You settle with her on the couch all cuddled up. Your arms wrap protectively on her while she snakes her arms on your waist. It feels safe, like being home after stowing away. You cry as you tell her about creep Zack and Aria telling you that you're the problem. She comforts you. She tells you it'll be okay. She tightens her hug and magically your heart heals and you start to believe it'll be. You were starting to drown in your own vast sea of loneliness but she came to your rescue and saved you.
She offers you a treat at The Grille and you gladly accept. For once it felt normal again, just you and her doing the same old things you used to do. You remember that time you first had a clue about her and Maya. You remember telling her that if there's someone in her life that cares about her, you're happy for her. And that's when you realize you haven't been happy genuinely happy for quite long. You make lame jokes and she laughs at you finding it funny. That's what you've always loved about her; it was always easy to make her smile. This was the first meal you ate decently; you've always been eating drunk even at the dinner at her house. You apologize to her for your behavior and she smiles at you telling you that it's okay.
You walk back home on the dark streets of Rosewood but there is no fear in you for you have your own guardian angel by your side. Your arm brushes with her and you are slightly taken back by the spark that hit you. She then looks at you and smiles as if to say 'I felt it too'. She takes your hand and locks it with hers. You even feel safer being held by her.
The happiness in you drifts away once you see Alison at the door of your own home. It was supposed to be a place where your sanctuary is but with her in there, it's not the same anymore. You ignore her and head off to the shower. The coolness of the water dripping on your bare body calms you but then you see the bath salts your mother had offered to Alison. You've asked her a hundred times to use it but she doesn't allow you to. You quickly turn the water off and step out to change. You look around your room and it felt like being a guest on your own place. You pick up your phone to call Caleb, maybe some booze could take all the anxieties away just like the past days in your life.
You head downstairs the first thing you see is them cuddled on the couch just like how you and Emily were just hours ago. You sigh but not in disappointment but of annoyance. It should've been you not her. You look at her hand on top of Emily's and you internally want to scream. Your subconscious suddenly remembers Justin Bieber's 'that should be me' song and you snap out of your trance. You attempt a fake smile but fail miserably, you were never good in lying, at least not when it comes to your emotions.
"Are you heading out?" Emily asks you. I know I shouldn't be here. You say to yourself.
"Caleb's" is all you say. You step out and close the door shut before leaning to the door already with tears in your eyes. If you were Alison v.2.0 then why can't you have everything? You feel lost and you don't know who you are. You don't have Spencer, Aria's angry with you, Zack touched you in a malicious way, your mom thinks more of Alison's welfare than yours, and Emily, oh Emily…The person who always had your back, she who you always count on…She's…she's never happy with you anymore.
You and Caleb drink your problems down. One shot for the pain, one shot for the sorrow they say. After consuming a bottle of Vodka you return to your house that doesn't feel like home.
"What's going on with you?" The voice from the couch scares you. You turn on the light and see Emily seated with arms crossed on her chest.
"Nothing is going on with me. I don't mean to be rude but why are still you here in the first place?" You ask her back. Alison' s crushing on your place yet she asks people to sleepover, what a boss of her.
"Hanna I'm asking you" You are too consumed with your internal rant that you didn't hear what Emily was asking you.
"What?" She steps in closer and you notice the worried look on her face
"I'm asking you why are you drunk…again" her voice is calm and you're thankful that she's not questioning you in a better way now. "You're getting out of control Han. Is this about your fight with Aria? Or Spencer doubting your story?" You shake your head not wanting to answer any of her inquiries
"Is this about Alison then?" You roll your eyes and whimper a sarcastic laugh at her obliviousness. "Or Caleb maybe? You can talk-" you cut her questions off. You've had enough.
"You want to know what this really is? It's not about Spencer or Aria or Zack. I'm too strong to get affected by them. It's not about Alison. I don't give a crap about her. I don't even give a crap about A. It's not about Caleb. This…Everything…It's all about you Emily!" She looked confused.
"M-Me?" She stutters as she asks for confirmation
"Is there someone else here in Rosewood with the name Emily Fields; former captain of Rosewood Swim team and my best friend? No. Then it is you and how you made me feel an outcast" You wipe the tears of angriness on your face
"Hanna I never left you" she says in defense. Her eyes start to water but you don't feel guilt.
"You abandoned me Emily. You're the number one person who made me feel like I was an outcast. You were too busy with Alison. I know you're sorting out your feelings for her but that doesn't justify your actions of isolating me. You used to be the first person who saw my real emotions. We were the closest on our group but where were you when I need you Em? I needed you! I still need you! Caleb was that one person who was there for me. Yes we were drinking but atleast he was there for me physically, mentally and emotionally." You stop talking and cry harder. Emily takes one more step further, cautious of her actions.
