I do not own anything pertaining to Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai, or anything I intentionally (or unintentionally) reference

July 16th: The Clubroom, 4:51 P.M.

"Bitch!"

"Washboard!"

"Eye-broccoli!"

"Skankasaurus Rex!"

"I hope you're reincarnated as toilet paper!"

"Not even James Blunt thinks you're beautiful!"

Kodaka winced as the last confidence-crushing insult was delivered, hammering poor Sena's self-esteem down to a bloody pulp. As was the norm, the busty blonde tearfully fled the premises after flinging pitifully petulant and positively puerile insults at her ever-victorious opponent. True to form, the remaining club members drifted into an understandably awkward silence.

Kodaka, trying desperately to fill his role as the main protagonist, attempted to shatter the tranquility

"So…Yozora…what book are you reading?"

Yozora was still basking in the glory of her 112th consecutive victory in verbal jousting, and had to have the question repeated to her before responding

"I'm finally getting around to reading the Harry Potter series" She clarified "So far, I'm not impressed"

"You should read the fanfiction!" Rika piped up from her seat on the couch "It's a bazillion times better"

"Why is that?" Yukimura unwisely inquired

"Because the characters get sticky" Rika replied in a fervent tone "I read this FANTASTIC story about Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall once…"

"You can stop there" Kodaka sighed, wisely covering Rika's mouth before she could ruin everyone's day. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop her from making suggestive hand-motions.

"I concur" Yukimura piped up "Professor McGonagall is a classy lady, and I don't want her reputation to be sullied"

"And not to mention the thousands of talented writers" Kodaka added "Anyway, back to my original question: what chapter are you on?"

"I don't remember, but there's a troll in the dungeon" Yozora replied "And I'm getting the vibe that this is going to be a regular thing"

"Yeah, Hogwarts isn't the safest of schools" Kodaka conceded "Rika…did you just lick me?"

"Your hand was so close to my mouth, what was I to do?" Rika flippantly clarified "Now…how about we get out of here and you introduce your basilisk to my chamber of secrets?"

"I'm out" Kodaka replied, using his bag as a shield "C'mon Kobato, we're going home"

"Me too" Yozora added, a nauseated expression on her face "I need to get out of here before she makes any wand-jokes"

The three of them bid farewell to a mirthful Rika and a bowing Yukimura, then promptly exited the chapel

"Ku ku ku…your latest victory over the mammarian-monster has brought me great joy" Kobato announced in her best cryptic voice "Yozora, how have you managed to max out your speech skill?"

Yozora, who was busy checking her purse for bus fare, blinked owlishly at her before responding

"Well… it takes a lot of practice" She admitted while sharing a grin with Kodaka "If you want, I'll do my best to help you power level"

"Really!?" Kobato beamed "This knowledge would be a great addition to the Akashic Records!"

"Of course!" Yozora affirmed "I'll do anything to make Meat's life as unpleasant as possible. The first thing you need to do is practice your resting bitch-face…"

Kodaka fell back so the two of them could walk together. He watched as Yozora demonstrated a God-tier glare, and Kobato attempting and adorably failing to duplicate it, with a small smile on his face. Although her motives weren't the best, he couldn't help but feel grateful that Yozora would take the time to assist Kobato.

Maybe she'll get better grades on her reports Kodaka mentally mused and I won't have to be used as a human shield anytime Sena is around…

He was brought out of his hopeful but wholly unlikely cerebral contemplation by Kobato tugging on his sleeve

"Brother, Yozora asked you a question" Kobato explained

"Oh, sorry, what is it?" Kodaka inquired, shifting his attention to the raven-haired girl blocking his path

"I asked you why you were interested in my book" Yozora repeated for the third time while Kobato rolled her eyes

"Oh, well, I was wondering if you had seen the movies" Kodaka enumerated

"Really?" Yozora queried, trying and subsequently failing to keep a hopeful expression off of her face "Why?"

"Because they are brilliantly casted" Kodaka explained, unwittingly shattering Yozora's hopes for the umpteenth time "Since you're such a huge movie buff, I thought you would appreciate that"

Yozora's face fell, Kobato facepalmed, and Kodaka looked on in confusion as the two girls shared a look and sighed.

"Well… the bus stop is that way" Yozora announced, drearily pointing to the left "I'll see you guys tomorrow"

"Alright" Kodaka hesitantly replied "See ya"

Kobato shot him an exasperated look, and stomped off in the other direction.

What just happened? Kodaka pondered Was it something I said?

The Hasegawa homestead, 6:07 P.M.

After a silent and rather uneventful trip home, Kodaka had officially given up on trying to interpret his sister's frustration. She was currently sitting at the dinner table opposite of him, angrily jabbing at a piece of chicken.

"Kobato…talk to me" Kodaka implored "Why are you mad? And eat your vegetables please"

Kobato shook her head, puffed out her cheeks, and set to work mutilating an onion slice.

"Alright then" Kodaka shrugged "I guess we're having vegetarian meals for the rest of the week…"

"NO!" Kobato howled "You wouldn't!"

"I can, and I will" Kodaka replied in an even tone, trying his damnedest not to crack a smile

"Fine" Kobato pouted "Hold on for a second"

She returned a few moments later with her cell phone, and shoved it in Kodaka's face

"Behold my kindred!" She announced, pointing at the screen "This is the Large Hadron Collider!"

"Uh huh" Kodaka eloquently responded "What is it?"

"I learned about it in science class today" Kobato explained, going full Chuunibyou "It is capable of incredible power! Such a weapon would lead to the ruination of the human race if it fell into the hands of the Clan of the Night!"

"M'kay" Kodaka vociferated "What does it do exactly?"

"Fret not o brother of mine, all will be revealed!" Kobato replied "It is capable of producing quark-gluon plasma, the densest material in the universe!"

"I don't see where this is going" Kodaka replied, wholly confused

"After watching you interact with Yozora today, I've deduced that quark-gluon plasma is the second densest thing in the universe" Kobato enumerated with a flourish "So, I decided to intervene. Yozora's coming over tomorrow. No need to thank me o beloved brother of mine, you are most welcome. "

"Huh? You WHAT?!"

"After observing her repeatedly vanquish the titan-tittied terror, I've decided I like her. She would make a worthy knight of House Sumeragi! I suggest you go buy the movie, it would be pretty awkward if you guys have nothing to watch"

Kodaka opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He was utterly poleaxed. After a few calming breaths, he inquired "How did you contact her?"

"Your phone" Kobato clarified, cuing up an episode of Fullmetal Necromancer "It was easy"

Kodaka, simultaneously stunned and jealous of his sister's grasp of basic technology, realized that he was trapped. Bamboozled. His sister had thoroughly out-manned him.

Disgraced, he shambled out the door in search of a merchant that peddled DVD's and Burn-Heals while mentally preparing himself for what was likely to be the most awkward first date in known history.

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I noticed a conspicuous lack of Kodaka x Yozora fanfics and I hope to change that. Like this story? Want me to discontinue this story? Let me know.

Oh, and I hope the mental image of Dumbledore and McGonagall doing the horizontal hokey-pokey haunts your nightmares. Muahahahahaaa! In all seriousness though, I think the Harry Potter fanfiction is a bazillion times better than the original source material. To the authors, I toss a virtual cookie. May it sustain you.

I'll update this soon. Unless you guys don't want me to of course. Either way, you have my heartfelt thanks for taking the time to read it.