There are those who'll bet love comes but once, and yet I'm oh, so glad we met the second time around
Spencer felt accomplished. Like she'd finally made it. It was just yesterday that she'd dropped her bags on the empty apartment floor on the 4th floor of a high-rise in Western Philadelphia from, which was substantially closer to work, her best friends Hanna, Caleb and Aria. In fact, Hanna and Caleb lived in the building on the corner of her street. Aria was only about twenty minutes away, which was much better than the near two hour drive that separated them previously. (Emily decided to stay in Rosewood after all. Spencer was happy for her, but she couldn't go back there after all that had happened). She'd spent the last few years in an apartment the size of a shoebox in Allentown, and she and her son, Aaron, were outgrowing that space rather quickly.
The two of them were just getting settled in the new area, thankful to have Hanna and Caleb nearby. They'd gone to the grocery and were heading home to continue unpacking. With just the two of them, it would take a long time, but Aaron's biggest hobby was getting his hands in everything and helping his Mommy, and even if sometimes that took more time than if she'd just do it alone, the memories they always made were priceless. It took her a (long) three years alone with her son to realize he was all the family she needed. She didn't speak to her parents much after the series of blowouts and lies they'd had while she'd been growing up, followed swiftly by their attitude towards her pregnancy seeming more like a PR crisis strategy made to be more about them than anybody else. Melissa was off in London, and frankly, it was the best thing that could have happened to their relationship. Now they only chatted on Facebook occasionally while she liked all of the photos of Aaron Spencer posted, but an ocean between them had dimmed the fighting they were so notorious for. Nonetheless, Spencer was doing well - she hadn't touched the drugs or alcohol she'd used to cope with in high school since before she'd found out she was pregnant just a month into her college career. She was taking online classes trying to finish her degree slowly while working in a bakery. It all started as a way to make good money while she was pregnant and just getting on her feet, but it turned out the intricacies of piping icing into beautiful designs atop tall, fondant cakes and filling pastries was just the type of work she needed as a perfectionist, while still being much more calming than the lawyer job her parents would have had her take - and the job she thought she wanted until she realized there were limitless options outside of the house of Hastings.
"Mommy, I wanna walk." Aaron said struggling with the seatbelt on his stroller and raising his arms towards her, his lip puffing out like he was about to cry or throw a fit "Just one minute and we'll be upstairs," she put the grocery bags down on the floor of the elevator and pushed his hair back, pushing the "door close" button. The doors began to shut when someone stuck their hand in the doors and they re-opened as the stranger mumbled a sorry and pushed the 5th floor button, adjusting his headphones over his hat. He was also carrying large bags, seemingly full of equipment. Spencer sighed in an annoyed tone since her son was clearly getting antsy and she wanted to get upstairs before his whimpers turned into a full-blown tantrum. She looked up as the elevator doors closed after what seemed like forever, and her breath got caught in her throat when she caught a glimpse of the stranger's eyes, freezing her blood like the ice they resembled. She'd made it almost four years without stepping foot back in her hometown, and suddenly one of the biggest reminders was a few feet away.
She re-adjusted herself, crouching down next to Aaron and cooing at him trying to keep herself from looking back at the man who turned out not to be a stranger after all. She typically wasn't so good at hiding her shaken demeanor, but she was internally just hoping the elevator ride would go fast enough that he'd exit before realizing who she was, and moreover, who she was with.
All of a sudden, the elevator shook and seemed to bounce, and Aaron grabbed onto Spencer's shirt on impulse. "It's okay," she kissed his head and looked up, holding her knees as she stood when he'd let go. "Come onnnnnn," she groaned, hitting the floor buttons as well as the "door open" buttons continuously, hoping to get the elevator moving again. But this was it, they were stuck. Between the frozen elevator and her present company, Spencer couldn't help but let out a chuckle under her breath. The Heavens sure had a funny way with her luck.
The man looked over, pulling his headphones down so they rested around his neck, music still blasting from them to be faintly heard by Spencer and Aaron. "What's so funny?" He raised an eyebrow. He looked exactly the same, black hoodie and all. Spencer, on the other hand, had dyed her hair to a darker, near black hue and had stopped wearing her contacts after one too many eye infections after taking a baby finger to the eye one too many times. Unlike her, he hadn't quite put together the humor of the situation.
