It was a dark and stormy night, typical in The Winter season of London. All of the power in the city was out. While most of the residents were dining by candlelight, Dan Howell however was trying to find something to keep his mind off of his biggest fear, the dark. He had been residing on the couch, reaching down to plug his phone and laptop in to charge, waiting for his roommate, Phil Lester, to come back with food whenever the lightning struck and the power all went down. He had no source or light, all of his electronic devices were dead, and all the candles were in the dining room drawers, it was just Dan and his biggest fear. Alone. All he could think about was the one thing that was always on his mind, his best friend and love, Phil Lester. Nobody knew about his secret affection for the dark haired boy. He had finally came to terms with his feelings about two weeks ago, and since then nothing had been the same with Phil. It was just awkward every time he tried to speak with him. It was just a combination of awkward grinning, mumbling, and lip biting. He couldn't have Phil find out his feelings, he couldn't bear it anymore, he was afraid if he told Phil, their friendship would be over. That's why nobody could find out, if somebody told him, Dan wouldn't have a best friend. Dan hadn't had a best friend for the first 18 years of his life, not having one for the rest of his life sounded way more unappealing.
Dan tried to suppress his feelings. He tried denying he. He really did try. Dan tried telling people he didn't. That he didn't spend hours upon hours each day in his room reading Phanfiction's from his followers. He didn't scroll through his Tumblr feed hoping to see drawings of him and Phil from the people who shipped them. Surprisingly, there were a lot of crazy fangirls out there who would've killed to see them together. Somehow, Dan was becoming one of those people. One of those crazy fangirls who shipped them more than they cared about their grades or social life. The thought of Phil finding out about it made him want to cry. Watching the Valentines Day video Phil "made" him did make him cry. the thought of Phil actually wanting him and being with him was too good even to dream. He knew Phil was straight, there was no denying it. But he just wished that Phil could change his mind just to be with him, but Dan wasn't one to believe that lives a fantasy and everybody got there happy endings. Would it be great if he did, definitely, but he wasn't going to sit around and wait for Phil to change just for him. Maybe happily ever after worked for some people, but for Daniel James Howell, it did not.
Since he developed these new feelings, Dan stayed locked up in his room more often. He would often find himself playing music or playing his piano to cover the sound of his cries from Phil. Dan even refused to leave his bedroom that day until Phil had left to get food. He only wished that he knew how Phil felt about him. That would make his life so much easier, if he wasn't attracted to Dan, that was fine with him, but he needed to know. He couldn't stay locked in his room every day for the rest of his life. One day he would have to tell Phil, hopefully that say wouldn't be too soon.
He had to change his train of thought before he had a breakdown, he decided. What could he think about. Not Phil. Not the darkness he was currently surrounded by. It was pointless. The only thing Dan could think of was Phil, the way his black hair fell into his eyes when he looked down, his ocean blue eyes lighting up whenever he laughed, the occasional dirty joke out of the corner of his mouth at dinner. Just everything about Phil. He was perfect. Utterly perfect. His sense of humor was amazing, his hair was gorgeous, his innocence was one of the funniest things about him. There was little more than Phil that Dan wanted in this world. Phils happiness meant more than anything to Dan, so even if Phil didn't love him back, if he was happy, Dan would be too.
