Chun Ja
Chun Ja had only been truly selfish three times in her young life.
"Hold still." She sucked in her gut as the woman pulled her sash tightly around her waist. The fabric was thick and had no flexibility, and once it was firmly fastened Chun Ja found it hard to breathe. The woman dressing her laughed, petting her hair down and smiling softly. "It's not very comfortable, is it?"
"Not really… "
"I don't particularly like them either, but there's no helping it," the woman replied with a shrug. "Japanese-style is all that sells nowadays."
Chun Ja looked to the mirror across the room. The kimono was far too big—long sleeves hung down to her ankles and the bottom bunched up on the floor. Her hair looked ridiculous as well—pinned up with all manner of fancy brooches and decorated with wilting flowers. She should have considered herself lucky—such extravagant outfits were reserved for only the highest grade of girl. She had only been at the brothel a few months, but apparently she had caught the eye of a wealthy aristocrat from a Northern city who was willing to pay a very high price to take her for the first time. As such, no expense had been spared.
"You need to smile more," the women told her so often. She never smiled—not here. Truly, though, she hadn't smiled much at home either.
She clearly remembered the night she had been informed of her fate. Every moment was wrought in fine detail, and even the soft quivering of her mother's voice rang out loudly in her head when she remembered it.
Her mother had been crying. Once her father had let the words slip—"You're going to a brothel in the city"—her mother had curled up and wailed, and continued to do so until well into the night. Chun Ja didn't really understand why, though. It wasn't as if she was the one being sold into prostitution. And if she truly cared so much about her daughter's fate, why let such a thing happen in the first place?
Of course, they truly did need the money. When Chun Ja had been no more than a child, a Japanese aristocrat had taken control of their farm land. Being of a young age, she had initially been unaware of the effect this had on her family, but as the years passed she slowly came to realize what position they had been put in. The new land owner took almost 80% of their crop, and with little to sell and even less to eat, they had been slowly whittled into poverty. This wasn't all that bad, though, until her brother got sick. Little Kyung Soo was only a few years younger than her, but had never really seemed to grow up. He was always weak, plagued by bouts of dizziness and nausea when working in the fields, but when the dizziness became more common place than not, her parents had sought to determine his ailment.
"An infection of the circulatory system," they had been told. Treatable, or so the doctor said, but at a high price- a price simple serfs could not afford. Chun Ja had prayed night after night for her family to be blessed with the money to pay for the treatment, so her beloved brother could be saved. She had never thought the gods would seek to bless them with this.
Nevertheless, she had to accept her fate and do her best for her family. If she gained a name as a proper courtesan, they would be able to receive further stipends, and her family could live on peacefully. That was all that mattered. She had to protect them—she had to do all she could.
And so she told herself as she shuffled down the narrow hallway, towards the room in which her male companion was awaiting.
Upon entering, she found the man seated on the floor and dressed in a loose robe. He was drinking rice wine and his legs were spread far enough that she could see what lay beneath the thin white cloth. It made her sick to look at it, and she forced her attention elsewhere.
She approached the man, kneeling onto the ground to meet him and picking up his sake bottle.
"Would you care for another glass?" she asked in the sweetest voice she could muster. Even if she couldn't get herself to smile, she could do at least this much.
The man was already far beyond a proper level of intoxication, and his reddened eyes examined her closely. She shied away, but that only seemed to draw him in further.
"I think I've had enough," the man purred, reaching out to steady her hand and guiding the bottle back to the floor.
You must do all you can, she thought again as his hand slid up her thigh, parting her robe and exposing her slightly.
She shuddered, and this seemed to edge the man on further. He leaned in, hovering over her and gently pushing her down onto the floor.
You must do all you can.
His hands picked up speed, parting the robe and fondling what lay beneath. She tried to keep her disgust from showing, but his alcohol-laden stench was hot in her face and his breathing was becoming more audible. It was all she could hear.
She lay back, letting his hands wander and rip apart the kimono that had been so painstakingly put together. She closed her eyes, trying to think of anything but the man, but it did no use, and as she felt him begin to lay himself atop her she almost thought to cry.
