Welcome to the new short story! This is dedicated to JUST WHATEVER who requested it.
Legal: I do not own and am not associated with DeGrassi or Epitome
Important things to know before reading:
*Takes place just after the start of Clare's grade 11 year
*Glen and Helen did get married but no one went to the cabin
*Clare and Jake never got back together, they are adjusting to being step-sibs and Clare is friends with Eli again
*Drew and Katie are still dating
*This story deals with exploring feelings and a girl/girl relationship
Ch. 1 That Smile, the Sparkle in Her Eyes
(CLARE)
"Oh Clare I forgot to tell you that Pastor Eric called yesterday and asked if you could help out in the daycare. I told him you'd be delighted," Mom tells me as we drive to church Sunday morning.
"Gee thanks for volunteering me mom," I sigh while rolling my eyes and Jake chuckles silently.
Mom scolds me for complaining about helping out at church and then begins talking to Glen about getting together with the Michaelson's for dinner. Glen parks at the church a few minutes later and we all get out. I head to the daycare room since Mom volunteered me.
"Hi Mrs. Frewer I'll be w…Bianca?" I exclaim seeing the raven haired girl in my church is a bit of a shock.
"Clare thank heavens I am so happy to see a familiar face," she grins.
"Welcome Clare perhaps you can show Bianca to the kitchen and get some juice for the kids that can have it?" Mrs. Frewer requests.
"Sure this way Bianca," I comment slowly still not sure why she's here, so when we get to the kitchen I decide to ask her. "Umm not that it's not good that you're here but why? Are you here?"
"It's the last part of my community service, fifty hours at the church my lawyer thought it would be good for my soul or something. After this my sentence is done, of course I'll still be on probation for six months. I didn't even know you went to this church, of course I don't really know anything about you."
"I don't really know anything about you either actually. Alli told me you could dance, I know you have a bad girl rep and that's about it. Well that and you tempted Drew into cheating," I comment.
"Let's see I know you're smart and all into writing and you dated Eli for a while before he went nuts and then you dated Jake who's now your stepbrother. That's gotta be pretty weird," Bianca comments.
"Yes very weird," I nod.
We have the juice ready now and we return to the room now full of ten kids. Mrs. Frewer takes the older ones, gives them juice and starts reading to them bible stories with pictures. She gives Bianca and I the duty of watching the three youngest kids from six months to two years.
"I am so not cut out for motherhood," Bianca complains holding out six-month old Andy when he begins to fuss. "What is that smell?"
"He needs to be changed, here take Kayla and keep an eye on Gina and I'll change him," I tell Bianca. Gina is sleeping and two year old Kayla is happily amused with soft blocks so it shouldn't be too much for Bianca to handle.
I change Andy and bring him back, Bianca is a lot happier with him now that he's not stinky but when he starts squirming and tries to get away she gives him back to me. We watch the tiny ones the whole time and Bianca is extremely relieved when the parents begin picking up their kids.
"Bianca as part of your community service you'll clean up in here each Sunday," Mrs. Frewer tells her when all the kids are gone. Bianca looks at the messy room and twists her face at this thought.
"I'll help, after all she doesn't know where everything goes," I comment and Bianca gives me a grateful smile.
"Thanks for helping," Bianca grins when Mrs. Frewer is gone.
"No problem, it wasn't really fair that she stuck you with all the cleanup. Mrs. Frewer has been coming to this church forever, I think she feels like she owns a piece of it. She's also one of the more condescending and pretentious church members although she does seem to do well with the kids."
"Yeah she seemed to be pretty good at wrangling the older ones I guess," Bianca remarks and we're silent for a few minutes as we begin putting toys away. "So now that you and Jake are stepsiblings are you going to be getting back together with Eli?"
"No I don't think so. He seems to be doing pretty well now and I think that's good. He'll always be my first love and hold a special place in my heart but I just don't think we're good together."
