Authors Note: Okie dory, I really have no idea how I came up with this. I was actually planning to write a fic that was all serious 'n crap, but it turned out into this. xD I'm actually glad it ended up like this, I need to loosen up a little bit anyway! It's probably terrible, but whatever, I actually liked writing this.

Dedication: lilineko. Because she loves Gary just as much as I do. xD And I do feel like I need to repay her with SOMETHING after all those awesome drawings she drew me. Check her deviantart/fanfics she is ah-mazing! Thanks lilineko! Love yah muy mucho!

God. I lost my mind.

To think, that I, Gary Oak one of the most famous trainers AND young researchers all throughout the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh region would actually be bored enough to go to Ash Ketchum's house.

I feel like I'm freaking five years old again.

Honestly, I haven't been doing much of anything since I got home from Sinnoh. I expected gramps to load me up with projects, research...but he claimed I was working too hard and that I should give it a rest during my stay. I couldn't believe it, Prof. Oak telling ME that I've been working too hard? Smeh, at least I don't lock myself away in my laboratory not showering for days at a time...

Eh. Whatever. I didn't feel like arguing with the old man.

Besides, that Gary charm which has given me the title as "Playboy Oak" has been itching and scratching to come on out and play the game. It's quite sad that I haven't been in a relationship for almost a year now, around the time I just made the decision to give up on being a trainer. Being a Pokemon Researcher has taken my all famous title away.

Yes, I wonder. Is that how all researchers end up like? Maybe that's what happened to gramps..

Well, there's that 'thing' or whatever he and Mrs. Ketchum has. Gross...

I really don't want to end up like that. Being an old and wrinkly Professor, falling for my grandsons' rivals' odd ball mother, who also is about thirty five years younger than me.

Ugh. I need a girl and fast.

It's too bad that there are absolutely no hot, young, chicks in Pallet Town. Gramps had to choose to life in Pallet, where all the old chicks converse. Figures...

So that's why visiting the Ketchum's home was my second choice to cure my boredom.

I hate being desperate...

I knock on the door, only waiting a couple of seconds before Ash opens the door. I couldn't believe that I still literally look down at him. He hasn't grown one bit. I feel my lips curl into a smirk, "Hey Ashy boy, I see you have yet to graduate into Ashy man."

I can see the gadgets in his pea sized head try to process what I just said. His blank stare turned into a glare. "I am a man Gary, my mom even said so!"

"Well gee, we can't argue with THAT now, can we?" I replied, obviously being sarcastic. Well, maybe not to Ash...

"That's right! And I'm a better man AND pokemon trainer than you'll ever be!"

Dude. This must be the 324,657,399th time I've told him:

"...I'm not a trainer anymore, I'm a Pokemon Researcher." dumb ass.

"So that means you're not a man anymore either, right?" He laughed as if he just gave me the biggest comeback known to man. I actually feel my IQ declining as I'm standing here.

Before I could say anything, a blur flashed before me, knocking Ash over. The blurry thing cleared away, revealing a very enthusiastic Mrs. Ketchum, looking up at me with those weird, shiny starry things that are in her eyes.

"Gary, honey bunch!" Mrs. Ketchum squealed in delight, taking hold on one of my hands. "Finally you come to visit Ash and I! To think you were never going to visit your favorite family!" I laugh nervously. "Heheh..."

I wouldn't know about favorite...

"Please Gary bear, come on inside!" Dragging me into the house, I heard Ash snicker while he was still on the floor. "Haha...Gary bear...OW!"

Delia stepped onto Ash, followed by myself stepping onto him as well. My turn to snicker. Haha..

Mrs. Ketchum can be so cool sometimes.

"Honey, you're more than free to stay here as long as you like! Please, I'm sure Ash would love that as well!"

"No I wouldn't, Mom! He's mean to me!" Ash points an accusing finger at me. I growl at him, resisting the urge to bite that finger off in front of his mother.

Delia gasps in shock, I quickly thought that she believed him for a second, until I saw her hit Ash on the head with a large paddle she pulled out of her apron. "My goodness Ash! How dare you say such nonsense! Maybe I should reconsider taking you to that psychiatrist!"

Sucks to be Ashy boy.

-Later-

I wander into the living room seeing Ash watch the TV intently, I take a glance at the screen wondering what was so interesting to him. I raise a brow.

Hamtaro?

"Why are you watching Hamtaro?" I'm beginning to see why he needs to see a psychiatrist.

"I..don't know..can't...look...away...too...cute..." He mumbled not looking away once from the TV.

I look back at the screen again, watching the, what they are called: "Ham Hams" cutesy jumps, giggles, and laughter. Their eyes were huge, bulgy and strangely... adorable. I let out an amused giggle as the white ham ham with the bow munched on a seed.