You must do all you can.
You must do all you can.
You must do all you can.
So she said, and so she meant to do.
But when she felt him begin to enter into her, shoving his way inside and breaking her final barrier, there was no helping it. With a strength she didn't know she had, her hands reached up, grabbing the man tightly by the face. His eyes widened in shock and his mouth opened to scream, but in a flash she jerked her grip, turning his head a full 180 degrees to the left.
The resounding snap, followed by his eyes rolling back and turning white, let her know it was done. He did not lose his hardness, and when she pulled away, his body was left lying on the floor naked and embarrassingly aroused.
This was her first act of selfishness.
Sukehiro
Sukehiro had only been truly selfish three times in his young life.
"It doesn't seem very effective."
"Trust me brother, it is. It just takes some getting used to."
Sukehiro still didn't believe him, but chose not to bother with it.
The two of them had arrived in Korea about two months prior—his brother, Yukiyoshi, had received a rather high up position within the military, based upon his strategic abilities, and so had been called out to supervise events out on the foreign front. He was supposed to go alone, but after much pestering of higher ups Yukiyoshi had secured a place for Sukehiro upon their ship. He was to serve as his brother's bodyguard throughout the duration of the campaign—a job he felt he was thoroughly suited for.
Unlike his Yukiyoshi, Sukehiro was not one for matters of war. He found the practice disgusting, and he would have to be blind to not realize the pain Japanese occupation forced upon the people of Korea. Many of them were starving, or impoverished, driven into ruin by the Japanese officials that supervised them—men like his brother. He knew his brother was in the wrong, but it couldn't be helped—they were family. He had to stay by his side. He had to protect him, no matter what he did.
So, he had done just that for the past two months. And now within the southern capital, the two sat inside an air conditioned office, drinking tea and speaking lightly of very serious matters.
"You'll come to agree with me soon enough," Yukiyoshi purred through thin lips. His brother had always been frail. Although Sukehiro was the younger of the two, he had always been the strongest.
"I suppose," Sukehiro replied nonchalantly, gazing out the window with a bored look.
His brother smiled. "You will. Next month you're going south to help with a building project."
"Since when are you involved in things like that?"
"I'm not. You'll be going alone."
He turned, making no attempt to hide the surprise from his face. "But what about you?"
"I'm being sent east for a slight stint in Manchuria," Yukiyoshi replied. "Shouldn't take more than a few months."
"Then I should be going east too!"
"I'll be alright, brother."
"I'm here to protect you," Sukehiro protested, angry and unwilling to compromise. "I should be going too. You can't go alone!"
"I won't be alone."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been assigned a new bodyguard," Yukiyoshi replied with a smile. "A young Korean woman named Chun Ja Sam. She'll be arriving later today."
"You… you replaced me?" Sukehiro could hardly believe the words his brother spoke, much less comprehend the relatively carefree expression he wore. He had always protected his brother—him, and only him. He could not—he would not—be replaced.
Yukiyoshi smiled. "I see you're surprised. Truthfully, I was as well. I didn't know women could be bodyguards, but apparently she's quite strong. Strong like you are."
Sukehiro knew what sort of strength his brother meant—a spiritual strength. A power to control an essence of oneself beyond material flesh and bone. He had never been officially taught in it, but had rather developed his own competencies himself. Apparently, this Chun Ja Sam held the same capabilities—she was no ordinary guard, which was good—but she wasn't him and that was all that mattered.
"I refuse," he stated plainly. "I won't go."
"I'm afraid you have no choice, brother," Yukiyoshi replied with a smile. "You'll be leaving in two weeks. Should you miss your train, the higher ups won't take kindly to it. And besides, you'd be doing a great service for the war effort and-"
"I don't care!" he shouted back. "I'm here to protect you, not to serve the war effort!"
"Careful, brother, such words are dangerous."
"I don't care about danger," Sukehiro replied stubbornly. "I refuse to go."
