A/N: Wow, I never expected to be writing this, but here I am. In honor of Hobbit Day I dedicate this story to my best bud BraeyllraLeatherleaf. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own this.
Samwise Gamgee awoke to a bright and sunny day. The hills were in flower, the orchards, in full blossom, and all was calm and tranquil. He savored every moment of it, for soon he would be sharing these moments. Yes, and more than these moments, about every single waking moment......Yes, Sam was to be wed to Rosie Cotton in less than a day. He was on no account getting cold feet, for he was head-over-heels for her, the fairest of all hobbits. Yet, he couldn't help wondering if in exactly a year from now Rosie would be nagging him to get out of bed and take care of the young ones.
The day began just as any other. Sam watered his garden, had a hearty breakfast of bacon, eggs, and porridge, talked with his Old Gaffer over a pipe of Longbottom, ate another hearty breakfast, and took a nap. Yes, he was feeling quite content with his simple life as he walked down the road to Bag End. It was then, that he was ambushed. Two hobbits came flying at him from both sides. Sam used his quick reflexes and in seconds they lay in a heap on the road. "Ow!" squeaked Pippin as he tried to get Merry off of his foot. Sam stared at the two for a moment, began to chuckle, and helped them to their feet. "Sorry about that", apologized Sam. "It's alright" assured Merry. Sam began to wonder if it was all right. The cousins were a bit early for the wedding, and Samwise Gamgee was one who could suspect mischief accurately. "If you don't mind me askin', what brings you sirs up to Hobbiton this fine day?" he questioned. Merry's eyes darted both ways before he lowered his head and spoke in a whisper "Meet us at the Green Dragon an hour before dusk." He murmured secretively.
After the encounter with Pippin and Merry, Sam cautiously made his way up to Bag End, where Frodo sat upon an ancient oak rocking chair, smoking his pipe. At Sam's arrival he leapt up and greeted him. "My dear Sam, do you not remember that you were given the day off?" asked Frodo. "Does a servant need an excuse to speak with his master?" replied Sam. Frodo's normally solemn face broke out into a wide grin, and he ushered Sam into the hobbit hole where fresh seed cakes were waiting on the kitchen table. The two began by conversing things like the expansion of the mill and the apple harvest. Then Sam began to inquire on questions bothering him. "Mr. Frodo, have you been paid a visit by misters Merry and Pippin? He asked. "Why I have indeed!" exclaimed Frodo. "Well, have they told you of any plans they have concerning the Green Dragon?" Sam inquired. No answer came to this but a mysterious smile from Frodo.
Sam almost slept in and missed the appointment at the Green Dragon. He threw his jacket on and scurried over as fast as his small legs could carry him. The door of the pub flew open to reveal Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Fatty Bolger grinning brightly. Green and yellow streamers decorated the ceiling and the tables were mounted high with food. "Samwise Gamgee you fool!" Sam thought to himself. "You ought to have guessed this straight away!" "It's a bachelor party!", exclaimed Fatty.
The party began slowly with drinking, conversing, and checker games. (An emphasis on the drinking for Merry and Pippin's part) It was about a half an hour after the party's beginning that the insanity broke loose. Pippin tried to light his pipe, but accidentally dropped it the tablecloth, which began to go into flame. Merry who was not thinking began fanning the flames, which only succeeded in making them larger. He then ran to get water, tripping over Fatty's foot on the way. Fatty howled like a wounded animal and began hopping about madly. Pippin, in attempts to put out the fire grabbed a barrel of ale to throw on it. Frodo, remembering the horrific, fiery events of Mount Doom ran clutched the space his finger should have been, and held on to Sam for dear life. Sam struggled to pry Frodo off him, so he could prevent Pippin from setting off the biggest firework the Shire had ever seen and killing them all. BAM!!!
The door flew open to reveal a stunningly white figure. It was Gandalf. "Stop this madness!" he commanded as he swiftly ended the fire. For a while there was and awkward silence, until Sam spoke. "Bless you, Mr. Gandalf!" he cried. "it is not a problem, dear hobbit" comforted Gandalf who's face looked stern as he turned to Pippin. "Fool of a Took!" he bellowed "I would have thought that you had learned some sense, but I seem to be mistaken!" Pippin hung his head and crawled under the nearest table. Gandalf then looked to Merry "Meriadoc Brandybuck, I would have expected better of you also!" he scolded. Merry followed Pippin's suit and crawled behind the ar counter. Gandalf picked up the remaining barrel of ale. "I am taking this with me, for I daresay you have already had more than your fill of it!" with that the old wizard left the hobbits. Outside Gandalf chuckled to himself. He now had all the ale to himself.
"Well, I suppose the party's over than", commented Sam politely. At this statement Merry and Pippin shot up into the air like fireworks. (Pippin hit his head for, if you remember, he was under the table) "No! It's just beginning!" exclaimed Merry enthusiastically. Pippin nodded his aching head in agreement. At that moment five hobbit sized cakes were rolled in. "More food!" exclaimed Fatty in delight. It was then that the tops of the cakes burst open to reveal five young hobbit women, in blue plaid skits that were quite above the normal length. Sam blushed furiously, for he could see a bit of their bloomers. "It was my idea" said Merry proudly. "Pip over there just wanted the cake" he motioned towards Pippin who was sure enough gobbling down on one of the cakes. Sam was very uncomfortable when one of the hobbit women began dancing in a quite unacceptable way. On the contrary the single hobbits were greatly enjoying themselves. Pippin had begun telling all about his adventures to the hobbit woman named Diamond. Fatty was showing off to another, and Frodo was making pleasant conversation and kisses with the one named Braeyellra.
Sam stayed, not wanting to be rude, until the party was interrupted by none other than Rosie Cotton. Her face was extremely red and she seemed furious. Sam sank down into his chair, hoping she wouldn't notice him. No luck. "SAMWISE GAMGEE, YOU NINNYHAMMER! SHOW YOURSELF! Commanded Rosie. Sam slowly lifted himself from his chair and looked into the face of his wife-to-be. "I swear, I wasn't involved in none of this mischief! He exclaimed. Rosie's face brightened and she gave him a warm embrace. "I know, but look at this place!" she exclaimed motioning towards the filthy floor, and the burnt table.
A couple hours later all the hobbits returned home, aching from cleaning the pub. "I'll be seeing you ninnyhammers for a couple of weeks to pay for that table" added Rosie as she and Sam went into the distance. Sam smiled. He was one lucky hobbit.
A/N: Well please review. This is my first humor fic. I hope you enjoy!