GAH. WHAT AM I SAYING?!!?

"ASH! TURN IT OFF!"

"I'm...I'm...trying..." Ash stretched out for the remote, his eyes still glued to the TV along with me. "Gary! The ham ham power is too strong!"

"Gah!" I grunted as I managed to turn my head away from the TV, though the urge to look again was digging deep within me. Quickly, I jump onto the table taking hold of the remote pressing down the power button in hopes for being saved.

The TV flashed off. I suddenly feel in control, and cute, little hamsters are no longer the star point of my life. I look over to Ketchum, "We made it."

"Hey! I was watching that!"

I sweatdrop, lifting myself up from the table. "Do your friends know you watch Hamtaro?"

"What does that matter?!" Ash furiously questioned, clenching his fists. I raise an eyebrow. He really does have anger issues of some sort.

"So that means they don't know, well at least you're smart enough to not tell them you watch a girly kids show." I reply coolly, "If they did know, god help yah, they'd never associate with you again."

Girly kids show...not my best description about something utterly retarded.

"So, they'll never know--Gary...GARY DON'T YOU DARE!" Ash yells out for me as I stroll over to the video phone. Hmm..who should I call first? Pft, he doesn't have that many friends anyway..Ahhh..I'll call Tracey.

As I begin to dial my grandpa's house (which is where Tracey has been living in) Ash darts over and tries to take the receiver away from my hand.

"Give me the phone!" All I see is Ash's arms flap wildly around me. I slam my free hand into his greasy face, I cringe feeling the need to take a shower.

I hear him mumble a bunch of nothings into my hand, his arms still outstretched towards the phone. I chuckle evilly, "The phone is ringing!"

"GIVE ME!"

I lift the phone over my head, knowing for a fact that Ash wouldn't be able to reach it, even if he jumped. "Not in your life loser."

Suddenly, I froze, feeling a warm, wet, and smooth something run against the palm of my hand. It was Ash's tongue.

What the f)(# hell.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" I scream in disgust shoving Ash's ugly face away from my used to be precious, but now tainted hand.

Ash falls backwards onto the floor, laughing victoriously. "Awww.. did I make Gary bear upset?"

The video phone flashes on, showing Tracey through the screen. "Hello?" He answers. He sees Gary and Ash from his view of the screen, "Hey guys...what's...going...on...?"

The phone was long forgotten, dropping the receiver, I crack my jaw, extremely peeved and extremely grossed out. "I'm not gay like you Ketchum, I don't need you licking me out of desperation because you can't get any!"

Ash jumped to his feet, his face burning bright red out of anger. "I'm not gay! Does it look like I'm smiling?!"

"The other kind of gay moron! The type where you show no interest in chicks, is a mama's boy, watch Hamtaro and lick guys hands!"

Hearing this, Tracey sweatdropped, quietly hanging up the phone.

"Why are you talking about yourself, Gary?"

I shoved my now dirty hand again in Ash's face, hoping I'd brake his nose in the process. "I'm not the one who licks hands Ashy boy!"

"OH YEAH?! I DON'T JUST LICK!"

...How wrong does that sound? I ask you.

"OW!!"

I can't believe it.

The little wench BIT ME.

I look at my hand, seeing Ash's vicious bite marks that cut into my skin. "This better not scar Ketchum..."

Ash only grinned, "Hahah, now you won't be able to do those hand lotion commercials...AH!!!"

I grabbed the trainer by his collar, not hesitating to pull his ugly face up close and personal to mine. "You don't know how much I wanted to do this to you Ash..."

Delia walks into the room and gasped, seeing the two boys close together. She blushed heard what Gary had just said..."Oh my! Well I never thought you boys missed each other that much!"

"WHAT?!"

"MMOOOOOOM!!!"

"I'm sorry honey! I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend!" Delia's eyes began to tear up, "I'm just happy you two are finally together, I have to tell everyone!"

Oh. My. God.

I shoved Ash away, far, far away from me. Just to think I couldn't be more disgusted, Ash's mom thinks I'm gay. Better yet, she thinks I'm with ASH.

Holy hell. Even if I was gay, there was no way in hell I would go for Ash. Most likely I'd go for Tracey--WHAT AM I SAYING!?

This is what I get for taking a day off from work.

Oh boy...I need a Tylenol...

Ash looked up on the clock, "YEAH! Hannah Montana is on!"

...and a gun.

Authors Note: Kay, not really the way I intended it to end, so sorry. I was actually thinking of continuing this, but I dunno. Tell me what cha'll think. Note, I have nothing against gay people, Palletshipping, Hamtaro or Hannah Montana. I love Hannah Montana! But I hate Ash. u.u Anywho, thanks for reading! And no, this isn't a Palletshipping fic. Nuuu.