His brother regarded him with the same carefree smile as before, looking at him as if he were nothing more than an obstinate child. Finally, after a long pause, he spoke, and his tone was suspiciously innocent. "If you don't want to go, I suppose that's fine... But then I'll surely be held responsible."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm the one that recommended you, aren't I?" Yukiyoshi replied with a laugh. "Turn them down and I'll be cast out into one of those camps. Or worse—executed for treason."
Sukehiro remained silent, mulling the information over for quite a while. Truly, he didn't want to go, but if what Yukiyoshi said was true then he had no choice but to accept. He didn't like the idea of leaving his brother's fate in another hands, but he certainly didn't want any of those other scenarios to play out either. The military was ruthless—even a talented strategist like Yukiyoshi could be disbanded, should he show signs of treasonous thinking. Sukehiro had to go.
However, as he decided it, something cried out. Something inside him begged him not to. Before this moment- before being given a true 'job' with the war effort- he had only been a bodyguard. He had only been a small man, using his small strength to save his equally small brother.
Now, he was to become a true soldier. The pain and suffering he had seen in the eyes of the Korean people would be his responsibility. He would be a part of the cause. And he knew, truly, he didn't want to be that. He wanted to help the people, as his brother claimed they were, but he was smart enough to know that occupation and war was not the answer.
But when he looked back to Yukiyoshi—with his friendly smile and sharp, determined stare, he knew he had no choice. Even if he were sent somewhere to do harm—even if he were to cause pain to these people—he had to. His family came first.
This was his first act of selfishness.
Chun Ja
When she first met him, he had seemed like such a child. He was tall—almost twice her size and three times her build, with narrow eyes and a serious face. Despite this, though, he seemed so young—so naïve.
When she had first arrived to serve Yukiyoshi Abe, she had been expecting to be received unkindly. After leaving the brothel years ago she had become somewhat of an underground fighter, slowly earning prestige throughout the southern half of Korea. Even people in the capital knew her name. Yet that didn't stop others from assuming she was weak—after all she was small, she was quiet, and, more than anything, she was a woman.
However, when she met Yukiyoshi, and his naïve younger brother Sukehiro, she had been welcomed even more unkindly than she had expected. Apparently, these two brothers had a rather close relationship—the type of sibling camaraderie that she hated so. It was irritating—listening to the young Sukehiro rant and rave about his duty to protect his elder, and listening to Yukiyoshi spew shallow niceties about how a trip south would be good for the younger man. She didn't care to listen to their troubles- so small and unimportant in the grand landscape of global conflict- but according to her job description she was not to leave the older brother's side unless ordered to. So, with a brave face, she suffered through it.
After leaving the brothel the night of the incident, she had gone into hiding. Once the hype surrounding the event died down, she found herself free to travel and immediately returned home in secret to check on her family.
They weren't happy to see her.
At least, the one that was left wasn't.
Her father had been executed as punishment for her actions. Her brother had succumbed to his illness and died. And her mother- the same woman who had sobbed wildly at the thought of her precious daughter going into sexual slavery- upon arrival forced her once again from her childhood home in a rage. The woman no longer loved her, she even hated her, and as a result, Chun Ja no longer had a home, nor a family. She had killed them, just as she killed that man that night.
And with nowhere else to go, she had willingly joined the Japanese occupational forces as a body guard—betraying her country was nothing compared to the atrocities she had already committed.
The first two weeks had been difficult—the younger Sukehiro wouldn't leave her alone. At first, he merely prodded her and interrogated her regarding her intentions, and her capabilities. He would rave about how he didn't trust her, and how he needed his brother to be safe—and she would remain quiet and nonchalant through all of it.
However, the more he questioned her, the softer his questions became, until eventually their encounters became merely conversations, rather than confrontations.
Apparently, the young man also possessed control over his spirit energy, and the two commonly conversed about the beings that only they could see. Like a child, Sukehiro often spoke of how he wished to explore this other world and learn more about these beings, while Chun Ja dismissed these as dangerous ideas. Exploration was a necessity—something to do when you need to run from something else. It wasn't an endeavor to be taken just out of curiosity.
