Title: You Are The Music In Me
Author: muzicchick13
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn Slight various canon pairings.
Rating: PG-13 But may include depression/thought of suicide/violence.
Spoilers: I believe spoilers only up to episode 6 or 7.
Summary: Hello fellow gleeks. I've embarked an a journey that I may end up regretting. I put together a massive playlist that I believe fit Quinn and Rachel in all of their many facets. Almost each fic is a stand alone, and word count for each runs about 6000 words give or take. I hesitate to call these "song-fics" but it's basically like the iTunes 10 songs challenge on steroids.
These are parts 1 through 10 of what will hopefully end at part 60.
The songs are in alphabetical order of Artist.
I'm not entirely pleased with these and since I am my own beta, mistakes (and there will be a few I apologize) are mine and mine alone.
Thanks for taking the time to read! Sorry also for the weird formatting that's going on. I commend you if you can read on. :)
1. Acceptance - Take Cover Caught you , so take cover
She's a liar, it comes to this
All we had 'til now is gone
And I'm the other piece to this
Every time I feel this inside I don't wanna be the one who...
Never saw it comin' til you put me on again
Had you and no other
The game, the lie is getting old
"Quinn?" She says, trying to shake the sleep from her voice.
"I'm gonna tell them Rach."
They'd fought earlier that day about Quinn coming clean with her parents about the baby, but not about their 'torrid lesbian affair' as her father would undoubtedly call it.
"When?" Rachel asks simply.
"Tomorrow...well today. I'm sorry it's so late, I mean early. God, I don't know what I mean any more." Rachel can hear the panic in Quinn's voice.
"What do you need?"
"I need to know that you're gonna be there for me if things go south. They'll kick me out Rach, I know they will. I can't live on my own and I can't go to Finn or Puck."
"So you're asking to come live with me?" Rachel can't help the cynacism that runs through her voice. "Quinn people don't even think we're friends, let alone having a romantic relationship and suddenly you're just going to be living with me? How does that work?"
"I don't know." Quinn says quietly.
Rachel sighs, "maybe we could...you know...start to let people know. It can't be a secret forever, Quinn. We could tell Mr. Schuester, he'd understand."
"No Rachel." Quinn snaps. "No he wouldn't, he'd be crushed on Finn's behalf. No, I just...I can't."
Rachel sighs again, defeated, "Ok."
"You'll be there, right?"
"Yeah Quinn, I'll be here."
2. Acceptance - So Contagiously
Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of mind?)
And I can tell that I've been movin' in so slow,
Don't let it throw you off too far,
Cause I'll be running right behind you.
To say you're the only one breakin' me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on,
Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Quinn's mouth moved slightly but she didn't say anything.
"I care about you Quinn, I care about your baby and I've been trying to rationalize these feelings away. Maybe they're just my hormones going into overdrive being around someone who's pregnant. You know, my overwhelming desire to be a mother kicking in just a bit early. But the more I tried to rationalize it, the more I realized it wasn't just about a baby. It's about your baby and you...but mostly you."
Rachel sighed, losing some of her steam but stopped Quinn once again from speaking.
"Please, don't start with the insults now...please. I know what you're thinking and no I am not a lesbian...or at least I didn't like girls before this...before you. And I'm not sure that I will like girls after you either but I like you and it's completely unexpected but there it is."
It was a minute before Rachel realized that Quinn was quietly sobbing.
"Don't take this the wrong way," the blonde said, sniffling slightly, "but I think you'd be a better father than Finn or Puck." Quinn laughed sadly at herself. Rachel smiled gently.
"I'll take it as a compliment."
"I mean...can you imagine if the two of them stayed friends and then got together to think of baby names?" Quinn said, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"You mean if they both wanted to name the baby after themselves and then decided to combine their names?" Rachel asked, thoroughly surprised that she was having an actual conversation with Quinn Fabray.
"Exactly." Quinn said, the beginning of a smile forming on her face. The two girls shared a look before saying the aforementioned 'name'.
"Fuck."
3. Acceptance - In Too Far
I've been thinkin', take me now I'm in too far.
Can't stop feelin', doesn't matter who you are.
This could be my last goodbye.
