He Must Be Done
Disclaimer - I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature (Don't like. Do not read.)
Story Warnings - Emotional distress, Injury, Crude humor, Swearing (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings - None (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe - 2003
Ages - All turtles are 22
Chapter Credits - Jerry Clower skit- 'Chicken Story', Snickers candy bars,
Summary - Raph has an embarrassing moment.
He Must Be Done
"Raph, you have to hold still."
For once Donnie's voice wasn't scolding as he tended to his brother's injury. For that, Raph was thankful.
If Donnie had scolded him for squirming, it would have only been adding insult to injury. No pun intended.
Raph was already humiliated enough.
He wasn't embarrassed about GETTING injured per se. Why would he be? It happened all the time.
He was used to it.
Injuries were expected when fighting the Foot. And Purple Dragons; they gave you a better than average shot at it. Dealing with common, run-of-the-mill thieves; well, it was rare, but not unheard of.
He was a mutant turtle, and a ninja. Either of those by themselves pretty much screamed, "Take your best shot!" Being both was like handing out a written invitation.
No, Raph wasn't the least bit embarrassed about getting hurt.
He was embarrassed by HOW he had gotten hurt.
"Raph, please try to hold still. I know it hurts, but I have to be thorough."
"Sorry, Don."
He hadn't gotten hurt in some acceptable, macho tough-guy, be proud of you battle scars, kinda way.
Far from it.
Thanks to turtle luck he'd gotten hurt in the stupidest way imaginable.
Eating dinner.
And it hadn't been just any old everyday type of dinner either. It had been a celebration.
With friends.
It was bad enough he'd gotten hurt pulling some dumbass stunt in front of his family, but in front of April and Casey too!
That was beyond humiliating! He'd never live it down!
Casey would make sure of that.
Everything had started out so innocently too!
April, and Casey had come over early, mainly so April could fix any damage done to her desserts during transport.
She didn't advertise it much, but April really did make the best desserts.
This time she had made a three tiered cake, fruit sorbet with fresh fruit instead of that frozen crap everyone else liked to use, and an apple pie.
Any of April's desserts were good, but her apple pies, they were the best! She made them with sweet apples, just a hint of caramel, and she always put those little pie crust decorations on top.
It was dessert heaven!
Though soft, Raph's hum was loud enough Donnie looked up from his work.
The corners of the genius' mouth twitched seeing the far-away look, and slight smile on his brother's face. He could easily guess what Raph was thinking.
He quickly dropped his gaze when Raph's expression morphed from that dreamy look to a displeased scowl.
And he hadn't even got any of that pie yet! They were still eating dinner when he'd gotten hurt.
Donnie cautiously lifted his hands away from Raph's injury when a soft growl came rolling from his brother's throat. It might not be a bad idea to give his immediate older brother a few seconds to calm himself.
Mikey had better not have eaten it all! He knew how much Raph loved April's apple pies!
Well, he couldn't really be too hard on his little brother whether Mikey'd left him a slice of apple pie or not.
Seeing Raph's shoulders slump, Donnie felt it safe to continue with the wound care.
The jokester had gone all out on making this dinner; he took most of the day to fix it.
Mikey'd made everyone's favorites, saffron rice, parsley potatoes, cheese rolls, honey glazed green beans, an endive salad which the sea green chef had come up with all on his own, and Mikey's one true crowning glory... fried chicken fillets.
They were to die for!
Raph loved those almost as much as he did April's apple pie. Maybe more!
Baby brother had sure come a long way from scrambling a mean egg.
A firm but gentle pressure on his wrist kept the emerald brawler from squirming in his seat.
"Sorry," Raph mumbled contritely.
Mikey's chicken was always so juicy and tender, and fried to a crisp golden brown. It literally melted in your mouth.
Raph, and his brothers could easily eat a whole chicken's worth all by themselves. And it had nothing to do with being teenagers or mutant turtles either. Mikey's chicken fillets were THAT good!
Raph had to fight to keep from licking his lips. He didn't want to embarrass himself any more than he already had.
Man, he could still taste the deliciousness of that succulent fowl lingering on his taste buds.
The only bad thing about Mikey's chicken was there was never any left over after dinner, which was a shame because it made some pretty tasty ranch and cheddar wraps.
