THE AMERICAN WAY
by SANDEFUR
5/23/09 Maxville, California.
Joan Girardi, the chosen instrument of God, is on a new assignment, and as usual, she is annoyed. Just yesterday afternoon she aced her last final for her pre-law degree at Arcadia College. A four year bachelor's degree in only three years! Her only immediately plans had been next week's graduation ceremony, and the chance to gloat to her science geek brother that he wasn't the only member of the family who could finish college early.
But then God showed up—this time in the version of Old Lady God. (God appears to Joan in many different 'human' forms, but this version she knew from many years of contact.) God's mission was simple, and of course, short on details. Joan was to immediately go to Maxville, seek out Josie Stronghold and be prepared to help her with any problem she had. When Joan tried to get more info, Old Lady God walked away with her trademark backhand wave that indicated this audience with the All-Mighty was at an end.
Joan rushed to the airport and found a coach ticket in her name waiting for her on the next flight out. (Really, you'd think God could spring for first class occasionally.) Arriving last night, an exhausted Joan caught a taxi to the Camelot Motel, where she stayed the last time she was on assignment in Maxville. Sure enough, a prepaid room was arranged for her stay. (Again, would a four star hotel, just once, break the Bank of Heaven?)
The next morning, a city bus drops Joan off a couple of blocks away from the Stronghold's listed address. As she walks along enjoying the mild sunny morning, and the attractive upper middle class homes, Joan ponders how to explain her sudden appearance on the Stronghold's doorstep. Just passing through town and wanted to say 'Hi' to old friends? Except that they barely knew each other. In September of 2006, Joan attended Sky High just long enough to complete the assignment of saving the school from a malevolent ghost. In that time she met Josie Stronghold—or rather her fast flying superhero identity, Jetstream—only twice. And while they had gotten along okay (at least after that first misunderstanding when they nearly came to blows), they could hardly be called friends.
Joan pauses. Lurking across the street is a 'man' of suspicious character. Although trained in investigative work, Joan doesn't need any clues to determine that this guy is out of his normal time period. Joan's ability to discern the spiritual tells her this stranger is one of the undead—a Grim Reaper. In his hand is a yellow post-it note, and Joan knows this means a sudden death is scheduled to occur soon. The Reaper is watching one particular house, and Joan follows his gaze.
Nearby is a charming old Victorian home with a screened porch, and Joan can just make out a man drinking coffee and reading the morning newspaper. Poor guy. Little did he know he was about to experience a tragic accident. Or was he? To Joan's surprise, the Reaper checks his watch, shakes his head in disbelief, crumples the post-it and tosses it into the gutter. Looking utterly disgusted, the Grim Reaper stomps away in a foul mood. How very curious.
Joan crosses the street and retrieves the crumpled post-it, but she also notices another on the very inner rim of the storm sewer. Getting on her hands and knees, Joan stretches her arm and manages to grab the second crumpled post-it.
"Miss Girardi, is that you?"
Joan looks up and sees Jetstream—no, she must remember the secret identity bit. Josie Stronghold has caught her in the gutter with her arm in a sewer. Why were things like this always happening to her?
Joan blushes. "Uh, Mrs. Stronghold, what an odd coincidence running into you like this."
"Odder than you can imagine."
Josie reaches down, grabs Joan by the arm, and in one swift motion she pulls Joan to her feet. Although now over forty, this still beautiful woman was amazingly fit and strong. But then again, she was a superhero.
Josie continues, "I actually was about to call you to ask for your help."
Joan glances around to make certain they can't be overheard. "My help? What can I do that The Commander and Jetstream, not to mention their amazing son, can't handle?"
"Will is away for power test week—the last hurdle before he can graduate from Sky High."
"I remember my Great Aunt Olive mentioning a power test day—an obstacle course designed to test each student's particular power."
Josie nods. "Since Nurse Spex's days, the test has evolved into a week long, in-the-field challenge that is monitored and graded. By the way, how is your great-aunt?"
"Thriving as a world traveler, but she's now just that retired lady of leisure, Olive Donnelly. Although, she does manage to solve the occasional murder mystery."
"With her superhero training and x-ray vision, she would be a natural at that. Oh, and as for my husband, he's upstate leading a superhero posse for two escaped super villains. The 199 Inch Woman, and Captain Pickle."
Joan tries hard, but she can't suppress her laughter. "Cap...Captain PICKLE...?"
Josie frowns at Joan's continued guffaws. "He has the ability to convert air into any form of pickle he chooses. If you had ever seen someone die from the air in their lungs being turned into pickle relish, you wouldn't find it so funny."
Well, that sobers Joan up fast. "I'm sorry. I should have remembered what dangerous lives you superheroes face. Is...is The Commander at risk?"
"Every member of the posse will have to take their chances, they know that. Whether it be from the super strength of a woman who can triple her height, or from a sudden avalanche of gherkins, they will face the danger with courage and skill. I would be there myself, but a pressing matter required me to remain in Maxville."