"Yeah I know how you feel, I feel the same about Drew. He was really good for me I just wasn't good for him, and let's face it our whole relationship started because I got him to cheat. After that other girls wouldn't go out with him, I didn't mean to drag him down but I do care about him. How awful does it make me that that was the healthiest relationship I've ever had? It started with cheating and then we killed my ex and Drew got beat to shit so I became Vince's slave to keep Drew safe. I could be a soap opera how completely pathetic," Bianca sighs tossing some of the toys in the basket.
"I'm pretty sure I could be on the soap opera with you," I remark and she gives me a dubious look.
"As what the one straight-laced non-screwed up character? St. Clare angel of DeGrassi and everyone's moral compass?" Bianca replies in a cynically sardonic tone.
"No as another screwed up lost character trying to find her way. Even when things seemed like they were pretty good in my life they really weren't. My dad was cheating on my mom for years, my sister brought a pedophile to our house, got drugged and raped and then lost it culminating in her suicide attempt. She left for Africa when I started at DeGrassi and I became interested in boys. I actually miss the biggest dramas being K.C. fighting with Reese and both K.C. and Connor liking me. Everyone knows how K.C. dropped me for Jenna just because I don't feel like I should have to show a lot of skin to be sexy. Things seemed okay for a few months, of course I spent the summer away and didn't have a clue what was going on with my parents. Came back with a new body when puberty hit, new hair and no more glasses and ready start the year fresh. Enter the boy with captivating green eyes and the whole airport of baggage he brought with him. Meanwhile my parents fighting is getting worse and making things worse at home. Of course there was a lot of fighting at school to with Fitz and Eli and Adam. But Eli and I kiss and I think everything is going to be just fine, then he'll barely look at me and I come to find out he has a dead girlfriend that was practically living with him! Let's not forget my attempt to smooth things over by going to Vegas night with Fitz and Eli's mess of problems causing him to poison Fitz and well we all know how that night ended. Then Fitz comes back and Eli gets crazy possessive and when I break up with him he crashes his car just so that I'll come see him! My parent's divorce and I find out about the cheating and maybe lost it on Eli at Above the Dot and then met Jake. I thought we were really good together at least he didn't have all the issues Eli did. Let's not forget Eli's disastrous play about us and Jake. And then when things are finally good with Eli and I again and going really well with Jake we find out our parents are getting married! Okay I flipped a little but I didn't even know Mom was dating Glen, they went out for three months and suddenly they're getting married, coming right on the heels of my dad's wedding to his mistress. Now Jake and I are stepsiblings and I have a stepfather and my dad doesn't even talk to me anymore!"
I sink down on the floor in a huff, Bianca is staring at me and I realize how much of a rant that just was. I bite my lip and look at the floor.
"You're right you could be on the soap opera The Damaged Dames of DeGrassi. Starring Bianca DeSousa as the orphaned bad girl with a string of boys left in her wake. Also starring Clare Edwards, she seems like an angel but she's filled with turmoil and she literally drives boys crazy," Bianca says in an overly dramatic voice and it makes me smile.
"Sorry I guess I had some things to get off my chest."
"That's okay I get it. Guys are trouble and they suck, don't get me wrong they're great in theory and they're great as friends but relationships with boys, teenage boys at least, never go right. And you're right you know you don't need to show skin to be sexy, you Clare Edwards are very sexy. I think the way you dress is nice, demure but sexy," Bianca says and I smile again.
"Thanks, I'd tell you that you were sexy too but you know you ooze sex appeal," I comment.
"It's just confidence really, that and knowing how to get in a guy's head. Guys are simple creatures, teasing them and putting the idea of sex in their head, which for teenage guys isn't hard at all. So is it really weird living with Jake after dating him?"
"Yeah it's pretty strange, he was gone all summer which was probably for the best. He came back for the wedding then he and Glen moved in, it was a lot of adjustment all at once. Not to mention that we share a washroom and he still walks around the house shirtless quite often. We're kind of adjusting, at least I had an older sister so I know what it's like to live with an older sibling but Jake was an only child until now."
