About a week.
That's how long it's been since we talked. Since we had an actual conversation. I'm starting to worry. Maybe he'll forget my name. It could be a possibility. I hope he doesn't forget my name over his trip.
I don't know if I should attempt to make conversation or not. My friends are getting suspicious. Very suspicious. Every time my eyes land on him, it's like they read my mind. They say I blush. But I know I don't. I keep denying it. Because I know it won't end well if i accept the truth. I just have a feeling.
Besides, they will never leave me alone about it if I do. But they should. They all have a special person in their life. It's not like I'm the first. But they just reach for the truth until they can get a firm grasp. Then they never let go.
He's been too busy lately anyways. Always laughing and having fun. I bet he doesn't even realize the amount of time I waste on him. That's the thing about boys. They wouldn't know the real world, the trouble people go through for them, because of them, if it slapped them in the face. But it doesn't matter.
The real reason I'm interested in him is because he hides behind a smile, a laugh, a bit of his moppy dark golden brown hair. I want to know what goes on behind that smile, that laugh, that bit of moppy dark golden brown hair. What happens to that soul of his when he's alone, when he doesn't have anyone to make jokes with.
Sometimes I wonder if he is ever really alone. If he's always making jokes and laughing, even when no one's around. A big part of my brain wonders about him, spitting questions out all over.
I know I shouldn't. I know it's wrong. But it's like I just can't stop wondering. Like my body can't take it. He's pretty much the one and only thing I automatically think about, besides my future education.
He left early today to go to Ohio, apparently. Right in the middle of lunch. I was actually a little upset the rest of the day. No class-clown for a whole science period. But I guess it was fine because I had LEEP, so I wasn't going to see him during DARE anyways.
I have to go a whole weekend without someone to make me laugh so much my head actually hurts. That is how he makes me feel.
But it doesn't matter. She already likes him, which is one of the reasons I'm not admitting the truth. I would never betray a friend like that. It's just not my style. And I want to believe that he likes her just as much as she likes him, maybe even a little more.
Another reason why I'm interested in him is because if there's more to him than his jokes, maybe, just maybe, there will be understanding. Maybe that's the real reason I'm interested in him. Because maybe he might get my world better than most people do.
But he will never be interested in me. Like ever ever. Or, at least that I know of.
Whatever. I don't care, really. My life isn't crowded with him. I am not boy crazy or anything.
I guess I need to find a better hobby. Maybe soccer can clear my mind. Or writing. But my mind is never really cleared. Half the time I think about him, and the other half thinks about horrifying things, fantasizing situations.
But every time I try not to think about him, I just have so many questions pop into my head.