The Dating Game
By: Rayana
Author's Note: This is the first fan-fiction I've ever written, so I hope you enjoy it :) Please feel free to write a review and tell me if I need to improve, or just to review for the fun of it! I had alot of fun writing this, so I hope you have at least a little bit of fun while reading it :D
In modern Japan lives an average Japanese schoolgirl. Her name is Kagome Higurashi, and the only abnormality about her – besides her rambling grandfather- is the well in her back yard. Not just any well, but a magic well called The Bone Eaters Well. This magic well helps this average schoolgirl travel back in time to feudal Japan. Yes, that's right, to feudal Japan. But one day, when Kagome jumped into the well, she found not feudal Japan and her merry band of friends. Instead she met a very different sight indeed...
It began like every other day. Kagome awoke and went through the same routine as always. After a hurried breakfast, and a quick packing of her big yellow backpack, Kagome was off and ready to visit her friends back in feudal Japan.
"Bye Mom! See you in a few days!" Kagome called out as she rushed out of the house.
Kagome skipped to the shrine that contained the magic well and slid open the heavy wooden door. As soon as the door slid open, a rush of evil aura swamped over Kagome. Immediately, the clear blue sky outside began to darken and ominous purple clouds rolled over head. To her horror, Kagome found that she could no longer move her body. She was frozen with her hand still clutching the heavy wooden door. To make matters worse, a strange clicking sound was drifting out of the Bone Eaters Well.
"..." Kagome tried to call out for help but no words left her mouth. Like the rest of her body, Kagome's mouth was unmovable. The clicking sound was becoming louder and was now accompanied by a slithering sound. Almost like a large insect dragging it's body along...
Finally, the creature creating the sound revealed itself by slowly raising its head out of the well. Long tendrils of black hair hid the face of the creature, and pale spindly arms clutched the edge of the well as it pulled itself further out. Kagome didn't need to see the face of the creature to know what, or rather, who it was. This was the centipede demon who had pulled her into the well to devour both her and the shikon jewel within her. That was the first time Kagome had visited feudal Japan. It had been a year since she had last seen this demon.
Kagome gulped, and tried in vain yet again to move her frozen limbs. But alas! Her feet were glued to the wooden step of the shrine.
"Heh heh heh..." the demon chuckled darkly. A long black centipede body followed the human torso of the centipede demon out from the well and slithered toward Kagome. Before Kagome could even draw in a breath, she found herself being tightly clutched by the pale arms of the creature. At last, Kagome found that she could move her mouth.
"NOOOOOoooo..." Kagome shrieked as the centipede woman dragged her into the cool darkness of the well.
Suddenly, Kagome was surrounded by blinding light. Kagome tried to squint through the glaring light, and began to gain her bearings. She slowly realized that there were no longer constricting arms wrapped around her. Kagome rubbed her eyes and attempted to focus on the large, dark shape looming over her.
"Weeeeelcome to...The Dating Game!" A cheerful voice bellowed.
"Wha...wha...what the hell is going on?" Kagome screeched. This was definitely not feudal Japan. Once her eyes became accustomed to the blinding light, Kagome saw that she was in fact on a television show set. The bright light was being produced by lamps, illuminating the large stage she was sitting on. Nearby on the stage sat three screens and two chairs facing the screens. Dark human shaped silhouettes could be seen through the pink tinged screens. The dark shape looming over Kagome was the centipede demon who had just pulled her through the well, which wore a disturbingly happy grin.
The centipede demon continued along as though Kagome hadn't said anything at all. "So, let's just get you over to make-up, and then we can start." The chipper demon announced.
"Make-up? Whats going on?" Kagome asked, beginning to feel exasperated.
Again, the centipede demon acted as though Kagome had said nothing. The demon made a beckoning gesture to the area surrounding the stage.
"Come along, we don't have all day!" The demon announced.
As if on cue, a crowd of demons appeared and rushed around Kagome. They tugged brushes through her hair and patted her face with large puffs of makeup.
"Oh, erm...Ouch!" Were the only words Kagome could say while this whirlwind of activity took place.
As suddenly as the demon make-up crew had appeared, they disappeared. Kagome found herself standing in the middle of the stage, all alone besides the centipede demon and the mysterious silhouettes.
"Please, take a seat," The centipede demon chirped as she gestured to a seat beside the pink tinged screens. Kagome numbly complied. "Ahem, so, as I was saying before, you have been chosen to be part of the hit demon game show, The Dating Game! The rules are simple. I shall be your lovely hostess, Mukade, and I shall supply the categories you can ask your questions in. But I'm getting ahead of myself here!" Mukade the centipede demon interrupted her long introduction with a light chuckle. She gestured to the pink tinged screens with dark silhouettes on them and continued on. "You see these screens over there? Well, behind each screen is an eligible bachelor. After a series of questions and answers, you choose which bachelor you would like to go on a date with! Like I said, it's really simple. Well, why don't we get started with the introductions, hm?"
