I Should Go…
The night before Blair and Louis wedding… Blair finds herself standing outside a door in Brooklyn...
Based on the Levi kreis Song' I should go"
"Here we are
I haven't had someone to talk to
In such a long time
And it's strange
All we have in common
And your company was just the thing
But somehow I feel I should apologize
Cause I'm just a little shaken by
What's going on inside."
Blair stood outside the door, her hand fighting against the battle that was playing out between her heart and her head. Part of her ( her head) wanted to run away back to her town car back to her suite on the upper east side .the other part of her ( her heart) wanted to be on the other side of the door, a place that was safe, that was comforting and had felt more like home lately.
"Blair?" an all too familiar voice spoke from behind.
"Humphrey..." Blair said. Making it sound like a statement. Trying to make it seem that it was not affecting her that she was standing outside his door way at 1am and that it was perfectly normal.
"And where have you been? It's the middle of the night and you're out gallivanting around... you have a wedding to attend tomorrow remember!" Blair said, getting herself into even more mess as the seconds went on.
"Right... this coming from the Bride of this said wedding as she stands at the door way to a loft in Brooklyn at "looking at his watch "1.05 in the morning".
"I'm sorry I should go.." Blair said, having no sarcastic comeback, no way of turning the situation around.
It was obvious, she had to leave and get back.
Dan moved towards her, she felt her body tingle; it had been doing that a lot lately. And lately it had seemed like it happened all the time. At first she thought it had been the loft which of course a place like that wouldn't have central heating and it had to be the source of what was making her feel that way… right?
But then it was happening anywhere and everywhere.. At the art gallery, at the coffee shop even the other day at Vera Wang. She just couldn't put a finger on it yet.
Stepping inside after him Blair made her way to her corner of the couch.
If someone had told he her a year ago that one day in the not so distant future that Daniel Humphrey would become the closest person in her life she would have laughed in their face. BUT here they were in his loft like many a night spent, just hanging out, drinking tea, watching old movies and debating until they could debate no more and would then just crash on the couch. Who could have predicted that Queen B's favourite past time didn't involve anything to do with the Upper East Side?
With Dan she didn't have to pretend to be anyone else, he saw right through it all anyway, he always had, he'd always seen straight thru her masks. He had never fallen under her girlie charm or cowered during her Queen B schemes. He'd looked straight in to the root of the problem and even during their friendships darkest hours – had come through for her.
It also amazed her how much they had in common, right down to matching childhood toys.
"Here" Dan said passing her a mug and breaking her thoughts.
"Thank you... I will drink this and then I really should go" Blair said as she placed the mug to her lips looking up into Dan's Eyes.
" It's so hard
Keeping my composure
And pretend I don't see how your body
Curves beneath your clothes
And your laugh
Is pure and unaffected
It frightens me to know so well
The place I shouldn't go
But I know I've got to take the noble path
Cause I don't want you to question
The intentions that I have"
Dan had spent the night walking the streets. He'd started off in Brooklyn and then had made his way on the subway to Manhattan, he just walked and walked stopping every now and then when he came to a spot or a place that made him think of her, and there had been many of those moments.
When the all too familiar block came along he'd had to fight himself not to walk into the building, he couldn't be selfish tonight, as much as he wanted to see her, he just couldn't do it especially on the night before her wedding, besides her place had never been their scene, it had always been his place, he'd almost started thinking of it as 'Their Place' but hadn't dared thought about it too much, it would make everything what was to come that much harder.
And so with a heavy heart Dan had decided to go home, It was going to be a very big day in the morning, he would have to have all his wit about him to get through it, and he would do it for her, no matter how much his heart would break he would be there and participate for her..
Stepping out of the lift, Dan lost his breathe, he had to blink twice and was about to pinch himself- afraid that he'd curled up in central park and was now in a dream.
But he was not dreaming- she was in fact really there, standing at her door way.
He could see she was embarrassed and confused; he had no idea why she was standing there in the early hrs. before her wedding and by the look of her face she didn't know either.
