"Lexa!" Clarke screamed, "we have to run, now!" Pulling on Lexa's arm, feeling her muscles tense and ready to charge in with her sword and fight. But it was a battle they wouldn't, couldn't, win. Whatever it was that had attacked the village was too strong. A radiated mutant that moved almost too fast to see in the half light of the setting sun, with black fur and bloody claws that had incapacitated or killed half of the village already. Screams tore through the air, the wounded and the terrified, the young and the old, the warriors and the healers alike. So much life, so much death.
And Lexa couldn't save them.
Grief clogged her throat as a father pulled at his lifeless daughter's body, unable to leave her despite the fact there was far too much blood on the ground, great rents torn into her stomach. A dark shadow fell on him, and with a strangled scream his suffering ended. Finally Lexa acknowledged the restraint on her arm, Clarke's frantic blue blue eyes pleading, pleading with her to run. But she knew Clarke would never leave her side, whatever the danger she faced. She was torn, as capable as her warriors were, none had stood a chance and she knew in her heart that she would die if she stood against that monster. And worse still, Clarke would die too.
"Lexa please, you can't lead your people if you're dead, we have to go!"
Most of the village was destroyed, the few survivors fled into the forest, whether they would be safe or not Lexa didn't know. But the creature was tearing a swathe through that village that would include them next if they didn't move. Gustus staggered up, almost recognisable only by his size under the blood and mud splatters covering his face, hunched over a gaping gash in his ribs.
"Heda what are you doing? Run!" He got out, pushing her toward Clarke and to safety. "Beja! You have to warn Polis that that thing is out there. Go!" With one last shove he turned back to the wreck of the village, fire starting to spread from some unknown source. Her brave and steady protector, buying them time to escape. Another person she couldn't save. She turned, directing the fire in her limbs to a task other than the one she desperately wanted. She held onto Clarke and ran.
The terrified screams and splintering crashes of the village being destroyed quickly dropped behind them, echoing long after in the two scared young women's heads. They tripped and stumbled through the dark undergrowth, desperation and adrenaline fueling their shaking limbs. They pushed on for what felt like hours in what was hopefully the direction to Polis.
Either way it was away from that thing.
They ran until Clarke couldn't feel her feet, legs burning and lungs tearing harshly at the air. Surely they were far enough away to be safe.
"Lex-a" She panted, "Lexa, stop."
The Commander slowed to a halt beside Clarke, where she had been urging her on, further and faster. She was shaking from where Clarke could see her in the wan moonlight, limbs trembling from exhaustion, fear, rage...or a combination of all three.
Clarke didn't know.
She met Clarke's gaze silently, apart from her uneven, ragged breaths.
"We should stop, we're far enough away from that thing and it'll take at least two days to reach Polis. We can't run the whole time." Clarke could just make out Lexa's eyes in the darkness, they were flat, expressionless and looked as though she wanted to do just that. That every second wasted was paining her, useless inaction that made her feel futile and put more of her people at risk. Instead of speaking she just nodded curtly and marched on shaky legs to the stream they had been following, splashing a few handfuls into her mouth and washing the dirt from her face. As she returned she started gathering sticks from the ground, working mechanically. Clarke watched for a moment before heading to the stream herself, gulping down the icy water. She felt the need to cry, hot pressure building behind her eyes and a lump filling her throat.
So many people.
She swallowed it down. She could see Lexa was hanging on by a thread, brittle and tense, liable to snap. She could keep her composure in front of her subjects, the strong, fearless Heda, shielded behind her armor and her throne. But out here, in the dark of the forest, there was nowhere to hide. The weight of the world still pressed down on those young shoulders though, that suddenly seemed bowed under this latest addition to their burden. Lexa was still busy at work in the small clearing, hunched over something Clarke couldn't see.
"What are you doing?" She tried.
No answer.
"Lexa?" The dark silhouette stilled but didn't turn or answer. "Are you not going to talk at all now? That's going to make being a leader kind of hard."
"I am making a fire. It is cold tonight, Clarke" She said quietly, voice even. During their desperate flight Clarke hadn't noticed the threat of cold in the air, but now her sweat-soaked clothes were chilled, sticking to her skin and making her shiver.
"Okay."