You could stay, I'll be alright.
I've been thinking, take me now I'm in too far.
It had been a particularly nasty rehearsal that day. Finn and Puck had been at each others throats since Quinn had finally come clean about the baby being Puck's two weeks ago. But today ended in a brawl, Puck and Finn bloody and bruised, Mercedes playing the diva roll for once and storming out, and Tina trying to mediate but barely getting out two words, stutter or not.
The funny...or rather unfunny thing, Rachel had realized, was that Quinn barely seemed to notice the fight. In fact, she hadn't moved from the chair she sat down in at the start of rehearsal. Her eyes were downcast and when Mr. Schue went to quietly ask her what was wrong, she'd simply replied that she wasn't feeling well.
So it was with curious eyes that Rachel watched Quinn who, instead of exiting the auditorium, took the door to the stairs that lead to the roof. Rachel packed her things quickly and quietly followed Quinn.
The weather seemed to fit the overall mood of the day. Wind and rain. Two of Rachel's least favorite things.
She watched as Quinn moved slowly to look out over the low lying wall bordering the rooftop. Rachel stood there, watching Quinn, until her clothes were soaked through, her hair was plastered to her face and she was chilled to the bone.
'This can't be good for the baby.' Rachel thought idly, moving slowly to Quinn's side. The cheerleader remained silent, hardly acknowledging the brunette's presence until she turned slowly to regard her.
"Rachel?" She asked, as if she were in a daze. And maybe she was, Rachel thought, her eyes were rimmed red from tears and she was visibly shivering. "What are you doing up here?" The blonde asked.
"I was about to ask you the same question." Rachel said, shivering slightly. Quinn sighed and turned away.
"I can't raise this baby."
Quinn placed one foot on the low lying wall, daring herself to follow through with her plan...cont.
4. Acceptance - Breathless
Watch her go, watch her go, watch her go.
She'll have to cut it away to save her life.
And she knows, see she knows it's like a fatal disease,
you'll hear her cry, low.cont..."Yes you can Quinn!" Rachel says, reaching for her. But Quinn is already pulling away, away over the edge.
"No Rachel, everyone else is better off without me and without this baby."
Rachel doesn't really have time to register what's happening, "Quinn NO!" Quinn's slick hand is slipping from her own and her eyes are begging for forgiveness and before Rachel realizes what she's doing, she's leaping down the stairwell, skipping steps two at a time.
"Everybody move!" She yells, exploding into the hallway from the auditorium. A crowd, including most of the Glee kids has formed around her, clearing the way ahead of her.
Once outside, Rachel rounds the corner of the auditorium and that's when she sees her.
"Get away from her!" She yells at the few brave people who'd managed to sneak a peek at the damaged former cheerleader.
"Quinn." Rachel says, grasping the blonde's head gently with both hands.
"Rachel?" Quinn manages, her head lolling to the sides. "The baby?"
Take this and make it something beautiful again.
Make this, make it happen cause you're beautiful to them.
Rachel glances down and notices a dark pool of blood staining the ground. Rachel feels her head shake and is probably one of the only people who notices Quinn sigh.
Got you anyway, I'm gonna say that I've been taken over.
No let's go again, you tell me when and I'll be taking over.
"I'm right here Quinn." Rachel says, wrapping her arms around the cheerleader tightly. Holding her almost possessively to her. "Don't worry about what everyone is going to say right now, I'll take care of it."
"Are you sure?" Quinn whispers, trying to ignore the not so hushed voices and the sounds of sirens approaching.
"I promise Quinn, I'm going to take care of it, of you. Baby or no baby."
Quinn begins to sob into Rachel's chest, her tears mingling with the pouring rain. "Thank you so much."
Rachel buries her face in Quinn's wet hair, "I'm going to make you beautiful again."
5. The All-American Rejects - Dirty Secret
Let me know that I've done wrong,
when I've known this all along.
I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you.
Tell me all that you're throwin' away,
Find out games you don't want to play.
You are the only one that needs to know."Fabray, my office, NOW." Quinn sighs before allowing herself to be led into Sue's office, or the 'horrible pit of overwhelming despair' as Rachel had once called it. Quinn chuckled.
