Dear Faithful Readers,

I hope you're happy, guys! It's 11:57pm and I haven't even started my homework- I've been too busy writing this! I'd better get some cool reviews to make up for it, right?

Xx-Bex-xX

P.S. Italics are flashbacks

-

DILIGENCE

-

"He's dead, Riza," Gracia whispered softly, leaning across the oak coffee table to whisper in her friend's ear miserably.

Taking Gracia's cheek in her hand, Riza nodded sadly, "it's been three years, Grae."

"It still hurts."

"I know."

-

Riza lay on her back, staring at the sky absently. It was a cold and miserable day and around her the simple garden outside the Hughes household was covered in a thick blanket of snow- fresh from having only just fallen.

Gracia watched her from a frost-edged window, standing inside the large warm house, the flames of the fire in the hearth rising behind her, bathing her in warm hues that sharply contrasted the icy winterland outside.

"Can I go outside, mommy?"

Gracia looked down at her daughter slowly, eyes tired, "no, love, I think Riza would rather be alone right now."

"Isn't she cold, mommy?" asked Elysia, hugging her furs around her and slipping a pink-mittened hand into her mothers slender white one.

"I don't expect she's thinking much about that, love."

"If I think a lot will it be warm for me too?"

"You don't want to think about what she's thinking about," Gracia told her, eyes straying back to the blonde-hair woman laying in the snow before them.

"What's that, mommy?"

"Sadness… pain… loss…"

Elysia seemed distressed by this, "will Aunty Riza be okay, mommy?"

"I hope so, love. I hope so."

-

"Lieu…ten…ant…" Riza glanced up at the figure in the door way, "sir! You're back!"

"If you'll have me."

Riza's face broke into a wide smile, "of course, Colonel," she said, her voice no longer anything more than a whisper.

Roy smiled sadly, "where should I begin with all this paperwork, then?"

Riza didn't reply for a while, then she stepped forward, concerned, "is something on your mind, sir? Something more than the work?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't seem… right."

"Are you suggesting that I've lost my mind, Lieutenant?" he asked, seeming almost amused.

Riza shook her head, smiling now, "no. I just needed to hear one of your bad jokes again, sir."

"I'm glad."

"You are okay, aren't you?"

"I will be."

"Then so will I."

-

"I thought you might need this."

Riza opened her eyes slowly and found herself looking at Gracia Hughes, kneeling beside her with a dry blanket. Numb from the healing ice, Riza breathed in deeply and shook her head, "let me stay out here a little while longer."

"You'll catch a cold," Gracia warned her, still holding out the blanket.

"I don't mind."

"Well, I do- you've been miserable out here for long enough, Riza."

Riza raised her head a little, then closed her eyes and sank back into the snow, shaking her head.

"Do you want to become ill?"

"I want to lay here as I am," Riza replied, a slight slur to her voice. "I like it…"

"Don't be like that. I know the Colonel has upset you-"

"He hasn't upset me, Grae…"

"Nonsense," Gracia replied, forcibly pulling Riza up into a sitting position and looking at her sharply, "don't tell me that he's not the reason you're laying out here freezing to death?"

"I'm not-" Riza began to protest but she was silenced by Gracia's hand on her shoulder.

"Come on now, let me help you inside."

Gracia draped the fleecy pink blanket around her friend and pulled her to her feet gently, an arm around her to support her.

"Mommy, why does Aunty Riza need help walking?" asked Elysia worriedly as they returned indoors.

"She's just not feeling like herself right now," said Gracia. "Don't worry yourself, okay?"

"Okay, mommy."

"Go and settle yourself into bed- I'll be up to tuck you in properly in just a moment."

"Night, then. Hope you feel better soon, Aunty Riza."

Riza smiled weakly and nodded, sitting down on the couch as directed by a concerned mother. She closed her eyes and felt Gracia adjust the blanket and remove her shoes before rekindling the fire and going upstairs to see Elysia to the shores of sleep. When she returned a few minutes later, Riza was almost asleep too.

"Don't think you're out of this so easily, Riza," she whispered, sitting down and shifting the young woman's head into her lap.

"What do you want to know?" she whispered tiredly.

"Well, firstly," said Gracia, "how is the Colonel?"

