Disclaimer: Oh, believe me, if this was *my* property, Rogers, Romanoff, Barton, Maximoff and the rest would be *sorry* for existing. And my Tony and Rhodey would be coddled like they deserve to be.
Author Notes:
Hello there! Long time no see? *bashful smile* So, I'm starting a new series (two, actually, one AU-ish with Stony stories like these one and one Canon-ish with Gen stories) of stories, this time about Civil War, because that movie destroyed me and my feelings. Most of these are already written and published in AO3 (same user-name), so the updates should be quick. BUT, that doesn't mean that I'll publish every day or anything.
Also, I should probably warn you all that (as my profile picture shows) I am TeamTony all the way, so this is not a quick 'oh, rogers was right of course, tony was the stupid one and like rogers apologized tony has to forgive and forget' type of fic. This is a 'let's make rogers suffer and pay for his idiocity and betrayal' kind of fic. Actually, my whole series will be like that, and I'll mix in the others too, just FYI. They'll also get what's coming to them.
Hope you like it!
There Is No 'Fixing' This
"So no matter what, I promise you- if you need me, if any of you need me, I'll be there."
And despite the condescending tone of that letter, and the insult of that flip phone, for God's sake, he kept the phone charged and ready to use. (The letter he burned and put the ashes in a little jar; he has plans to send the ashes to Rogers with a letter of his own, a big fat FUCK YOU; through T'Challa). He never did use it, and has no plans to, unless there is a real need to get Rogers and his team out of the forest; like, say…aliens, or something equally big. He would never use it for personal reasons, because Tony doesn't need him, they don't need him. They have no place in their lives for a man that only breaks his promises.
But apparently, Rogers can't take a hint. So, after almost two months after the phone and letter arrived (months full of physical therapy, psychological therapy, many nightmares, change of bedrooms and a completely new routine which includes Rhodey, Vision, Pepper and Harley, more often than not), the ex-Captain calls. Tony is so tempted to just let the cell ring until Rogers gets tired of calling, but there are two problems: 1) Tony's eardrums are more likely to bleed before Rogers gives up (and seriously, does that device has no other tone that doesn't make you want to shoot something/someone?) and 2) it could, technically, be an emergency that requires back up; and if that were the case, Tony can't ignore it. So he takes a deep breath, sits down on the couch he has on the workshop, and answers.
"What, Rogers." He says with his most dry voice, the same one he uses to deal with undesirable assholes…and wait a minute. Who is he talking to but Captain Asshole himself?
"…" Silence for about ten seconds is his answer. He is about to hang up (if Rogers can't figure out how to answer a call in an ancient phone it's not his problem, world-ending-crisis be damned), when a deep breath is heard over the line, and then "…you never called."
Tony honestly has to give his brain a few moments to process the monumental bullshit that just came out of Rogers mouth. Then he talks.
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Well, he yells, but same difference. "Why in hell would I call you?" he spits with as much venom as he can inflict in his voice.
"I just thought that maybe Peter would have liked to talk to his Papa." Rogers responds, defensive.
"Oh, his Papa, uh? Do you mean the bastard that promised to never leave him and did just that not even a year later?"
"Tony, no, I-" He tries to interrupt, but Tony just pushes on.
"Maybe you meant the man that almost killed his Dad, that was this close to leave Peter an orphan again?" Tony is breathing faster and faster; his heart is beating like crazy, and with his medical history that's not good. But he needs this; he has to make Rogers understand. He might not be the best parent in the world; but he would never abandon his baby, would never just forget about Peter. The only reason he pulled himself together in Siberia after the most painful break-up ever is his son; and he'll die before he lets Rogers anywhere near his baby again. Tony might give second and third choices when it's his heart in the line of fire; but Steve hurt Peter and that's something he will never forget. Or forgive.
"Tony please, I never wanted to hurt either of you!" Rogers exclaims. He sounds pained.
"But you did." Hisses Tony. "You did, Rogers. You left me bleeding, in a broken armor, with no means to contact anyone, in the middle of fucking nowhere! If Ross or fucking HYDRA had come to take me in, I would have been a sitting duck! Not only that, but you left with him, the man you lied to your family for, the man you hurt officers for, the man you put civilians in the hospital for!" Tony is close to hyperventilating now, and FRIDAY is flashing his vitals on all the screens. He has to calm down, he has to calm down or FRIDAY will wake the nearest person around and tonight there's only Peter in the compound. He can't let his son see him like this, it's enough they have to comfort each other after nightmares; he can't allow his baby to see him in the middle of a panic attack because of Steve, his son shouldn't worry about him more than he already does. He is so young and Tony can't ruin that, he can'tcan'tcan'tcan't. He starts repeating the multiplication tables he was teaching Peter just the other day; his baby is so smart he already mastered them and he is only five. Thinking about his son helps and he starts unwinding, just enough to notice that Rogers has obviously been talking to him for a while and the bastard has the gall to sound worried. Tony has the plastic phone clenched tight in his hand, and he brings it closer to his ear.