"Something funny Ms. Fabray?" Sue questions, steepling her hands in front.
"No ma'm, Ms. Sylvester." She corrects herself. Sue nods before getting up to pace the room.
"It's a real shame Quinn, first I lose you from the Cheerios, then you single-handedly smash the football team's chances of going anywhere other than back to a stinky locker room. Finn and Puck. You must have a thing for monosyllabic names there Quinn. Not to mention that little bun in your oven, I'm thinking...hmm Pun? Maybe Fun? No...Quick? All monosyllabic, just the way you like it."
Quinn lets herself slide into a day dream as Sue prattles on. She'd thought that once she'd been kicked off the Cheerios, she wouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore...apparently not.
"So that's four lives down. Not to mention your parents but...they're Catholic right?" Quinn nods, "Yeah, they'll recover after the shame and mockery have dissipated from the town." Quinn feels her face grow red with anger, this being the first thing that's really hit her sore spot. She's about to get up and leave but but Sue continues on. "Right where was I? Oh yeah, four, that's four lives you have effectively ruined and speaking of ruined. You've been hoping that I'd keep your dirty little secret to myself haven't you?"
Quinn pales and turns away from the door she was about to walk out of.
"Don't worry Quinny." Sue says mockingly. "Your RUINNed secret...it's as good as safe with me."
"You leave her out of this Sue!" Quinn says, warningly.
"My dear Quinn, you're the one who brought her into this, it's your job to get yourselves...out of it." Sue smiles sardonically, waving Quinn from her office, "Why don't you make yourself useful and go get me a Slushie. My favorite flavor is Faberry!"
Quinn storms out of the office and down the hall towards her locker. Towards where Rachel has been waiting patiently to take her to this afternoons doctors appointment.
"Hey!" Rachel says brightly upon seen the blonde. Quinn approaches Rachel, dropping her books and wrapping her arms around the brunette.
"Does she know?" Rachel asks, panic evident in her voice. Quinn moves her hands to Rachel's face, framing it.
"It doesn't matter." She says, before locking her lips with Rachel's in the middle of a very crowded McKinley High hallway. After a few breathless moments, Quinn pulls back, "You are the only one who needs to know," she says, before reclaiming Rachel's lips.
6. The All-American Rejects - Can't Take It I can't take it
Step up to me
I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go
"So that's it?" Rachel says bitterly, trying to bite back the angry tears that are forming in her eyes.
"That's it." Quinn says cooly, clutching her notebook to her chest.
"You're just going to pretend like the last two months never happened?" Rachel's voice falters, this hurts. This hurts more than she'd like to admit. Quinn says nothing, but turns her head away slightly, staring intently at the lockers across the hall.
"Quinn, please." Rachel whispers, "if you're not willing to accept what we have...then at least let me help you through the pregnancy."
"I don't need your help!" Quinn snaps. "There is nothing going on between us Rachel. The last two months have simply been a byproduct of the pregnancy hormones. I needed someone to lean on who wasn't a prick or dumb as a rock and you were more than willing, so I used you. End of story."
Rachel feels her eyes burn and her vision blurs as tears start streaming from her eyes. She sniffs defiantly and straightens her shoulders.
"Fine Quinn. If that's the story, then fine I'll forget everything. I'll forget that you ever meant something to me, because believe it or not Quinn...you did...you do. But don't worry, after today...you won't." Rachel turns to walk away, hoping to leave Quinn with her words echoing in her mind, but she can't resist one last jab at the blonde. After all she'd put Rachel through, she deserved it. "And you know what?" She said, rounding on the other girl, "if you're so strong, you might as well just do it alone."
Rachel should have felt at least a little sense of victory, seeing the look of fear and ultimate vulnerability that crossed Quinn's face. But all she felt was a horrible settling loneliness in her heart.
Half an hour Rachel sat in her car, waiting for the blonde to exit the school. She wished, almost immediately, that she hadn't. Quinn all but sprinted to her car and, even from a distance, Rachel could she the dark tracks her mascara had made as her tears ran down her cheeks. Quinn fumbled with her keys, her hands trembling but after many failed attempts to unlock her car, she threw her keys angrily away from her. Rachel felt almost paralyzed as she watched Quinn collapse against her car, sobs wracking her body.