"I always forget that you're Darcy's sister, you two are nothing alike, you don't look alike and seem to have nothing in common. Not that Owen and his younger brother have much in common either and they don't look alike but they share some commonalities. You and Darcy don't seem to have anything in common."
"Yeah we really don't have much in common, she was more of a suppressed wild child but then never quite went through things, maybe half a wild child. She hardly thought about anything and I tend to overthink everything," I comment and look around the room seeing that we're done cleaning up. "So what are plans now that your community service is done for the day?"
"Don't have any, might call Owen or something," Bianca shrugs.
"We usually go out to lunch after church do you want to come with? You could come to my house after and hang out, if you want," I tell her. This is the most time I've ever spent with Bianca but I don't really want her to leave and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just that I'd like a buffer for me and my family, things are pretty interesting at home since we're all adjusting to being a family and living in one house.
"Yeah sure if it's okay with your folks," Bianca says.
"I'm sure it will be fine."
We grab our stuff and I turn out the lights as we leave the room. My family is waiting for us on the steps, Jake looks surprised to see Bianca while Mom and Glen are merely curious.
"I didn't know you went to this church Bianca," Jake comments.
"Mom can Bianca come to lunch and come over after?"
"Sure Honey that will be fine, it's nice to meet you Bianca," Mom nods.
"You too Mr. and Mrs. Martin," Bianca smiles.
"Well everyone in the car then," Glen says.
"Actually I have my own car Clare can ride with me," Bianca speaks up.
"Okay follow us to the restaurant then, we'll eat at Swiss Chalet up the street," Glen tells her and Bianca nods.
I follow her to her car, she unlocks the passenger side and opens the door for me to get in. She goes around to the driver's side and gets in while I try to pull my seatbelt but it's not coming.
"Umm the seatbelt isn…"
"Oh sorry it snags sometimes," Bianca says.
She twists around leaning over me to get the seatbelt and maneuver it into being unstuck. She's extremely close now, her hair smells like roses and when I inhale her scent my stomach fills with butterflies. She unsticks the seatbelt and pulls it across me, she snaps it in and her hand brushes mine sending a thrilling shock through me. This is everything I felt that first time I saw Eli, after he ran over my glasses and handed them back to me.
"Thanks," I almost whisper as Bianca sits in her seat and buckles up herself. She starts driving and I have only one thought in my mind, "Can I really feel that way about Bianca?!"
(BIANCA)
I glance at Clare and she bites her lip looking out the window. Since we got in my car she's been acting a little nervous and I'm not sure why, she was completely fine until we got in my car. I wonder if she's feeling the same things I am, at first I thought I was just happy to have a familiar face at this community service gig. After all, when I first got there the stuffy old church lady looked down her nose at me and spoke down to me like I was an idiot. I was thinking the whole thing would be a drag I suck with kids and Mrs. Frewer was not nice to me and then Clare showed up. I hardly know her; we haven't really spent any time together aside from what little time we both happened to be at Drew's when I was dating him. Still she was a familiar face and she didn't treat me like an idiot. I didn't feel much of anything but mild annoyance while we were watching the kids, but afterwards while we were cleaning up talking, more specifically when she was ranting, I started feeling a certain admiration for her. It was more than that though, I meant it when I said she was sexy she really is. More than just appreciating another good looking girl I had a desire to kiss her, taste her lips and caress her skin.
I've never been sexually attracted to a girl before and had no idea what to do. If Clare was a guy I'd flirt with her, caress her cheek and tempt her into kissing me. I know how to deal with guys I like and want to be with, I know how to deal with girls that are competition and I have one or two girls I consider friends but I have no idea how to deal with a girl that I like and want to be with. Even if I did I don't know that she's suddenly nervous because she does feel the same way. And if she does I don't know what she'd do about it, if she'd do anything or about it or even know what she was feeling or be willing to experiment and explore her feelings. Then again she might, I thought she was just the straight-laced, goody-two-shoes, know-it-all she often appears to be at school but after hearing her rant realized she's really not.
