I'm not a perfect girl. Definitely not. But walking beside him, it made me feel... bliss. like nothing in the world could spoil me right now. It made me feel like for once in my life, I may have found somewhere where I could fit in for once.
Mesa, my best friend, ran up to me. "Justice! I had to go a whole 16 hours without seeing you!" She gave me a big hug, then looked at Josh. Josh was a bit taller than me, with black hair, that wasn't long, but wasn't exactly short. And his eyes... oh, his eyes. The odd color they were. A gray color, It wasn't a cold grey. It was a warm grey, but on the outside edges, they had just something different to make you shiver. Most people didn't notice it, and it gave a cold shiver down my back. Most people would think of it as a disgusted, fearful shiver, but it was actually a happy one... if you could describe a shiver.
He slipped his hand into mine. "Hey" Josh casually said.
"Hey. I almost didn't see you there." She said seriously. I don't know why she always gets so serious around Josh. I think that she was just showing a bit of jealousy to him.
Damn Justice! Don't say that! I thought to myself. I couldn't be saying that my best friend was acting cold to my boyfriend out of jealousy.
Josh's hand touching mine tingled. It wasn't that sort of weird tingle I got around strangers I see in town and when they get even within four feet of me, but it was something similar. I couldn't quite get a handle on it.
I just shrugged it off as my imagination. I looked back to Mesa. "So, how are you getting along with Jesse?" I asked her. Her and Jesse, another freshman, were going out. I always ask how things are going, and usually I get an answer like 'What are you? My best friend or my therapist?'
But today it was just a good. Not the type that tells you that something bad was going on, so I just let it go.
"Oh yeah! That's what I came over here for! Me and Jesse are throwing a party this friday. Do you want to come?" She asked. I then saw that she was only talking to me. I did kinda want to go, but something held me back. I don't know why, but I just didn't want to go. Her and Jesse were the heart of all partying and drinking, surprisingly, since we were all freshman.
"No. I think I'm going to do some family stuff or something. I don't think my mom would be very happy when i had a hangover on a Saturday morning." I asked. "Do you want to go Josh? If you want to go, then I will go. But if you don't, i don't think that i will go." I told him.
"No. I think I'm going to stay home this weekend. Thanks for the invite though." He said towards Mesa. She glared. She had tried to make it quick so I wouldn't notice, but I saw anyways. Then she turned all perky.
"Oh well. It was worth a shot! I have to go to class..." She said.
"So I'll talk to you later then?" I finished her sentence for her.
"Yeah. Ok. I'm Sure that you are late for class and everything, so ill call you tonight." She said reluctantly. I could tell she was my best friend, no matter what guy i was with.
"Ok, and thanks for inviting me, but i don't think that i'm really in the mood for partying this week, and my mom would definitely disapprove. But again, thanks." I gave her a weak smile, knowing that her moods were down. It was this weird thing between me and her, like i knew how she was feeling and she knew how I was feeling. It was pretty amazing, but it was just a simple little hunch.
"Hey. Don't worry about it. I'll have Jesse with me, so it won't be all that horrible." She Joked. Of course she was 'entertained' by Jesse. He was one of the funniest people I knew, but it makes Josh nervous to see me around him. I don't know what it was, but it seemed like whenever anything came up with Jesse and Mesa, he got nervous. He would stand Mesa, But when it came to Jesse, he didn't stick around for to long.
But I wasn't going to hold it against him like some kind of grudge or anything, so I just shrugged it off like I do anything else.
"Ok. But if you don't go to that party, or they cancel it or something, then we can hang out. But, I'm sorry, I just don't want to go to the party. Thanks though, for offering. Really. The next time, I'll go with you." I told her. That would make up for my guilt.
She must have noticed it to, so she said "Ok. How about we go see a movie together or something? It will be just me and you, on Saturday night, and you can stay at my house with me, so it won't matter wether you get drunk or not." I considered, and thought it was a good idea. We had been so busy all the time with school and Jesse and Josh that we never thought about spending time just by ourselves. Plus, if I did get drunk, then it wouldn't really matter. Her parents don't really care about her. They only cared about her spoiled little brat of a brother anymore to care for her.
"Ok. That sounds awesome. Thanks!" I said. At least I felt her mood lighten up. That is always a good thing. So me and Josh walked away and started talking.
"Ok. It's time to tell me what's going on with you, Jesse, and Mesa. I saw that glare. I know that there is something going on. Will you tell me? Please?" I stopped in the hall, and stood right in front of him so he couldn't keep walking.