Rachel never quite figured out how she made it home, what with the sobbing and the tears clouding her perfect vision, but her fathers were waiting for her the moment she walked through the door. They led her to the couch, grabbing a box of tissues along the way.
Rachel allowed herself to be held by them, rocked gently as her tears subsided.
"Is it a boy?" She heard one of them ask gently. She shook her head and sniffed.
"It's a girl."
She may have missed the mild look of surprise on their faces but she didn't miss the way they held her tighter.
"It hurts, regardless of who it is."
Rachel felt another sob welling up inside of her. "Yeah...it does."
7. American Hi-Fi - Another Perfect Day I still believe it when you say
I'm holding on waiting for your call
it's simple but I can't explain this
I'm sinking down I feel like I could die
I'm falling off I don't know why
it's another perfect day
another perfect day
I still believe it when you say
it's another perfect day
another perfect day
It's the morning of Regionals when Quinn is gently pulled from her sleep by Rachel's soothing voice filtering through the silent hotel room.
"Quinn? Hey Quinn?" Rachel murmurs, "Today's the big day. I thought you might like to grab breakfast with us."
Quinn was thoroughly surprised that she wasn't completely annoyed by the other girl waking her up. It was, in fact, the total opposite. Rachel Berry was the perfect alarm clock.
"I thought you might like to know that I checked the weather report. No wind or rain. We won't have to worry about our hair or make-up. It's a perfect day."
Up until now Quinn has been feigning sleep but she allows her eyes to slowly drift open. They meet Rachel's as the brunette kneels by the side of the bed.
"Thank you." Quinn says softly, shaking the sleep from her voice. Rachel smiles gently at her.
"You're welcome."
***
Quinn's not really sure how she talked Rachel into it, but for some reason the other girl was completely willing to give Quinn a morning wake-up call every day once they got back from their amazing showing at Regionals.
Quinn's also not really sure why she asked her in the first place, but now, two weeks later, it's gotten to the point where Quinn automatically wakes up a few minutes before her phone rings, "I believe, I believe, I believe...oh I believe...all will be forgiven..."
"Hello?" Quinn says, trying to make it seem like she'd just woken up, not as if she'd been eagerly awaiting this call.
"Good morning Quinn."
Quinn allows herself a small smile.
"Hi Rachel." She says, knowing what's coming next because they've had this same conversation every morning, regardless of what the actual weather was like outside.
"You'll be happy to know that I checked...it's another perfect day."
8. Avril Lavigne - I'm With You Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I... I'm with you
Quinn knows it's not good for the baby, standing on a bridge in the middle of the night in the freezing rain. She's also pretty sure that the epic amounts of stress she's been facing lately are also not of the good for the baby. She checks her phone, 1:31. She'd called Finn over an hour ago, leaving a distressed message about how afraid she was for this baby and the life it was going to grow up to have. She hadn't, however, told him about how afraid she was for herself. As selfish as it was, she was terrified at the thought of having to stay here infinitely, a Lima loser.
She pulls out her phone again angrily, 1:33. Her hands clench at her sides as she squeezes her eyes shut, willing her tears not to fall.
She jumps when a warm hand slips seamlessly into her own. She turns, red cheeked, red nosed, red eyed, to see Rachel. The brunette is bundled tightly in a wool cardigan and scarf. Quinn notices that she's brought along a second scarf and she shivers slightly, finally beginning to feel cold instead of numb.
Rachel doesn't say a word. She stands on her tip toes to wrap the spare scarf gently around Quinn's neck, she struggles a bit, seeing as how Quinn's a fair bit taller than her. Her look of concentration, mixed with the fact that this is Rachel Berry, her knight in shining armor, makes Quinn chuckle into the scarf.
Rachel smiles up at the blonde and suddenly Quinn's curious as to how Rachel knew she was here. Her eyebrows furrow slightly in thought.
"Finn?" Quinn asks tentatively. Rachel bites her lip nervously.
"He called me in a panic. Something about how you'd left him a message regarding the baby and everything. He said you asked him to meet you here...and he said...he couldn't do it. He's afraid this baby is going to make him live the life of a Lima Loser."