I park at the restaurant close to Clare's family and we get out of the car going in with them. We sit in a booth, Clare sitting between Jake and I and she's still nervous.
"So Bianca you go to school with Clare and Jake?" Mrs. Martin asks as we begin eating.
"Yeah I'm a senior this year like Jake," I reply.
"We have homeroom together," Jake speaks up and I nod in agreement.
"I don't recall ever seeing you at the church before," Mrs. Martin comments as a slightly off-handed way to ask what I was doing there.
"I don't actually go to church but I have to fulfill some community service hours there," I explain.
"Oh?" Mrs. Martin questions in a clearly disapproving tone. "You were arrested?"
"Mom!" Clare censures her mother.
"Yes I was, I turned my boyfriend, if you can call him that, into the cops after Adam was shot at prom last year."
"That was terrible we heard about that, poor Adam he was lucky it was a through and through in the shoulder," Mr. Martin comments.
"It's kind of a long of story really but I knew where Vince's hideouts were and his network for selling drugs, people he'd hurt. I got him arrested but he'd forced me to hold drugs and sell them. I didn't get off completely even for turning them in but I was given community service and probation, it could have been a lot worse."
"That was very brave of you to do that," Mr. Martin says and I smile.
"Wasn't that a lovely sermon today," Mrs. Martin comments and it seems she no longer has questions about me.
While the adults are talking about the sermon Clare, Jake and I start talking about school. I offer to pay for myself but Clare's parents tell me it's not necessary.
"Glen and I have errands to run we were going to drop Clare and Jake at home but since you're here Bianca perhaps you could take them home and save us the trouble," Mrs. Martin comments when we're outside.
"You're just volunteering everyone today mother," Clare remarks in a caustic tone.
"That's okay I don't mind driving you both over, I'm coming over to hang out anyway it's no trouble."
"Thank you Bianca," Mrs. Martin smiles.
Clare and Jake follow me to my car and Clare gets in the back but the seatbelt doesn't stick this time. Jake shows me how to get to their house and I park in front behind his truck.
"I'm going to hang out with Mo. Later," Jake remarks as soon as I park.
"Nice house," I comment as I follow Clare to her front door.
"Thanks, we've lived here as long as I can remember," Clare replies while she unlocks the door and we go in. "Do you want to watch TV?" Clare asks after she locks the door again.
"Sure," I shrug.
We sit on the sofa and she turns on the TV, she sits next to me and starts flipping channels. We watch TV for a short time but there isn't much on and after a while she turns it off.
"Do you want something to drink? Glen and Jake built a pretty nice deck and it's nice and sunny out," Clare says.
"Yeah sounds good."
Clare goes to the kitchen and pours us both some lemonade. She hands me a glass and we both go out to the deck sitting in lounge chairs.
"Was the rest of your community service at Omar's office?" Clare questions.
"That was part of it I had to pick up trash too."
"You live with your aunt right?"
"Yeah in a crap apartment and we don't get along. She resents me I guess, she's not exactly the motherly type and I was just dropped on her. She tends to just leave me to my own devices and she works nights at the casino. It's probably better that way but I do wish she'd show some interest in me sometimes, show that she cares."
"Sorry that must be hard. I feel like my dad's doing that now, pulling away from me. He's married to his mistress now and she has kids of her own so I guess he's their dad now. They were supposed to share the house you know and have shared custody, I haven't seen my dad since June and haven't heard from him in over a month."
"That sucks, but you have Glen right?"
"Yeah I guess; he's not really taken on the role of dad to me but mom hasn't really done that for Jake either. I guess that will take some more adjustment or mom is going to stick to parenting just me and Glen will stick to parenting just Jake."
We talk some more and find out we have a few things in common, she's become a Dead Hand fan because of Adam and Eli, we both like many of the same books and movies too. We're still on the deck and talking when her parents get home.
"Jake is staying for dinner at Mo's so Glen and I are going out do you two want order pizza for dinner?" Mrs. Martin asks coming out to the deck.
