A/N: My favourite part of this is Prime's list of Red's installed devices for the base. It makes me think of the Worms games. I'm surprised I didn't include the exploding sheep.
Overkill. It was the first word to enter Prime's mind, and there were surely many more colourful variations to follow. But, for the sake of Security Director's fragile self-esteem and rare good mood, the blue and red mech felt obliged to indulge in the demonstration of the base's newly-installed defence systems.
"So, what do you think?" Red Alert turned his head to face his superior, and actually beamed, satisfied with his efforts.
Optimus remained silent for a moment, taking his time, in order to correctly word his thoughts. It was necessary to speak to the red and white mech in a way that would ensure the latter didn't do anything as subtle as blowing up.
"Er, Red Alert?" the leader began, in his gentle, fatherly tone – normally reserved for crying babies and, on occasion, Spike Witwicky – and took a deep breath, prepared for the rant to follow from his neurotic comrade.
"Sir?"
"I can understand the motion targeting lasers, missile launchers, infra-red and ultra violet imaging devices, landmines, harpoon launchers, electrified fishing nets, air-to-surface missiles, air-to-air missiles, electro-magnetic fields, satellite surveillance and readied air strikes…but…"
Uh-oh, the Security Director stiffened, panic rising in his CPU. He knew the "but" word all too well. The smile on his faceplate drooped slightly. "What is it? What have I done wrong? It's the password to enter the base, isn't it? I knew I made it too long and complicated! I can sort it right away, and…and-"
"Red, stop. That's not what I was going to say."
"Oh. Then…?"
"Do we…do we really require a self-destruct sequence?"
"But what if the Decepticons get in? You've seen what they do, Optimus! Do you know how long it took me to reconfigure Teletraan 1 last time? It's better to make sure that no-one gets their hands on its sensitive information-"
"Is Teletraan back to normal?"
"Of course. I'm the Security Director. I made sure of it."
Optimus fought the urge to groan in exasperation. As well as being nervous and over-sensitive, Red Alert never considered himself wrong. The former decided the lone way to win the argument was through the use of reverse-psychology. "With your impressive defence systems, the Decepticons won't have a chance to get into the base."
The smaller Autobot practically squinted his optics, sensing something dishonest about that sentence. However, a split-second later, his smile returned. "Okay!" His fingers hurriedly tapped the keyboard built into the console and deactivated only the self-destruct mechanism. "There we are."
"Good work," Prime agreed – a statement that must have accelerated up the Security Director's aft about nine hundred lightyears.
"I'll inform the others!" Red Alert declared, bounding off his seat and charging out of the room. Likely to boast that he actually did something right, Optimus surmised.
Returning to the controls for the defence systems built into Teletraan 1, the Autobot leader considered his friend's actions. Perhaps it was better to have it, just in case. The base did get invaded and Teletraan 1 reprogrammed by Megatron a lot these days.
Suddenly, a loud zap filled the area.
Prime's commlink buzzed, and he activated it. "Yes?"
"Hey, uh, Prime?" It was Prowl.
"Go on."
"Powerglide is caught in…an electrified fishing net?"
Maybe not such a good idea, after all.
The End