Raph had only had those once, and even then it was purely by happenstance.
Mikey had made his chicken fillets for dinner one night Raph wasn't going to be there. The emerald brawler had promised Casey he would help their human friend stake out a small, family owned and operated flower shop some unknown person was vandalizing.
Leo had felt so bad for his red banded brother, knowing there would be no fillets left for Raph to have some when he returned, that big brother had quickly made a wrap for Raph to eat on his way to Casey's place.
And it was delicious!
Leo couldn't cook worth beans, but he sure knew how to throw things together so they tasted Heaven sent.
Raph would rather have his tongue cut out with a rusty spoon than admit that to his big brother though.
Ever since that one tasty sandwich substitute, Raph had wanted another. Problem was, there was never a single crumb of those chicken fillets leftover let alone the whole fillet itself.
A few times the desire for just one more bite of Mikey's chicken had been so overwhelming mealtime had been reduced to a free-for-all of snatch and grab of forking fillets off of each other's plates.
Donnie learned the hard way do NOT try to steal food off of Master Splinter's plate. That rat could take a bite out of a hand faster than Mikey could take a bite out of a Snickers bar.
"Just three more to go, Raph," Donnie said, reaching for a fresh box of swabs.
Tonight Raph had had high hopes.
He knew with April over everyone would be on their best behavior.
Casey didn't really matter. When it came to food that human could be just as caveman as the rest of them, but April was a lady.
Splinter would take more than a bite out of them if they acted anything less than gentlemanly in front of April at dinner.
So, they had dusted off their manners, said a lot of "Please pass...", and "Would you like...", and left the last chicken fillet sitting on the platter all by its lonely self for a good fifteen minutes just in case April wanted another.
Raph scowled again making Donnie pause for a few more seconds. The family medic started back up again when Raph snorted humorlessly, and turned to glare at the lab doors.
April wasn't going to want a second fillet, and everyone knew it!
Leo, showing off his perfect manners like the Splinter Junior wannabe he was, had served her first, giving the red head the biggest fillet on the platter.
It was amazing how Splinter could smack Mikey in the back of the head for whining out loud without anyone seeing. And Raph had been sitting right between them!
So there the fillet had sat, being stared at. In their minds, Raph had already turned it into a wrap. Mikey had smothered it in gravy. Casey had it half eaten in one bite. Who knew what Donnie, Leo and Master Splinter were imagining, but Leo was swallowing a lot so he had to be drooling.
Raph knew what was going to happen. It was the only logical outcome.
To keep the peace between his sons, Splinter would insist April take the chicken fillet home. She would agree, insisting the turtles keep all of the leftover desserts. And then as soon as they got inside April's apartment, Casey would be all over that fillet like green on grass.
Bastard!
Raph could see his chicken wrap flying on little romaine lettuce wings right out the front door.
Then lo and behold! All the gods of human civilization, and then some smiled down upon him in true wonderous glory!
The lights went out.
Raph didn't think. He didn't plan. He didn't pause. He just acted, reaching out with his hand to grab that fillet.
As soon as he had it, he planned to stick it in his belt, excuse himself to go to the restroom after waiting just long enough not to look suspicious, then hide that little tasty morsel in his room.
It would make for a delicious midnight snack.
He could taste it, so deliciously tantalizing, as his hand flew across the table with every ounce of ninja speed he could muster. Then right when his fingertips brushed against that golden crust, his entire hand erupted in white hot pain.
Raph had been stabbed, burned, shot, thrown from rooftops, buried under tons of brick and cement, suffered numerous broken bones, but nothing had ever hurt as much as his hand did in that moment. The pain shot up his arm all the way to his brain.
He couldn't help but scream in pure agony.
All hell broke loose.
Leo jumped up, pulling his swords, shouting for someone to get some light going.
Donnie was shouting something about fuses.
Mikey wasn't saying anything, but his weapons were whistling through the air searching for whatever was attacking his brother.
April was yelling at Casey to get his hands off her ass and out from under her shirt.
Casey was yelling back for her to stop trying to shove his nose out the back of his skull because he was just trying to get her under the table to safety.
And Splinter was shouting for whoever was stepping on his tail to stop... In Japanese.
Suddenly, as quickly as they had gone off, the lights came back on.
There was no danger.
No one was attacking.
