released. Instinctively they pulled it back down.
"McNally?" an instantly familiar voice called out. His voice softened the tension in the air. It released the taut coil of fear in the pit of her stomach.
Her body crumpled in absolute relief. A sound somewhere between a gasp, sob and exhalation escaped her. It was his voice. It was Sam's voice. It was bringing her out of this surreal, nervous frenzy and giving her a soft and comforting place to land… again.
"Are you in there? Open the door." He called out again. So Sam had found her. How could she have doubted that he would? God the relief, the joy, the sense of warm familiarity this brought her.
For a fleeting second with the words he chose, she imagined that he was once again asking her to open the door on their relationship.
There had always been doors with them. Geez even their first meeting resulted from her busting open a door at that dive building downtown? He hadn't needed to break this one down. He only needed to ask her to open it.
With Nick's help, she released the door and thrust it open. He was standing there right before her. His brown, glinting eyes instantly captured hers.
There was intensity in his face, an expression that screamed with willful emotion. "I'm there when it matters," he had said to her once before. It echoed in her mind now as she lost herself in his eyes.
He had abysmally failed to live up to that proclamation seven months ago when he broke her heart. But, he had been there for her so many times in the past when it really, really mattered. It was a pattern that had evolved between them, and boy did it ever matter now.
He looked incredible. He was toned, lean and, seemingly so silently in tune with her. God, could his eyes penetrate any more deeply into her? She felt like he was peeling through her layers, exposing her real self to him again. She weakened at the knees, certain she would collapse.
Slowly his lips tweaked into a flickering of a smile. She stared at him, still in complete disbelief. Then her face crinkled into a smile of complete joy and relief. The tears glowered in her eyes; a hard sob stuck in her throat.
He saw her smile and let out a gasp of some kind, flashing his teeth with a fleeting smile directed at her and her alone. He looked like a boy unable to contain his excitement. She could swear he wanted to scoop her up and take her away with him. She wanted it to.
He looked away suddenly and into Nick's eyes. Then he looked back at her this time with more constraint, but all the obvious signs of relief and happiness still there.
"Hi," she said softly, not sure what else to say.
"Hi," he replied his voice firm, yet soft as butter.
"How was your trip?" He asked with tenderness. Her body ached for this tenderness she knew existed in him. Christ had she really for one instant thought she was over him?
Had she really told Nick today he was completely in the past? That statement had to be one epic fail!
Dammit she could have slept with Nick for a month of Sundays and she knew she would still be crumbling and losing herself to the magnetic pull of Sam all over again. Some things just never dissipated, no matter what life or time threw at you.
"Good," she managed to hold her voice together, fully aware that her eyes were filling with tears.
"Good." He repeated in a whisper under his voice, his eyes hypnotically drawing her in again.
"How are you?" the genuine concern in his question, unravelled her still further.
"Great," she said softly, the slightest hint of a crack in her voice. He could surely tell she was so close to crying.
Of course she was great. He had found her. Christ he had rescued her again. He was her hero. How could she be anything but great?
"It's good to see you," her voice came as a feeble whisper.
"Glad to have you back," he smiled at her. There was a calm and genuine ebb to his tone. It made her tingle to her bones.
"Me too," she replied.
"Glad to have you back," she kept repeating in her mind, like some new mantra. With her jellied legs she somehow managed to start walking past him.
The next hour was all becoming a fog and a blur. She knew she needed to stay sharp and astute for her debriefing. People were buzzing around them, there were numerous officers hovering. It was all kind of outlandish to her.
She kept craning her neck to get glimpses of Sam. She just needed to keep him in her line of sight. It kept her focused, sure of herself, and also a little dizzy with excitement too.
He must have felt her eyes trailing him, as every so often he would look up and meet her eyes. He would smile at her. That furtive 'I'm right here,' kind of smile, she had always thrived on. She was on an all-time high right now. Christ how she had missed him.
She could barely stop watching him. She felt so drawn to him. He surely felt the magical pull too. It was still there, she couldn't deny it.
Six months ago he had implored her and pleaded with her. He had promised her all kinds of wonderful things, mostly a sense of security that had always been missing between them as a couple. She wanted to revisit those ideas and that conversation with him, tonight if possible.
He approached her and Nick now, phone to ear. Her eyes simply couldn't tear away from him.
He was all business as he calmly told them they needed to return to the station to debrief.
Damn she would have agreed to jump up and down bare feet on a bed of nails right now if that is what he suggested. She knew she was wearing her emotions on her sleeve, but she didn't care.
"Mmhmm," she replied, with a silly half smile and a mystical 'I'm so happy you're here,' expression on her face.
She would have kept looking at him too, if Jacob hadn't intercepted. By the looks of things, it seemed like he owed Sam a lot tonight too. She watched him shake Sam's hand, that silly smile refusing to leave her face.
He smiled at her again. Dammit those lips, those eyes? Perhaps he would give her a ride back to 15 and they would get some alone time-
"I'll get you a ride back to the station." A voice cut in. A woman's voice. She hadn't really known anyone else was there with them. She had even blotted Nick out.
She gave Sam one last wistful look, before walking away with Nick and the officer. No worries she would see Sam at the station again.
Being reunited with the gang was incredible. It was crazy what a tight knit family they were. She hugged everyone with pure relief to be back in the loop. Seeing Traci again was especially bittersweet.
She had left her best friend at such a tumultuous time of her life. She looked balanced and solid, but was she really? With Traci things always ran deep, and she was sure her pain was still real and palpable.
It seemed like she was sharing her office space with one Detective Sam Swarek these days too. Hmm!
Traci naturally read her like a book. A not so subtle smile on her face, she watched Andy's flustered mannerisms, as she nervously looked around. "Andy," she said with that maternal tone.
Andy just loved the way Traci got her sometimes. Not always, but now it was perfectly intuitive and appreciated. "I think he's in the kitchen." She concluded with a smart smirk.
Andy nodded knowingly, smiled and turned to hightail it to the kitchen. Every step was bringing her closer to him at last. He still had a lot to prove, but her answer would be yes.
Christ she hadn't stopped needing him. Maybe she would be the one asking, who knew. As long as the answer was yes who cared really.
…
WAM BAM. She felt like she had walked straight into a door, cracking her heart in the process.
Her anticipation disintegrated. Her joyful musings brutally slapped from her mind. Crap, Sam actually wrapped his arm around that woman, before he leaned in for a quick kiss. Dammit, had he actually told her that she, Andy McNally was in his past? Had he really told her, whoever the hell she was, that they were over?
For once she understood what the expression heart-stopping meant. She watched paralysed, shattered, speechless, heartbroken, crestfallen and deflated.
So it had all been in her head? He wasn't sharing stolen glances with her before. He wasn't giving her hope and promise with his smile and eyes. Damn him. He had moved on. So soon, just like that. He had moved on.
She leaned against the door frame, needing its support. He must have sensed her presence. He looked up, saw her and froze. His expression was firm and resolute, but his eyes gave away certain humility and uncertainty. He looked uncomfortable, guilty even.
She shook her head as she glared at him hopelessly. She wanted to say something but her mouth was dry and her tongue too heavy to move.
Before she could implore him with her eyes any further, her escape came, in the form of Jacob hollering to her. She fell right in step behind him. She had all the time in the world. She had nowhere else to be and no one else to share her time with.
Forget her fury at Nick. Right now she wanted to impale Sam. Nick holding a gun to her head was nothing compared to what it felt like having Sam pierce a stake through her heart.
"Damn you Sam Swarek," she growled under her breath.