Quinn nods, "he's not the only one," she says bitterly. As soon as the words have left her mouth, Quinn feels Rachel wrap her arms around her. Quinn buries her head in Rachel's neck and cries. She cries for herself, for her baby, for Finn, for Puck, for Mr. Schue for having a psychotic wife, for everyone. But she finds that she can't find a reason to cry for Rachel, except that Quinn herself has been so horrible to her and maybe that's the worst reason of all.
"It's gonna be ok Quinn." Rachel says, her fingers tracing gentle paths on Quinn's back.
"Yeah, it is going to be ok Rach." Quinn has never used that nickname for the other girl before and it doesn't go unnoticed. Quinn takes Rachel's hands tentatively, "would you like to go somewhere? Maybe to warm up or something?"
Rachel smiles. "I've got hot cocoa at my house, extra pajamas and plenty of room to sleep."
They begin to head back to the cars, but Quinn doesn't loosen her hold on Rachel one bit.
"Are you gonna be ok?" Rachel asks, squeezing one of Quinn's hands.
The blonde nods, "yeah I will...I'm with you."
9. Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say Cause I'm feeling nervous
It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it, yeah
"Hey Rachel." Quinn said, noticing the brunette's quirky arrival behind her locker door. She flicked it shut to reveal a slightly flustered Rachel.
"Oh hey Quinn." She said, for some reason acting skittish around the cheerleader, as if she'd break off into a back handspring at any moment.
"What's up? Do we have another gleemergency?" Quinn chuckled lightly, but didn't mask the very slight concern that passed over her face. Their last "gleemergency" was two days ago, Kurt had gotten roughed up by a couple of guys at the mall. Finn and Puck were down there in the blink of an eye, they searched the punks out and gave them a taste of their own medicine. Of course they also got suspended from school for a couple of days, so no Glee, no football. Puck couldn't have cared less, he was just happy to have someone's neck to ring. Finn was another story, he hovered around campus, even though he wasn't supposed to be there and just sort of glided between the football field and the music room.
"No," Rachel said, smiling lightly, "no gleemergency today."
Quinn nodded and gathered her books for her next class while listening to Rachel.
"I just wanted to tell you how great I think you sounded at Sectionals. I mean really, outstanding Quinn. You gave me goosebumps and that's usually something strictly reserved for Barbra, Celine, Idina or Liza, but...who knew?" Rachel rambled a bit, which actual seemed to amuse Quinn rather than annoy her. She smiled at the brunette.
"Thank you Rachel. You were fabulous yourself you know. I'm not an expert but I'd put you on my Barbra, Celine, Idina, Liza list any day." The cheerleader smiled and linked her arm through the other girls. It really had been a fantastic week. Everyone had truly come out of their shells during Sectionals and they all had a chance to re-introduce themselves. Quinn re-introduced herself as someone who genuinely wanted to be Rachel Berry's friend. A feat, in and of itself.
"Quinn." Rachel said quietly, "I'm really glad things are working out."
Quinn nodded but didn't get to respond as a Slushie came flying towards her face. Rachel saw it at the last second and pulled Quinn by the hand, down to the ground so that only the top of her head was grazed with the icy liquid.
"Thanks." Quinn said breathlessly, to Rachel. They began to hear commotion around them. Puck, who wasn't even supposed to be at school, had one of his teammates slammed up against the lockers. Finn, who also wasn't supposed to be at school, was trying to take on the guy with the Slushie. Unfortunately for him it didn't work out so well, he got shoved to the ground before receiving a icy splash of grape to his face.
Quinn groaned as someone forcefully pulled her up and away from Rachel.
"Hey! Let her go!" Rachel shouted, standing up as well.
"Looks like we missed the first time, boys." One of the football players said before pushing Quinn, hard, to the floor next to Finn. "Drinks are on me ladies." He drawled, raising the cup over their heads.
Rachel moved so that she was between Quinn and Mr. Slushie Jock. "You know...you're actually right about something." She said and with that she reached up and tipped the Slushie so that it effectively drenched the idiot jock's head. "Drinks are on you."