Lexa nodded once more and resumed her work as Clarke settled down beside her to watch. Using the knife at her belt, Lexa carefully shaved small feathers of wood onto a pile of dry tinder she had pulled from a small pouch at her belt and arranged her kindling within easy reach. Clarke watched silently, fascinated. She remembered when her Hundred first reached the ground and their own clumsy attempts to bring fire to life. Lexa's movements were sure and steady. Her shaking had died down now she had a task to turn her mind to. She pulled two stones from the same pouch, one dull gold and ridged, the other smooth and grey with a worn groove etched into its surface. They fitted easily in her hands and a well practiced flick of her wrist struck them together to throw a small shower of sparks onto the tinder, once and twice more drew a wisp of smoke from the pile, growing quickly till it burst into life. Flickering light illuminated the planes of Lexa's face as she piled small twigs atop the flame, careful not to smother it. Within minutes a small steady fire was crackling, though Lexa still tended it carefully, as though not wanting the distraction to end. Are you okay? The question was on the tip of Clarke's tongue, inane as she knew it was, the answer was clear already. It was written over Lexa's face in the dim yellow-orange glow. They sat silently in the small, fragile circle of light that offered warmth and protection.
Or the illusion of it anyway. In reality they were two young women in the wilderness, alone and scared. Capable as they were there are some struggles people should never have to face, and god, sometimes Clarke ached to her bones.
"I failed them."
Lexa's voice was hollow, broken.
"Lexa-"
"No Clarke. They were my people. And I left them to die." She seemed hunched in on herself, smaller like this when she wasn't striding around issuing orders, cape flung regally over one shoulder. Then, she was larger than life. Unstoppable. It nearly broke Clarke to see her so unsure of herself. "How can I go back and be Heda after this?"
"There was nothing you could have done. If you'd stayed you would have died-"
"You don't know that!" Lexa's composure finally broke, anger and shame vying for dominance in her features. Raging at her own limitations.
"Yes I do! No one could have fought that thing, even bullets couldn't stop it. We don't even know what it was. You would have died."
"Then I should have died." The brief spark of anger was extinguished and once more Lexa was listless.
"How would that have helped the coalition between our people? Only you can hold that together. Like it or not Lexa, we need you. I need you."
"You don't understand, Clarke. You've been a leader since you got to the ground. I've been a leader nearly all of my life. But if you make a mistake your people, your family and friends, will forgive you. After Mount Weather you were able to walk away. I can never walk away. I have no one to share this burden with, everyone, everyone needs me to have all of the answers all of the time and I just-" she broke off, breathing hard and clenching her fists in her lap. Clarke stared, she had never seen the Commander lose it like this, honestly hadn't thought she was capable of it. The sudden silence stretched, broken only by the crackling of the flames. Lexa opened her mouth to speak but Clarke cut her off.
"You have me."
"What?"
"You say you have no one to share this with, no one who understands. And yet you're telling me. I haven't been a leader as long as you Lexa but I understand what it is to make hard decisions and know that the fate of your people depends on the choices you make. After what happened at Mount Weather it took a long time for me to trust you again. But I do, and I know you trust me. So don't throw that away, you can rely on me when you need to Lexa, and I can rely on you. We're stronger together."
Their eyes met over the dancing flames, Clarke's gaze was steady and strong, and Lexa drew strength from it.
"I- you're right, I do trust you. I apologise, I shouldn't have belittled your experience, Clarke. You managed better than most."
She stirred the fire with a stick before snapping it and feeding it to the flames, "but we should still get some sleep, we have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow."
"Okay, goodnight then I guess." Clarke was still concerned, but satisfied Lexa would at least think about her offer, though she knew how hard it was for her to accept aid.
"Goodnight, Clarke."
They lay in silence for a few minutes, lying on opposite sides of the fire but neither any closer to sleep. Finishing the conversation had only made the frigid night air more apparent and Clarke clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering, crossing her arms for warmth. Across the fire she sensed more than heard Lexa shivering. This was stupid.
"Come here Lexa." She said.
"What?"
"It's freezing, just come here."
Lexa stood slowly and looked down at where Clarke lay, she seemed hesitant.
"Lay down next to me, we'll keep each other warm, okay?"
"Alright…"
Clarke shifted over on her cloak, offering space between herself and the fire, Lexa slowly lay down, stiffening slightly as Clarke shuffled back in to press against her back, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"Relax, just, try to get some sleep. We'll leave again at first light."
Lexa didn't reply, but the tense muscles wrapped in her arms relaxed a little as Clarke's body heat and the warmth of the fire seeped into Lexa's tired, aching frame. The two young women huddled up together, each providing the other with a measure of comfort. Clarke's arms providing warm security, and Lexa accepting the companionship that she offered, showing once more her trust. For now, they could let their guard down, be vulnerable. After all they each were with possibly the only other person who could understand the other. Gradually, they sank into am exhausted sleep.
They would resume their fight in the morning.