"How long does it bloody take to get bloody takeout?" he muttered to himself as he wondered where Phil was. He had left at least an hour ago. Dan knew that it never took that long to get dinner, even in rush hour in downtown London. "Phil, please hurry up" Dan whispered as he started to shake. He didn't believe in paranormal things, yet he couldn't help but think of everything that could kill him as he sat there, alone. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. He buried his head into his knees as he shook. Their usually cold apartment was becoming even colder without the heater. Dan began to shake out of coldness along with the fear, even with his blanket and sweatshirt, he couldn't stop from the shaking. He looked out of the window trying to make out any walking figures on the sidewalk. He couldn't make out any faces, and he just kind of silently let tears fall down his pale face. "Phillip Michael Lester, bloody get back here!" He yelled into the darkness covering his face with his hands. He could barely handle it. Dan thought about lighting the fireplace for heat, but he knew he couldn't get to the matches, he wrapped his blanket tightly around himself "Phil, Please come home" he cried. Dan felt the area around him on the couch and found another piece of fabric, he pulled it onto his shoulders for warmth. He caught the scent of something and automatically threw it across the room, it was Phil's. There was no mistake with the cologne. Everything in their apartment reminded Dan of him. Literally everything "Phil please" he whispered
Phil had gotten his and Dans food and caught a cab whenever the power went out. He hadn't noticed the power and he texted Dan to tell him he had got the food. He had urged Dan multiple times to come get the food with him, but he wouldn't even come out of his bedroom, he just shouted no at Phil until he finally left. When he didn't get a reply from Dan about the food, he just shrugged it off, it was probably just Dan not replying, like usual. When he got stuck in traffic, Phil texted Dan again to tell him that he'd be late with the food. After about forty minutes without Dan even looking at the text, Phil started to worry. He had been worried about Dan for a couple of weeks now, he just wasn't the same. Now Dan only came out of his room for food and the occasional chat. It worried Phil. It worried Phil more than anything, Dan was his best friend and he couldn't let anything happen to him. Usually Dan would listen to his music with headphones, but lately his music was on full blast 24/7. Or he'd be playing the old piano, which usually only happened once in a couple of weeks. Something was bothering Dan, and Phil intended to figure out what it was. He would do anything to pry it out of Dan. Phil wondered about how Dan was doing alone the entire trip home. The cab driver eventually got out of the traffic and stopped in front of their apartment, Phil payed for his trip "Have a nice night" he called to the cabbie as he crawled out of the door with the takeout. The city looked more dead than usual, but he payed it no mind. He stepped into the building and noticed that the lights were all out, he just shrugged it off and pulled out his phone turning the flashlight on. He practically skipped up the stairs, ready for the usual dinner and talking with Dan part of his day. He didn't know why, but that was slowly starting to become his favorite part of the day. The way he just sat across from Dan as they talked, the way Dans chestnut brown eyes seemed to light up when he laughed, the way his face turned red when Phil would make dirty comments out of the side of his mouth, just his voice and his laugh, just everything about dinner with Dan was perfect. He unlocked the door and looked into the dark rooms, "Dan", he called, "Dan where are you, why are all the lights turned off and why is it so cold? Daniel" Phil sat the food on the table and looked around the seemingly deserted apartment, "Dan" he called once again "where are y-" he then caught sight of the bundle of blankets. He rushed over to his friend "Dan what's going on here. What's all this abo-" Phil was cut off by Dan throwing his arms around him
"Bloody Dan, what's going on?" Phil asked jumping a little when Dan hugged him
"Phil" Dan breathed heavily "Thank God you're home."
"Christ mate, I tried texting you"
"Powers out and phones dead"
Phil suddenly thought he understood about Dan "Oh. Well I've got dinner in the dining room, so you up for food?"
He bit his lip and looked into the dark hallway before nodding hesitantly "O-Okay" He grabbed onto Phils shoulder for support.
Phil shined his flashlight into the darkness "We can have a candlelight dinner" he winked jokingly at Dan who in turn gave him a small smile, "Mate, what's up?"
Dan shrugged biting his lip
"Dan please, will you just tell me. You're not being you, lately"
"Phil, I'm fine. I promise"
"Dan, I'm not stupid don't lie to me." He Looked at him with his best pleading eyes "Please just tell me, you're my best friend and I don't want you to be upset about anything, please Dan"
"Phillip, I swear I'm fine. Just a little tired lately" Dan lied, settling in a chair.
"Fine." Phil muttered sitting across from him "So I was thinking about vlogging about this, y'know since the powers out and all. And I need something to post this week, you up for it?"
Dan shrugged pulling the blanket around him tighter "yeah, I guess"
Phil looked at him, just wishing he'd tell him what was up before pulling out some candles and matches for actual light instead of just his phone flashlight. He got everything set up before giving Dan a small smile before starting to record, "Hey guys", He gave a smile at the camera, "So the powers out, and none of the candles seem to want to work so me and Dan are having a very badly light takeout dinner" he turned the camera over the rest of the table and Dan who gave a small smile and a wave, "I'm not sure when the power went out exactly, but I don't think any of the city has power right now, and it's kind of freaky, like a ghost could just pop up any moment" he paused for effect before laughing "I really hope that doesn't happen. So I went out to get dinner and apparently the power went out like momentarily after I got out of the shop-"
"I was reaching down to plug in my dying phone and laptop into charge and everything just went black" Dan complained from the opposite end of the table, "so it was just pitch black for like an hour and the apartments usually cold anyways, but the heat wasn't working and I had no light, and it was bad"
Phil laughed, a smile forming "and I just left him alone to die"
"Man, what an inconsiderate friend, he just left me alone to be murdered by the Grudge or something that would just kill me, and he probably wouldn't even care"
"Hey! I'm not that bad of a friend! I would have at least showed up for your funeral" he swept his tar-black hair out of his face
"Mhm. Okay. Whatever" Dan rolled his brown eyes for effect.