Yet despite their differing viewpoints, they truly did grow closer, and Chun Ja soon found herself somewhat excited to return to Yukuyoshi's side merely for the fact that Sukehiro would be there as well. She had never really had friends, and having someone talk to—someone who truly just took an interest in her—was rather enjoyable, even if they were quite different.
However, all of that changed after Manchuria.
She had escorted Yukiyoshi Abe throughout the province, guarding him while he worked with military officials to devise a strategy to properly take control of the area. And though she had been spared from the actual fighting, the elements of war still surrounded her.
She had only been a baby when the Japanese soldiers came to her village—she had no idea what they were capable of.
The atrocities, the unfairness, and the plain cruelty she had been witness to hung over her, even upon her return to Seoul. What she had seen encompassed a story in itself—hundreds of stories—and her eyes had been truly opened. Man was worse than she thought.
She had been eager to return—to seek slight comfort in the presence of Sukehiro and discuss what she could about all that had happened. But when she returned, she found that he had changed as well—his trip to the south had made him into a nationalist.
"I heard the mission was a success," Sukehiro remarked with a smile. "I'm so proud of you, brother."
Yukiyoshi grinned back at him—a sadistic, wild grin that Chun Ja had grown to hate. "We weren't entirely successful, but I'm remaining optimistic."
"I'm sure you'll find a way."
"Indeed..." Yukiyoshi purred back innocently, before cocking his head to side. "And you? How was your little foray?"
"Indescribable!" Sukehiro exclaimed, smiling widely with a profound and overwhelming joy. "You were right. I saw it—you were right!"
"I told you, brother. We're here to help, not to hurt."
Sukehiro had been sent south to work on a building project. A town that had long been in ruin- due to the initial invasion- was to be restored. At first Chun Ja had thought nothing of it—she figured he would go down there, stack a few bricks and then return as normal. However, once she saw the man again she knew why it was he had been sent down there—Yukiyoshi had sent him, and he had sent him in order to taint the man's mind with images of "East Asian Co-Prosperity." How could Sukehiro not view the Japanese as righteous after being a part of such an operation?
It was more than she could stand.
And as she regarded the young man, her eyes heavy with the weight of what she had witnessed the past few months, she felt anger boil up inside of her.
"You should have seen their faces when we brought them back," he continued happily. "To see everything resorted like that—one of the women even went so far as to cry!"
"It takes time, but eventually they learn that we're here for their benefit."
Our benefit? She laughed coldly inside her head. Angry thoughts were the most she could muster—even her, with all her strength, could not go against the Japanese military and should they know how she viewed their operations she would surely be put to death. Frankly, she found it odd that her superiors were so naïve to her way of thinking—how could they possibly think she'd be okay with the idea of occupation and destruction of her country? But, however they managed it, they truly believed her to be on their side—and if she wanted to keep them thinking that, she had to keep her mouth shut. But this was truly too much to bear.
"I've signed up for another visit to the East—an island that's going to be fortified."
"Very good."
"That's what I thought," Sukehiro agreed. "These people need to be protected."
"Indeed."
"I never thought I'd be the one protecting them, though…" Sukehiro continued, a dreamy look on his face. "I can't believe I was so selfish—to think that I only cared about you and me for so long. It's amazing how much better I feel, living in this sort of compassionate way."
"You don't understand compassion."
Both men looked to her, and only as they did, did she realize she had said the words aloud. She tried to hide her own surprised from her face, but failed and instead stared back at the two men wordlessly.
She really shouldn't have said anything.
"You speak as if this has all been out of benevolence," she continued, though she didn't know why. "When no one needed help in the first place."
"Watch your mouth," Yukiyoushi snapped, his eyes narrowing hatefully in her direction.
However, her focus was on Sukehiro—on the man she had thought she knew, on the man she had considered her first friend.
"Lives have been ruined," she said, her voice suddenly at a higher volume. "My life has been ruined! My family's lives have been ruined!"