Everything was as it should be, or almost.
Raphael was still bellowing at the top of his lungs.
Everyone was shocked when they realized why.
Understandably the table was in a bit of disarray.
April had stopped trying to relocate Casey's nose with the palm of her hand in favor of trying to shove his head up through the underside of the table with her elbow. Things had gotten scattered around a bit, but still sitting in the middle of its lonely platter was the last of Mikey's chicken, and hovering protectively over it was Raph's hand.
With five forks sticking straight up out of the back like little mini pitchforks.
"All done," Donnie tried to sound upbeat without being overly cheery. "How about some apple pie now? I thought I heard Leo tell Mikey to leave it alone so you could get the first slice."
Raph looked down at his hand swathed in white gauze, and sighed.
"It's not as bad as it could have been, Raph. I know it hurt like shell, but the prongs didn't go in too far so there shouldn't be any nerve damage. Plus you are somewhat ambidextrous, so you shouldn't have any problems doing whatever for the next couple days until the wounds close up."
Raph stopped in the middle of the doorway leading out of the lab. "Ambidextrous? Donnie, I don't care 'bout eatin'. Eatin' ain't da problem. Ya got any idea how hard it is goin' ta da bathroom an' havin' ta use yer left hand ta take care a business? Believe me, it ain't easy, ambidextrous or not."
Donnie stood in the doorway of his lab blinking after his emerald brother. "I... I hadn't really thought about it..." he muttered.
Raph made his way to the kitchen, secretly hoping no one would be there.
Everyone was there.
They were all waiting for him with apologetic looks, and hesitant smiles.
"How is your hand, my son?"
"It's okay, Sensei. Should be good as new inna couple days accordin' ta Donnie."
"That is good." Splinter looked relieved.
"Okay... Well..." Leo kept glancing at Raph, looking slightly unsettled. "How about dessert?" He sounded a bit over the top. "We waited for you so you could have the first slice."
Raph figured the quickest way to get over the awkwardness was to just move on. "Sounds good, bro. Make it a big one."
Leo couldn't help grinning as he dished out a very generous slice of pie for his brother.
"Hey! Wait a sec, guys!" Mikey called, intercepting Raph's pie before Leo could hand it to him. "Just let me..." he gently lifted Raph's bandaged hand placing a padded cloth underneath. "There ya go, bro!"
Everyone looked at Mikey, raised eyebrows, and ridges all around.
"What?" Mikey stepped back, hands on hips looking defensive. "When Raph got his tail caught in the toaster, sitting on a cushion helped. I figured since this was similar, putting his hand on a cushion would help it too."
April looked up eyes wide. "Raph? You got your tail caught in the toaster?"
Casey looked as red as Raph's mask.
Raph and his brothers looked about three shades darker.
"Michelangelo, my son, might I suggest running? NOW."
Mikey tore out of the kitchen at top speed with Raph right on his heels.
Raph's fork was missing from his plate.
Dessert forgotten, everyone watched the racing turtles run a couple laps around the lair.
"So, umm guys, what... What're ya gonna do with that last piece a chicken over there?" Casey motioned to the counter by the refrigerator. "Can I call dibs?"
Everyone was quiet for about five seconds.
"Casey..."
Looking hopeful, the raven haired man turned to Leo.
Leo subtly pointed to April. "Run."
Casey went white as a sheet then took off after Raph and Mikey. April was right behind him fork in hand.
Splinter sat quietly watching as two of his sons, and their human friends made another circuit before making his way to the counter by the refrigerator. He picked up the last chicken fillet from the plate, and took a bite.
"Leonardo, please delay practice by one hour in the morning. That will give your brothers ample time to be properly rested from their... exercise tonight," he said swallowing his bite.
"Hai, Sensei."
"And prepare the guest room in case Miss O'Neil, and Mr. Jones wish to spend the night."
"Hai, Sensei."
"Good night, my sons."
"Good night, Sensei," Donnie, and Leo replied in unison.
Both brothers watched from the kitchen as their father calmly walked to his room completely unconcerned about being run down by the racers circling the lair. They waited until Splinter had closed his door before Leo turned to look at his purple banded brother.
"After this, I'm permanently switching to chop sticks."
"So am I," Donnie agreed. "So am I."
Thanks for reading.