A fools lies

Ch 1

Naruto had been grocery shopping and was just about head home. Being only twelve years of age he didn't know how to cook properly so his bag only contained instant ramen and some fruits. He let his gaze sweep over the busy store taking in nothing of the many shelves littered with different kinds of food or the slightly dirty wooden floor. All he saw was the hard glares he received from all the people around him.

'Ouch! It hurts to be despised.' He met them with a cheeky smile and a twinkle in his eyes that promised no good. He was used to the glaring people. It was just like people didn't like him no matter what. Sure he had pulled some pranks on some of them, but most of them had never been victim to any of his stunts and still looked like they hated him. As he held his head high and a cocky grin on his face he let their hateful acting fuel his dreams.

'What did I ever do to them?' Naruto left the convenient store with a bag full of instant ramen and a foul mood.

'One day they will be sorry. One day they will beg for my forgiveness. I will make them realise how great I really am and when they come to me seeking for my acceptance I shall let them know. I will forgive them, just to show them how great of a person I am and they will realise that they are beneath me.' Naruto ranted.

With his head full of (ranting) dreams he didn't notice that his shoelaces had become untied and as the laces hocked up in his other shoe, he stumbled and almost fell to the ground. He hastily glanced around to see if anybody had noticed. They had. Everyone looked at him with malice written on their faces. He laughed and continued to walk home.

'I'll be better then them. Just wait and see, I'll show you all. You will all acknowledge me. You will. Once I'm strong you have to respect me. You will have to. And I will be the one looking down on you. Bastards!' Naruto raised his fist high in the air while shouting mentally about how he will conquer the world.

"Watch it dope. Some of us are trying to walk here like normal people. Take your insanity elsewhere."

It was Sasuke, a guy from school. He hated him. Mainly because that he was everything that Naruto was not. Like smart, handsome and loved.

"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD WATCH IT!"

"Why?" Sasuke said smoothly.

"… because.. " Naruto was at a lack of words. He remembered another reason to why he hated the boy. He always made him appear stupid.

"Great comeback there, really.." Sasuke said sarcastically before walking away. Naruto felt a burning sensation behind his eyelids.

'If only this stinging in my eyes would stop. I won't cry. I have to be strong. I can't let them know that I in fact am weak. I can't let them know how worthless I am. Someday, I will rise above you.'

"I'm home." He said to the bare and empty apartment before he closed the door behind him. He liked to pretend that he wasn't living alone; it helped him get through the days. But pretending to have someone home is not the same thing as to have someone and eventually you realise just how fucked up you really are.

Naruto sighed as he entered the old kitchen and began to unpack the cups of ramen. The kitchen was roomy for an apartment this small, sure it only had the absolute necessarities but it did have room for a one man kitchen table so Naruto still considered himself lucky. It was still depressing to se how unpersonal it was. Like no real person was living there.

After unpacking the ramen cups he was so exhausted that instead of heading of to the bedroom he just sat down on the kitchen stool and let his head reach the table. He thought about all the mean things he had heard today, how many times he was denied to play with the other kids, all the angry glares he received and he knew that he was on the brink of tears. He didn't know why everybody hated him.

'Am I that bad of a person that no one can even stand my presence?'

Tan hands balled in the sunshine blond hair and he let out a cry of despair.

'Off course no one wants so be with me. I am the trash of the humanity. I can't do nothing right. I always screw up and gets in the way of others no matter how small a task there is' he thought, knowing this to be true and thinking back at the incident with Sasuke earlier today. 'Why can't I be good at something like everybody else? I'm so worthless.'

The body was dead tired, but he was so restless that he couldn't just sleep it away this time. He started to squirm under the intense need of doing something.

'Isn't there any way to get rid of this feeling? Why is life so unfair? Why is everyone so much better then me? Everyone is better then me at everything. I fail at whatever I do. Why am I so worthless?'

The ranting became louder and louder in his head until he couldn't bear to think no more. A wave of intensive angst smashed the breath out of him and left him unable to do anything, before he smashed his fists hard on the table.

The sudden sound made him wake up from the mindless hole he just visited. He decided that he needed to be at a softer place then the kitchen while feeling like this, so he entered his bedroom and lay down on the old orange and purple bedcover, curling up in a tight ball. He shut his eyes as if hoping to also shut out the pain and sorrow he felt, but it only made it worse. Suddenly he was all itchy and was scratching himself all over his body. It only became worse and worse until-.

'Blood.' He licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. It was such a strange taste. He blinked and looked at the wounds for a second.

'Funny. I'm so disgusting that even my own skin repels me.' He gave away a short bitter laugh.

'Not that I care anyway. Nobody cares for filth.' He repeated that to himself like mantra as he silently hoped that somewhere out there someone would care some day anyway.