Phil looked over at Dan and was glad to see him genuinely laughing for once, "Okay so earlier this week, we decided we were gonna actually get out of the house and go outside for once" Dan groaned at the sound of Phil telling that story, but he continued anyways, "and we were going to kill one bird with two stones and exercise a bit. So we walked a little farther than we'd intended to, and it started to rain and we were both like "Well let's just grab some coffee then we can catch a taxi home" and so that's exactly what we did. About halfway through the coffee we decided to just go home with our half finished drinks and we could chill by the fireplace and drink them, and so we get up to leave and this man, who seemed very busy, trips and spills hot coffee all over Dan."
"The man didn't even seem sorry either, he just rolled his eyes and went back to get another one, and I'm just standing there like 'Mate, really' so I rode all the way home, in a taxi, with my clothes soaking with hot coffee, that eventually turned to cold coffee, and it was just a bad ending to the day"
Phil laughed "Is it only Dan who has this bad luck, or is it everybody?" He asked the camera, shivering "Okay so it's freezing in here and I don't want to go get a blanket, and I am pretty sure if I try to light the fireplace, I'm just going to burn the apartment down, and that's the last thing we need" He held an almost burnt out candle close to his face, "Well since I don't think you guys can see me, and I'm super hungry I'm going to stop filming, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and if you haven't already, subscribe. Thank you all for watching, bye" He gave the camera a small wave and turned it off. He turned to Dan and looked him straight in the eyes "Daniel James Howell, what's been up with you? You're not just tired, there's something wrong and I'd really appreciate if you would just tell me"
"Phillip Michael Lester, I'm fine. You don't have to be so concerned for me, I do appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."
"Dan! You're my best friend, of course I have to be concerned for you, you would be for me, and you know it!" He said getting up from the table and putting his hand on Dan's shoulder "I know something's wrong, and I really just want to be here for you. You know you can talk to me whenever about anything, Dan. Please just tell me"
"That's the thing, Phil. I can't tell you everything. I just- I can't." He looked I'm the opposite direction of Phil's face staring intensely at his hands.
"Dan" Phil's voice got softer as crouched down to be eye-level with him "I'm here for anything, I won't judge you, I won't get mad at you, you can trust me. You know that."
Dans eyes got misty as he heard Phil speak, "I'm just scared to tell you," He said quickly standing from the table, "Okay? I'm just scared." He then hesitantly went down the hall to his bedroom where he locked the door and collapsed on his bed before Phil could stop him. He cried face first into his bedsheets not even caring if anybody could hear him. He didn't want to hide it anymore. He just didn't want to. But he had to...
He knew he had to.
"Dan" Phil called after him chasing him down the hallway "Please don't be afraid to tell me anything. Please, I'm here for you, mate. Anything you need I'll always be here. No matter how stupid or embarrassing it may be, I'll never judge you or anything" He reached for Dans arm just as the door closed. He heard the lock go into place. Phil stood there with his hand on the door, tears forming in his eyes as he heard his best friend just collapse onto the bed "Dan, please. Please don't do this to yourself. It's not good for you, you know that. Dan please just talk to me, just tell me what's going on" He paused trying to keep from crying, but couldn't stop the tears when he heard Dan's muffled cries. "Dan. Please. Please. You know you can trust me, Dan please just let me in" He rattled the doorknob "Please, Dan. I'm scared for you. I know you're scared, but I'm more than anything scared for you right now... Dan you need to talk to someone, please don't keep this all inside, please just tell me. Please" He whispered sliding down the door, "Dan just listen to me, please. Let me in, we can talk this out. This isn't healthy, please Dan. Just talk to me. Please, just open the door" He cried "Please, just open the door" He whispered turning to face it "Dan... Please"
AN- Thank you to everyone who reads this, i know it's short and it kind of sucks, but I'm trying. Yes, I know they're both VERY dramatic, but idk aren't most Fanfictions dramatic, and tbh I kinda like it. And who doesn't love the occasional stupid, over dramatic, cute, Phanfiction? Yes, some of its 'dumb', but I think it's kind of cute. Please tell me what you think and once again thank you for reading.