He knew her statement about leaving was just an attempt to get out of this awkward moment; a moment where Blair Waldorf does not like being in.
He knew saying anything else would not work so he went to open the door and had to stop himself from lingering to close to her before doing so. But he caught her smell the smell that he had grown so accustomed to, the smell that still lingered on his shirt or his blankets after Blair had fallen asleep on him on the couch, how many of his shirts had he refrained from washing until the last of the scent had disappeared.
Opening the door Blair as expected followed him inside and sat herself on her side of the couch, the idea of Blair having her own side of his coach made Dan smile. He liked the familiarity they had. Their comfort, the way their time together in the loft just worked so wonderfully, the routine and the ease of it all.
He grabbed her mug, the mug that even once these Loft days ended which pained him to think would be sooner then he wanted to admit, that mug would remain her mug it would sit beside his never to be used by another.
"HERE" Dan said passing her the mug. Noticing that Blair's mind had been far away..
Thankyou Dan... And after this I really should go"
Blair sipped her tea, she knew that she should gulp it down, that the quicker she finished it the quicker she would be back in her bed getting her beauty sleep – getting ready to become a princess.
But if Blair was honest with herself- she hadn't had many good night sleeps in that bed for a long time, when she was there in her room in that big luxurious bed she felt lost and alone.
The big plush pillows seemed to suffocate her and the vastness and grandeur of it all scared her.
But the nights that she had fallen asleep on this couch, had been the best sleeps of her life.
As she sat on it now she really observed it for the first time, and was surprised how small it actually was which amazed her because both she and Dan would sleep on it together and she always had room, she never felt cramped or restricted.
The seats were so sunken in yet it held her body perfectly- she didn't sink in and disappear. And the covering? Blair wondered if it had ever been cleaned. But that didn't turn her off, because if it was cleaned often the smell that had become a part of her senses would be no more, and she liked it being there. The thought of it not being there scared her.
They sat in silence, both drinking their tea, both lost in their own thoughts, both not wanting to break the bubble they found themselves to be in.
Blair without having to look put her hand between the gaps in the pillows and pulled out the remote and pressed play..
Dan jumped back to the real world as the TV in front of him lit up..
"Blair... Don't…" Dan said trying to take the remote from her hand but it was too late.
Blair's eyes were glued to the screen.. It was just like any other night, they would put on a movie, drink some tea and sit back and enter whatever world came up on their screen.
The one that was playing now was one of their regulars, Audrey starred in it and there weren't many Hepburn Movies that Dan would actually watch.
On all those other times this movie wouldn't have caused a stir, but tonight?
Dan felt the panic well up inside him, how stupid had he been to leave the DVD in the player? And even more stupid that he had left the movie paused at the very spot where he took the line that Louis would be starting his vows with.
Keep calm! Dan tried to tell himself... Blair hasn't heard the vows yet, there is no need to panic. And by the time tomorrow came Blair would be so caught up in the moment that she wouldn't even bat an eyelid.
"Sabrina?" Blair finally got out, trying her hardest to sound normal.
"Ah yeah... gee... wow..." Dan fumbled out... "It's your lucky night... I must have somehow accidently put the wrong disk in "Dan finished, hoping that Blair hadn't noticed how hard it was for him to string two words together let alone get a proper explanation out.
But Blair didn't have a comeback and Dan lost his concentration of expecting one
Both sets of eyes were glued to the screen as the line was said
"I have learnt how to live… how to be in the world and of the world, and not just to stand aside and watch and I will never, never again run away from life or from love, either."….
Both held their breathe, both held their tongues, and both held their bodies back from making the slightest moves towards each other...
And then finally the silence was broken...
"I should go" Blair said just above a whisper
And then she was gone.
"I should go
Before my will gets any weaker
And my eyes begin to linger
Longer than they should
I should go
Before I lose my sense of reason
And this hour holds more meaning
Than it ever could
I should go"
Depending on what reviews I get I might add to this story. Let me know what you think.