Yukiyoshi suddenly stood, leaving the room in a hurry. He was going to find someone to restrain her—to find someone to kill her for her insolence, which meant she had no reason to hold back anymore. She was to be killed for what she had said, and what she was about to say.
"You think of yourself as a savior," she snapped, her eyes narrowed in on Sukehiro and her voice becoming uneven as tears welled in her eyes. "But you have no idea of what's going on! You know nothing! You think of no one!"
"Chun Ja—"
"Shut up!" she screamed, her tears finally flowing freely. "Don't speak to me so informally!"
"Ah… Ms. Sam—"
"That's no better!"
He looked as if he were at a loss—unable to properly form a response to her uncharacteristic outburst. She was always reserved, always silent or at least close to, and had never taken the time to show her true feelings to anyone—not even herself. Even she was surprised with how freely the words seem to come, and how strong they made her feel.
"How can you be so naïve?" she cried. "How can you possibly be this simplistic? Building a wall doesn't mean anything in this type of situation!"
"I didn't mean—"
"—It doesn't matter what you meant!"
Only moments later, Yukiyoshi returned with four men in tow. She made no attempt at resistance, nor did she say anything more to either man. She just let them take her. Truly, she didn't have anything to fight for anyway. At this point, it seemed so much easier to just give up.
This was her second act of selfishness.
Sukehiro
"Surely that's too harsh!"
"I'm afraid it's standard."
"No, it's excessive," Sukehiro replied. His hands were shaking, and he found it hard to focus. Chun Ja was to be put to death for her outburst. Apparently, they considered her a threat to the mission and felt there was no other way to deal with her.
Perhaps she had spoken badly of their intentions and had made them out to be monsters—he couldn't deny that. But she was no threat. Despite only knowing her for a short time, he felt confident in his understanding of the woman. Though she was truly a mystery—a woman who's inner thoughts ran far deeper than his own—he found her very easy to trust. Their conversations had always been simple, and they had avoided heavy subject matter, but he truly felt that they knew each other quite well.
"You agree that what the woman said is false."
"I do, but that doesn't change anything. You can't just kill her for something she said!"
"And what else would we do with her?"
"I don't know, but this is far too much, brother..." Sukehiro was practically pleading.
Her outburst had been surprising, and the hate with which she spoke was even more so. He hadn't known she felt that way- though perhaps he should have guessed. Perhaps he had come to think the wrong way about this conflict? Perhaps he had been right before? Perhaps they really were hurting?
These were all important question, but quite frankly, the war was hardly on his mind.
When he had first met Chun Ja- first seen her small figure, sunset colored locks, and her penetrating stare, he had been left speechless. He had never expected her to be so beautiful- he pictured a hard, masculine woman with frown lines and beady eyes. Yet Chun Ja was none of those things, and he found himself quickly becoming obsessed.
It started with questions- interrogations, really. The way he spoke was harsh, and he did his best to hide his intentions. Soon after, however, it became impossible for him to keep the love from his voice.
They shared so much in common- they had lived such similar lives. They both saw the spirits. And for Sukehiro, the ability to see the demons and the strange beings- the creatures that no one else saw- was the most perfect trait he could imagine in another. Soon they began to speak of nothing else, and conversed for hours about the strange happenings or unusual sensations they received throughout the day. Sukehiro told no one of what they had discussed. It was the first secret he had ever kept from his brother.
He had hated when he was forced to leave Seoul, but with Chun Ja and Yukiyoshi moving West for a month, he decided to buckle down and finish his job quickly so he could return in time to see her. The project had gone better than expected- it was only a simple construction job of a few fallen bridges and a flood wall for an evacuated village. But that one experience had been so eye opening for him.
What he had seen encompassed a story of itself- hundreds of stories- of poor men going back to work, and wives crying in joy as they viewed the home they had once left. He felt as if this were truly the first good thing he had done in his life, and he became addicted to the feeling. He wanted to help people, in whatever way he could, and he wanted to do so for the rest of his life.
And now, in his brother's office with his hands shaking and his eyes wide, he realized who he truly needed to help.