He looked down at our hands. "Why don't you just not worry about it? It's not a big deal." He looked up, his eyes smoldering, "Please, just forget about it."
"Why is it that you won't tell me what is going on? If you don't tell me then it's not like I can't go up to Jesse and Mesa and just ask them. Jesse might not tell me, but I'm sure that Mesa will." I jerked my hand from his.
Then I realized how bitchy I was being. I felt guilt of this whole thing splashing down on me like a big splash of cold water on my face.
"Look. I'm sorry. We are just having a... conflict of the sort. so don't worry. We are... trying to work it out." He truly meant it. Of course he did.. He was my Josh... My beautiful Josh...
" MRS FOSTER!," A teacher saw us in the hall and Paused, "You and Mr..." She paused again. Then, out of a sudden, she walked away! Just like that, without another word.
"Ok, that was very weird..." I looked at Josh. His face was full of concentration. Then he changed back to his normal self.
"We should probably go to class." He said. He didn't leave any time for me to explain.
"But..." I said and he cut me off.
"No. If you want to go to the movies with Mesa, I'd suggest we go to class so we don't get detentions... and we'll talk about everything else later." He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek- which was wonderful in itself- and we both walked to class. He was in all the same classes as me.
"Ok. Can I come over to your house so we can study and talk?" I'd asked him after math class was over. His house was huge, and his parents were never around. I had met his parents once before. His mother was the all- motherly type, but his dad wasn't really talkative. If I hadn't known any better, I would have said that his dad didn't like me. Well, not just 'not like' me, but i'm pretty sure that his dad, well... despised me. Like he thought that I should have nothing to do with his son.
"Sure. Just come over whenever you want. Just remember, we have to study also." He told me.
I gave him a questioning look. "Why is it that you are so worried about academical stuff like that? I didn't think that school was such a big thing since your family is so rich and stuff." Uh oh, there was something that slipped.
He looked at me mockingly. "Well, first of all, my family isn't that rich. And second, It is a Wednesday, and you have homework to do. So, if your going to be over at my house, talking, we have to do the studying part also."
I almost laughed at his words. "So, your family isn't that rich..." I smiled at him. He smiled that dazzling smile, the only one that he gave to me. I all of a sudden felt warm and safe. A surge of happiness went through my body, like a high out of nothing. It was amazing.
Josh must have seen it to, because he looked at me and laughed. I laughed along with him. I wish the world could be full of everything but problems. Then again, if there weren't problems, then there wasn't any establishment of good and evil. So I just took out my theory and looked at him.
He looked back at me. In that moment, his eyes seemed to get... warmer? But this was something that couldn't really happen, it was just the way that I had described his eyes. But there, in that moment, he did seem warmer in the soul.
The day continued on without incident, and I was anxious for the day to be over. Being in the big city of New York, It would be an interesting walk to Josh's. Finally when it was over, I went to my locker to get my bag and homework.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Josh asked me. It's funny. His locker is beside mine, his classes were the same as mine, and it was a little weird.
"Yeah, I just have to get my - ouch!" I exclaimed. I had been trying to get my bag off the hook in my locker, and I had somehow attempted to cut my finger in the process. It was bleeding. Josh was as still as possible. He wouldn't move.
"Hey, I'll be right back... I guess... I got to get a bandaid and clean up this blood." I was looking at his eyes. As soon as i mentioned blood, his eyes went cold. Not just crisp, but cold.
For some reason this scared me, so I walked up to the office alone. I looked behind me as I walked, and he was still there, exactly as I had left him. The locker door still was open, but I didn't care. I just went to the office.
When I finally got on a bandaid, he was at the office door waiting for me. He gave me a slight smile, but it was a troubled one. I could just tell by the way he was tensed. I'm pretty sure that he was trying to make me not worry, but I didn't think thats what was happening. When I walked up to him, I was... scared to look into his eyes. Afraid to look into the eyes that I love so dearly...
"Hey." He said as he came up to me. He had my backpack slumped over his back on one shoulder, while his other shoulder held his backpack. I knew that I had some pre-calculus, social studies, chemistry, science, and career books in there, so I know that it was definitely a load.
"Here, let me take that." I told him. I extended my arm out as for him to give me my bag. Instead, he took ahold of my hand. We walked out the doors of the school like this.
"Isn't that even a bit heavy?" I asked him. He shrugged. It looked effortless.
"Nope. I got it." He answer casually.
I was amazed. I know that had to be at least 50 pounds on his back, with both of our bags on there. I looked at him, and he made it look effortless. But the more that I thought about it, he made everything look effortless. Homework, weight, maybe he could even fly! I thought to myself. I smiled. He noticed.