Suddenly, Spencer felt a debilitating nervous choking feeling in her throat - which was very un-Spencer of her, since she was usually the one to rattle other people's cages, being the fiercely protective and adamant young woman she was, and quite frankly, had always been, even as a child she had a biting sense of humor and a tendency to react quickly and passionately.
"I'm waiting," the man smiled a toothy smile. When she didn't answer, he shoved his hands in his pockets. "At least I'm stuck in here with a beautiful woman," he smiled the same crooked smile she remembered. "I'm Toby," he said, extending his hand.
"Toby," he smiled at her as he blocked her path abruptly, beer spilling from the tops of the cups filling both of her hands. "And I'm going to assume one of those is for me," he smiled a crooked, mysterious smile and took an over-filled cup from her, taking a big sip so it wouldn't spill over the edge again.
"I know who you are," she smiled back, in a dangerous, flirty way, stepping closer to him. "I'm—"
"I know who you are, Spencer." he mimicked back. She laughed and bit her lip. She wasn't new to this game, she knew the rules. She took a big enough sip to do the same to her own cup. "I haven't seen you around here in a long time," she cocked her head to the side. "Why show up for the last party of the summer?"
"I've been…caught up." He found it hard to believe that she, Spencer Hastings, the girl who was such a brainiac that she probably knew history that hadn't even been written yet and thoughts you hadn't even thought yet, didn't know that he'd been at a correctional facility for the last year, and tonight was his first night back in Rosewood. "But I'm here now, and I think I need some catching up to do to make up for the rest of the summer, if you don't mind…" his hand made it's way to her waist.
She took another large sip of her drink, and another, and another as they kept spitting out one-word sentences and whispered secrets drenched in vodka and beer and steaming with the heat of their breathing in one another's ears. After a few more cups had been emptied, Spencer dropped her cup on the floor and replaced the alcohol on her tongue with Toby's.
She dragged him through the backyard to cut across to her own just behind, and it only took one more secret whisper before her dress was hiked up around her middle and his pants were around his ankles and the space between them disappeared.
They climbed back through the hedges back into the party with interlocked fingers, red cheeks, and giggles caught in the wind, but as soon as they entered the crowd of teenagers, they were separated and he seemed to disappear from the party altogether.
This wasn't Spencer's first time playing the game. She knew the rules.
"I know who you are," her lips twisted into a sick and sly smile, because if he hadn't put together the pieces yet, this clue would turn everything around and make him taste the sourness in her mouth that she felt in her own.
"Have we met?" He raised his eyebrows. He was starting to see a resemblance in her to someone he once knew, but he was hoping she wasn't who he thought she might be. There was no way she would be here in Philly, would there be?
Before she could jump at him with all the anger she was trying to hold back after everything, and at the same time all of the nothingness that had transpired between them, Aaron started to make grumbly noises again in frustration matching her own. She rocked the stroller. "Shhhh…" She tucked her hand behind her ears, giving him a better view of her profile and face, and his face went white because he knew exactly who she was.
"Oh…my God. Spencer?" His eyes scanned her up and down. "It's been, like…you look…wow."
"Spencer!" Aaron clapped from the stroller, his eyes lighting up and Spencer's fixation on Toby darted back to her son. He had been in a new phase where he thought it was funny to call her "Spencer" instead of "Momma" or "Mommy" after being particularly amused by an argument between Spencer and Caleb. She glared at the little boy who covered his mouth laughing. "That' s 'Mommy' to you buddy." she tickled him.
"Sorry Mommy" Aaron continued to giggle and kick his legs in amusement.
"Yeah…Toby, it has been a while." She turned back to him.
"Is that…" he trailed off… "But I thought…"
"Well you thought wrong." She cut him off defensively and coldly.
Spencer was crying in the car, and even the rain pouring down the car windows couldn't trump the mass of tears dripping down her face and falling in puddles on her hands as she wiped her face, and later her neck as she gave up trying to stop the tears from flowing.
