tickticktock.

thirteen.

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that he is the bastard son of the bastard that he calls his father (except he knows that he is the real bastard the real illegitimate the real nothing).

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that his half-sister Bianchi (but his sister still his sister always his sister) is extremely proficient in the art of Poison Cooking even if she does not realize this yet and is the reason why his stomach decides to start a revolution at the sight of her (so in the end it's her own fault all her own).

What Gokudera Hayato thinks he knows is that there is no one in the world who cares for him (not even that stupid bloody perverted doctor because shit the ass probably just took pity on him and look he gave up pretty damn quickly on having Hayato as his student didn't he) and his family is a lie and all he really is is a mistake and so he's going to leave he's going to validate himself he's going to prove himself and like fucking shit he's going to let some pipsqueak take the head of Vongola head just because his blood has Primo's blood.

(Because his blood is now shared only with a man who doesn't care for him or his mother and had her killed had her killed and a sister who tries to poison him every chance she gets because she probably sees him as an intruder into her perfect life with her perfect parents except she's his sister and goddamnit look at me more stop looking at that stupid boyfriend of yours stop looking at him look at me I'm lonely I'm scared I'm sad come on, look at me somebody look at me).

somewhere in between.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that Bianchi is the reason he is still alive today.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that at the age of six, when he is to perform for the first time as the son of his father (not his mother Lavina never his mother Lavina) that rumors of his illegitimacy (his bastard heritage) has been spreading around and that there are those who would gladly attempt to assassinate him to up their own status and position within the mafia (because there is no place for a bastard in the mafia but what else is new and he does not even know anything yet).

He doesn't know that there are those who are perfectly content to kill someone perceived as useless without hesitation because right now outside of his blood family there is no one on his side and this is the goddamned mafia and without allies or supporters you can. not. survive.

And so Bianchi (his sister goddamnit his sister) poisons him because she knows she can and all that is needed really is just a single don's wife to pity him and then he will be safe because there'll be a tie a bond a connection and her (precious) brother's life is saved and he's even a genius now and.

(Although admittedly that last part was not planned but what the hell she'll take what she can get).

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that a few days after his recital (disastrous ear-hurting how the fuck can it possibly be genius recital), Bianchi has both failed and succeeded in saving her brother's life when potassium cyanide is found in his lunch right after he collapses one afternoon and this wasn't supposed to happen this wasn't supposed to-

But to everyone's shock Hayato, little Hayato survives and he is still breathing and going about normally and he's still alive thank fucking god.

And when that perverted Shamal tells their father that it is thanks to previous exposure to poison he has survived this bout of poison in his system Bianchi is standing right outside the door and listening and listening and when she is caught by her father and Shamal as they exit the room she stares and they stare right back and she understands what she needs to do because this is her little brother and she will be damned if she can't protect him.

Even if he ends up hating her for it.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that Romeo is a prominent member of an allied famiglia not quite happy with his existence. So when they come to the manor for a meeting one day Bianchi subtly corners Romeo and the rest is history.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that when he runs away, every single time he is in a pinch on the streets the ones who help him are those who have been enamored by a certain rosette with large teary eyes who has asked won't they please please please protect my little brother there are still assassins out there and won't you please help.

What Gokudera Hayato does not know is that when Romeo showed to be one who sent out a few assassins after him here and there, Bianchi was. not. amused.

eighteen.

What Gokudera Hayato knows is that outside of his famiglia he still has family that loves him in the form of his sister Bianchi.

What Gokudera Hayato knows it that he has always been loved by those around him when he was small.

What Gokudera Hayato also knows now is that before his acceptance as the Vongola Decimo's Storm Guardian he has had a target on his head since his childhood and he should have been dead for a very, very long time now if not for his sister's timely- ahem, intervention.

What Gokudera Hayato knows now is that if hurts his sister to see him hunched over in pain every time she is in the vicinity and that this was all her fault to start with and fuck she should have just let him die what was the point of saving someone who couldn't even stomach the sight of your face and fucking hell goddamnit.

But he also knows the logistics behind classical conditioning and systematic desensitization because he is a bloody genius and he is not going to let his precious family (family famiglia somewhere down the line the difference between the two has blurred and vanished) suffer because he has a weak (except not really) stomach.

AN: uhm. hi. clock here. new to the KHR fandom. kind of. ish.

yeah this is just kind of my take on the relationship between Bianchi and Gokudera because I think that their relationship is seriously underrated and undermined and it's kind of a mess because I didn't proof it and I have no beta and yeah hi.

basically my attempt to try to peek into Hayato's head after he's not as. uh. ignorant.

lulz. head.

cause I really only had the whole Bianchi taking care of him from the shadows thing and the whole trying to get past the throwing up-ness on sight thing planned and everything else was kind of me just shoving in random details and stuff like hey woops Shamal too gotta add him in here and so this is probably really confusing and mixy and uh. yeah. welp.

uhmmm. oh right.

THANKS FOR READING. REVIEW PLEASE? (contructive criticism pleaseeeeee)

ticktickout.