"What is it? Whats so funny?" He asked, a smile playing in his voice.
"It's just the way you make everything look so effortless. Hell, for all I know, you can fly without any difficulty!" I said.
He laughed. "You make everything look so... beautiful. Like there is nothing in the world that is bad, through your eyes. I wish..." And then he trailed off.
"You wish what? Tell me please?" I begged him.
"Well, i'll tell you, someday, when you... how should I put this? Understand... me. Then I will tell you." He said.
"And when will I understand you?" I asked, being all serious now.
"Hmm... I think it will be soon." Josh answered.
"Soon?" I repeated.
A smile flashed across his face again. "Soon."
While I was doing my homework, I began to replay the day. A sudden question popped into my head.
"Why is it that you like... froze up when I started to bleed? Why is it that you wouldn't talk? Is there something that you have against my blood, or is it that you like froze up seeing me get hurt, or what? What was it?" I didn't notice how much these questions were bothering me.
"Well, I have nothing against your blood in particular, but just blood, period. And, I just... don't like it." He said, his face turning grim.
It look like it took him a lot of effort to say these words, but I was thinking that it was an effort for him to say something like that, yet it took nothing for him to carry something, such as 50 pounds worth of book bags and books.
"How do you do that?" I asked him.
"Do what?" He asked with a puzzled face.
"You seem to have so many problems with saying what you just said, yet you can carry a lot of weight like that on your back. Its almost... funny." I said, an almost- yes almost- a smirk on my face.
"But, what's so funny about it? I don't understand what it is that is so funny about, well, me." He said, acting all serious. Did he not see himself?
"Well, its just the difference between how easy and how hard something is for you. It's just another thing I found out about you. I seem to find almost everything about you, let say... amusing" I said. He honestly didn't see himself.
"Ok, well you just keep laughing." He smiled. I looked into his eyes, and there it was again, that warmth where there is that cold.
"And what... how..." I trailed off. I knew that he would get it out of me sometime, but I didn't know wether he wanted me to ask him a question like this.
"What? What is it Justice?" He asked me, his eyes smoldering, like burning a fire right through my soul. I hate feeling guilty about keeping stuff from him, and my guilt doubled as soon as he placed his eyes on me.
"Why do that? I hate it, and you know it. I don't want to feel guilty of not saying something to you." I told him, only being a little frustrated, although my voice was shockingly, well, mean. He suddenly turned those eyes into full confusion.
"I... what? What did I do? I thought that you would rather see me nice than rather mean. It's just common sense you know." He answered, trying to put back on his joking face.
"Do you seriously not understand what you do to me? Honestly? Your eyes, they..." I could feel myself blushing. I could feel it burning in my cheeks.
"I do? I put you in a dreamy faze just by looking you in the eye? Sorry, but that is a bit funny. I thought you liked the dreamy faze better than the mean faze anyways." He exclaimed. He was probably right. I did like the dreamy faze over that mean, cold one... definitely.
"Well, I suppose your right. I don't hate that dreamy faze, but I don't like you to use it on me when I am not wanting to give in. So please, use your charms for something else, such as, just charming me." I told him. It was the truth, and nothing more than that.
"Well, if we are at the conversation of 'charming' people, then sure. I'll use it under different 'circumstances'." His voice turned all husky, and another smile that took my breath away, and also made my heart ache. It was sweeter than any one I had seen him give me. And his eyes, oh his eyes... they were smoldering more than the sun, more than anything in the whole world. It was in a good way.
"So, what are you getting on at this?" I'd asked him, my voice very uneven. It was just so shocking to know that just one look, one smile, a few words could do something like that to me.
"Well, I don't know. Where do you want this to go on to?" He said, doing the same as he had at the last time. It was just so... so... shocking. I couldn't believe that his, his voice, and his smile, and his words could impact me so much.
But the thing was, I hadn't even gotten close to anything shocking. I was sitting on his bed, putting my book bag on the desk chair he had sitting in his room. He turned around to me once I put it down, and he cupped my face. I stared right into his eyes, as he did mine.
A sudden hunger for love had sparked up. I don't know why, but I just couldn't get enough of him in this moment. He kissed me first sweetly, then it got heavier, and hungrier. He was slowly walking backwards, but I didn't want him to let go of me. But then I realized what he was backing up to. It was the bed.
A sudden thought came to me. I'm not ready for this. Definitely not ready for it... yet. But just then, another thought pushed that thought aside. Why not? It seemed like a good time, place, and I already knew that I was in love with Josh.