"He's getting better, I think. He returned to his position as Colonel a few months ago and I'm helping him as much as I can with the workload, though he finds it a bit too much some days and not just because he's lazy either. He lacks the spark he once had and he looks old in the eyes…" Riza closed her own burgundy eyes, squeezing them tight as if in pain, before opening them again slowly. "And it hurts me so much because I know that the real him is still in there somewhere- I've seen it… Hughes' –Maes'- death has been hard on him."

"As it has on us all," Gracia agreed sadly, "but that is no reason to give up hope completely."

Riza furrowed her eyebrows slightly and shifted herself out of Gracia's lap and into a sitting position, curling her long white legs beneath her. "You know how it is, Gracia. You survive because you have your beautiful Elysia to take care of, and I have Roy… how do I show him that he has me too?"

"You'll find a way," said Gracia, placing her hand over Riza's on the couch, "in fact, I think you already know what you have to do."

"Tell him?" Riza's voice was small and might have been lost were it not for the eerie silence about them.

Gracia squeezed Riza's hand and drew her eyes, where she saw flames reflected in the dull misery, "yes, Riza. Do."

"It's not allowed, Grae."

"I understand all too well that you are not allowed to have a physical relationship with him, Riza," Gracia told her evenly, "but nothing, not even some military protocol, can keep you from loving each other, and I think he needs to know that right now."

Riza bowed her head and breathed deep of the rich smoky air, shivering in her wet clothes, but feeling warm inside, her cheeks coloured a light pink that had nothing to do with the biting cold she had spent the last few hours embracing. Slowly wrapping her arms around her close friend, Riza smiled into her neck and nodded, "yes," she agreed. "Thank you, Grae."

Gracia pulled back and held Riza at arm's length, smiling kindly, "there is no need," she told her. "Now dry off, take the blanket and come with me, I'll have the spare bed in Elysia's room set up for you."

Riza obliged, not wanting to return home in the dark and cold anyway, and dimmed the light that Gracia turned on in the young girl's room. Elysia awoke anyway but waited until her mother left to climb out of her bed and settle herself next to Riza in the spare.

Surprised, Riza's arms came around the small shivering girl in her thick nightgown and she kissed her forehead.

Elysia smiled, "are you feeling any better, Aunty Riza?"

"Yes, I am, thank you, Elysia."

"That's good."

Elysia said no more before falling asleep but Riza found the warmth and the few words said oddly comforting and she too fell to sleep, peaceful and confident in knowing that tomorrow was a new day.

-

Riza looked at the younger Winry sadly, "to tell the truth, I don't like the military either. Because, at times, I am forced to take lives.

Winry's innocence shone clear in her eyes "then why are you in the military?"

"There is someone I need to protect," said Riza, lowering her cup absently. "It was not because I was force by anyone, but it was my own free will. It is my own choice to pull the trigger for the person I must protect. Until the day that person accomplishes his goal… I will pull the trigger without doubt."

-

"Aunty Riza! Mommy says you have to wake up right now because you are very late and it is an important day!" Elysia practically yelled in her ear by way of an awakening the next morning.

Warm and comfortable, the drowsy first lieutenant forced herself to roll over on her side and see what the fuss was about. Seeing Elysia, she remembered where she was and, little by little, the night before- including what she had promised Gracia.

Stumbling out of bed, Riza clamped a careless hand over the small girl's mouth before stretching and yawning.

"Hey!" Elysia whined, snapping at Riza's hand.

Riza hardly registered the bite, leaning heavily against the banister as she walked downstairs to meet Gracia in the kitchen.

"Oh! Good morning!" said the child's mother brightly, "I'm just making breakfast- I set your dry uniform out on the couch, you can go take a shower if you want."

Riza nodded vaguely and left.

Standing, a few minutes later, in the shower with the hot water pounding soothingly against her back, Riza felt herself waking up properly and breathed in deeply, exhaling with a sigh.

'I promised Gracia I'd tell him today… and I want to, I really do… but what if I just make things worse? What if he sends me away? What then?'

Stepping out of the shower, Riza towelled her hair dry, changed into her military uniform and brushed her hair out absently before clipping it back. Looking herself over in the mirror, she sighed again.

'Look at me. I'm nothing special. I've seen the type of girls he likes and it's just not me. I'm not going to prance up to him with a fake smile plastered across my face in a midriff top and pink skirt that doesn't reach so low as mid-thigh… I wonder what he'd say if I did? Would he like me then…?'