"Uhm, well, alright...er..My name is Kagome Higurashi and I'm sixteen years old..." Kagome turned to address Mukade "Is that good enough?"
Mukade waved a pale hand and said, "Yes, yes, that will do. Now, why don't we let the bachelors introduce themsleves?"
A cold voice drifted from the screen nearest to Kagome. "Uh, hi. My name is Gaara. I am 14 years old. That's pretty much it."
Mukade nodded with enthusiasm and gestured to the next screen. A jovial voice thundered out of it. "Why hello young lady! I am Genma Saotome, also known as Mr. Panda. Don't ask why and I won't tell! Heh heh" Kagome and Mukade shared a sidelong glance but kept silent.
"Hellooo, My name is The Faboulous Jakotsu! My age? Well, a lady doesn't reveal all of their secrets you know! Tee hee!" The voice that drifted from the third screen was very un-masculine and high pitched.
Kagome raised her eyebrow "Hey! Wait a minute...a lady? You said eligible bachelors...not bachelorettes! What show did I get signed up for again? Because I don't remember signing up for any game show at all, let alone a dating show! And...and that name just sounds so familiar! Jakotsu...I'm sure I heard it before..."
Mukade waved her hand in the air as if to dismiss Kagome's outburst, but refused to meet eyes with her. "No no, that's a male too! All of them are! So, let's just get a move on to the interviewing segment..uh, the first category is...Appearance!"
Kagome frowned but continued. "Fine. So, appearance, huh? I can ask any question that falls under that subject?" She tapped a finger against her chin, deep in thought. "Okay then, I have a question for all of you freaks...er I meant friends! Yes, that's it...friends..." An awkward pause followed this before she went on. "The question is: How would you describe your appearance?" Kagome sat deeper into her chair, quite satisfied with her question.
"Gaara, why don't you answer that question first?" Mukade suggested.
"Fine. I would describe myself as clean shaven. I have...interesting light green eyes. I'm 120 pounds and am 5'4." Gaara replied in a monotone.
"Great! Thanks for sharing!" Mukade chirped.
"Ahem, it's my turn now I believe? Well, I too would describe myself as clean shaven. And I'm like a fine wine, rather well aged! Heh heh heh" Genma chuckled.
"Well I'm a bit more like delicate lily rather than a fine wine. I enjoy cosmetics, fine clothing, and floral patterns. All in all, I am one hot babe!" Jakotsu finished his answer with a delicate giggle.
Kagome's face fell as she thought to herself, "I have the choice between a drag queen and an old guy? I guess Gaara is my best shot at dating a normal guy."
Mukade ignored the crestfallen expression on Kagome's face and said cheerfully, "The next topic is...Clubs! Get asking that next question Kagome!"
With less enthusiasm than before, Kagome asked, "What clubs do each of you belong to?"
"I belong to The Village Hidden in the Sand. Oh yeah, I'm a ninja too. Does that count as a club?" Gaara answered.
Kagome stared wide eyed at the screen. Was this guy serious? He was a Ninja?
"I enjoy martial arts and I own my own Dojo. Well, technically I'm staying at a friend's place, and he owns the dojo. I guess I could say that I live in a Dojo. Oh, and I'm an honorary member of The Hair Club For Men. Heh." Genma said.
"Great." Kagome thought to herself, "So Genma is a bald old guy who doesn't even have his own place? This is just making Gaara seem like a better and better guy every minute!"
"I'm not as petty as to be part of a club. I am part of a band! The Band of Seven, to be exact!" Jakotsu said smugly. Kagome raised her eyebrows at this. Wow! So the drag queen was part of a band! That explains why his name sounded so familiar. But Kagome had to be honest with herself, a Ninja was waaay cooler than a musician!
"Kagome, this is the last question you can ask, so make it count! The last topic is...Interests!" Mukade announced.
"Hmm" Kagome pondered as she sat forward in her chair. She asked the first question that popped into her head regarding the subject, "What are you interested in?"
Gaara replied in a very cold, deadly voice, "I am interested in having a reason to live..."
"Oh, well that's nice!" Mukade interjected.
"...By killing those stronger than myself." Gaara finished.
"Oh." Kagome and Mukade said at the same time. They both had identical looks of horror pasted onto their faces.
Kagome tried to swallow past the lump in her throat "So..What about you, Genma?" Kagome winced as her voice cracked on the word 'you'.
"Me? I'm interested in hot baths and rainy days! I'm also greatly interested in food...ah yes..food," Genma ended his reply with a wistful sigh.