The jock wiped his face angrily and Rachel was surprised that she couldn't see steam coming off of him.
"You're dead Gleek."
"I don't think so." Two arms linked through the jocks, pulling him backwards and away from the crowd.
"Mr. Schuester!" Rachel said, excitedly.
"Coach!" Finn and Puck called and chased after him, not really sure if they were going to be punished for being on campus.
Rachel kneeled down to help Quinn off the floor.
"Some show, huh?" Quinn said, gladly accepting Rachel's hand.
"Oh I've seen better," Rachel said, a slight mischievousness to her grin.
Quinn sighed. "You know that guy could've seriously hurt you. Broken bones, broken heads-"
"Broken hearts?" Rachel suggests, more to herself than anyone else. Quinn furrows her eyebrows, not understanding what Rachel means.
"Anyway, thank you, again." The blonde says, giving Rachel a not so awkward hug. "But why? Finn and Puck were here. Of all the people, you...you're my knight in shining armor?" Quinn smiles as she says this, but still wants to know the truth behind her question.
Rachel simply shrugs, "You're worth it."
10. Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending
So much for my happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
Rachel always knew that someday she'd get out of Lima, Ohio. She knew someday she'd catch her big break and that after that, life would be one amazing roller coaster ride. She never could have predicted that it would happen so soon.
Sectionals came and went, with it went Rachel's hopes of reaching Nationals her freshman year.
"It's alright," she told herself, "3 more years, 3 more opportunities."
Hanukkah was a lively affair in the Berry household and day 3 was when Rachel got the biggest news of her life, at the time.
Her fathers announced that they were moving the family to New York. They'd already enrolled Rachel at the prestigious LaGuardia School of The Arts for the spring semester. They could literally leave as soon as they packed the house up.
Winter break was hell for Rachel. She spent most of the time packing and the rest of it saying tearful goodbyes.
The hardest part was not seeing Quinn.
Quinn had finally told her parents about the baby, when it became too difficult to hide her growing belly. They hadn't been very receptive to the news.
Rachel couldn't count the number of times she'd tried calling the Fabray house, hoping to talk to Quinn, to see her one last time, only to be rebuked by one of Quinn's parents. They seemingly refused to even acknowledge their youngest daughters existence.
So moving day came. Most of the Gleeks stopped by Rachel's house to give her a proper send off. Mercedes gifted Rachel with an iTunes iMix of all her favorite hip-hop artists, "you know...so your real education can begin," she'd said. Kurt made his famous homemade granola bars for the flight and thereafter. "Call me when you can fund my Hair Salon, Design Studio and La Petite Cafe and I'll be on a plane in blink of an eye."
Rachel laughed at that and then had to hold back a cringe when Puck offered up his favorite guitar pick, complete with fresh spit and teeth marks. She thanked him hesitantly but was swept off her feet in a weepy bear hug.
"It's ok Finn," she'd said consolingly.
"It's not ok, first I lose Quinn and now you?"
"How is she?" Rachel whispered.
"Not good, from what I've heard," he'd said, wiping some big manly tears from his eyes, "they won't let her see anyone, not even me."
"And especially not me," Puck interjected, eavesdropping openly.
After all the hugs and tears and cookies and music, it was finally time to go.
And so she went. She went and she was amazing just like she always knew she could be.
But letting go of Lima was harder than she expected...a lot harder.
She convinced her dads to let her go home on Spring break. Kurt had graciously opened up his home to her, after getting the ok from his dad, who was just glad to have a girl in the house. Now all they needed was to get everyone together.
A place was decided on, a time was set, a party was planned and they were off.
Kurt's own house ended up being the place, although the upstairs was strictly off limits. Surprisingly his dad wasn't all that concerned as long as nobody was...well, getting pregnant.
"How's Quinn?" Rachel asked Finn lightly, as he started to get his drink on.
"I think she just got here."
"Wait, you mean they let her out of the house now?" Rachel said.
"You mean...you didn't hear?" Puck asked tentatively.
Rachel shook her head, "Hear what?"
Kurt took a deep breath, taking it upon himself to grace Rachel with the news.
"Rachel, darling...Quinn, she...she lost the baby."