"…baby, it's going to be alright, you'll be fine, okay? Just relax, sweetheart, breath, deep breaths, alright? I promise it'll be al-" Tony can't take any more empty promises, though, so he interrupts.
"Did you even care for us? Were we even your family? Or were you just using us as a replacement while you were looking for Barnes?" The 'Using me to find him?' goes unsaid, but Tony thinks Rogers can hear it anyways; by the way his breathing sounds over the line, like the air was punched out of him.
"…Tony, sweetheart, how can you think that? I love you, baby. You two are everything to me." Rogers murmurs, his voice pleading.
"…"Tony is frozen for a moment, his eyes blurring again. "You know, believing you was so much easier when I didn't know how well you could lie." He says with a chocked voice.
"…Tony, I swear-" he is cut by FRIDAY's voice, which sounds worried.
"I am sorry, Boss, but Peter is in way to your lab. He awoke from a nightmare and when he couldn't find you in bed and started crying, I saw no other choice but to tell him you were in here. He then left his room and took the stairs. You have approximately 130 seconds before he can see you through the glass."
"…Can I talk to him? Tony, let me talk to him. I can calm him down; I always calm him down after a nightmare." Steve sounds…anxious, pleased, pleading. And he's partially right; he had always been able to talk him down. Before Vienna. Before Siberia. Before Barnes.
"No you don't, not anymore. Wanna know why? Because you left, because you broke your promises to him. Because he knows that it was you the one who almost killed me. Because he can't sleep alone anymore, out of fear that you'll come to take me away or kill me if he is not in the room. Because he is the one who wakes me up from the nightmares in which I yell your name and he comforts me saying that he won't let you come near me. He hates you, Steve. He hates you, he loves you, he misses you, he doesn't want to see you. Do you have any idea how much you screw him up? He is five and his emotions are too much for him to handle. His has night terrors now, not just the occasional nightmare. And that…that's on you, dear ex-husband." Tony sneers.
"No, no, I never meant to break that promise. I love him, I miss him so, so much. Let me talk to him, I can fix it. And what do you mean, Tony? Ex-husband?" Rogers' voice shakes and that's so nice…to make the unbreakable man break, if just a little.
"What do I mean? I mean that I'm back to being Mr. Stark, there's no longer a 'Rogers' attached to it. The same goes for you. And a fugitive is not a candidate to being a father, even less so if the child refuses to even talk about that person. So there is no way I'm letting you talk to him, if he hears your voice now he will go into hysterics, he will flip. I won't allow you to hurt my baby again, Rogers, do you hear me? Never again. There is not fixing this." Tony's voice trembles in the last part, tears wetting his eyelashes again, and he is suddenly so tired. Tired of being used, of trying to fix the things others broke, tired of carrying the blame, tired of being miserable.
Then, before Steve can say anything, he hides the phone between his back and the couch, hitting the button that won't allow Rogers' voice to be heard; but doesn't end the call. He wants the other man to suffer listening in, sue him.
"D-daddy?" murmurs Peter from the doorway, rubbing his eyes with his little fists, while carrying his soft green blanket (a present from Harley and the bots, who are the best older brothers ever) clenched tight on his right hand.
"Oh, Petey, come here, baby." He says, suddenly not caring about his ex-husband anymore. Peter leaps into his lap. His heart hurts watching his son's tears falling down, hiccups shaking his little body.
"Daddy, you w-weren't t-there…you weren't there when I w-woke and I-I thought P-p-papa took you a-away from m-me." Cries Peter; hugging his father's neck. He hides his face on Tony's t-shirt while the soft, worn fabric slowly grows wet.
"Shh, shh, baby boy. I'm here, okay? I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I love you so so much, Petey, I could never leave you behind." Reassures Tony; caressing his son's back up and down in hopes to calm him down.
"B-but P-papa is stronger…! H-he hurt you. He could take you away!" Exclaims the boy; looking into his dad's eyes. His little round face is all red, tear tracks down his cheeks, eyes shiny and wide. He looks like he lost everything he loved in the world. Tony's heart clenches when he realizes that he is everything this wonderful boy has in the world in Peter's eyes. He can't resist the temptation of hugging his child to his chest with all the strength he has; rocking his son back and forward.
After a few minutes of the motion, Tony gets up, lifting Peter so he settles on his waist.
"Let's make some hot chocolate, okay? I'm sure Vision left the recipe somewhere in the kitchen…" He jokes, pleased when a little laugh leaves his boy's lips.
"Okay, Daddy." Agrees Peter, smooching a wet kiss on Tony's cheek and giggling at his father's face.
Tony starts walking out of the workshop, a soft, slight smile on his face; his heart beating slow and sure with all the love he feels for his son. He leaves the night (and all that entails) behind him.
-{}-
On the other side of the world, Steve waits until he can't hear Tony's footsteps before hanging up.
Then, he falls to his knees and wails.
-{}-{}-{}-
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Kisses