"Where are you going?" Yukiyoshi demanded angrily as Sukehiro turned.
"I'm going to help her."
"Brother, unless you mean to fight through the entire military, there's nothing you can do to save her."
"Then I'll fight."
Sukehiro didn't bother to turn around as he stormed from the office, but soon halted as he felt long fingers tugging at his robe. His brother stood behind him, his face twisted in a pitiful stare.
"Please brother, calm yourself."
"I can't," Sukehiro admitted shamefully. "I'm sorry, but I can't let this happen."
"You must, there's nothing you can do," Yukiyoshi pleaded. Now it was his turn to sound scared, and Sukehiro dare not turn to face him. He couldn't stomach seeing his brother afraid. "Please, if you go they'll blame me. I'll be punished severely for this! You can't!"
He felt his jaw clench. His brother was all he had. It was his only family that was left. And should he act now and rescue Chun Ja from the soldiers which held her, he'd not only lose his brother, but his entire life. He'd be an enemy of the military- an enemy of the Japanese Empire. And if he did nothing, she would be dead by morning.
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this," he finally stated, pulling himself from his quivering brother's grip and walking out. He didn't look back, but he could still hear his brother crying after him even down the hall.
This was his second act of selfishness.
Ten Years Later
"Stop."
He turned to face her, albeit slowly, and found it hard to keep the disappointment from his face. He had been enjoying the feeling- the slow, melodic pulsation of the new power in his veins. It begged to be used, to be controlled, and to be mastered. But now, looking at her large brown eyes narrowed in anger, he found himself feeling almost ashamed.
"I can't let you go, you know," she said.
She had known he was sick- when he had returned only days ago she had been able to see it in his eyes. He was far more broken than he had been, and his sickening brother who stayed by his side night and day did little to help that. She should have expected something like this, but truthfully- she hadn't wanted to admit there was a problem.
Now, however, with him standing before her- his shoulders slumped, his breathing heavy, and his eyes wide in confusion- she felt far guiltier than she had ever before.
"Go?" he repeated. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You mean to stay here?"
"I mean to go with you."
"You can't," she snapped back, her voice cracking. "Not like this."
"I'm fine," he breathed, his heart beat quickening as a strong wave of panic washed over him. "I'm better."
"You're worse."
"Nothing's wrong," he continued. Each pulsation of power through his veins felt like fire and did nothing to ease his fear. "I did this for a reason, you know."
"And what reason is that?" she snapped back at him, speaking from quivering lips.
"I'm going to save the world."
She started to laugh- a bitter, painful laugh that sounded empty and forlorn. He looked back at her, his eyes growing hard and his panic turning into anger.
"You find that funny?"
"You're just so stupid."
"That doesn't matter."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter?"
"My brother has assured me that I have other valuable assets."
"Valuable to him, maybe."
"You think he's trying to use me?" He scoffed, his blood practically boiling. "You did always hate him."
"As did you, for a time."
"You tricked me," he barked, though he knew that was a lie.
"You really want to call it that?" She stared up at him and felt heavy with the weight of her decision. He looked so bold- hunched yet still towering above her, and staring her down with the eyes of an angry child. "You're so idealistic."
"I'm going to help-"
"- You can't help anyone."
He felt his right arm twitch and realized he had been tense the entire time. He couldn't relax- not when she was accusing him. She had the audacity to stand there and laugh at this dream- at his responsibility. She knew what had happened, and she knew why- they had spoken of it often since he had returned a few days prior. Everything that had happened— to the school, to the students, to his friends… it was all his fault. If she knew all that, then surely she could understand his methods. She was just afraid.
"I'll protect you," he replied through gritted teeth, eliciting another hollow laugh from the girl.
"You can't even protect yourself," she sighed, running a hand through her hair. She averted her gaze, and begged herself to get it over with. No amount of talking was going to make this okay. "I need to end this..."
"You don't have to."
"I do."
"Everything's going to be fine."
"No, it isn't."