The world had never seemed so silent to Rachel, and Quinn chose that exact moment to descend the stairs into Kurt's basement.
Rachel was in front of Quinn before she'd even taken her foot off of the last step.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rachel whispered sadly. Quinn's heart dropped as she whipped her head towards where the boys were standing.
"Who?" She snapped at them. Finn and Puck pointed instantly at Kurt, who was looking mildly devastated. Quinn exhaled heavily before looking back at Rachel.
"Not here." She said simply, before turning to climb the stairs she'd just come down. Rachel complied and followed after her. She followed Quinn out the front door and into the cool Lima night.
"Quinn, why didn't you tell me about the baby?" Rachel said as soon as they'd exited the house, stopping Quinn dead in her tracks.
"When should I have done that Rachel," she said, rounding on the brunette, "during one of the many phone calls we didn't have?"
"You could have called! I still had the same number!" Rachel said angrily. Quinn huffed angrily.
"Oh and suddenly you're blaming our lack of contact on me!" Quinn turned and stormed off into the street, yelling back at Rachel.
"Six months. Six MONTHS Rachel, and nothing, NOTHING from you! You didn't even say goodbye!"
"I tried Quinn!" Rachel replied, meeting Quinn on the pavement.
"Don't lie to me Rachel, not now." Quinn bit back.
"I'm not!" Rachel said, remember all the phone calls she'd made, all the times she'd gone to the Fabray house only to be turned away. Something clicked in her head and her breathing began to slow. "I'm not lying Quinn." She said gently. "Didn't...didn't your parents ever tell you?" Quinn wouldn't meet Rachel's eye. "Quinn I called you everyday. Twice or more. I came to your house every other day, for two weeks. They wouldn't let me see you Quinn, they wouldn't let me talk to you." Rachel wrapped her arms around herself, more for comfort than because of any chill that might be in the air.
"I didn't know." Quinn said, wiping stubbornly at the tears that were now trailing down her cheeks. "I just figured no one cared..." She sighed heavily, accepting Rachel's admission as truth. "They started homeschooling me after Winter break. Then one day...there was just blood...there was so much blood Rachel." Quinn broke off and started sobbing. Rachel instinctively reached for the other girl and Quinn obliged, clutching Rachel to her as she cried. "I lost her...I lost my baby."
Rachel couldn't guess how long they stood there in the middle of the street. But she was glad, for once, that Lima was such a small town, because not one car came to pass.
Eventually Rachel heard someone softly clear their throat. She and Quinn pulled apart slightly and looked over to see Kurt standing nervously on his own doorstep.
"I'm really sorry to interrupt," he said, "but everyone's asking if you two are going to reappear. It is after all Rachel's welcome home bash." He was very polite and both girls could see that he still felt awful about breaking the news earlier.
"Just 5 more minutes ok Kurt?" Surprisingly Quinn spoke up first. "I've heard you throw a heck of a party, we wouldn't want to miss out."
Kurt nodded and smiled, "I'll tell everyone to get ready for karaoke," he said before disappearing back inside.
"I'm sorry," Rachel said as soon as the door shut.
"I'm sorry too," Quinn replied. They were still half holding each other but it seemed too comfortable to let go.
"How did Finn and Puck take it?" Rachel asked gently.
"They were both devastated." Quinn said, trying to keep her emotions in check, "but...I think they were relieved also. They would never admit it but I can't really blame them, a baby is a huge responsibility."
Rachel nodded, "and what about you?"
Quinn's eyes welled up again but she didn't let the tears fall. "I was finally getting used to the idea of being a mother and then suddenly I wasn't. I could never explain what that feels like."
Rachel remained silent. What could she say to that?
"After I lost the baby my parents acted like it had all been a dream...or nightmare I guess. They let me enroll back at McKinley, let me see my friends. It was like nothing had ever happened."
"Except everything has happened!" Rachel exclaimed, thoroughly furious on Quinn's behalf. Quinn chuckled lightly.
"I know, so much for my happy ending huh?" She said, smiling sadly. Rachel tightened her hold on Quinn and leaned her forehead against the other girls.
"Whatever happens now...I'm here for you."
Quinn smiled, "I know."