It was morning again and the sunlight burned his eyes until he woke up. Naruto groaned but got out of bed anyway and went to stand by the window.

'At least there is something beautiful in my life' he thought as he silently observed the early sunlight dance on the rooftops.

'Another morning, another hell.' He washed up and got ready to head out to school. After one final look at the bedroom window that promised light and warmth to those who deserved it, he laid his hand on the door handle. Just as he was about to turn the knob he stopped. He wasn't one of those that deserved the suns rays. He didn't belong there. He was filth.

The hand backed away from the knob. Could he really face everybody yet again and try to pretend that he wasn't hurt? Could he really go through another day of hell? He decided that just this one day, he would stay home instead. He knew that he was not ready to put the mask on yet. He felt so drained that he hardly had any energy to even walk. To play the mask would be completely impossible to him. He sank down to his knees and rested his back against the cold white wall. This would be his treat for trying so hard all the other days. Just one day surely would not make a difference.

Several hours passed and it wasn't before Naruto spotted the warm afternoon sunshine on his wooden floor he realised that he hadn't been moving since this morning and his back was feeling rather sore.

He went to the bathroom before entering his bedroom and crawling up on the soft bed again, pulling the soft blue comforter around him. The bedcover slide to the floor unfolded and unnoticed.

He had done nothing this day and it had been the best day he had since…he couldn't remember when. Maybe he should do this more often. He knew that he couldn't do this every other day. That would be suspicious, but maybe when the world was crashing down upon him, this was the way to handle it. Like a form of release. He knew that he hadn't done anything. Not even think and somehow he felt cleansed, like he had felt when he had cried when he was younger.

'Maybe this is the next step. This might be how grown ups deal with hard things. Or maybe I fail even at this. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. I'm content as long as I'm here.'

Knock, knock!

Naruto jumped at the sudden sound.

'What was that?' He sat up straight in his bead, tense and weary, trying to locate the sound again.

'Was this all my imagination? Am I going crazy for real this time?'

Knock, knock, knock.

"Hello! Is there anyone home?"

Naruto didn't dare to move.

'Why was there someone outside his door?' He had forgotten all about skipping school. The academy had probably sent for someone to give him his homework and to get an excuse to why he wasn't present in class today.

"I'll just leave your homework outside your door then."

Naruto heard the retreating footsteps and let out a sigh he didn't know that he had been holding. He knew that he probably should go get the papers, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead he crawled under the covers again holding his legs in between his arms. 'What if someone actually cared?' This was his favourite fantasy, where there was someone that would discover him, not the Naruto that everybody saw.

'Imaginary person, would you stand up for me and care for me when I can't?'

It was midday again and Naruto had just awoken. Something was off. He was cold and sweaty all over and when he went to the bathroom he found that he couldn't pee.

'What is wrong with me? I feel like I need to pee, but I can't?' An intense twisting pain hit his stomach.

'Oh, that's right. I haven eaten since the day before yesterday. I'm probably dehydrated.' He washed his shaky hands and looked himself in the mirror. He looked like he had a meeting with death. Dark circles countered his for once pale blue eyes and his skin was oily yet very dry. He had dried saliva on his lips and the mouth felt like sandpaper. He knew that he needed a shower, but decided to do that later. Instead he dried his hands and left the bathroom on shaky legs.

He looked through his storage of cupboard ramen to decide what to eat, but the mere thought of food made him feel queasy. All in all he decided on a glass of water which he sipped from slowly. He knew that he still was hungry, but there was something preventing him from even trying to test some food, just like yesterday at the door. He trusted this something. It had already given him so much.

Naruto woke with a start. Someone was here again. His heart was pondering in his chest so hard that he could feel the pulse all the way out to his fingertips.

'What time is it? What is happening?'

Knock, knock… … Knock, knock

He heard something land on the ground and then the retreating footsteps again. He let out a long sigh before taking several calming breaths. He was so afraid that the guy from school would hear his heartbeats and realise that he was in there. And he forgot to take in his homework from the day before too.

He got out of bed and opened his door where he found two large folders in yellowing paper that was addressed to him. There was also a note that said to inform the school of the cause of his absence. Reality came down on him in the form of a tidal wave.

"What was I thinking?" he whispered to himself.

It was Thursday morning and Naruto was all set to go. He never did all the homework that was given to him, it didn't matter. He was going to fail anyway. As he opened his apartment door he let one last glance slide over his new found safe place. He let his gaze linger on the lonely glass of water that he had drunken of. Then he closed the door.

The sounds of the outer world surrounded him and made his head ache. He felt light headed and sweaty, like he was running a fever. The walk down the street also felt mentally different. Not better, just different. He knew his smile was just a tad bit more fake then usual. He could feel it. But at the same time, now he didn't care as much. He had something to go home to now.