She stared at him, long and hard, and as she did, memories came unbidden and quickly. Images of happier times flooded her mind—the two of them sparing in the woods or drinking cheap tea in a rundown house in the countryside. The first time she had cried in front of him, the first time they had slept in the same bed, the first time he had touched her...
He was no longer that man, though. Standing here, surrounded by trees and trapped on this cursed island, it was plain to see that the man she had once cared for—the man she had once loved—was gone.
He had died with their students, and now a monster stood in his place.
She raised her right hand, open palmed and in his direction.
Instantly, he knew what she meant to do and fear washed over him once again. It wasn't a fear of death or of pain—that hand didn't mean death.
It meant life.
A life alone.
A life without her.
"You just need to think this over," he pleaded, his voice suddenly weak and childlike.
She didn't respond, and slowly a light began to form.
"You're looking at this all wrong," he continued, venturing slowly forward in an attempt to bridge the gap between them. No matter how close he stepped, though, it only seemed to push her farther away. "My brother—he can help. Together we can—"
"—Just stop."
No tears fell from her eyes, but it was obvious that somewhere inside the girl was crying.
"No one can help us."
"I can help us!"
"No," she choked. "You can't."
"Just think—"
"—NO!" The light which had formed in her palm suddenly grew ten times brighter, and in the face of that light he felt small. He felt ashamed. She stared him down, her gaze darker than he had ever seen before. When she spoke, her lips barely moved, and her voice was no more than a whisper. "We were never meant to be happy. Can't you see that now?"
He wanted to cry out to her—to yell at her, plead with her, hold her and whisper in her ear that she was wrong. They could be happy. They could save themselves and all those they held dear.
But he knew he was just stupid.
He never looked away, and neither did she. The energy residing in the palm of her hand grew, pulsating and radiating light like a message from some far away god, telling them that their time was up. This was it. One of them would die today, and the other would live in misery. She knew she had to do it, and he knew he deserved it. She tried to muster the courage to take him down, and as she did he watched the last slivers of hope fade from her eyes.
However, in the end, she didn't strike him. Though she was so poised for action, and though he had no intention of resisting her, the blast never came, and the two were left standing in silence once more.
She lowered her hand, the energy dispersed from it, and it hung lifeless from her side.
"I don't ever want to see you again," she whispered, as if close to death.
He stared, transfixed, and tried to will himself to move. But in the end, he didn't, and he let her walk away.
This was their third act of selfishness.
Ten Years Prior
"Chun Ja," he called happily. She turned, averting her eyes from the wide sea before her to look at the foolish young man. She was too late to catch him, however, and before she knew it he had his arms wrapped firmly around her waist. "It's so cold out here. We should go inside."
She laughed, slightly unnerved by the close proximity to Sukehiro but comforted by it at the same time. She returned her gaze to the sea stretching out before them, allowing the steady rocking of the ship and Sukehiro's firm grasp to lull her into a state of complacency.
"I like it out here," she replied with a smile. She inhaled deeply, letting the soft scent of salt and sea overwhelm her senses. "I've never seen the ocean."
"Really?" he laughed back. "But your hometown was so close to the sea!"
"I never had a chance to visit."
They went silent for a moment before Sukehiro tightened his grip and rested his head on top of hers. "Well then, I guess we'll just have to suffer the cold."
She smiled to herself and he laughed.
They remained quiet for a long while, standing on the deck of the fishing ship and staring out into the beyond. Ever since they had left Korea, Chun Ja had tried to remind herself that she should be scared—she was a criminal now, after all. Though she had never truly tried to abide by the law in her past life, she had never been in a situation like this.
After she had been arrested for speaking out so forwardly against the Japanese regime, she had been quickly imprisoned. She had known from the moment the words spilled from her mouth what they would mean—she was to be put to death. And as she lay in her dark, damp cell she tried to cope with that realization. She was going to die and the world was going to continue to turn without her. She probably could have escaped on her own. Most of the soldiers were heavily reliant on their weaponry, and in the face of her spiritual power such things were practically meaningless. If she really wanted to, she could have killed them all and run away. But in the darkness of that cell, still reeling from the conversation with Sukehiro and his brother hours before, she lost all motivation to try. What was the point if it wouldn't change anything? Suffering was a part of life—everyone's life ended in pain, and hers should be no different. There was no point in fighting against the inevitable.
