Gabe lay on his bed. Loud talking, bickering, and laughter- the sounds of what he called his crazy family- floated upstairs. The birthday party for his 18 year-old brother, PJ, went on.

PJ's best friend Emmett arrived.

His ex-girlfriend, Skyler, arrived too.

Gabe, however, stayed in his room.

I was down there long enough, he thought to himself. Plus, I bought him that sweet new guitar. I don't have to be nice to him for months now!

He leaned forward to reach his game system, starting up Galaxy of Death 2. He'd played through it multiple times, but one more couldn't hurt. He needed something, anything, to occupy his mind... something that didn't involve PJ.

It wasn't that Gabe resented his brother- he hadn't even hadn't even fallen out with him recently. For siblings, they were pretty close friends.

After ten minutes Gabe groaned, dropping the controller. He couldn't even concentrate on his favourite video game.

He cringed as he thought back to what he'd told his dad earlier; about it being a secret that he loved his brother. He slammed his head into the mattress. He has being stupid! Of course his dad would think he meant brotherly love.. right?

He stood up and began to pace the room, clenching and unclenching his fists. Paranoia gripped at his chest. People can't read minds. Of course no-one knew. Who in this world would suspect that he, Gabe Duncan, had it bad for his own brother?

The thought would almost be laughable, if only it wasn't true.

Hearing a creak from his bedroom door, he jumped and spun around.

"Gabe, if you don't hurry downstairs you're going to miss all the food! I can't believe you're skulking around up here on your brother's birthday."

His mom stood in the doorway, hands on her hips.

"Alright, alright. Geez. I was just taking care of some stuff."

"And does that 'stuff' involve Galaxy of Death, huh? I swear I'm going to confiscate that thing."

Before he could reply, she pulled the door to and he heard her heading back down the hallway. Gabe let out a sigh, and slowly followed her.

He reached near the top of the stairs and stopped. There was the sound of music coming from the living room, followed by his brother's voice, sending unexpected shivers up his spine.

He pushed his back to the wall and listened.

"Hey Emmett- you know, we still haven't made any proper music for our band."

"Our band is still a thing? I thought it'd gone under months ago."

"No way, dude! PJ and the Vibe was great! I was thinking of asking Skyler to do vocals."

"I don't know, man. I don't think our 'vibe' is really her thing."

Gabe rolled his eyes at their lame conversation, trying hard to ignore the fact that he felt hot.

He dragged himself past the landing and to the bathroom, shutting himself inside. The bright, flourescent light burned down on him. He glanced in the mirror, saw his flushed face, and quickly looked away.. but then noticed his pants.

"Dammit.." he mumbled, pressing his fingers into his temples. "No, no, no..!"

There he stood, for what seemed like a long while, trying to clear his mind. But it seemed like the more he tried, the more his own imagination tortured him.

He tried pinching himself, but instead he imagined PJ staring intently and him, resting his hands on Gabe's shoulders, talking softly.

He tried hitting himself, but kept seeing that image of his brother the week before, climbing out of the pool and shaking the water from his blonde hair.

It's called puberty. He thought over and over. Teens always think of weird stuff that doesn't really mean anything. It's called growing up!

It's just a phase.

His trembling fingers unzipped his jeans and dipped below the waistline of his boxers.

It's all, just... a phase.

Gabe bit his lip as he thought of being in his brother's arms. He thought of PJ running his hands along his back; gently kissing his neck; whispering in his ear.

He sunk to the ground, his back against the door to keep it shut, and began moving his hand up and down slowly. He was clumsy at first; but there was no one around, and his tense shoulders began to relax a little.

"PJ.. This is wrong."

"I don't care." His older brother pulled him onto his lap, and his grey eyes stared into Gabe's. "I want you..."

Gabe worked his hand faster.

Before he could reply, PJ silenced him with a kiss. Then, leaning forward, he whispered in his ear..

"I want you so badly."

Forgetting everything else, Gabe surrendered himself to the feeling.

His brother's soft lips.. then his tongue.. then his hands beneath his clothes.. this was what he wanted, and he didn't care.

He held his breath until he reached his climax, gasping his brother's name before he had time to think.

Head against the door, Gabe lay panting, trying to get his breath back. He parted his fingers to stare at the sticky substance between them.

Oh, god. Why on earth had he done this?

Feeling drained, he pushed himself off the floor with his clean hand, pulled up his pants and went to wash- thoroughly.

By the time he reached the top of the stairs- after splashing his face and hitting his head against the wall several times- the living room was mostly empty. Emmett was sprawled on the sofa, his cellphone in one hand and a drink in the other. Reluctantly, Gabe dragged himself over and sunk into the nearest chair.

Emmett looked up. "Oh, hey Gabe. Where've you been all day?"

"Hating my life," Gabe muttered.

"Hey, what's the matter? Can't be that bad."

"Let's just say that love stinks."

"Having trouble with the ladies? Tell me about it," replied Emmett. "Your sister still doesn't love me!"

Gabe raised an eyebrow. "And you still haven't moved on?"

"...Well, yeah, but- you know!"

Gabe almost laughed- but just then, the kitchen door opened.

"Emmett, don't you want cake? It's good! Mom and Dad can't cook, so I made it myself. Wanna try it?"

The floppy blonde hair, the goofy smile; that insufferably cheerful voice. The very person Gabe least wanted to see. But at the same time, he wanted to see them more than anyone in the world.

"Hey- Gabe! Where've you been? You're missing the party!" Said PJ. Gabe turned away, red-faced.

"What, your awesome birthday present wasn't enough? I'm in demand right now, okay?"

"Oh yeah- thanks so much for that guitar. It's the best present I've ever had." He moved closer to Gabe, who stood up awkwardly and started to edge away. PJ pulled him into a hug. "You're a great brother, you know that?"

"Yeah yeah yeah.. Just s-save all that mushy stuff for your girlfriend, would you?" Gabe stuttered, pushing him off.

PJ sighed. "Too bad I don't have one."

"Join the club," Emmett put in. "Even Gabe's been having romance blues."

PJ looked surprised. "Really? I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well," Said Gabe, groaning silently.

He walked toward the kitchen, his heart beating stupidly fast and his head beginning to ache.

He'd had to push PJ away. He couldn't hug him back, or speak his mind, or return an "I love you".

He never could.

~ To be continued in chapter 2 ~