Happy early Valentine's Day! So, I promised the next Starship fanfic I wrote would be about Tootsie. Guess what? I lied. Technically, the Starship fanfic posted after CME wasn't even about Starship characters. This one is Buguary, as the title says, which means it's not about Taz hating Valentine's Day and Up showing her that it's not that bad, which I know is going to be the plot of most fanfics actually posted on Valentine's Day.
Also, I am fully aware that it is Valentine's Day, not Valentime's Day. February doesn't know that, though.
Valentime's Day
Bug's POV
It was just a normal day according to Bug. Just your average Tuesday. Bug had noted, however, that everyone else had been acting strangely. He had noticed festive multi-colored candy wrappers littering the halls of the G. L. E. E. base, and everyone was carrying decorative pink and white pieces of papers with hearts on them. Bug had also noted that whenever a person with a card came up to someone he or she particularly liked, they would exchange cards. What was going on? Was this like Christmas but in February?
Speaking of Bug's girlfriend, she came running down the hallway towards him at full speed. "BUUUGG!" She halted right in front of him. "Your Valentime's Day card for me got lost in the mail!"
Valentime's Day card? Bug thought. What the bug is Valentime's Day?
"Wait… you did send me a card, didn't you?" February demanded. Bug nodded quickly. "Oh, good! Can't wait to get it!"
February skipped off. When Bug was sure she was gone, he turned around and ran back to his room. He locked the door and hit a button on the far right wall, causing a screen on the other wall to turn on. After the mission on Bug World, a communication channel between Bug World and Earth had been set up. Being the only member of the Galactic League who spoke Bug, the communicator had been set up in his room.
As he waited for someone to answer on the other end, Bug reflected on his dilemma. February wants me to get her something! And I said I did! I don't even know what Valentime's Day is or what I'm supposed to get…
To Bug's relief, a small purple bug appeared on the screen. "Roach?"
Roach jumped up. "Bug… is that you?"
Bug shook his head. Roach still hadn't fully grasped the concept of the communicator. "Yeah. It's me."
"But aren't you on Earth with all the hu-mans!" Roach spun around in a circle, looking for Bug.
"I'm talking to you through the communicator," Bug reminded his friend.
"Oh. This thing…" Roach muttered, addressing the communicator. "What do you need, Bug?"
"So, remember how you were lady-bug crazy before you met the Overqueen?" Bug asked. Roach nodded. "Well, I was wondering if you know what Valentime's Day is."
"Valentime's Day?" Roach echoed. It made Bug slightly hopeful that Roach could answer his question. "Never heard of it."
Bug grimaced. Great. "I think it's a human tradition," Bug explained. "February expects me to get her something."
"What are you going to get her?" Roach pressed.
"I don't know; that's the problem," Bug admitted.
"Maybe you should talk to your hu-man friends," Roach suggested. "They probably know more about it than me."
"Oh, I know! I'll talk to Up! He'll know exactly what to do!" Bug exclaimed. "Thanks, Roach!"
"Honey, are you done yet?" Bug could hear the Overqueen's voice from offscreen.
"ALMOST! JUST A SECOND!" Roach shouted back. He turned back to Bug. "I have to go. Good luck, though!"
"Thanks. Oh, and say hi to Bumbley and the Overqueen for me," Bug added.
"I will!" Roach promised, and then the screen went blurry.
Bug turned his communicator off and left his room. He turned and started walking down the hall as calmly as he could. The urgency of the situation made him want to start running, but he forced himself to walk calmly. To his surprise, it was Up who came running down the hall. Bug wasn't so surprised that he was chasing Taz.
"Taz, I said I was sorry –" Up began.
"CALLA!" Taz screeched, turning around. Bug took an involuntary step backwards even though the Spanish was not directed at him. "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THIS DAMN HOLIDAY!"
"I thought you'd like to get away from the base today –" Up tried again.
"NOT TO SOMETHINS AS ESTUPIDO AS THIS!" Taz snarled, brandishing a flyer to some restaurant like it was a weapon. Bug wasn't quite sure what it said, but the flyer was pink, so Bug assumed it wasn't something Taz liked. "JOU IDIOTA!"
Taz spun around and stomped down the hallway to her room. She glared at Bug as she passed and shoved him out of her way. Up watched her go before turned to Bug. Bug could see the tiredness in his blue eyes.
"I hope you have something good to tell me, Bug," Up said.
"Actually, I was hoping that you have something good to tell me, Up," Bug explained. "I need your help again."
"Well, what is it Bug?" Up asked.
"Can you tell me what Valentime's Day is?" Bug requested.
Up's gray eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "Oh, Valentine's Day."
While this may have cleared things up for the gray-haired commander, it only made Bug more confused. Is it Valentime's Day or Valentine's Day?