However, it had only been a few hours in that dark space until he had arrived, bringing with him a ferocity and a passion she had never experienced. He had broken her free and whispered in her ear that he was there to save her. And when he did, despite what she had convinced herself of, she found herself running with him without question.
She was swept up by him and by his fervor, and she never looked back once.
They had bribed a fishing boat to take them to Japan. Sukehiro claimed that it would be easier to live in peace there. The war was extending now into China, so they couldn't go West or South, and further North was just desolate, icy wastelands. To Japan, however, was safe—or at least, relatively so. It would be easier to hide there.
Sukehiro was convinced that was where their future lay. Truly, he was excited about it—he'd have the opportunity to show her his home town, cook his favorite foods for her, and take her to all of the places his home country was known for. He seemed to have no reservations—no hesitation—not only about going to Japan but about taking her.
The man truly wanted to live his life with her and, as odd as it may have seemed, she wanted to live her life with him.
"Hey…" he began slowly, nuzzling the part in her long hair and inhaling deeply. "I just thought of a name…"
"Oh really? I can't wait," she laughed sarcastically.
If they were to be fugitives they needed new names—that much was obvious. What had been unexpected was how Sukehiro thought to come up with the new names. Once they had boarded the ship he had told her of his plan. He wanted to make up her new name and, in exchange, she would make up his.
"It's perfect," he whispered, running his hands down her sides to clutch her hips. "It suits you so well I can't believe I thought of it."
"Well," she laughed again, trying to avoid the strong desire to forfeit herself to his touch then and there. "What is it?"
"Genkai."
"Genkai?" She wrestled a bit out of his grasp to look at him. It certainly didn't sound all that nice, and hardly had a feminine quality to it.
"It means, 'a sea of mystery,'" he replied with a wide, peaceful grin. "What do you think?"
"Hm…" she pursed her lips, trying her best not to laugh. He always overestimated her—he thought she was the greatest woman in the world, though she had no idea why. His choice in name only seemed to reflect this unnecessary reverence. Still, though, the thought was nice. "It's not bad."
He laughed, cradling her in his arms again. "Not bad?"
"It could be worse."
He laughed again.
She turned back towards the open ocean, allowing herself to relax into his touch once more. She mulled it over in her head- Genkai. Truly, she didn't like the sound of it all that much, and she thought the meaning was a bit over the top… but she liked it all the same. It was what he had chosen for her, after all.
After a brief silence, she spoke again, a smile playing on her lips. "I thought of one for you too."
"You did?" he replied, his voice laden with a childish sense of excitement.
"I did."
"And?"
"I think you should be called Toguro," she said.
"Toguro?" he repeated, running his fingers through her hair. "What does it mean?"
She traced her hand along the ship's railing to spell it out. Her knowledge of Japanese kanji was fairly limited, so she had taken quite a bit of time picking out the proper characters.
"It has three parts," she explained. "One is the symbol for door."
"Because I freed you?"
"Because you're too honest."
He laughed, and she continued. "The last one is the symbol for the spine."
"Because I have courage?"
"Because you're idealistic."
Finally, she spelled out the one in the middle. He tightened his grip around her sides as he saw it, pulling her as close to him as she could get before she broke in half.
"That one means—"
"—Stupid."
He laughed again. "You think I'm stupid?"
"Wholeheartedly."
"So cruel," he sighed, his breath hot on her neck. "But stupid has its uses."
"It does, I suppose." She tried to bite back a laugh, but as he kissed slowly down her neck she found it hard to restrain herself. She melted into him, the cold ocean breeze pulling at her robe and his heat forcing her into a state of unwelcomed bliss.
He whispered in her ear. "I'm stupid for you."
"I know that," she whispered back. "And it's going to be the death of me."