"Discovery"
Pairing: Heiderich/Ed
Rating: R to be safe.
Genre: Humor
Timeline: Post-movie AU in which Alfons does NOT die, and all three live together in Munich.
Warning: Yaoi, implied bondage, Traumatized!Al, and (slight) movie spoilers.
Disclaimer: FMA is not mine. So please, please, PLEASE don't sue me!
Summary: He was just going in Ed's room to bring out his brother's dirty laundry. That was all. But when he opened the door…he was sure he was never going to look at suspenders, Alfons, or his brother the same way again.
He was just going to go in there to get the laundry. Just get the laundry, dammit. He wasn't supposed to be sitting in his room, door locked, face flushed while his body was hidden under a blanket as if that would save him from what he had just seen. He could still hear the noises (the noises, oh GOD the noises...they should have clued him in that he shouldn't have opened that door in the first place, but no, he had to think that something was wrong and get concerned instead of turning away and waiting until later, or at least knocking on the door first) through the thin wall, and it didn't help that the culprits were blissfully unaware of his presence having been there at all, and were carrying on as if nothing was wrong.
Well, for all they knew, he had not opened the door and looked in, though he was certainly glad they hadn't noticed. It would have taken awhile for them to get out of those positions anyway.
Positions.
Just that simple word sent Alphonse Elric back into a blushing frenzy, letting out a squeak and huddling even more under the blanket. You'd think that he wasn't a seventeen-year-old in a thirteen-year-old body (because certainly any normal seventeen year old wouldn't have been quite so disturbed with something like this), but rather a six-year-old boy who had just walked in on his parents having the most kinky, dirty, depraved bukkake/shiza/bondage sex the world had ever seen. Maybe with animals, too.
Animals?
Oh God. What if the cat had accidentally gotten in there while the door was open for that split second? Alphonse hadn't bothered to check, and for all he knew they would...
Stop it. You're being ridiculous, his more rational side chided him, almost sounding like a scolding mother, You know that Brother hates cats, and Alfons wouldn't allow such a thing to happen. Besides, it's perfectly normal for consenting adults to do something like this when they love each other...well, not something like this, but it isn't something for you to get worked up about. After all, shouldn't you be glad that Brother finally has a chance to relax and be happy with the one he loves? In any case, you and Alfons both worked to convince Brother to keep the cat, right? So he wouldn't even think of allowing such a thing to happen to him...
Wait.
Ed was pretty adamant on not keeping the cat, right? And then Alfons had ushered Al out of the house, telling Al that he would 'handle' him...it was common knowledge that the two were lovers--after all Alfons was the one to (gently, might Alphonse add) break it to the youngest Elric the day they moved in together...much to Ed's mortification, of course. But he had figured that he had meant something...well...definitely not like this.
Was this sort of thing...common here?
No, it was best for him to not get into that line of thinking, because that led to remembering, and that was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Well, second to last. The last thing he wanted to do was to sit and watch them like some creepy old voyeur, and just the thought of that made the poor boy want to hurl himself out a window. Or cry. Whichever seemed more accessible at the moment.
Maybe this was the time in their lives when young men in Germany took up drinking. Yes, a drink sounded nice. Something that would make him pass out and forget this ever happened...And Alfons did hide that whiskey in the high cabinet in the kitchen (Al had a sneaking suspicion that he did it to keep it from Ed, who was known to be frighteningly...bubbly when drunk)...
Thump. Thump. Thump.
For the love of GOD he could hear the thumping. Alphonse didn't even want to try to picture what they were doing now...weren't the suspenders and the bedposts and the sight of his older brother naked enough? Sure he had seen Ed without clothes--there was that one time when Ed was so feverish that he had to be dumped into an ice bath (courtesy of both Als), and they had seen each other plenty of times as small children--but there was just something about him being naked and thrusting into a man who was bare, spread, flushed, and panting against the bedposts (while being TIED to them with suspenders that were SUPPOSED to be connected to his pants...come to think of it, his pants were also used to tie him there...) that made the whole thing seem...well...dirty.
And what made it worse was the knowledge that the two acted like a pair of shy newlyweds (well, as much as two men could be...especially with one of them being as romantically retarded as Ed was) when Al was around, reluctant to do anything as simple as kiss whenever he was in the room...
A particularly loud , almost high-pitched wail pierced Alphonse's cloth haven, sending chills up his spine when he realized that that was his brother's voice.
His brother. Ed. The one who worked so hard to help Al when he was stuck in that armor. The one who went through hell and back to achieve his goals, despite the obstacles that stood against him. The one who kicked and screamed and yelled at the prospect of drinking milk.
At least Ed didn't drink the stuff. But he was sure that seeing Alfons drink it was going to fill him with dirty, disturbing, mind-melting thoughts for the rest of his days. The way he gulped it down, the white stuff dribbling down his chin...
As Alphonse huddled more under the covers (that mature voice in the back of his mind nagging him at being so horribly childish about the situation), the noises slowed until they hushed into silence.
He was never going to be able to look at his brother, Alfons, suspenders, or milk the same way again.