"Would that have anything to do with that house across the street?" (Joan points to where the man on the porch is still sipping coffee.)
"How...how did you know?"
"It figures that the only help you could need from me would be in the, um, shall we say supernatural catagory? And, I already know something weird is going on over there."
"Amazing. Clearly, calling you would have been the right decision. Let's walk over and I'll explain."
As they head for the Victorian, Joan takes a quick glance at the two post-it notes in her hand. It takes all of Joan's willpower not to gasp at the name written on both of them. To distract herself, Joan asks...
"How do you know how to contact me? I haven't kept in touch with anyone still at Sky High."
"Easy. You're in the superhero data base."
"ME??"
By now they have reached the front yard of the house. Josie pauses under a tree, double checks that they are unobserved, and pulls a bright red PDA from her bag. She works the keypad and shows Joan the results. Joan sees her photo on the small screen and reads aloud...
"'Joan Agnes Girardi, born November 24th 1987, address 2320 Euclid Avenue, Arcadia Maryland, Known super power: ability to communicate with ghosts, Status: uncertified, active...' What does that mean? Because lots of people have called me certifiable."
Josie chuckles at the small joke. "It means you haven't completed the necessary training to be certified by the government as a recognized superhero. Legally you're not required to, but certification grants you special status with the police and the courts. You can't be charged with interferring with a police investigation, you have security clearance for all government data, you can't be sued for your superhero activities and so on."
"How convenient." (Joan continues reading...) "'Known superhero activity: May 2006, saved the city of Arcadia from a domestic terorist attack-nuclear. September 2006, saved Sky High from destruction by a super-powered ghost. Details classified by order of the Sky High board of directors...' I see Steelskin is still protecting his family's reputation."
"Can you blame him? Steelskin has been an active duty superhero longer than anyone else. Naturally he doesn't want his reputation sullied by the report of his brother Vortex's ghost attempting to destroy Sky High."
"From what I remember of Steelskin's history, he's done a fine job of sullying his own reputation."
Before Josie can respond, the porch screen door of the Victorian opens, and a mustachioed man in his forties greets them...
"Good morning, Josie. I see you went ahead with your plan to call on the sevices of Miss Girardi. May I offer you ladies some coffee?"
Josie replies, "No thank you Jonathan, and Miss Girardi arrived all on her own. Joan, do you remember Mr. Boy?"
"Uh...sure. You were the head of the sidekick department at Sky High."
"Tsk. The proper term is hero-support, and thank you for coming to our aid. Frankly, we were at a loss as to what to do. You're the only one in the data base with, uh, ghost abilities."
Jonathan escorts the two women into the lovely old house, which is very tastefully decorated. Joan looks about and immediately spots the problem.
"So, you're having problems with...a ghost?"
Josie replies, "A few years ago I would have denied it with my dying breath, but after our experience with the ghost of Vortex, and after what I've seen in this house with my own eyes... Well, I have to face the truth. This house is haunted, and if you can't help us Joan, my family faces financial ruin."
"Excuse me Mrs. Stronghold, but considering the neighborhood you live in, and how successful your family's business is..."
"Was. With the real estate market so depressed, Stronghold Realty is making less than half its' normal income. To make matters worse, Steve and I got caught up in that flipping-for-profit madness. We saw so many of our clients buying houses and selling them a short time later for large profits..."
"And this house is one you intended to flip for big bucks?"
"Yes, it's one of four we own, and we can't keep up with the mortgages if we don't manage to sell one."
Jonathan adds, "That's where I come in. I've been saving for a house of my own for years, and I fell in love with this beautiful Victorian. It will be ideal for my retirement in a few years. I moved in almost a week ago, and at first everything seemed fine. Then two days ago the place became a living nightmare. Lights go on and off by themselves, doors suddenly slam shut, items go sailing off of shelves and tables... I can't live like this."
Josie continues, "Jonathan has a thirty day escape clause in his contract with us, and I can't blame him for exercising that option. Please Miss Girardi, can you help us?"
Joan sighs. This was going to be difficult to explain. "Okay, the good news is that you don't have a ghost. The truly terrible news is that you have a graveling."
"A...graveling? What's that?" Josie asks.
"They're small, grey hideous things that you should be glad you can't see. Gravelings are a minor level demon used by the devil to cause the 'accidental' deaths of innocent people."
Josie and Jonathan chuckle at Joan's statement.
Barely concealing a smirk, Josie asks, "Really Miss Girardi, demons and the devil? Ghosts are difficult enough to believe, but do you actually expect us to swallow this?"
Joan smiles. "Remember my faux pas about Captain Pickle? You wanted me here for my expertise..."
"Yes, of course. We should respect your abilities regardless of how...odd it sounds. So what do we do about this, er, graveling?"