"Spencer you've got to calm down, none of this is helping. None of it. You're Spencer Hastings. You know that there's an answer to every problem. You just have to pick which answer you're going with." Hanna had stayed quiet comforting her friend for a while but couldn't take seeing her strongest, most ruthless friend as a slobbering mess like this.
She sniffled and wiped her nose but didn't say anything. She was hearing what Hanna was saying, and acknowledge the truth she knew to be in her words, but it didn't mean she liked it.
"But what if I don't like any of the answers?" She finally managed to whimper.
"Well then you have to be the Spencer Hastings I know and be innovative. I've never known you to take a hit without bouncing back like a damn superball."
Spencer couldn't help but laugh at the simile.
"Tell me again what exactly he said." Hanna rubbed her knee.
"It doesn't matter, he wants me to get rid of it. He says I've got too much potential to get stuck in this town and he's no father."
"And what did you say."
"I agreed with him, pretty much." She scrunched up her nose.
"If you want, we can drive over to the clinic right now. Nobody has to know. I won't tell a soul. Not even Emily or Aria."
"That's the thing - I don't think that's actually what I want."
"Well you need to make a decision before you bring this back to him. He needs to be responsible for this - he doesn't get the benefits of your vodka-goggles without paying the consequences."
"Han—"
"I'm serious! If Caleb ever pulled this,"
"He wouldn't." She interrupted. "Because he loves you, and because he knows what it's like to feel like your parents don't want you," her voice lingered, because although their circumstances were largely different, and Spencer enjoyed many extravagances growing up that Caleb hadn't seen the half of, the feelings of neglect were strikingly similar.
"I'm just saying, if you have a baby, Spencer — a BABY, you're going to need help."
"You know how I feel about working with others," she raised an eyebrow, jokingly.
"Well at least you've got your sense of humor back," she rubbed Spencer's back.
"He was just so awful. He was yelling - like, yelling yelling, and was practically running away from me. He told me to do what I needed to do to make the situation go away, and he didn't care how."
"Do you want me to send Caleb after him?" Hanna offered. "Or we can all go beat the crap out of him. There's three of us, not counting you in your, uh…yeah. Well, you know. And only one of him."
"Look…just don't tell the girls about this yet." She took a deep breath. "But…I don't think I can do this…get rid of it, I mean."
"Well then I guess I'll start shopping for an "I love my Aunt Hanna" onesie."
Spencer pushed her a little. "I hate you."
"I love you too." Hanna kissed her friend's forehead and pulled her in, letting her collapse once more before going home and putting on the brave face she had to, as per usual.
She called Toby, and after every ring she swore she'd hang up, but she didn't.
"I'm not doing it." She spat out quickly.
"The…what…can you elaborate?"
There was radio silence on the other end, but he swore he heard her crying.
"I'm just not father-material, Spencer. And you're not a mother, you're a Hastings. Go to school. Let's just forget about this. We weren't meant for this. Not now, not ever. I absolutely cannot do this." His words came out harshly, but not nearly as harshly as they'd flung out at her when she'd told him she was pregnant in person. "If you mean you're not—"
She hung up before he could ever really know if she meant she wasn't terminating the pregnancy, wasn't having the baby, or wasn't going to keep the baby and be a mother, but rather give the baby up once it was born. He never bothered again, because he was too scared to know the answer.
"He's…big. Like a whole person…well, a little person…" Toby said stupidly, dumbfounded as he realized he was looking at his own flesh and blood. Toby was in almost all of his features. Aaron was a spitting image of his father…just…smaller. He suddenly felt even dumber for not realizing any of this sooner.
"I'm a bIG BOY," Aaron stood as much as his seatbelt allowed while yelling.
"Shhh," Spencer cooed. "That's right, he's my big boy helper, isn't that right?" She tousled Aaron's hair.
"I just moved in the building temporarily with my friend, Lucas."
"We just moved in, too…" She wanted to end this dreadful encounter. "How much longer do you think we'll be stuck?" They'd hit the intercom emergency button but it seemed like it wasn't working, or no one was at the receiving end of the call.
