Title: Confessions

Synopsis: Innocence stolen and no reason to live anymore, Subaru vents his feelings towards Seishirou and what he has put him through. Subaru/Seishirou.

Rating: T.

A/N: This one was sitting half-finished on my hard drive for a while. I thought I'd end it quick and post it, so sorry if the last few paragraphs seem a little rushed; they were.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Babylon, because if I did, the clothes would be at least a little less dated.

At that point I couldn't really decide which was worse, a life knowing that you were the one who killed my sister and used me, or a life where I continued on loving you without ever knowing your intentions.

I didn't make the choice.

Sometimes I wonder, in my darkest nights, why you didn't just kill me then, when I was so young and so very defenseless. It would have been so much easier if you just killed me then and had not made such a silly bet with me.

Seishirou, did you bury my sister under a sakura tree?

That's a thought that haunts me as well, Seishirou. Is her blood feeding the petals of the trees that are your namesake? If it was, then I would go to the ends of the earth to find her body and remove it from that pain.

You know, my sister always laughed at me for being too caring for others, too understanding of other's feelings and always putting strangers in front of myself. But when I tried to take a step towards selfish happiness, it was cruelly thrown back into my face.

Did she scream when you killed her, "Sei-chan"? Or was she strong enough not to give in?

Out of the two of us twins, I always thought that she was stronger. Sure, I had the magical powers and was the head of the Sumeragi family, but Hokuto was always able to cheerfully go on with a smile on her face, even in the face of adversity.

The moment that I was forced to make a decision and face reality, however, I cracked completely. It pains me to admit this, but if it weren't for her death, then I am afraid that I would have remained that way, a broken and empty shell of a man, for eternity.

Sixteen. It seems like a reasonable age to have your heart broken. Most kids go through that before me, even. It was just because I was so shy and inverted because of my powers that I never really 'liked' anyone before you. A late bloomer, was the term for it, I guess. Then again, it could have just been the fact that the gloves that I was forced to wear were so horrible.

It was your fault that I had to wear those, if you recall, Seishirou.

But still. When I met you I was naive and childish. Sixteen is really barely out of the cradle. Without a thought you used me and took what was left of my limited childhood away from me. Stole it, is probably a better terminology for you. I know that something as light as 'took' doesn't really describe what you did.

You stole my childhood; you did not take it.

You broke my heart after you took it.

You murdered my sister; you did not take her life.

Give her back Seishirou. Give her back and give me my time back. One year, I wasted on you. My silly dreams of becoming a veterinarian and my stupid teenage love were wasted on your existence. If I could just go back and…

No. Now is not the time for regret. Now is the time for action.

You see, Seishirou, I will stop at nothing. You have taken away what was most important to me, the other half of my soul, and because of that, you will be punished. There will be no rest for me until I know that it is your blood that is being soaked up by the sakura tree. And with your death I can rest easy knowing that there will be no more of your kind of assassins to kill you and take your place.

When you're dead and cold, then I can rest.

The funny thing is… There was once that a woman was trying to seek revenge on the killer of her daughter. Thinking that it was not what the daughter wanted, I brought her soul back to the grave to tell her mother such.

It was a lucky thing that the summoning was botched so only I could hear what she was saying.

Instead of telling her mother to stop trying to get revenge on her murderer, she told her that she should make the man feel as much pain as she did and kill him as brutally as possible. Being the person who I was at that time, I did not tell the mother that. Because I wanted that woman to lead a happy life, I told her that her daughter wanted nothing more than for her to get over her death and be happy.

It was you, Seishirou who comforted me after I lied.

But now, now I feel like that mother. I want to kill you because you killed my most important person. Though, that mother could never imagine the betrayal I feel.

I loved you.

And you betrayed me.

And that is something that I cannot forgive.

My grandmother tells me that there will be a battle soon. Though she has not expressed it in words, I can tell her meaning. Both of us will be involved in this battle and both of us will be fighting for opposite sides.

I will kill you Seishirou. Be prepared. Your actions must be atoned for, and the blood that you've spilled must be repaid with your own, and I will be the one to help settle that debt of yours.

Then there's the part of me, however, small that wants something so much more intimate… Something more true than to kill you.

I want you to kill me in return.

Through all of the pain and suffering that I've lived through, I've wanted just one thing, to be a pest enough that you kill me.

Inside of me there is a pull; I want to see you lying on the ground in a pool of blood almost as much as I…. I want to see myself.

I have no reason to live any longer, Seishirou. You know that and I know that, too. I will not, however, yield. I will continue to go forth until one, or both of us, are dead. Life cannot go on without you and Hokuto. All that I wanted and dreamed has been destroyed.

And now it must end.

Seishirou… I loved you. Goodbye.

Fin