"Riza, whatever you're thinking, stop it this instant. You're scowling like the devil itself."

Riza spun around, horrified to find Gracia standing in the doorway, "Grae!" she yelped, "I could have been changing!"

"Well you weren't, were you?" said Gracia, walking over to remove the hairclip Riza had so delicately and accurately placed.

"Grae! Just let me get ready, won't you?!"

Gracia held her wrist as she attempted to pin her hair back up, shaking her head with a smile, "you look beautiful, Riza- just the way you are."

Riza shrugged and looked down.

"You don't think so?"

"I think Aunty Riza's beautiful," said Elysia, beaming from the doorway.

"You both have to say that, now that I'm armed again," said Riza with the smallest trace of a smile on her lips.

"Give me the clip and come down now- you can have breakfast and then I'll drive you to work."

"You don't have to Grae-"

"I know, but I want to, Riza," said Gracia, smiling. "Please. There's nothing I want more right now than to see you and the Colonel happy again- I'll do everything in my power to help you both... and you know, when he's Fuhrer, he can easily change the laws against fraternization."

Riza smiled too, "thank you so much for your support."

"Don't mention it," said Gracia.

"Mommy, can I do Aunty Riza's hair for her?"

"No, love," said Gracia, smiling, "Riza's wearing it down today."

"But she never wears it down!" Elysia gasped, astounded, then, after a moment's contemplation, she went to hug her 'aunt', grinning. "but he'll love it, Aunty Riza."

Riza wasn't surprised that Elysia knew about her plans to confront Roy today, she was Maes' child too after all, but what the young girl said next blew her away.

"Daddy used to tell Roy it was 'about time he got married and settled down' but he said that Roy only really ever considered you- and that was if he could convince you to marry him."

"You're just like your father," Riza whispered, tears left long uncried ready to spill over.

"I'm kind and smart and nice like him?" asked Elysia brightly.

"No," said Riza and she gave a weak chuckle, "…always sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

Riza and Gracia embraced and Elysia joined in too. Then, a few moments later, they all went downstairs for breakfast.

-

"Riza Hawkeye… so you went through all that in Ishbal but in the end you chose this path."

Riza stared at him straight on. She wasn't about to tell him she did it for him. "Yes," she said instead, "I chose it myself and put my arms through the sleeves of the uniform of my own will."

Roy looked through her files contemplatively, "what's your area of expertise?" he asked, as though interviewing any other young woman and not such a close and dear friend.

"Guns," was Riza's bland reply.

"A gun is good," said Roy, looking up with eyes hardened by the memory of war. "Unlike a sword or a knife, it doesn't leave the feeling of a person dying on your hands."

Riza's eyes hardened also, she hated that he knew her so well. They were to be working together now- it was not right that he should understand her so… make her love him…

"That's deceit," Roy warned her grimly. "So, you plan on deceiving yourself like that and continuing to soil your hands."

When Riza replied it was cold and professional, yet somehow deep also- a true opinion, not just what she reckoned her ought to hear from her, another of her qualities he found intriguing… "that's right," she said. "We soldiers should be the only ones soiling our hands and spilling blood.It should be enough for only use to go through something like Ishbal. As alchemists say, if the truth of this world can be shown through equivalent exchange, so that the new generation that will be born can enjoy happiness, to pay the cost, we will have to shoulder corpses and cross a river of blood."

Roy closed his eyes, seemingly in pain as the image passed through his mind… he stood up, then, hands spread on his desk, over his work, "I'm thinking of recommending you as my aide," he said, as a teacher might speak to a student. "I want you to protect my back. Do you understand? To entrust my back to you means that you can shoot me from behind anytime. If I step off the path, shoot and kill me with those hands. You are qualified to do that. Will you follow me?

Riza nodded , devotion shining behind a killer's eyes, "If that is your wish, then even into Hell. I am a powerless human. Because of that, I need your help in order to protect everything. I will protect your lives. And you will protect only whom you can… even if it's only a few, protect those below you. No matter what happens, live, continue to survive greedily. And those below you would also protect those below them. Live, and let's change this country together."

Her words were a silent remind of his promise to her, and another promise- one that would mark the beginning of a new life for them both. She wouldn't let him become corrupt- wouldn't let him go. Whatever might happen in the future, she would be with him- no matter what path he took, she was his.

Always his, as he was hers.

