Disclamier: I don't own any of the characters or Lord Of The Rings
Please note that this story begins at the council of Elrond, where Legolas comes in and the story really begins…
Modernized version of the council of Elrond.
Everyone sits down, a few coughs.
Elrond: Before we begin does anyone need to go to the toilet? looking at Gloin
Gloin: Wadda ya lookin' at me for?
Legolas: The reason he looks at you is because you smell Re-p-u-l-s-i-v-e, and along with sharp hearing and sight, Elves have keen smell. Since you arrived in Rivendell, the whole population has had to hold their breath.
Gloin: Why you….
Elrond: Ahem! Let's begin! People from everywhere, creatures we used to like, you're here to talk about this ring!
Boromir: What ring? Where? Give it to me now! May you all burn in Mount Doom, Muwhahahahahhahah!!
Everyone is looking at Boromir
Boromir: Cough Sorry. Sits down
Elrond: Put the ring on the sacrificial altar, Frodo.
Frodo does so
Elrond: This ring here is the source of all our troubles, and all of evil. If the bad guy gets this again we are completely doomed since nearly all the Evles have left and we all know men are dead without our help. In short the ring is a big pain in the butt.
Already we have taken steps, by reforging Narsil in case Aragorn here needs to chop off Saurons fingers, or what's left of them.
Boromir: Wait, if this is really powerful maybe my people aren't doomed to die in agony, if you give us the ring we have a chance to live. YAY!
Starts dancing around sacrificial altar
Hallelujah, God be praised for rescuing us.
Elrond: We have to destroy it.
Boromir stops capering and sits in chair looking like he is about to cry
Everyone stares blankly at the ring
Gimli thinks about feeding it to the giant squid outside of Moria
Merry thinks about feeding it to Pippin, then getting Gwaihiar to drop Pippin into Mt.Doom
Pippin thinks about feeding the ring to Merry, then getting Gwaihiar to drop Merry into Mt.Doom
Legolas thinks about taking the ring over the seas to Valinor
Gloin is thinking, he can't wait until all the Elves have gone over-seas to Valinor
Sam thinks about putting the ring into one of his pots and melting the pot, so it smothers the ring, then keep melting pots on it until it is a big boulder of impenetrable lead and copper, then rolling it into the ocean, down a deep underwater chasm
Gandalf thinks about giving the ring to Tom Bombadil and telling him NOT to lose it
Boromir wants to strangle Elrond
Frodo thinks about tramping all over the face of middle-earth, right in the open, climbing mountains, going through evil mines, walking into the den of a Ginormus deadly spider and climbing an erupting ash ridden volcano-alone
Aragorn is thinking about Arwen topless
They take a vote, Frodo wins. Lucky him, then he gets to be the ring bearer!
Boromir makes a grab for the ring, Gandalf scares him out of his wits, by speaking in an evil language, but he doesn't take the hint.
Boromir: Ash nazg my !&? Gimme Gimme Gimme.
Bilbo, who has done nothing but stare at the ring since Frodo put it down, stands up and suggests that he take it.
Elrond: No Bilbo, you are old and decrepit and would surly die.
Bilbo sits down muttering darkly
Gimli: Why do we have to walk all over middle-earth? Let's just destroy it now.
Gimli swings his axe on the ring and the ring shatters into a million pieces.
Gimli: HA! Problem solved by the sturdy dwarf.
Elrond: D'OH! Problem made worse by the stupid dwarf.
The pieces of the ring start to reform into the ring, from liquid form to solid.
Legolas: Good one! Now you have really made it angry.
Gimli: Ooooh I'm really scared of an immobile object. Save me!
Ring trembles violently – Gimli is still hopping from foot to foot wringing his hands.
Crack of thunder as Gimli is struck by lightening
Gimli: (Sizzling and blackened) I deserved that. sits down
Elrond: As you're all such imaginative people, Frodo's idea will have to do.
Frodo: I don't know the way to Mordor.
Gandalf: I'll show you the way as long as I don't have to carry the ring.
Aragorn: If I can help I will. You have my sword- and me to use it of course.
Legolas: You have my bow and my unlimited arrows.
Gimli: And my electro charged axe. (Electric charge jumps between fingers) Zapping noise
Frodo: Thanks guys, what are the chances of one of you carrying me to Mordor?
All: Not good!
Frodo: Ahh! Okay then. Since I have to carry the weight of middle earth you can carry the food, water, clothes, prosthetic feet and whatnot.
Everyone: Okay pouting
Sam: Hey, Mr Frodo's not going anywhere without me.
Merry: Oi, Oi were coming too! Right Pippin? stops and looks around, goes back to pillars, where Pippin is asleep against the pillar
Merry: Get up Pippin, you drunk! Kicks Pippin in the ribs
Pippin bites Merry's foot and almost instantly spits it out
Pippin: Blergh! What a grotesque taste. gets up, and steps over the twitching body of Merry who is holding his foot and whimpering
Stands near Frodo, Merry comes over still nursing his bitten foot.
Pippin: You have my cute looks and comic relief.
Merry: You have my wit and bravery.
Elrond: Nine people, okay you are named The Rings End Company or T.R.E.C
Merry and Pippin look at each other and giggle.
Pippin: Sounds like a talent quest.
Merry: Yeah star T.R.E.C pulling fingers apart
Gandalf "accidentally" drops his staff on Pippins head.
Pippin: Ow!
Gandalf: Be quiet you fool of a took!
Elrond: The Company awaits the ring bearers lead.
Frodo walks out of the gate, looking left and right.
Frodo: (whispering) Pssst! Gandalf, which way to Mordor?
Gandalf: Left, you really would be doomed if I died you know.
ominous crack of thunder
So what did you think? Please review and i'll write more.