五月二十九日（木）
It has been four weeks since that day.
A lot has happened since then...things that will hurt me to write. It hurts me so much just thinking about what my life was like just a month earlier, and how much different it's become now. It's so different that it's painful. It's not anything in particular about my new life that pains me, although...there are a few complaints that I do have...but those aside, my new life is treating me well.
But it's just not the same without Teitoku...that is, Admiral Kevinson, the man who was in charge of us a month ago, up until the Abyssal surprise attack on our base in Okinawa.
Headquarters decided to do away with our naval base down at Okinawa. The reasons were twofold: first, this would completely fulfill the calls for the removal of all military bases on the island, as the local population had bad experiences with the American bases that were there before us and took this chance to demand the removal of our base too after the attack; and second, this would fool the Abyssals into thinking that Japan's naval defenses were weakened and needed time to recuperate, or at least that was the theory behind it, when in fact we had all of our military forces on high alert for any more Abyssal attacks on the mainland, or so I heard.
We were ordered to assist in the demolishing of our own naval base, and most of us who had been there for more than just a couple of weeks cried when we heard our orders. I remember all of us "starter ship girls" as Teitoku referred to us in his journal, crying when we heard it. We didn't want to destroy the place we called home, even if our time was short. All the memories I had with everyone - with my fellow destroyers, my fellow comrades and ship girls and friends, and especially with Teitoku - I'd promised him that if he ever recovered from his terrible wounds, in my final words in his last journal book, I would take him back to that same pier where we sat with Shigure-onee-san watching the nighttime moonlit sky, just the two of us. But now...I don't think that's possible anymore. Most of us of the fleet stationed at Okinawa didn't even stay around long enough to watch the demolishing process complete, because we were transferred elsewhere to help the rest of the Moebius Four Platoon mobilize.
Because Inazuma-chan, Sazanami-chan, Murakumo-chan, Fubuki-chan, and I were the most battle-proven and experienced ship girls of the entire Platoon, in the eyes of our superiors in the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force and Headquarters in Tokyo, we were the most valuable ship girls they could get their hands on. Therefore, they decided that in order to mobilize the rest of the Platoon stationed throughout other naval bases in Japan, they would divide us and send each of us to a naval base of our own - in other words, they assigned us to a specific naval base where other ship girls like us of the Platoon were stationed in order to assist the commander of each naval base train those ship girls for battle, and possibly for eventual war against the Abyssals. It is clear that our government will not overlook the attack on our naval base in Okinawa and will take the first opportunity it sees to crush the Abyssals with no mercy.
I remember the last day I spent at Okinawa. I spent my last hour sitting on the couch that I once sat on with Teitoku. As I sat there, I couldn't help but play back all of the memories that I'd accumulated with him, especially those that involved the two of us on that couch together...just the two of us. I couldn't stop myself from crying again, and Shigure-onee-san walked in on me crying, so I couldn't hide it. But she sat with me and hugged me and comforted me as best she could, even though I myself couldn't bear to be comforted and just wanted to do nothing but cry and feel bad for myself. It was a terrible feeling to have, and I hated every second of it...but I suppose there was no way getting around it. I knew I had to suffer, even if I was trying my hardest not to.
I was transferred to the Naval Air Facility Atsugi...or Atsugi Naval Air Station. Because the Americans had agreed to withdraw their troops from the military bases and installations from Japan, we filled the vacuum they left in their wake with our own troops and military infrastructure. As I had learned, our country did not hesitate to seize their chance to re-militarize. It's like the pre-war decades all over again...while I did admittedly feel quite excited that all of us ship girls of the Moebius Four Platoon would now finally get to show the world once more that we had returned to serve our country once more as valiantly as we had done in the previous war, I also felt quite anxious...that this time would go no better than the last. And besides, we have a new enemy to fight. The Americans are no longer our enemy - our former Admiral himself was an American, no less.
At least, that's what I would like to tell myself. But I know things are quickly getting worse and worse.
My new Admiral here at Atsugi Naval Air Station, Rear Admiral Takahashi Ryuutaro-san, is a decent man, but he is a proper Japanese salaryman. He treats his work very seriously and works very hard, but he takes on time to interact with the ship girls who have been assigned to him. Therefore, to me and the other girls here at Atsugi Naval Air Station, he seems very cold and inhuman. We can't blame him, though, because he is also very dedicated to his family. As soon as his work is finished for the day, he immediately departs from base to stay with his family, who I have heard has moved to the residential premises just outside the base to help his wife raise their newborn twins. In that sense, his aloofness can be forgiven. It's probably better for us, anyway - better an aloof Admiral than...well, the polar opposite.
