Wizardry Lunacy

Naruto didn't expect to settle down and become a fatherly figure to someone, a magical at that. He had enough of guiding someone, but maybe – just maybe – it wouldn't be so bad to raise the child in his image, his very, very twisted image. Somewhat deranged Naruto. M-rated.

Warning: Contains graphical violence and sexual references. Not intended for children.

– Wizardry Lunacy –

The door slowly creaked open, letting in the moonlight. His dark blue eyes peered into the room and scanned murky interior. His eyes narrowed slightly and focused on the black-haired boy stuck to the ceiling. "The fuck are you doing, Hatty?"

"Trying to be like you, dad," Harry responded with a broad smile. "And it's Harry."

"Shut up Tarry. Only one person can be me, and that is me, baka," he snorted and brushed the dirt off his white overcoat. He closed the door behind him and switched on the light. Golden illumination filled the room, revealing a small nine-tailed fox sleeping peacefully on the floor. He stepped on it as he walked across the room, towards his couch.

"Naruto, you bastard! I was having a nice dream!" the nine-tail fox roared and launched itself at the blond like a cannonball.

Naruto dodged the flying fox by side-stepping, letting it crashed into the wall as he dropped onto his seat. "Sorry, I thought you were a rug. Not my fault, Kurama," he said flatly and eyed the newly form fox-shape hole in the wall. Another entry hole was formed soon after, letting in more icy winds from the blizzard outside.

"So where you go?" Kurama asked as it shook its body, getting the snow out of its crimson red fur. It then elongated and flicked one of its tails at the ceiling.

"Stop it!" Harry called out as he felt his control waning. It was hard enough to stay glued to the wall let alone dodging Kurama's playful jabs.

Naruto yawned and watched Harry for a moment. "Went to get rid of some trespasser," he replied and rubbed his cheek for a moment. "Say, Harry. How would you like to go to school? You know, the place filled with kids you can boss around."

Harry's eyes glittered. "I can go to school?"

"Yeah, sure, how old are you now, 8?"

"11," Harry pouted and dropped from the ceiling. He was getting tired.

"Really? You don't look like 11. What have you been eating?" Naruto asked. He wasn't sure since he wasn't in charge of the food – or anything really. The cabin they were in wasn't even theirs. He won it from its original inhabitant in a death game. They didn't need the cabin anymore after the game.

"Stuff I found in the woods, dad. Here, see?" Harry said and took out some dark purple berries from his pocket. "But I think they are poisonous. They gave me a nasty stomach."

"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger," Naruto said and looked at the berry. He took one and popped it into his mouth and chewed thoroughly. He winced as Harry bolted, forming another hole in the damaged wall.

"Ahahahahaha! I got you back dad," Harry called out. "You like my pee?"

Naruto spat, trying to get the disgusting taste out of his mouth. How he didn't notice it before he ate it was a testament to Harry's resourcefulness. "I think I should send him out into the world – to share the love."

"You think," Kurama sighed and shook its head. "The cunt drugged me. I wasn't sleeping! I was in a fucking coma – well, until you stepped on me."

Naruto chuckled and leaned back on his chair. He wondered how long had it been since he entered this world and took Harry under his wings. If it wasn't for the incident, he wouldn't bother with the child and be on his way, right after taking what he needed from this world's inhabitants. There were magic everywhere so he wasn't in any hurry to harvest them for his spell, the only spell he ever used now days.

"School wouldn't that bad for Harry," Naruto said as Kurama climbed onto his shoulder and then sat on top of his head like a small puppy. At its current size, it was smaller than a puppy. "He would able to make a lot of friends, and carve out a path for himself when we are gone."

Kurama snickered.

"What?"

"Nothing," Kurama responded, "just recalled the old times when the little ones running around."

Naruto nodded lightly and then rubbed the back of his neck. He then waited silently. "You think he got lost?"

"Nah," Kurama said, "he probably found a corpse or something. I should bury them a bit deeper – you know, for the challenge."

"Dad! Dad! I found a corpse!" Harry called out after running through the hole he previously made. "It was a giant, with a huge hole in his chest. He had a really long, thick beard."

"Not a giant, only half," Naruto said and rubbed his chest. He wondered if he should give the giant a proper burial, but then again, he did put up a sign saying trespasser will be killed. It wasn't really his fault if they didn't heed his warning.

"How you get half-giant?"

"A giant fuck a human," Naruto answered before pondering more on it. "More plausible if it was the other way around. Probably not very enjoyable, you know, super loose and all."

