How would you feel if you never heard a heart beat? Not even your own.

What if you had this constant emptiness inside you that nothing can cure? That's exactly it. Nothing. Nothing in this entire world is going to make me how I was. Nothing is going to ever seam together the torn image of my past.

I don't even remember how I was at all. Everyone else seems to know where I was or who I was with all those years ago, but, my previous life is a cloudy memory to me now. Why? Because I'm empty. My lot is the worst because I don't have something I used to have.

But don't feel pity for me at all.

Empty is one thing. One. It's one entire thing that makes up who I am now. It's the only thing. I go about my day pretending that I'm someone important. Someone who has that one thing I'm missing. That one thing, means so much. And yet, I have this emptiness to define myself. My life is so much more worse then anybody else because I can't feel. I can't feel anything.

If I happen to laugh, it's fake. If I smile, it's fake. If I feel like I'm a friend to someone, it's fake. I have to pretend to be all these things because of this one stupid thing I'm lacking. I'm so sick of everything being real around me except for myself. Every other kid my age could giggle and have a great time. But no. If I laugh and it seems realistic to you, then I'm a better actor then I thought I was.

I'm missing out on everything and the world still owes me so much more then I deserve. Well, try be half of something. Or someone. That's another story.

A half knows what it feels like to be whole, because it aches. That one cut-out aches. And it aches badly. It burns and burns like a raging fire that won't ever seem to calm down. And it bleeds. Believe me, it bleeds. It's the worst pain anyone can ever feel.

I hate the feeling of familiarity where I'm sure I've been here before. Or I'm sure I could've met you. It's all lies.

I feel like I'm slowly bleeding to death from the part that was practically ripped out of me. The part that's missing. I can't forget it. I can't forget it at all. I always have to be reminded by this constant pain that I'm not whole. I half to walk around living this paper-doll life because I'm nothing. I'm a Nobody. If someone notices that I exist, they shouldn't. If someone misses me, they shouldn't. Because there's absolutely nothing to define me. I can never forget that I'm off balance and still running in circles hoping that I'll come across the person responsible for this. Who? Him. That's who. It's the reason why I'm always feeling lost and shattered. It's the reason why I want to rip my hair out by the roots and scream and scream until it just stops.

That'll be the day.

You'll have to excuse my ranting.

I just don't know who I am anymore.