All the while this warring was going on in my head, Josh was on top of me, on the bed, still kissing me with as much intensity that he was capable of.
We were kissing, and kissing, and kissing. I had never wanted someone the way I had wanted him right now. But I still knew that my mind wasn't ready for this. My body was. Definitely. but not my mind.
"W- Wait" I managed to say between kisses. He paused and looked at me with concern lingering in his eyes.
"What's wrong? Are you ok?" He asked, with confusion and concern in his voice.
"I... I don't think that I am... ready." I managed to say. I could feel my cheeks burning, and I felt upset, my body already yearning for his again. He was still on top of me, his eyes smoldering.
"Thats ok. We will just sit here and... talk, and stuff" He said. I could tell he was trying to put on a casual voice, but you could here the disappointment underneath it all.
"Look," I said, grabbing his hand before he got off the bed, "I'm really sorry. I, just, I don't know. I guess you can tell..." I trailed off. I guess I didn't KNOW for sure that he had wanted me in the same way I wanted him right now, but I had a feeling, by the way that his eyes looked into mine, that he did.
"What? That I want you, as bad as you want me? Its ok, if you don't want to, I mean. Yeah. You might be right. I might actually want you worse than anything, even breathing." He said, a smile playing on his lips.
"Yeah, well, I feel the same way, you know? But for me, it is mind over matter right now. I don't know what it is, I'm just not ready. I'm sorry to have to let you down like this." I said, putting my head on the pillow, so I was still laying down, but still sitting up.
"You know, you're not really helping me when you do that." He told me. What was I doing? I didn't get it.
"What? What am I doing?" I asked, putting on a confused face, even if there was a hint of a smile inside my words.
He smiled. He looked at me, the warmth again in his eyes. "You're just irresistible to me."
I blushed. I could feel it, and he must have noticed it to. He laughed. He came over to me. His sat down next to me, so he was looking right into my eyes. He kissed my forehead.
"We should get you home." He said. I didn't want to go home! I might not be ready for what we were doing, but that doesn't mean that I wanted to go home!
"But... I don't want to go home yet! I want to stay here and just talk and do more homework." I told him, a frown spreading across my features.
"Well, if you haven't noticed, we got all of our homework done, and, really, what do you want to talk about?" He asked me, hoping that I would come up with nothing.
I hadn't realized that we had all of our homework done, considering the fact that I was to absorbed by... well... you know. And I did want to talk to him about what was going on between Mesa, Jesse, and him.
"I think that we should talk about the, what was it that you called, a... conflict? Yes. I think that we should talk about your little 'conflict' with those two." I said with a stern voice. I knew that if I didn't then he wouldn't tell me. Yeah, he's just that good. :)
"Well, what happened with Jesse and Mesa is nothing to worry about." He mumbled, trying to make it sound really casual.
"No. It is. They are my friends. They are really important to me. And just because your my boyfriend doesn't mean that I should only have you in my life." I said bitterly. I didn't like having arguments, let alone when they were with Josh.
"That isn't what I mean. I am just saying that you shouldn't worry about it, thats all." He said quietly. I saw that I had him low and hurt him, and that hurts me, in the end.
"Look, I'm really sorry, it's just... she's my best friend, and your my boyfriend, and I don't want to choose one or another. I don't want it to be like that. I love you both, and that's that. End of story, period. But I do want to know what is going on." I turned my voice soft. He noticed and looked up, and kissed me.
"Its just that me and Jesse are natural enemies, thats all. I'm sorry, but its just the way it is." He said, and I could hear his passion in his voice, I could see it in his eyes. I never loved anyone more than him. Ever, ever, ever. No one. No one... except Mesa, but I don't want her in the same way that I want Josh.
"Ok, well, can I know what this argument is about?" I asked him in my sweetest voice. I was trying to sweet talk him, and I think he noticed.
"You know, that doesn't work with me very well, right?" He asked me, eyeing me suspiciously.
"What? What do you mean? I'm not doing anything!" I said innocently, but with a mocking tone. He knew me only to well.
"Innocent, right. I'd like you to say that just one more time..." He dared me. I love it when he was all playful like that. He smiled at me. I smiled back at him.
"I love it when you are like this. I can't stand it when you are so serious. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. I don't like it when you are mad, or hurt, or anything but happy and content. I wish, I wish that we could have no worries in the world." I told him. It was the second time today that I said that, but I couldn't get it off my chest. But now I did, so I was better.