"Or the giant have a needle dick," Kurama pointed out and imaged it. "Why did I just image that?"

"I don't know why you do anything, Kurama," Naruto said with a shrug and gestured at Harry. "What was I talking to you about? Oh yeah, you want to go to school?"

Harry nodded repeatedly. "What school, dad?"

"School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Naruto said and took out a parchment. "Oh sorry, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry – here you go. It's a letter for you."

Harry blinked. He had never received a letter from anyone, even when he was living with his uncle Vernon and Petunia. He didn't miss them one bit. He took the letter into his hands and tried to read the words.

"Hog…warts schooool of… itch… itch…" Harry wasn't allowed to go to school when he was living with his blood relatives and his adopted father only taught him how to stalks, rapes and kills things. And it wasn't always in that order.

"Nice fathering," Kurama jested and leaped over onto Harry's head. It began reading the parchment out loud. "Hogwarts School of Witchery and Wizardry…"

"Witchcraft and Wizardry," Harry corrected with a grin. In truth, he could read at a decent level, but he liked to fake it. The more people underestimated him, the more of an advantage he had as well as the opportunity to stab them in the back. His adopted father had taught him that. And it was one of his many valuable lessons.

"Close enough," Kurama snorted. "Albus Dumbledore. Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc... this guy have a lot of titles."

"Must be a really old geezer," Harry and Naruto said simultaneously.

"Don't copy me," Naruto scowled while Harry just grinned. "Long story short, it's just an invitation letter for you to join this magical school. I told you your ability was magical in nature. But no, you didn't believe me."

"No! I want to be a ninja!"

"Who said you can't be both?" Naruto snorted, "wizard by day, assassin by night or both at the same time. Who said you can't?"

"Cool!"

"I said stop copying me," Naruto growled while Harry dodged the kunai. The second one pinned him into the wall, however. Luckily, it only pierced his clothing. "You're still too slow, Harry. I barely used any strength. You would have died if I was put an effort into it."

Harry looked dejected as he pulled himself from the wall. He really did try to dodge the second one, but it was simply too fast. He couldn't evade it completely. And his father barely used any strength in the throw. In fact, he hadn't seen his father put a shred of effort into anything from the time he was adopted. Not even fighting against bears in this snowy mountain. In fact, the bear died from a single punch. Their skull was practically pulverized from sheer brute strength alone.

"You're pretty good for you age, Harry," Kurama said. "You will get faster and stronger, and as your pathways become more defined, you will able to give Naruto a run for his money."

"Not bloody likely," Naruto snorted and vanished from his seat. Harry was pulled onto his shoulders as he headed out of the cabin. "Let's go get your supply and find a new place to stay. But first, let's have a good view of the surrounding."

Harry hold onto Naruto's head as they zipped up the mountain. He wished one day, he could move at such a blinding speed. Maybe then, his dad might teach him some cool spells – or jutsus as they were called. He knew a bit about spells since his father and Kurama knew them as well.

"Spells…" Harry muttered and tried to read the rest of the parchment. There wasn't any reason why he couldn't learn spells as well as jutsus. Jutsu were better overall – at least that what his father had told him, but that didn't mean they were completely useless.

"Dear Mr Potter. That's you, Harry. Mr Potter. Sounds super important," Kurama said from the top of Harry's head, "We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all the necessary books and equipment."

"Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July," Kurama added. "Yours sincerely, some bitch."

Harry chuckled and noted the name Minerva McGonagall. He checked the list of things he needed to have in order to attend the school. "There is a lot of stuff here."

"Oh? Three sets of plain work robe, black," Kurama noted. "One plain pointed hat, black. One pair of protective gloves, dragon hide or similar. One winter cloak, black with silver fastenings. The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 by Miranda Goshawk…"

"I didn't need to have that many things when I attended school," Naruto said as he listened to all the things needed. The clothing was easy to get since any tailor shop would do. The books were likely a bit more difficult since wizards and witches were pretty elusive bunch in this world. He might have to put a bit of effort into hunting all the necessary books down.

And as for all the equipment needed, Naruto had one of the items in his possession already. It came into his only recently.

"Here you go, Harry," Naruto said and passed his son a wand he looted off his recent kill, "Happy Birthday. You're eleven now, almost a man. Once you're there, I will show you something really fun, really really fun."

"My birthday was a month ago dad," Harry said and accepted the wand. It looked like it was snapped off something much larger – like an umbrella. "And there's blood on this."