"February said it's called Valentime's Day," Bug told Up.
"Oh. Well, she's an idiot. It's Valentine's Day, Bug," Up stated firmly. "It's also the source of my trouble today too."
"Well, what happened?" Bug asked, eager to help his friend.
"I figured that Taz might like a day off today; she hates Valentine's Day," Up informed him. "So I picked out a nice restaurant for us to go to. I don't think I made the best choice, though. The point is, now she's mad at me. Again."
Bug patted Up's back sympathetically. "Well, I'm sure everything will work out just like it did last time. Just give her a chance to blow off steam."
"That's probably a good idea," Up agreed. "So what's your problem, Bug?"
"I told February I got her a Valentim –" Bug stopped himself. "Valentine's Day card, but I didn't, and if she finds out, she's going to be so mad."
"Well why don't you just make her a Valentine's Day card?" Up suggested.
"I'm not sure what I should put on it," Bug admitted. "I don't even know what Valentine's Day is."
"Well, Valentine's Day is the oldest and silliest of human holidays," Up explained. "It may even be sillier than Easter."
Bug frowned. "What's Easter?"
"It's when we use eggs and bunnies to celebrate Dead-God being born the second time, but that's not important. We're talking about Valentine's Day, not Easter. Valentine's Day is…" Up drifted off. "It's when we humans go around giving cards and chocolate to their loved ones."
Bug's frown increased. "Why?"
"Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate your love for someone else," Up explained. "Eventually, it turned into just another cheap commercialized holiday where you got free candy."
Bug was beginning to see why Taz hated it so much. "I don't know how to write human, though! How will I put all my thoughts onto a card?"
Up frowned as well. "You could ask Krayonder to write it for you."
Bug thought over the idea. "Why can't you do it, Up?"
Up grimaced. "I need to think of ways to make Taz stop being mad at me."
"Oh, well good luck with that," Bug said.
"I'll need it," Up muttered before walking away.
Bug turned around and headed towards Krayonder's room. He knocked politely on the door, and Krayonder opened it. "Ah, bug!" Krayonder exclaimed, holding up his zapper.
Bug rolled his eyes. "It's just me, Krayonder."
Krayonder glared at Bug. "You would be jumpy too if you were almost eaten by a giant scorpion, man. What do you want? I'm kind of busy doing nothing right now, man."
"Up said you might be able to help me write my Valentine's Day card," Bug explained.
"That's TODAY?" Krayonder's eyes widened with fear. "I didn't get anything for Specs. Dude, you've got to help me!"
"Can you help me with February's card first?" Bug requested. "I promise I'll help you afterwards."
Krayonder looked at him skeptically, but he let Bug into his messy room. There were clothes and papers strewn around the rooms. Bug stepped in something that looked suspiciously like a half-finished cheeseburger on his way in.
"So, what do you need, man?" Krayonder asked.
"I need you to write my card for February," Bug explained. "I can't read or write human, so I need you to do it for me."
"Okay," Krayonder agreed. He bent down and pulled out a random sheet of paper and a pencil that seemed to be about the size of one of Krayonder's fingers. "What do you want it to say?"
"Dear February," Bug began as Krayonder scribbled it down. "You are beautiful to me, and I am sure that I love you. So sure, that –"
"Can you repeat that last part?" Krayonder interrupted.
"I am sure that I love –" Bug started.
"No, before that," Krayonder interrupted again. "In fact, can you repeat that whole thing?"
Bug glared at Krayonder. "Dear February."
"How do you spell February, man?" Krayonder asked.
Bug shrugged. "I don't know! I don't write human!"
Krayonder frowned. "I'm just going to put Febuary. It's not like she'll be able to tell the difference."
Bug considered asking Krayonder what he meant by that, but Bug knew that he was running out of time. "You are beautiful to me –"
"How do you spell beautiful?" Krayonder interrupted for the fourth time.
Bug, fed up with Krayonder, snatched the paper away. "I think I'll just ask Mega-Girl to write this for me."
"Don't do it, man!" Krayonder exclaimed. "She'll, like, zap you if you try to get her to write it, man!"
"At least she actually knows how to write human," Bug argued, departing from Krayonder's room.
"Wait, what about my Specs dilemma?" Krayonder cried as Bug closed the door.
On his way to Tootsie's room, Bug considered asking Tootsie for help. Then he remembered that Tootsie had as much trouble with spelling as Krayonder did. I hope Mega-Girl doesn't zap me, Bug thought, swallowing the lump in his throat as he knocked on the door to Tootsie's room.
To Bug's surprise, it was Mega-Girl who opened it. "What do you want, ant?" she demanded. "Tootsie is not here right now, so if you are looking for him, please leave and stop forcing me to look at your hideous face."
