He didn't know what made him do it. He had no idea why he was doing it still doing it. His brain was going crazy. Why are you doing this?! Stop! Stop now! This isn't okay! No, no, no, no!But his body wouldn't listen.
But this is so nice. It's so comforting. God knows we could use some is just what we need. We're never going to stop.
Dean sat at the edge of Cas's bed and stared down at the fallen angels sleeping face. His gaze trails down his shoulders, over his slowly expanding chest, and down his arms to his hand, where Cas's fingers were intertwined with his own. Dean sighed ans wondered how he had come to this.
When Cas had first started staying with them Dean has been forced to share a room with him. Sam had claimed that Cas would be more comfortable with Dean as they shared a more "profound bond." Cas had agreed that this was true while Sam smirked behind Cas, and Dean glared back. Why did he have to share a room with the angel with the staring problem and no sense of personal space?
"Fine." Dean had agreed. "But Cas, you better remember, personal space."
Dean said this with a big emphasis on on personal space. He really didn't want to have to deal with yelling at Cas about how, when Dean had just gotten out of the shower and was only wearing a towel, that he is definately not aloud to come stand an inch away from Dean's face.
Living with Cas wasn't that bad. He was quiet, and pensive, and never bothered Dean the way Sam had. All in all, he was a wonderful room mate. He still had an issue with staring, which Dean found especially annoying when he was trying to change, and sometimes he forgot about personal space, but living with Cas was just fine. And everything would have stayed fine if only Dean hadn't taken Cas to a crowded bar.
The crowd was so thick in the small, local tavern that Dean was afraid he'd loose Cas. Without thinking he reached behind him and grabbed Cas's hand.
Dean was surprised. He hadn't expected Cas's hand to be so...smooth. It felt like the hand of a child, soft and warm, with no calluses or scratches to speak of. No one he'd held hands with before had ever felt like this. As their fingers wound together Dean felt a blush rise to his face and scolded himself.
What are you? A twelve year old girl holding hands with her crush? This is Cas. He's a dude! You should not find this so nice. You are not allowed to like this.
Cas cleared his throat and Dean was snapped out of his mental lecture on appropriate hand holding partners. He realized he was still holding Cas's hand, and they were completely out of the crowd. He dropped Cas's hand like it burned him. As he looked at Cas he saw confusion flash across his features, which then settled back into his usual stoic mask.
Dean turned to the bar to hide another blush that was slowly creeping up his cheeks.God Damn it! This is so dumb! He stalked toward the bar and ordered a drink from the bartender. That night he drank like a fish,hit on anything with two legs and tits, and never looked Cas in the eyes until he finally passed out.
When he woke up he was in his bed back at the hotel, still in the clothes from the night before, with a horrible hang over.
"Oh God, my head." Moaned Dean as he slowly sat up. His eyes squinting against the light being let in from the windows. "What happened? How did I get home? Sam?"
"Sam is not here." Said a gravelly voice from the direction of the table. "He has one to get us food. As for your other questions, last night you got extremely drunk. I carried you home."
Dean sat bolt upright at the news that Cas has carried him home. His head was killing him but he ignored it.
"You what?" Asked Dean, an incredulous look on his face.
"I carried you, I am still an angel after all."
Great. Thought Den. Just great. A short weak looking man carried me back from the bar. The bar full of people. I'll never e able to show my face again. And we were gonna be staying for awhile! I was looking forward to some nights out on the town. And I held Cas's hand! I held Cas's hand...Crap!
Dean flopped back on his bed. Without another word to the angel staring at him intently from the table he went back to he woke up again the hotel room was empty.
"Thank God Cas isn't here." He said to himself. He made his way to the table where a cold burger awaited him. Okay. So last night Cas carried me home. Everyone gets smashed enough they have to be dragged back home once inn awhile. It's not like he picked me up like some frikin' Disney princess. And we were only holding hands to get through the crowd. That's not weird. It's not like I enjoyed it or anything. And with that thought he went to go find Sam and Cas.
He found them sitting together at the table in Sam's room researching their current job.
"Find anything?" Dean asked as he walked into the room.
Sam glanced at him and smirked.
"Good morning sleeping beauty."
"Oh be quiet." Dean said as he lounged against the wall, smiling slightly.
"Hello Dean." Cas said in a monotone voice. "Are you feeling better?"
Dean looked at Cas and found two giant blue eyes, filled with worry, scanning his face.