"Nothing. I could easily get rid of it, but an endless supply can be dispatched to take it's place, and we want to hold on to this particular one because he seems dumber than most. You see, gravelings have very little intellect, and mostly act on instinct. Instinct is telling the hideous little thing to be here to arrange a fatal accident, but that same instinct is preventing it from acting because the scheduled victim isn't here."
Josie asks, "And who is the scheduled victim?"
"All American Boy."
Jonathan raises his hand. "But I'm sitting right here. I've been in this house all week."
Joan responds, "This is the third day of your 'haunting', but gravelings normally show up on a one shot basis. This means all American Boy is being rescheduled for death daily. That's unheard of, unless there is some bizarre twist of cosmic fate going on, and an unending danger has placed All American Boy in a position of almost certain death. By the way, whoever you are, you need to maintain your disguise of Jonathan or the real All American Boy is doomed."
Josie Stronghold strikes an immediate martial arts stance. "You're saying this 'Jonathan' is a phony?"
"Relax Mrs. Stronghold, he's one of the good guys, even if I don't know his name. This is the boy with chameleon powers that I met my first day at Sky High. I'm betting this is a part of your power test week assignment?"
The eratz Jonathan sighs. "I don't know how you figured it out, but yes, I'm Tommy Tanner--soon to be known as Mr. Chameleon. That is, if I haven't failed my test. I've been holding this form all week--the longest I've ever imitated someone--and all I had to do was make it to sundown undetected for me to pass my power test. How did I slip up? In this form, even my D.N.A. matches Mr. Boy's."
"My abilities have matured since we last met. I discerned your identity spiritually rather than visually."
Josie asks, "But where is the real Jonathan?"
Tommy replies, "Beats me. I was told he would be out of town for over a week, and I was to imitate him while he was gone."
Joan comments, "Wherever he is, he's in his All American Boy guise, and he's in deadly danger. I'm sorry, but you need to brace yourself for the almost inevitable news of his demise."
A voice from seemingly thin air calls out, "We can't let that happen, Miss Girardi."
Joan moans softly as she recognizes the voice of Sky High's mad science expert, Mr. Medulla. Above Tommy's head there is a brief shmmering in the air, and then there appears a golfball-sized golden orb. Joan recognizes it as one of Medulla's spy spheres.
"This is a new feature." Joan says.
Medulla's voice comes from the sphere. "After the problems I had with spy spheres during you last visit Miss Girardi, I developed a cloaking technology that can render any object or person virtually invisible. Now then, Mr. Tanner, please maintain your disguise as long as you can. We don't want to arouse the suspicions of Miss Girardi's...graveling. Jetstream, will you and Miss Girardi please join me in my lab. I have news about our dear friend Jonathan, and we must act quickly if we are to save him."
"On our way, Medulla."
Joan turns and sees Josie has already done a quick change into her blue and white costume. Knowing what was coming next, Joan attempts a protest. "Now wait a minute..."
Too late. As Jetstream sweeps Joan up in her arms, Tommy opens the front door. In an instant they are flying at astonishing speed up into the clouds--heading for Sky High.
X X X X X
Meanwhile, half a world away, two Al-Qaida guards pause during their patrol to have a smoke. Their location is a narrow ravine in Pakistan, just across the border from Afghanistan. The two heavily armed men lean against a giant boulder and enjoy their rest. Technically they weren't suppose to smoke on duty, but patrol work was a tedious bore. Besides, it was impossible for any foe to penetrate this far into their territory. Patrols seemed such a pointless activity.
Unknown to the two men, on top of the boulder is a middle-aged hero who is on one of his rare, freelance sidekick assignments. The real Jonathan Boy ponders the problem before him. He and his partner, wearing Medulla's amazing stealth suits, have spent two days traveling deep into enemy territory. Now his superhero companion has gone on alone to rescue a hostage held in the nearby enemy fortress while he guards their escape route. Normally Jonathan would have simply let the two guards finish their cigarettes and move on, but time is short. His partner is at no risk, but the hostage could be killed if they they arrive back while the guards are still here.
There was no other choice. Quietly, Jonathan removes the stealth suit for the first time in two days. It was a marvel of technology, but much too awkward for hand-to-hand combat. Besides, it was begining to get unbearably smelly in the dratted thing. Jonathan takes a couple of deep cleansing breaths, and does a few simple stretches to prepare himself.
In the moonlight the red, white & blue figure of All American Boy stands ready for action on top of the boulder. With just a fast prayer for sucess, All American Boy leaps into battle...
TBC Please Review.
(Background info: Joan's saving of Arcaida from a nuclear bomb occurs in my story, THREE TWENTY TWO. Her saving of Sky High occurs in TRUTH AND JUSTICE. Gravelings and Grim Reapers are from the TV show Dead Like Me. Joan met the main character of that series in my crossover story, THE GATHERING.)