"I was actually looking for you," Bug mumbled.
Mega-Girl's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"I need you to write something for me," Bug muttered, addressing the floor.
"What?" Mega-Girl asked.
"A Valentine's Day card," Bug answered.
"Valentine's Day is a stupid, puny human tradition celebrated by those who wish to gain candy and false confessions of love," Mega-Girl said. "Why would I want to help you write a Valentine's Day card? Why would you even want to write a Valentine's Day card?"
"It's for February," Bug admitted. "I tried going to Krayonder to have him help me write it, but he sucks at spelling."
"I'd act surprised, but I am a robot, and therefore it is impossible for me to be surprised, acting or otherwise," Mega-Girl said. "Very well, Bug. I shall help you."
"Really?" Bug was actually surprised. He hadn't expected the robot to comply so easily.
"This will serve as a study on what humans generally expect in a Valentine's Day card," Mega-Girl explained. "I will find out if your girlfriend is delighted by your confessions of love or is too selfish to be grateful. Most carbon-based beings are too selfish to feel grateful for any small act of love, but perhaps a human with such a low intelligence as February will act differently."
Bug wasn't quite sure what all of that meant, but it sounded like she was going to help him. Mega-Girl walked over to the desk on the right side of the room and pulled out a pencil and a sheet of paper.
"Please state a command for me to service you," Mega-Girl requested in her standard robotic voice.
"Write 'Dear February'," Bug commanded. "'You are beautiful to me, and I am sure that I love you. So sure, that I am willing to write this card to confess my love for you. It is not enough, though, because words cannot begin to describe what I feel for you in my dorsal tube every time I look at you. Eep op ork ah ah. Bug."
"Is that it?" Mega-Girl asked.
Bug nodded, and she handed him the card. Bug looked it over, and it seemed good enough to him. "Thanks, Mega-Girl. You're a lifesaver."
"Incorrect statement," Mega-Girl said in response. "Lifesavers are small circular candies that come in either gummy form or as hard candies."
Bug wasn't sure what Mega-Girl meant, but suddenly the door opened and Tootsie walked in holding a cup off coffee.
"Hi, Bug," Tootsie greeted him. "Do you want some coffee?"
"Oh, no thanks," Bug answered. He wasn't going to risk getting anything on the letter.
"It's no problem; I'll just go get some more from the break room!" Tootsie encouraged, shoving the hot cup towards Bug.
Bug took an involuntary step back, and Tootsie stepped forward. Tootsie slipped, though, and the coffee cup flew out of his hand. It landed on the ground, and the styrofoam cup exploded on impact, dousing Bug's letter in hot liquid.
Bug stared at his card with horror. "My card!"
Mega-Girl was pulling Tootsie off of the floor. "Are you okay, Tootsie?"
"Aw, dangit! My coffee!" Tootsie whined. "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to get a new one."
Bug ignored both of them and fled quickly from the room. He ran into the bathroom and turned on the automatic hand dryer. To his despair, instead of drying the wet piece of paper, the hot air caused the card to crumble and flake into ruin.
"No!" Bug cried. "Oh, February's going to be so mad!"
"Bug?" Bug wheeled around and saw February standing at the entrance to the bathroom. He hid the ruined card behind his back. "What are you doing in the little girls' room?"
Bug looked around and realized that he had indeed run into the wrong bathroom. He mentally smacked himself. "February, I'm sorry. I was trying to make a card for you, and –"
"Wait, so it's true!" February cried.
Bug considered asking what was true, but he decided to plunge forward with his apology. "Yes, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied," he apologized. "I just didn't want to disappoint you; it seemed like a big deal to you. I tried so hard to make you an actual card, but it just didn't work, and –"
"Bug, it's okay," February interrupted. "Up told me about all the trouble you had been going through to make a card for me, and, although I wish I had gotten some candy, it's the thought that counts."
"Oh, cool!" Bug exclaimed, relieved. "Wait… why were you with Up?"
"I was mediating his talk with Taz," February explained. "They're still mad at each other."
"I hope Krayonder got something for Specs," Bug muttered. "I sort of left him in his room."
"I know what we can do to help our friends!" February exclaimed. "We can throw a party!"
Bug frowned. "Won't that just make Taz angrier?"
"Not if Up apologizes quick enough!" February insisted. "Come on. We have planning to do."
So, sorry the ending was a bit rushed. Let's just assume that the party was a success, Taz isn't angry at Up, and they all lived happily ever after. I might write another chapter later describing the party, but the point of this fanfic is that Bug needed to find something to get February, and as soon as that was wrapped up, the fanfic would end up being too long. I have another one-shot planned that I'll probably upload today that's much less Valentine's Day oriented, so stay tuned for that. Oh, and review. Please?