I don't own Jak and Dax
Kate: I wonder why?
DEF: Shut up you little ****
"O.k. let's see what's on my list today," Torn mumbled rubbing his eyes after waking up.
#1. Dance around the city yelling, 'Daxter is the best I love Ottsels!
"What! When the Hell did I write that!" he shouted staring at the paper hatefully, trying unsuccessfully to remember. He usually wrote his To-Do list before he went to bed but in the morning; he could never quite remember what he had written the night before. That explained why he was always studying his maps and documents so intensely. Now, let it be known that Torn always followed his To-Do list no matter what it said ever since he joined the Krimson Guard.
Ten Years Ago
"Now recruits, one of the most important lessons you'll learn is always follow your To-Do list!" a man yelled at a line of young men. "You may ask why, well, in our line of work you will be hit multiple times and you may forget certain things," the man explained strutting up and down the line. "A To-Do list will become your best friend in this noble line of work and it will always remind you of what you may have forgotten," the man concluded stopping in front of a small boy. "What did I just say, son?" he asked the little red haired boy.
"A-always f-follow y-your to-do l-list, Sir!" the boy stammered, obviously scared.
"And don't none of you Ever forget it!" the man shouted at the line of boys. "Sir, yes, Sir!" They all replied in slightly hysterical voices.
The Port-10 a.m.
"Daxter is the best! I love Ottsels!" Torn sang, prancing through the streets, scaring everyone with his madness.
"So, how'd you sneak into his room?" Jak asked staring at Torn as he danced by.
"Easy, I just wrote the fake list last night and when he was in the bathroom I switched it," Daxter explained sipping his drink as Torn made another pass.
"Nice," Jak said reverently, looking at his friend in a new light.
"Daxter is the best!" Torn shouted at the top of his lungs for all of Haven and Spargus to hear.
"Well, that's finally over, what's next on the torture list?" Torn sighed, he would have to tell everyone he was mentally unstable to cover up that episode but it couldn't get worst, right? Wrong because next on the list was,
'#2. Raid metal head nest in nothing more than your underwear to retrieve a Skull Gem& '
It took a full half hour before Torn could even move from shock.
"Oh My God!" he whispered staring down at the piece of paper finally noticing the rest,
'Walk through all the girls' schools in Haven before going.'
His heart stopped for about five minutes before picking up double time, Ashelin was going to kill him.
Jak and Daxter were no longer at the Port but at the Pumping Station with Vin looking at the Cameras that were all over Haven
"Wow! I can't believe he actually did it!" Vin muttered collapsing onto a chair.
"Believe it or not, brother, believe it or not," Daxter said turning back to the monitors, all showing Torn in his underwear. He had walked through every single girl's school he could find in nothing more than his pink boxers while on his way to the nest, what a day for the girls.
"Hey, Dax, what else do you have planned?" Jak asked a little nervously, who would've thought Dax was so good at the revenge game? "Just gotta' wait and see, buddy," an evil smile appearing on his orange mug, "just gotta' wait and see."
"Holy shit!" Torn swore, staring at the hundreds of metal head in front of him, he was dead, so very, very dead. Then to his complete and utter embarrassment, all the metal heads started laughing at his under dressed state. Maybe he should have taken off his pink boxers with the red hearts and blue ponies on them, well too late now. Muttering curses and threats under his breathe; he crossed the nest, grabbed a skull gem and ran as if all Hell was chasing him out of the nest. He need not have worried that the Metalheads gave chase since all the metal heads were still rolling on the ground laughing there heads off so hard they didn't notice him leaving.
"#2 done one more to go and I'll have survived this craziness" Torn panted, he had run all the way back to the Palace from the nest.
"#3. Write then read a speech four pages long on how much you love Ottsels and hate metal heads while wearing a chicken suit."
"Ha! That's going to be easy compared to everything else," he scoffed, grabbing a sheet of paper to start his speech. "Daxter is never going to let me live this down but I'll survive," he sighed continuing his suicidal speech. "There done, just gotta' reread the list and I'll be done" he said satisfied, this was possibly one of his best speeches ever.
"Read to a group of waste land metal heads! NO REWRITES!"
In a horrifying voice, Torn yelled out the last two sentences of number three. After the shock, Torn had fainted. It was a good hour before he regained consciousness and another twenty minutes for him to gather the courage to, actually get going.
In the peaceful Wasteland were Jak and Daxter with Sig and Seem.
"So, you're the one who got him to do all that stuff?" Sig asked incredulously.
"Yup, the dancing and the underwear all me," Daxter proclaimed proudly then started laughing.
"You do know if he ever finds out you're dead meat, right?" Jak questioned raising one green eyebrow, who knew Torn could even run that fast?
"You do know Tess'll kill him if he even tries, right?" Daxter countered before laughing so hard he fell off Jak's shoulder onto the ground.
"Don't you think he needs help?" Seem asked staring at Torn and the huge dust cloud he was kicking up.
"Nah," they all answered, laughing as the herd of metal heads chased Torn across the desert and back again.
"I swear, I never wrote any of that!" Torn shouted at Tess for the tenth time in the last five minutes. He had returned to the Naughty Ottsel to have a drink only to be confronted by an extremely angry Tess with a Peacemaker.
"So, you don't think I'm a slut and shouldn't been drowned at birth?" she asked uncertainly, lowering her gun.
"No, of course I don't, besides this is what I've done all day," Torn replied pulling out his phony To-Do list.
"#4. Write a mean letter to Tess!"
She screamed the last To-Do and started charging her gun,
"What? Let me see that! Oh, um, sorry Tess," Torn squeaked backing away, he was going to die for sure now.
"SORRY? That's ALL you've got to say to me?" she screeched shooting him in rapid succession.
As Torn was being shot numerous times Daxter and Jak were at the bar booth watching.
"Originally, he was supposed to write it but I thought it would be funny if I wrote it and left it for Tess," Daxter explained to Jak who had asked why Torn hadn't wrote it, hopping onto the bar.
"Why didn't he see it before?" Jak asked sitting on a bar stool to watch the destruction more comfortably.
"'Cause it's on the back, want a drink it's on the house," Daxter offered climbing down behind the bar. "Here's your favorite," Dax said jumping onto his shoulder, a bottle clasped in his small orange paw. As they drank their beers, Torn was hit multiple times with a Peacemaker and a Vulcan fury all while trying to apologize to Tess.
"I HATE YOU!" she screamed, shooting with every bullet, "YOU GOD DAMNED BASTARD!"
"Why me?" Torn thought, dodging bullets while all over Haven and Spargus, people were talking about how crazy he was for doing all the horribly embarrassing things that day.
If I get at least five reviews I think I'll continue and feel free to tell me who you want next, though I'm leaning towards Daxter.