-

"Grae, thank you so much for all you have done-"

"Go on, Riza, get out of the car," said Gracia, smiling, "you and I both know you're just stalling, now get to it."

Riza smiled too and climbed out of the car, thanking her friend once more before closing the door and watching her drive off. Standing now, alone, before the large military building, Riza touched a hand to her chest, testing to see if her heart rate had picked up any- listening to her breathing and checking that too. Everything must appear to be as normal as possible. No one must know what she was about to confess to him- what she should have confessed a long time ago, perhaps so far back as Ishbal.

'This is it, Riza. Your one chance to help him- to turn him around before it's too late. Don't waste it.'

-

"Good morning, Lieutenant. You're late."

"I know, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I… I spent the night at Gracia Hughes'- things were a little hectic in the morning…"

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

The question surprised her. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Roy repeated, though he knew she had heard perfectly the first time.

Still thinking it an odd question, Riza nodded, "well, in a way, sir. It was enlightening, I suppose. I think things will start to get better soon- for you, I mean. I don't want you to be sad anymore."

"I'm sorry for upsetting you."

Riza just shook her head, "don't be," she told him. "When Hughes died, Gracia turned to Elysia and I for comfort and I turned to you, even though you were grieving also. Please forgive me. I thought I made it clear that you could talk to me about it- vent, rant, anything like that- but apparently not…" she paused and her eyes flew to the door for a moment before she went on, softer now. "Sir, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I want you to be able to trust me with your problems."

"I would not burden you with my quarrels, Lieutenant," said Roy, looking down.

"Please, sir?" she chewed her bottom lip lightly as she wondered how to phrase this next part… well, she had to say it sometime- either that or face Gracia's wrath… and if anything can be gained from the experience of being a single mother it's that discipline comes as second nature... "I love you, and I want to help you. I want to fix things for us so that they can go back to how they were before, at least. Please help me; I can't do it alone." Roy seemed to have stopped listening and it annoyed her to no end, but she forced herself to be patient. "Sir?"

"Forgive me, First Lieutenant, but did you just tell me that you loved me?"

Riza fought away the inevitable blush that followed his blatant disbelief, "you know I did, sir."

A small grin played on Roy's lips and his eyes sparkled in a way that she had thought she'd never see again. Just then, she decided that even if her feelings were unrequited- even if he didn't love her that way- it was still worth it to see that smile again- to feel like she was making a difference in his world.

"I don't suppose you feel the same way, do you, sir?" she asked, a little hopefully.

Roy came to stand before her in an instantly and pecked her three times fast on the lips, "yes, Lieutenant, I must say that I do."

"I'm glad," said Riza, smiling- a great warmth welling up in her chest as his words touched her.

Right hand at her waist and left on her cheek, Roy leaned forward to kiss her again but she barred her path with an arm, shaking with a mixture of mirth and nerves. "Thank you, Colonel," she said softly, "but I pray you stop now… it is enough to cost both of us our jobs if we were to be found together."

"So you tell me that you love me and expect me to just accept it and set it aside?" said Roy, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you say you wanted me to be happy?"

"But, sir…" Riza knew it sounded stupid put like that, but she couldn't help but protest in the seemingly evident absence of his good judgement. "The military- It's your life! Why risk it?"

"Have you met the new Fuhrer, Lieutenant?"

Riza shook her head. No.

"He is a good man- fair, well-governed and clearly as human as they get. I think we're safe leaving the military with him."

"But, sir-!"

"Lieutenant… no; Riza, I care about you more than anything, if you feel the same way then I want to be with you- nothing's stopping us. Nothing but the military and I figure, heck, what has it ever done for us anyway."

Riza fixed him with a hard stare, "I won't let you give up your job, sir, and I won't be giving mine up either."

"Don't you want to be with me?"

"If you think we need a physical relationship to express ourselves then our views on love are simply too different for it to work out between us," said Riza, her voice a little harder as she tried to bury the hurt in her frankness.

Roy touched her cheek gently and nodded, a respectful smile spread over his brightened features, "very well… I will remain chaste with you, just as you wish it."

Riza stared at him for a moment, then smiled, "one day, Sir, you will be Fuhrer. Promise you'll take me then?"

"I do, Riza."

"Then that's all I need to know."

-

"Don't let yourself get confused! Never stop thinking! Never give up the will to live!"

…

"Diligence."