"Yeah thanks Mom," Clare smiles. "Is it okay if Bianca spends the night?"
"That's fine," Mrs. Martin replies before going back inside.
"If you want to spend the night that is," Clare remarks.
"Yeah I do," I grin and Clare smiles. Her mom leaves us some money and we order a pizza and watch movies all evening. We're still doing so when Jake gets home and he promptly finishes off the rest of our pizza. "If I'm going to stay the night I should probably go get some stuff from my place."
"I can come with you," Clare offers.
"Uh sure," I nod and Clare tells Jake we'll be right back. "I have to warn you that my place is nothing like yours," I tell Clare as we begin driving.
"Are you embarrassed to show me where you live?" Clare asks.
"Actually yes," I admit. Never really cared about anyone else seeing my apartment, not even Drew but for some reason I actually really care what Clare thinks.
"Bianca DeSousa you mean to tell me that you the hottest and toughest girl at DeGrassi, possibly in all of Riverdale, thinks what little ol' me thinks?" Clare replies with just a slight teasing laced in her voice.
"I care quite a bit actually and I'm not the hottest girl in school, I think you're probably the hottest girl in school."
"I'm not the hottest girl in school," Clare laughs shaking her head.
"Sure you are all voluptuous with incredible blue eyes and those enticing cherub lips," I comment and Clare bites her lip brushing a curl behind her ear. "Well this is it," I sigh parking at the building.
"It's not that bad," Clare says and I give her a look.
"It's crappy but it's a roof over my head," I reply unlocking the door to the building.
We take the elevator up to the fifth floor where I live and Clare follows me to the apartment. I have nothing to say about the small apartment, I don't even have my own room I sleep in the den. Clare looks around my room a little while I pack. There's not much to see, the room's a mess and there's a lot of posters on the walls but that's it besides a bed. I don't have a dresser just some crates in the closet. I pack pretty quickly and we go back to Clare's house, her parents are home and we go up to Clare's room. We get ready for bed early but stay up late talking more about boys and family and bad relationships. I'm sleeping on the floor on a very comfortable air mattress and I dream about Clare all night. I dream about kissing her and holding her, I wake up before she does and watch her sleep. She wakes up before her alarm goes off, her eyes open and lock with mine and she smiles, grinning because I'm grinning at her and in that moment I know. I know she feels the same way about me because I see it in her eyes. She smiles a little more and her eyes sparkle when she sees how I'm looking at her but then her smile drops, she shuts her eyes and she gets up quickly. She's scared.
"I have to use the washroom and then you should snag it before Jake goes in," Clare says leaving her room for the washroom.
I grab my change of clothes and toiletries and when Clare comes out of the washroom I go in. I get ready for school and when I come out of the washroom I find that Clare's downstairs eating breakfast. Glen is already gone but her mom eats breakfast with us and I know I shouldn't say anything in front of her mom. Jake comes downstairs and says he'll get something to eat at school before leaving in his truck. So when Clare and I are done eating we go to school in my car.
"I know you felt it this morning," I tell her.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Clare responds.
"Yes you do, when you woke up this morning and our eyes locked you felt what I did," I affirm just as I pull into school.
"I'm not a lesbian," she shoots back looking out the window.
"Neither am I," I tell her as I park.
"Then we felt nothing," Clare says jumping out of the car and just about running inside. I grab both our backpacks and follow her inside.
"You forgot your backpack," I comment handing it to her when I find Clare at her locker.
"Thanks," she says taking the backpack and I notice both our exes in the hall and giving us curious looks.
"Come here," I insist and she shakes her head. "We can talk about it in the hallway then," I reply.
"No let's go somewhere private," she says and we walk down the hall. We turn the corner and I find an empty classroom opening the door.
"Bianca I didn't f…"
I cut her off by crushing my lips to hers, I feel Clare's breath hitch in her throat. Within the next second I expect her to start kissing me back or to slap me…
The update on Thursday, May 26th will pick up from right here in Clare's pov.