Meredith stared at the trashcan where she had just thrown the pregnancy test away.
Her heart throbbed in pain.
You lost the baby.
The words spun through her head until she realized something else. "Derek needs me," she murmured to herself.
Meredith turned and walked out of the Resident's locker room and walked off to where Derek's room was.
As she entered the room she froze for a second. Derek looked so helpless, so hurt. He was pale and wearing a hospital gowned.
But there was no blood. No open bullet wound. No flat line. No death.
He was alive.
Derek opened his eyes at the sound of Meredith stepping into the room and he smiled weakly.
"I... kept my promise," he slurred.
"What promise?" Meredith ran over everything that happened and couldn't come up with any promise.
"I didn't die," Derek said, breathlessly. "I promised I wouldn't."
A tear ran down Meredith's cheek. She wiped it away before he could see it.
"Thank God," Meredith chocked out, walking towards Derek. "Break ups never really stick with us, do they?"
Derek chuckled and cringed in pain.
"I thought I was lying," Derek admitted. "I thought I was going to die. When I asked you to kiss me... I thought it may be the last kiss."
"But it wasn't." Meredith took Derek's hand into hers and squeezed it as she sat down next to his bed. "Our last kiss when we are both one hundred years old, and we die in each other's arms."
Derek smiled another weak smile. But it quickly faded. "You watched him shoot me," Derek remembered Meredith's screamt hat filled the air when the bullet cut deep into his chest. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."
"You're apologizing for getting shot?" Meredith asked, incrediously.
"... I think I am." Derek moved his hand to touch Meredith's face. "I love you."
"I love you too," a sob escaped from Meredith's throat and Derek's eyes widenened.
"Shh. Shh. I'm alright. I'm alive. Shh."
"Mr. Clark was in the OR. He held the gun up to Cristina's head. He said if she continued to fix you that he would shoot her. He wanted and eye for an eye. Owen told Mr. Clark to get away from her. He pointed the gun at Owen. I ran in and offered myself up to him. I told him how I was Lexie's sister, the closest thing Richard had to a daughter, and your wife. He pointed the gun at me."
Derek's eyes became so wide with fear that Meredith wondered if it was too soon to tell him. "You offered yourself up?"
"I told Cristina to tell you that I was sorry and that I loved you. Cristina stopped him for a second by telling him that he shouldn't shoot a pregnant woman."
"She lied?" Derek questioned.
Meredith shook her head. "Don't get excited," she whispered, hoarsely. "I lost the baby."
Derek shook his head in shock. "You were pregnant?"
Meredith broke into another sob. "Owen got shot in the shoulder when he tried to get Mr. Clark away form me. Dr. Avery t-tricked Mr. Clark. He pulled off the wires that connected you to the heartmonitor and yelled at Cristina to take her hands away from your body. He explained how in a few seconds your heart would pump all the blood into your chest... and you would die." Derek's eyes softened. "I didn't know it was a trick."
"Oh Mer."
"I watched you flatline. I fell to the ground screaming and sobbing and Mr. Clark left the room. I honestly thought you were dead."
Derek's eyes filled with tears.
"But then Dr. Avery put the wires back and I was in shock and Cristina told me to see if Owen was alive and April and I took him to an OR. I felt like my stomach was ripping apart. April thought i got shot or was in shock. Then she mentioned how she saw blood on my thighs.... The stress of watching you die killed the baby!" Meredith started sobbing again. "I didn't even know I wanted a baby. BUt when I lost it...
"You missed it," Derek finished her sentence.
"I killed our Mcbaby," Meredith said, ashamed.
"You did not," Derek told her. "You didn't kill it. Miscarrages happen. It's a part of life. We can make another baby... when I'm better. But don't you dare blame yourself!"
Meredith nodded and Derek scooted over in his bed.
"What are you doing?" Meredith questioned.
"Holding my wife."
"Derek... I can't-
Derek patted the bed beside him and Meredith very carefully lowered herself into the bed and put her head on Derek's shoulder.
"Does this hurt?" she asked.
"No. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm perfect as long as you are next to me."
Then there was a long and comfortable silence.
After a few minutes Derek felt like he was about to doze off. But he needed to tell MEredith something first.
"Mer."
"Hmm?"
"We'll make another mcbaby. It'll be perfect."
Meredith smiled. She was so tired as well after the long day. "'Kay."
"I love you," Derek murmured. "I love you so, so much."
Mereidht turned to Derek and leaned over him, carefully letting her lips touch his lightly.
"I love you too," she murmured as she pulled away. "Derek?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't you ever scare me like that again. Don't you ever leave me."
"I won't," Derek promised. "I won't ever leave you."