People around him didn't say anything, as usual, but they seemed to notice that something was off about him. Most people just turned around and others glared harder.

'If they only knew.' He thought as he walked by. After he was met with one particularly mocking smile he realised that he had let his smile falter and hurried to correct it as well as his posture.

When he finally reached the academy he was almost strutting forward letting his face kiss the sun while faking the broadest smile he could pull of. People looked at him in disgust, but no one ever did anything. He hurried into the boys' toilets and into a booth.

'I can do this. I can do this. I can do this…' He repeated this mantra in his head while sitting down on the toilet lid with his arms around his legs. He felt like the he belonged in a filthy place such as this. After calming down a bit he decided it was time to head off to the classroom.

He came in a little late, but no one even glanced at him. He was grateful for that as he knew how false his smile looked at the moment. The teacher continued to talk about whatever he had to teach and Naruto sat down in his chair.

'Why am I even here? It's not like I learn anything anyway. Nobody cares if I show up or not. This was just the proof. I should go home after this class. It would be the best for everybody.' Thinking all this depressing thoughts made him drop his smile momentarily before he noticed and corrected it. He looked around. Nobody seemed to have noticed at all.

'How can they not notice? Why doesn't anyone see how bad my charade is?' He sat there letting his smile fall more and more. No one even looked in his direction. He played with different kinds of obvious fake smiles, just to see how they would feel. Still no reaction.

'I must be invisible to them. That is how much they care. I'm so low in their eyes that I don't even exist to them. At least the elder villagers see me, even though they hate me.'

The bell rang to alert everybody that the first period was over. Naruto made a move to exit the classroom, but the teacher told him to stay back for a while.

"I noticed that you were missing for two days. Would you hand me the certificate for your absence please."

"Eeeh… I don't have one." Naruto said quietly. Somehow he wanted someone to know. This burden was too great to carry alone so he didn't even try to make his smile seam real.

"What do you mean that you don't have it? You don't have a reason or you don't have the certificate?"

"Uuum… I don't have the certificate?" Naruto tried, completely confused.

"The teacher saw his insecurity and knew exactly what it usually meant. Usually it meant skipping school. He hovered over Naruto brimming with anger.

"So then, please tell me why you haven't been present for two days now." His voice had turned to the silky smooth voice that dangerous people uses just before their lashout and made Naruto quiver in fear.

"I had a case of pneumonia, but I'm fine now!" Naruto exclaimed really thrilled that he actually had figured out a decease that needed home treatment.

"You idiot! You don't fall sick in pneumonia and manage to get well on just two days. Now tell me, Naruto. Where you skipping?"

Naruto realised his mistake and felt an ice cold hand grip his heart and squeeze.

"Yes I was skipping sensei. I'm sorry."

The teacher fell into a fit and started to tell him all about how much it cost to have a child in school and of how unresponsible it was of him to not even bother to attend.

"So, will you attend school from now on? Naruto?"

"Yes sensei. I will."

"Before you go, I would like to see your homework."

Naruto kept silent. He didn't do his homework. He didn't even know what is was all about.

"Did you do your homework, Naruto?" Iruka asked him with a mildly threatening voice.

"No, Iruka-sensei, I didn't." Naruto hung his head in shame.

"Make sure that you do it by Friday. That is all. You are free to go now."

Naruto went out into the corridor and directly into the boys toilets. He seated himself inside a booth and waited for his mind to settle down so that he could think.

'Why did Iruka-sensei ask me so many questions? Does he always do that to the missing ones? What if it was because of my mask? Maybe he was gathering information about me? Maybe they do notice me and is just waiting for something that they can use to humiliate me with. O NO! I let my mask almost fall completely. If he was looking for something, he can now be sure that I am about to brake. I f-ing gave myself away on a silver platter for them. Everything I worked for will be ruined if I don't hold myself together now. How could I be so stupid?'

He got out of the cubicle and out into the corridor again. It was empty. 'Damn, I missed the bell again.'

Naruto felt satisfied with his doings when he walked home at the end of the day. He had pulled a few pranks and laughed madly a lot of times. There was not a chance that they could see a difference in behaviour besides this morning. He smiled brightly at every passer-by that he met and every time he received a glare in response, he just smiled more.

'That will show them. No one, NO ONE, wins over Uzumaki Naruto.'

When he finally came up to his door, he was dead tired. His legs were shaking and his face hurt. He quickly made it inside. He threw of his shoes and shirt and entered the kitchen. He had to eat and he knew it. As he filled the water-boiler he noticed the glass of water on the kitchen sink again. It seemed like the last time he looked at it was an eternity ago. He sat down on his stool and rested his head on the table. 'This table is so comfy' was the last thought that passed his mind before he fell asleep.

11