"Ok, well, if you insist..." He smiled again. He looked at me. I looked back at him. There it was. The warmth was there again in his eyes, and it was covering me, smothering me in love.
And then... thats when it happened.
There is a window in his room, and, it was about dark out, but not quite, just enough for you to see outside. I saw, just barely, someone moving, towards the window. They were moving fast. I'm not talking just the normal, everyday, fast person, I'm talking the kind of fast that you can barely see with human eyes.
The strange man didn't stop running. He jumped, ramming into the window, and busting it, sending shards of glass everywhere. I screamed, or well, tried to scream. I couldn't even get my mouth to form words, I was so shocked.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" I screamed, as Josh got in front of me and stared at the person who just jumped through the window.
"Give her to me." The man said, or, well, I was guessing that it was a man. He (or she) had a deep voice, was dressed in black, and shadows were across his facial features, so you couldn't see his face very well.
"She is none of your business, Mason. She is mine." He said in a dangerous tone of voice. It was a scary voice. I shivered just at the thought of what his eyes looked like. I didn't dare try to look around his muscular body. I was to scared to move.
"You know that you can't keep her for much longer." The man had said. His voice was very hypnotic. It made me lose track of what I was thinking just by listening to his voice.
"I will do... as I please." Josh said through gritted teeth. His protective stance was rigid, never trying to relax. I didn't know who this man was, but apparently he was a threat. But then again, I should've known that he was a threat when he jumped through the window.
"You know what Roman will do when he finds out how long you have kept her..." I don't know what he was going to end his sentence with, but apparently Josh did, because as soon as the guy took a step closer to us, Josh ran.
I was surprised that he didn't grab ahold of me and try to run away, but instead, he just ran right toward the man named Mason.
Josh leaped at him. Mason leaped toward Josh. For a brief moment, all I could think about was 'Is Josh going to get hurt? NO!' But then I noticed something else through all of this chaos. The way that Josh leaped toward him, showing no fear.
That's when it clicked. Josh, was one of these people, and I had to figure out what was going on, and I had to figure out fast.
"JOSH- WHATS GOING ON?" I screamed to him. I could tell that he was preoccupied and everything, but I had to say it again. Josh was dodging the mans lightning fast hits- to fast for any average person. It was, how should I put this? Unreal? But the thing is, that this was definitely real. Definitely.
"I'll-" He got cut off when the man named Mason hit Josh in the side. I screamed, but Josh looked unaffected. His face was stone. He never took a chance of circling around the man, afraid that he would jump towards me.
"Tell you when I am-" Again, he was cut off. But this time, not because he got hit, but because he hit the other man, Mason. Mason jumped back, letting a little whimper slip through his voice. Then he let out a growl. What was he? A dog?
Mason was enraged. He charged, straight towards Josh. Well, It looked like it was straight towards Josh, but he was actually going for me, but Josh stepped right in his tracks. The freaky thing was, Josh was faster and stronger than Mason.
Josh hit Mason. He hit mason so hard, Mason flew back and hit the wall. Mason looked at Josh, who was coming towards him, and ran. He ran towards the window. Josh came right back over to me, with the lightning fast speed that he had, and put on that protective stance again.
Mason retreated by backing more and more towards the window, never looking away from Josh. Masons eyes were full of hatred and rage, but it never seemed to phase Josh.
Finally, when Mason reached to the window, he said "Don't you think that Roman won't hear about this!" His voice was like a half growl, half man voice, and it was scary. It was scarier than the hypnotic voice was.
"I suppose he will. But one thing I know is that he won't send YOU back the next time!" Josh said in a mean tone. It sounded fearless. My superman. :)
"We'll see about that!" Mason exclaimed, still retreating out the window. He jumped out into the darkness, which was just barely any light at all. I could only see a few inches outside the window. It was getting late.
"Perhaps we will..." He said as Mason retreated into the dark night. It was like seeing someone fly, but he was on the ground, and this was definitely real, unlike the unrealistic things about someone flying. I'm all into flying, with Josh and everything.
"Ok, so, I kind of need to know... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" I said, still in complete shock of what just happened. I stared at Josh, who just turned around to me, still looking like he was in a rigid stance. His eyes were filled that cold again.
"Roman doesn't think that... we should be together." He said, as if I knew who Roman was. Maybe he was trying to get away with not telling me what was going on, like he had with Mesa and Jesse, but he wasn't going to get away with a half assed story again.
"And WHO THE HELL IS THAT?" I said. I didn't really care if he would sue me for profanity or whatever. He needed to tell me what was going on. I had a right to know.
TO BE CONTINUED...