AN) I don't own YJ and the song Emotionless belongs to Good Charlotte.
Emotionless
Hey Dad,
Writing to you,
Dear Olli-Dad,
If you haven't realized it yet it's me Roy… you're son. I don't know why I'm writing this, but here it is.
Not to tell you that I still hate you. Just to ask you how you feel and how we fell apart,
What happened to us? When did we stop being us? When did I stop being your son? When did I stop looking at you as a father?
How this fell apart
The most obvious questions are how are you? How's your life? What's new? How's Dinah, are you two still dating?
Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
The questions I need to ask are more complicated. Do you ever think about me? Do you miss me? Even a little?
Do you think about your sons? Do you miss your little girl?
Have you ever thought about what you did to me? I know that Dinah must have yelled at you. She was always like the mother I never had.
When you lay your head down,
Have you ever thought about how much I needed you then? I needed you help and you threw me out onto the streets. How could you even stand to look in a mirror after that?
How do you sleep at night? Do you even wonder if we're alright?
I just thought you should know that I'm sill here. It was hard work, but I'm still alive.
But we're alright. We're alright…
Why weren't you there for me? I needed you and you tossed me out. All I needed was a father, a positive influence. Where were you?
It's been a long hard road without you by my side. Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? You broke your mother's heart; you broke your children for life.
I needed you and you did that to me. Why?
It's not ok, but we're alright.
Do you remember back when you first adopted me? When we used to be in sync, when we were partners?
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes,
Do you know what happened to us? I do. You adopted me out of jealousy of Bruce and Dick, mostly Bruce. You wanted what they had. The partnership, the ability to know what the other was thinking with only the smallest amounts of movement and eye contact, and most of all you wanted the relationship they have. They are the perfect father and the perfect son. The only problem was that I'm not Dick and you sure as hell aren't Bruce. I think you realized that right around the time you started ignoring me.
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so much time alone, and then when faced with my addiction you kicked me out onto the street for good. If Dick hadn't found me when he did and taken me through detox… then I doubt I'd be alive right now.
I spent so many years learning how to survive now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive.
The days before Dick found me are a blur. I'm thankful I don't remember much, but from what I do … let's just leave it at that.
The days I spent so cold, so hungry, were so full of hate, I was so angry. The scars run deep in this tattooed body. There's things I'll take to my grave.
But, I made it through, I'm clearly alive and I'm getting better by the day. I'm alive and I'm ok.
But I'm ok, I'm ok
I somehow managed to do it. Though I'm ashamed of what I did, I'm proud to say I made it through, it's more than most can say. It's more than you'd be able to say.
It's been a long hard road without you by my side, why weren't you there all the nights that we cried, you broke my mother's heart you broke your children for life. It's not ok, but we're alright.
With all this going on I miss the days when life was simple, when we did everything together. The days before you stopped taking me out in public; before you stopped leaving me for longer and longer periods of times; and before father and son became just Oliver Queen and Roy Harper.
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine. Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive, I'm still alive.
And… well the thing is, that…
And sometime I forget
It's just that…
Yeah and this time I'll admit
I… well I
I'll admit,
I miss you dad. I miss everything we did from running across buildings in tights to just watching a game.
That I miss you,
I just figured you should know that. So, if you miss me too give me a call. I miss you dad.
Said I miss you
Your Son,
Roy Harper
Roy finished the letter with his signature and read it over. After he had he was shocked, he wasn't normally one for all that sentimental bullshit. Really what was with the whole name mix-up thing? He should have written Mr. Queen or Oliver, not Ollie, and most certainly not the D-word, just Oliver, and telling him that he missed him? Where the hell did that come from? Also, your son… why your son he should have just finished from or at very most sincerely, but no instead he said your son.
If there was one thing that Roy Harper had learned it was that being Oliver's son had no meaning to the older man. That bastard doesn't deserve a son. The thought shot to the front of his mind accompanied by a white-hot flash of anger.
Roy sighed and read over the letter one more time. He crumpled it up and used it to score a three-pointer in the already full trashcan on the other side of the room. He quickly rubbed his eyes, assuring himself that it was only dust in his eyes. He pulled out another blank piece of paper, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began again.
Dear Oliver,
Hey Dad…