Somethings Are Lost, Others Are Merely Forgotten
Chapter 1
Kickstart
A/N: So guys, I am here to take you on another Shep and Miri journey, but this one will obviously be different although it is written in first person. Thank you to you all for your continuous support and I hope you like this one, the next one shall be a Shep/Kasumi for all you who want one of these, don't worry the draft for that is written but doing three stories in one go is tiring, but I will keep going, - Bexaday
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect series
Shepard's POV
I hate that woman! Why does she have to be such a bitch?! God no wonder she is called the Ice Queen!
I storm through the Observation Deck; I do not want to speak to anyone because right this moment I will blast them straight out the airlock, my boots thud against the flooring of the Deck, she just had to bring up Ashley. She knows that I lost her on Virmire and there is nothing I can do to bring her back, damn, me and Kaiden must have argued for days over it, I loved her and I gave her up, well, I think I did, I can barely remember, hell I can barely remember anything, my head throbs with pain and I grimace and I grab my head with my hand, these fucking headaches won't leave me alone! I just need to hit something! Anger pluses through me and I take deep breathes as I go into the elevator but I can hear the annoying clicking of Ms Lawson's heels and I groan as the stupid repetitive sound vibrates through my head, god, she is just making this headache worse! And to top it off she just doesn't know when to fuck off! Then she is infront of me and her cold dead eyes meet mine and her hands are on her hips
"Commander, running away from me shows me that you are afraid to face your problems" She says matter-of-factly, how fucking dare she?! She has no idea what I am going through right now! I blood died and I don't even get a chance to even attempt to wrap my head around it, and to top it off I do not remember a thing about anything before I saved Jokers' crippled ass. Hell, I cannot even remember what I did that was so great! I only know what people have told me! I didn't even remember my name, she had to bloody tell me and I am sick and tired of her telling me what to do! Anger swirls in my gut and adrenaline pulses through my body at the prospect of having a fight, I am in her personal space as fast as lightening, I am only slightly shorter than her but I don't let that put me off, she doesn't even recoil or back up her gaze meets mine, she doesn't think I am capable of completing this mission, or so I have been told, god, I feel so stupid, and I cannot afford to be stupid, I have to save the galaxy again, somehow. Hell she has become another problem on my oversized plate, but I get rid of this one, and to hell if I am letting her know about whatever this is, she will just be on my back even more
"Ms Lawson, I am the Commander and you and I have more important things to be doing than quizzing me on topics that are longs since dead, so I suggest you drop it, Operative" I say in a clipped tone and I can see the fury in her eyes, even if her body stays relaxed
Pulling rank? Jeesh that so lame, You know so much better than that
I don't give a rats' ass what you think.
"Commander, you are my project, and contrary to belief, I want to make sure you are okay," Ms Lawson says and her hand goes to my arm, and anger prickles within me "But I need to ask you about these things, to check your memory" I rip my arm from her grip and I can feel my arm stinging from where her nails caught my skin and a pulse of lust goes to my groin, what the fuck? I hate her, she did this to me, she doesn't even treat me like a human being, I am just another one of Cerberus' projects, but I look into her eyes and they are soft and warm, and all anger is gone from them, it is like she is trying to act like she cares about anyone who isn't herself or Cerberus, but I see through her, her petty tricks won't work on me
"I am a human being! So start treating me like one Ms Lawson otherwise you have yourself a one way ticket through the airlock, are we clear" I say smoothly in a low voice and I can see her tense and I walk into the elevator and I hit the button to my quarters and I turn around and Ms Lawson is looking at me with a blank expression, it is almost as if she is dead inside
"Of course Commander, but I do deserve some respect, I am only trying to help you as your XO" I go to reply when she walks off and she swipes a datapad from the side and the elevator doors close and its humming grates on my hearing as my head pounds more and more, it is like it has its own fucking heartbeat, I groan and I lean my head against the cool metal of the Normandy, apparently she is nothing like the old Normandy, this one has a AI and it is too silent, I remember that, the other Normandy was always buzzing with idle chatter or the ships core vibrating its song throughout the entire ship, I smile as I remember that, the pounding only gets worse as I think about it, I let out a moan and I clutch my head and the doors let out a pinging sound that makes me wince as I stumble into my room and I turn off the lights as I walk in, bloody Miranda and her stupid petty questions, she just won't leave me alone! I stumble to my bed and I throw myself upon it, and I close my eyes and a tear trickles out the corner of my eye, Ashley, oh god I never meant for us to end that way, I never wanted that for us,
For you I wanted to keep living.
Miranda's POV
I cannot believe the Commander has turned out to be a totally… arsehole to be honest, she is rude and so defensive, she knows I need to take this tests but she is making my job hard and the Illusive Man isn't one to wait for results. I sigh as I pick up the datapad from the side and storm away from the Commander who is in the elevator; I think if she said another thing I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from shouting back, ugh, she even pulled rank on me. On ME. I walk through the Mess Hall straight into my office, away from the eyes of crew members who had watched our little spat.
"EDI can you tell me what the Commander is doing?" I say as I read through what I have written about her,
The Commander seems to be aggressive and unwilling to receive help from anyone around her, he constant hostility to everything is causing a great unease with the crew… I am worried about her, and I cannot even get close to her, it seems all reports that she was appeared in were wrong, she seems to hate Cerberus more than ever and she is not kind or funny as rumoured, maybe this is an effect of her death?
"The Commander is currently asleep in her quarters" I sigh, at least she isn't doing anything stupid
"Thank you EDI"
"Logging you out Ms Lawson"
That's hardly anything for the Illusive Man to read, infact he would be displeased more than anything, then again maybe he could shed some light on what is going wrong with Shepard. I let out a frustrated sigh, I didn't think she would be so hard to get along with, I have never met anyone like her, I stand up and I look out my window at the stars, what have I missed, surely there is nothing, I made sure I investigated everything about her, I even talked to Liara about it when I went to get her body and yet even then she told me she was the one of the best people she had ever met. I frown and I rub my forehead with my fingertips.
What the hell is wrong with her then? What isn't she telling me?
A/N: So there it is! The first chapter of this new story, thank you for reading and please review! - Bexaday