"I'm fine Cas. Thanks." Dean said as he held Cas's gaze.
"Finish up the eye sex boys."Sam chucked at his own joke as the two men turned to look at him. "I've got a lead, lets go."
Dean slowly untangled his fingers from Cas, relinquishing the warmth, and pushed himself of the sleeping angels bed. His head had finally won by using the convincing argument of, what the fuck will Cas think if he wakes up.
His body couldn't argue with that. He walked back to his bed and put his head in his hands.
"What the hell am I doing?" He asked himself, as he looked over at Cas's sleeping form. "I pray to Castiel," He said wryly, smiling slightly at his own joke, "to help me figure this out."
Cas shifted and Dean thought he'd woken him up, but he simply rolled over and pulled the covers around himself. As Dean let out a shigh of relief, he heard Cas let out a barley audible whisper, "Dean."
Dean and Sam drove in silence. Cas had fallen asleep in the back seat as they were driving out of town. They had wrapped up the hunt without much difficulty, but they decided it was safer to leave as soon as possible.
"At least I won't have to worry about going back into that bar." Dean said, mostly to himself. Sam laughed.
"If that had happened to me I would have left town yesterday." Sam said with a mischievous grin. "No offense meant."
"What" Asked Dean, slightly confused. " All he did was drag my drunk ass back to the hotel."
"Sure Cinderella." Sam said as he chuckled. " Just make sure your knight in shining armor doesn't find out how ungrateful you are."
"Okay, seriously dude! What's with all the damn princess jokes?!" Dean asked, getting slowly more and more annoyed with his brother. Sam didn't say anything, just smiled sweetly at Dean. It hit Dean with the force of a train.
"Fuck! He did carry me home like a princess! I knew that damn angel would screw things up!" He turned to Sam and glowered at Sam's full faced grin. He took his eyes off Sam and looked back at the road. He turned up the music and drummed his fingers along to "Hells Bells." He was sure Sam was still laughing, but he decided he was just going to ignore his brother, and the fact that he couldn't quite bring himself to be mad about the news, and drowned out his thoughts with the sounds of AC/DC.
Around two in the morning they arrived in the next town. Dean got himself and Cas a room and then went back and shook Cas awake. He left Sam where he was, figuring he could sleep in the car as punishment for the princess jokes. As he walked towards the hotel he realized Cas wasn't following him. Cas was standing out side the Impala, staring out into space, with an exhausted expression on his face, like he couldn't figure out why he wasn't asleep. His head tilted sightly to one side and he swayed back and forth.
He's so cute when he does that. Thought Dean as he smiled at Cas. Wait! No! What?! He is definitely not cute!
He wiped the goofy smile off his face and stalked over to Cas. Instinctively he grabbed
Cas's hand.
Again! That's twice now! What the hell is with you and holding Cas's fucking hand! Accused his brain, but his boddy was oblivious to his protests. It was too busy wrapping its fingers around Cas's hand.
He walked Cas into their motel room, still gripping tightly to the mans hand. He led Cas to one of the beds where he finally released Ca's hand. He gently took off the older mans trench coat and folded it up.
"Cas, lie down. " He whispered gently, as he put the beat up old coat on the night stand. "It's time to go back to sleep.
Cas blinked slowly and then flopped down on the bed. He immediately curled up in the blankets and started to snore quietly. Dena watches for a few seconds before he sat cautiously on the edge of Cas's bed.
What the Hell are you doing! His brain screamed. Get way now! Get away! Get away! Get away!
But his body was moving of its own accord, again. He slowly reached out and pushed Cas's hair out of his eyes.
Why are you being such a girl!? Who are you and what have you done with Dean? It's Cas! Even if he does look so, so adorable right now... No! Stop this!
His fingers railed down Cas's face, over his shoulder, and down his arm, until he was, once more, holding Cas's hand. He smiled and squeezed Cas's hand to let him know that this time, someone was watching over him and not the other way around.
Dean sat straight up when he heard Cas say his name. Chills ranu and down his whole body. All he knew was that he needed to make sure Cas was okay. He needed to make its so Cas never had that note of desperation find its way into his voice again. He needed to comfort Cas, with all his being he needed to.
For once his brain was silent. Too shocked to even try to stop Dean as he picked himself up and lay down next to Cas. Breathing in the scent of his hair, wrapping an arm protectively around Cas. Warm, comfortable, and happy, he fell into his first really deep sleep since before his mother died.