It is because of this reason, among others, that I can't ever bring myself to call Takahashi-san "Teitoku" whenever he is not around. To me, in this life, in this form, I only have one Teitoku - and that is Admiral Kevinson. He has firmly entrenched his place in my mind as the only man whom I will always be proud to call my Teitoku. I do not mean to take away from Takahashi-san's skill and dedication to his own line of work, but...he isn't Teitoku. There can only be one Teitoku...and he is no longer here to command us.
Oh, no, I'm getting off topic now...I guess this is what happens when I write with my emotions. Now that I am sitting down and taking the time to write a diary like Teitoku did, only now do I realize writing a diary is much harder than it seems.
Anyway, Takahashi-san informed me, I being his secretary ship girl because of my elevated position, the day I arrived at Atsugi Naval Air Station the overarching situation. He told me about my new duties, how I was to train the other ship girls stationed here, how our government was looking to track down the Abyssals who attacked us at Okinawa, and lastly and most alarmingly, how political ties with the United States was worsening rapidly. Apparently, the Diet is convinced that it is due to Teitoku's inadequacy at his post at Okinawa that allowed such an attack on our base to happen in the first place, that perhaps Commander Kevinson had failed to properly execute Operation Rising Sun and allowed the enemy to slip past our defenses and deal their forces a critical blow. And because they found out that Seal Team Six, our developers, were present at the Okinawa naval base at the time of its attack, they also placed the blame on them for not being able to deter such a devastating attack from the Abyssals.
It is very unlike me to get very angry, but when I heard about this from Takahashi-san, I didn't know what to think, I was so angry. It was the first time I'd ever been angry enough to hit something. And now, whenever I think back to that moment in time when I did get so infuriated, it scares me. I didn't even know I could even get that angry. But...how else should I have reacted? My own government, the people who give me orders and are in charge of the country I love and want to protect, are calling Teitoku, the person I love, a terrible commander when in fact he was probably the best all of us could have ever gotten. Their treatment of him is so unfair, and yet I can do nothing but watch it happen.
Teitoku himself had been evacuated quickly from Okinawa back to America for his medical treatment. I was told by Big-san, our head developer, that he and his team would make sure to do everything in their power to help him make a full recovery, for he is the only American naval officer with experience in commanding a ship girl navy, something that no one else in the world has the right to say. And in case his services are needed again, Teitoku would need to make a full recovery. Big-san made it sound like Teitoku didn't even have a choice in the matter, or the choice could be made for him in spite of his own accord or the will of nature. And somehow, that irks me. But I couldn't say anything, again, because...because they're going to heal Teitoku for me, and they're the ones who will most likely make it possible for me to see Teitoku again. And I know that deep in my heart, if I must, I would be willing to do virtually anything to see him again.
I don't know where everyone else from the naval base at Okinawa got transferred to. A few of them did end up with me, like Shigure-onee-san, Kiyoshimo-chan, Goya-chan, Noshiro-san, Yamato-san, and Taihou-san. But besides them, everyone else here are ship girls whom we hadn't seen in months and have vever actually fought in live combat with. And to think that I'm in charge of training everyone...that's never really settled fully in my head, that I hold rank over everyone else, despite me only being a destroyer.
I haven't mentioned that, actually, have I? Upon my arrival here at Atsugi, I was greeted by Grand Admiral Mizushima, who congratulated me for my service so far and informed me out of nowhere that I would be the first such ship girl of my kind to receive an actual military rank and uniform. I am now Lieutenant Samidare...although the sound of me being called Lieutenant gets my heart a bit fluttery, I can't imagine myself being called that all the time. Just being called my name is much better, for my own sake. They also gave me a much more adorned Kaijou Jietai uniform, which I must wear in case I must attend any Navy-related meetings at base, and I'm actually very happy about it. I love the look of the uniform, and it's even made to keep the colors of my own beloved uniform. In fact, it really is just like my normal uniform, only with longer sleeves and made to look more like a proper navy uniform.
Ugh...I still have more I want to write, but I'm getting sleepy already. All this work...now I understand what Teitoku must have felt when he did all of his own paperwork.
Teitoku, only now do I realize just how strong you really were, and...I feel really bad for not noticing this earlier and thanking you truly for all of the hard work you put into making our base at Okinawa such a home for us all.
I love you, Teitoku.
五月雨