"I don't know," he sat down in the corner. "How has everything been with you and…"
"Aaron." She finished his sentence for him. "Good, busy." She sighed as she unbuckled the restless toddler who immediately clung to her leg. "Snack time, Mommy. You promised." He whined.
"Maybe we could catch up sometime," he mumbled. Her cold demeanor was throwing him off, she was being very short with him, although seemingly trying to be polite in front of her son. Their son.
"Mmmm…I don't know. I don't know that there's much to say." She opened a bag of Teddy Grahams from the grocery bags and spilled a handful into a little container she'd pulled from her bag. Aaron happily munched away and Spencer sat on the opposite end of the elevator than Toby, letting Aaron plop down in her lap. He kept shoving Teddy Grahams in between her lips in an attempt to "share."
"Thank you baby," she laughed and properly put the cookie in her mouth to eat. He shot up off her lap and waddled over to Toby, extending a chubby little hand to him with two bears. "Share?"
"Thanks…" Toby took them. Spencer couldn't help but laugh and her cheeks turn pink, because her son was so polite and cute and fearless. "I didn't, like, realize…what…what I was missing."
"Teddies are so yummy but Mommy only lets me have them sometimes not all of the times," Aaron explained, assuming Toby was talking to him about the cookies. "She makes me eat carrots" he stuck out his tongue. Spencer continued to laugh at her son's cuteness.
"He's a piece of work, alright. Mommy's best friend, right, buddy?" She smiled, pulling Aaron back towards her lap and Aaron grabbed her face to give kisses.
Toby took off his jacket to reveal the logo of the local Sports Center on his shirt with a baseball, basketball and football. "MAMA LOOK…HE HAS BALLS…BIG BALLS." Aaron was obsessed with sports because Caleb always watched games with him and even let him play his Xbox sports games with him.
Spencer turned red and tried to hold in her laugh so her son wouldn't think she was laughing at him since he didn't know the perversion that could be construed from his words. Aaron jumped up again and started climbing up Toby to grab the logo on his shirt. "Did you ever play in the TV? Can we play pleaseeee with me and Mommy and Uncle Caleb and Auntie Han-Han?"
"Aaron get back here." She pulled him back again. "Sorry, he loves sports, and might be a little too friendly."
"We can play," he pulled out a small stress ball from his backpack and rolled it over to him.
Aaron picked it up and tossed it instead of rolling it, hitting Toby in the chest.
"Only throwing outside, babe." Spencer reminded Aaron, holding onto his little hips as he stood in front of her, pulling down his shirt and fixing him.
After a while of playing Aaron stopped rolling back the ball and held onto it like a stuffed animal and cuddled into his Mom's chest with his hand in her shirt, sucking his thumb with the hand that wasn't holding onto the ball.
"Come on," she looked up at the frozen number on the elevator. Aaron needed his nap.
"I'm sorry…" Toby didn't look at her.
"It's not your fault the elevator's stuck."
"No…I meant the big 'I'm Sorry…'"
Before she could answer the elevator started moving again. "Finally," she exhaled sharply and got up slowly to put Aaron in his stroller but he started to whine and clung closer to her chest, white-knuckling the neckline of her top.
"Let me help," he said grabbing the stroller and some bags as she pointed him towards the end of the hallway. "4H," she said, pulling the key out of her front pocket while balancing her son against her hip.
"Thanks," She said in the doorway as she readjusted Aaron in her arms.
"Do you need any help unpacking?" He scanned the apartment, full of boxes except a few unpacked in the kitchen, and a couch and TV in the otherwise barren living room.
"I'm okay," she said putting Aaron down on the couch. "This won't take me long, I just need to put together my dresser and Aaron's big boy bed, but Caleb wi—"
"Let me help," he said wuickly, and Spencer immediately made a face.
"I don't think so."
"Come on, I owe you."
She sighed, she did feel bad about how much she utilized - and often monopolized - Caleb's free time. He was the closest thing Aaron had to a Daddy figure up until this point.
"I won't take no for an answer." He stepped further into the doorway and she stepped forward, almost as if to barricade off the door so he wouldn't come in further.
"Fine. Saturday morning, 7:45." She shut the door in his face before he could say another word.