"I'm sorry Hanna" you shake your head
"What can your sorry do now Em? Remember how you yelled at me? I know it was a mistake for trying to help Alison, maybe it was selfish of me but did you take what I felt for consideration Em? Did you try to listen for my explanation? Remember how you sent me away on your mom's dinner? You never did that to me Em. We never fought. We never sulked on each other before." You don't care if someone else in the house hears you. You had to let it out. There's only one thing left to say, you weigh the pros and cons before you say it. "But what hurts most is not being left out by you Em, it's about loving you and you not feeling the same way." And there goes your last secret
"What are you trying to say?" How come she was so clueless?
"I hate how oblivious you are! I love you! I'm in love with you Emily!" Now that you've said it, there is no way of taking it back.
"Hanna you're my-" she trails off
"Best friend. I know" you look down and found interest on the floor. You see her feet move closer. You are now an inch space from each other. She tilts you by your chin and your eyes meet. She studies your eyes and you admire her brown eyes. You bit your lip trying to access your chances. Maybe you have chance after all so you push your luck and close the gap between you by kissing her lips but to what you've expected before, she pushes you away.
"Han" You've made a fool of yourself. Why did you even kiss her?
"Sorry. My mistake, I fell for you" You say to her and you quickly walk out the door heading nowhere.
You've did all you could to avoid her. You feel more drowned. You totally lost everything. One day you get inside your car and she ambushes you right there and then.
"Talk to me" she says with tone of dominance
"I don't belong in your world Emily. I don't even know if I belong in this world too. I'm tired…of everything! If you'd excuse me I need to get to Caleb's cabin" she looks at you for a while before stepping out with a hurt look on her face. You lean on your headrest. You never wanted to see her hurt, especially by you.
You've avoided everyone but Spencer did an intervention and talked her way to get you to sober up. She understands what it feels. She too had been there. You don't ask for the details because in your head you already have ideas about her story. You convince Caleb to sober up with you and he agrees. You feel better without the booze. You still have problems but you have a brand new perspective now. You don't see her much with Ali anymore. You don't know if you're supposed to feel happy about it. You've made amends with Aria and it makes things even lighter.
Things are better for you now. You walk through the corridors of Rosewood High heads up and proud. You're sober now and nothing could take you down again, or so you thought. You watch her from afar again and that's when you noticed the black circles on her eyes. She already had a tone body but she looks thinner now. You've heard before that she took the position as the Assistant coach. She must be too worked out. Even after all the time that had passed you still worry about her. You try to approach her but she says she's too busy and you don't push for it. You know she's lying and you think she's avoiding you because you kissed her. You feel down again but you don't drink anymore, you think about everything that happened.
It was a cold night and you're all alone in your room. You twist and turn trying to get yourself some sleep. Your phone lights up from the nightstand and the light shines on the photo frame beside your phone. Inside was a picture of you and Emily. You sit right up and take the photo frame to observe it more clearly. That's when you decide to do something impulsive. You don't bother to change your clothes. You walk in your micro shorts and baggy shirt heading to the Fields' residence. You sneak your way inside all thanks to the key hidden on one of the staircase on her porch. You see her sleeping soundlessly. You sit beside her and brush the loose hair on her face. Those are the lips you want to kiss again, given the chance. You talk to her while she is asleep fearing to lose all the courage once she's awake.
"I've noticed how tired you are these days. I don't want you wearing yourself out Em. Remember that time you had ulcer due to too much stress? You don't want that to happen again right? I'm sorry for avoiding you and kissing you but I'm not sorry for loving you. I want you to be happy Em even if it's not with me. I just want us back Em. The old us; roommates, being each other's dates at the masquerade ball, going to creepy zoos, investigating faux leads even at morgues. I miss you bringing physics assignment even though I'm not enrolled in physics. I miss the drunk you. I couldn't beat how funny you are when you're drunk. I told you Em if there's someone special who cares for you, I'm happy for you. At least one of us needs that." You finish your speech by kissing her forehead. Brown eyes meet you when you pull back. Instead of saying something she surprises you by pulling you back closer and kisses you. You gladly return the kiss. You've wanted to do this for so long. A dream coming true. You don't understand why she's kissing you but you don't care anymore. Her lips are all you need. She is your home.
"You never gave me a chance to say I love you too Hanna. I am in love with my best friend and that best friend is you." she tells you after your kiss. All your questions are answered. You don't belong to this world; you only belong to one world, Emily's. You're home now.