"I'm interested in being beautiful!" Jakotsu let out a high pitched giggle.
"Right, that's all the questions! Now it's time for you to choose who the lucky bachelor will be!" Mukade said with a cheerful grin and tilt of the head.
"Well, uh, that's going to be a tough decision Mukade!" Kagome said nervously as she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear.
A loud commotion somewhere off stage interrupted her response. Kagome looked around, feeling rather confused.
"Hey! Old man, what do you think you're doing, huh? Do you know how worried Mom was about you?" A tall boy with a long, dark braid came running onto the stage. "Do you hear me, old man? Get out from behind that screen and face your son like a man!"
"Huh? Wait, one of those bachelors has a son?" Kagome asked. The angry son turned to face Kagome.
"Bachelor? Hah, that's a joke! My old man Genma is quite happily married to my mother!" The boy spat and whirled back around to face his father.
"Now, now, Ranma, can't you see what you've done? If I had won this I could have gotten us a free meal ticket!" Genma said as he emerged from behind his screen and was revealed to be a chubby, bald, old man.
"Running off like that and making us all worry...it was all for food?" Ranma shouted and charged at his father.
"Hey, you wouldn't hurt a poor, defenseless animal, would you?" Genma asked as he reached over to the small table beside Kagome. He lifted up the small vase of flowers from the end table and dumped the contents of it onto his head. POOF!
"Oh my!" Kagome and Mukade said in chorus, for standing before them was no longer Genma, but a huge panda! Suddenly the nickname "Mr. Panda" made sense.
"What is going on?" Kagome screeched, feeling more and more frustrated as she became more and more confused. "First, I was dragged into my well by this...this thing!" Kagome gestured to Mukade "Then, I'm told I'm going to be on some dating game show for demons. Then, oh here's the good part, I'm given the choice between a homicidal maniac ninja, a fat balding panda, or a rockstar moonlighting as a drag queen! Kagome's face was becoming a deep red as she shouted all this. "You know what? I think I'll just take my chances with the cross-dresser!" and with that final note, Kagome marched over to the third screen.
Everyone on the stage sat frozen while staring at Kagome, amazed by her outburst. "Now get out from behind there so we can end this stupid show already!" Kagome shouted to the third screen. Jakotsu stepped out from behind his screen and reveled himself to be wearing a very short pink Kimono with a high black pony tail bobbing along on top of his head.
"Hey, wait a minute! I know you! Inuyasha and I fought you before in feudal Japan! You're not in a musical band, you're just part of a group of weirdos raised from the dead! You know what, I'll just deal with you later." Kagome scowled at Jakotsu and linked arms with him as she dragged him over to the first screen that contained Gaara.
"Come on out! Let's see how much of a big freak you are too!" Kagome said. Out from behind the screen stepped a boy with no eyebrows and very dark circles around his eyes. On the side of his temple, a tattoo could be seen. Jakotsu, who had previously remained silent as Kagome ranted, now spoke.
"Ooooh, what a delectable piece of cake we have here!" Jakotsu waggled his eyebrows at Gaara "How about we forget all about ol' long socks over there, and we have a little fun ourselves, hmm?"
As if Jakotsu's inappropriate proposition had broken a spell, everyone suddenly continued what they were doing before Kagome's outburst. Ranma continued to chase Genma around the stage and Mukade somehow managed to slither off to the darkness surrounding the stage.
"Get back here you old man! Don't you run away from me!" Ranma screamed as he threw Mukade's newly vacated chair at the retreating back of the giant panda.
"How about a little kiss, hmm?" Jakotsu asked as he leered toward Gaara.
"Uhg, this is like a nightmare! Everything's going wrong!" Kagome said as a vase thrown by Ranma flew past her head. "The destruction in here is like a tornado!" She stamped her foot in annoyance. "Hey, this reminds me of a book I read...now how did Dorothy get home from Oz after that tornado? Ah, that's right!" Kagome took a deep breath "I hope this works...There's no place like home, there's no place like home..." Kagome chanted as she clicked the heels of her brown loafers together.
"No place...like..homm...ZZZzzzz Snorf!" Kagome snuffled in her sleep. Suddenly, she sat straight up in bed and mumbled, "Huh? Who dat? Who dere?" Kagome kicked her leg out and made contact with something solid. With a clatter the manga she had been reading before falling asleep fell off of her bed onto the floor. The titles Naruto and Ranma ½ peeked out from underneath the blanket she kicked off of the bed along with the books. The murmur of the game show network on the television filled the room.
"So it was all just a dream, huh?" Kagome said while she rubbed her eyes. There would be no more multitasking before falling asleep for Kagome, it apparently gave her some very strange dreams!
The End
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it! :)